Making Friends

[Maelstrom_17]

So, I'm at Uni currently. I go to a dance sponsored by this club on campus, I sort of have a great time, but the entire duration of the dance I feel stupid because a lot of my acquantances and even some of my friends were there. The problem is, when I was there, it felt like I couldn't build a rapport with any of my acquiantances. On top of that, they only seemed superficially interested in talking with me, since the friends that they knew better were there. The most annoying thing was that one of my friends that I became closer to was there and it seemed like she talked with me less in favor of her other friend who was there who she knew better. I really despise feeling like a third wheel, actually, more like a fifth wheel, since I feel invisible and not present, even among people that I've become closer to. The entire time at the dance, I just wanted to disappear, but at the same time, the music on the dance floor was infectious. If it helps, I'm an Aspie (an individual with Asperger's) and it hurts a lot when stuff like this happens. I really want people to come to me and become close to me, but it feels like no one thinks about things the way I do when we converse in person. At one point I got so desperate for attention that when one of the songs that matched the way I was feeling came on, I pushed other people out of the way and got in the center of one of the circles were people were clapping along to the music so that everyone could see how I was dancing. Unfortunately, that had the opposite effect. People ignored me even more than they did before. A few people afterwards smiled at me, but no one said that I had danced well, even though I felt like I had. I usually don't put myself out like that, but when I'm desperate to get noticed, I do things that I normally wouldn't do. I really despise the feeling of being invisible. I wish I would magically make people want to be around me wherever I go. So, how do I prevent this from happening in the future? I'm really not great socially and I am super thankful for the friends that I somehow made in the past.

[Perseus]

When one is happy and love who they are completely, with the forces of fate they will attract people who will love them too.

[filmbuff]

I have a friend who's an Aspie. She tells people about it so that they know that if she does something "awkward," it's not intentional. If your friends don't know, tell them. You can also tell them that you would appreciate it if they let you know if you cross boundaries or act inappropriately. Then they can help you out, so you can learn the "rules" easier. Even for those of us not on the autism spectrum, social situations can be weird. Social norms vary depending on where you're from. I went to school near where I grew up, and for some reason a lot of people from the southern part of the state went to that school. They acted like all of us locals were so weird, but, of course, we thought they were the weird ones.

[Maelstrom_17]

When one is happy and love who they are completely, with the forces of fate they will attract people who will love them too.

Thanks. Now that I think of it, I think it's mainly dance events, that I feel akward in.

[Frigid Pink]

I attend dance events to dance, not to talk or have deep conversation, therefore, I tend to keep conversation very limited and superficial. Also, there's positive and negative attention, and I'd certainly avoid the latter.

I don't have much else to add at the moment, although I do hope you're able to find the type of connections you desire and enjoy.

Ultimately, a dance environment isn't the typical place for deep conversation and most people don't have anyone who follows them around wherever they go unless they have a stalker and, from personal experience, I can tell you that you probably don't want that.