Asexuality affecting job performance

[nycactress]

Now I realize I'm in a field that is much different than a lot of professions, but I've been getting very frustrated lately because I feel like I'm at a disadvantage being asexual and being an actress. Especially as a female, there are sooo many roles that require an overt sexuality, sensuality, or flirtatious manner, and I'm just not good at that because I don't have anything to go off of. I can look at how other people approach a song, scene, or role and try to imitate it, but I'm never going to feel the underlying sexuality behind it, and teachers and casting directors can see right through it. I can't even do the whole substitution thing (like if a guy is singing about a girl but in reality he's gay so he pretends he's singing about his boyfriend to get the right emotion and performance) because when I think about someone I'm really attracted to, there's nothing sexual about it and the feedback I get is that it wasn't enough or it wasn't believable. This business is hard enough and filled with constant rejection, and not having the versatility to tap into sexuality the way roles require is really discouraging. I've never met another asexual actor or necessarily know how I would, but I wish I knew more people in the same situation as me.

[Lydian]

I feel this. I'm not an actress, but I AM a singer and of course while singing I'm often expected to play a certain role. I struggle with anything that's supposed to be sexual or flirty in nature....though at least some music is more open to interpretation. My teacher on the other hand seems to interpret everything as having sexual undertones at least.....everything.

[Philip027]

Yeah, I'm no actor, but I can easily see this being problematic.

[Guest]

Try to think outside the box for inspiration then. You may not feel sexuality, but you feel passion/strong desire towards/about other things, right? Try using your passions to give you a sort of passionate air while following the flirting script. You don't have to feel sexual desire towards the thing you're acting like you desire, just have to get the intense emotion / desire through to the audience.

[Sally]

It can be done, if you try to think you're way into the character. Gay men have been "straight" in films/TV for years, including even fake sex scenes. There are probably still actors -- male and female -- that we don't know are gay because they're not out. Acting is pretending.

[Guest]

I don't really get what the issue is here, to be honest. It's your job to be pretending to be things you are not! no matter whether that's a promiscuous woman, a slave, a murderer, and empress, a concentration camp officer, whatever. That's what being an actor is about.

The whole point of being an 'actor' is being able to naturally take on roles that are alien to you, and do it convincingly. Iv'e seen actors playing mass murderers, rapists, pedophiles etc convincingly, even though many of the actors who play such characters would have very little in their own personal make-up to go off. They research the roles, take on the characteristics of actual murderers, rapists etc from watching documentary footage, reading books, some even do interviews with actual offenders to learn the role perfectly. That's what being an actor is. It's learning a role.

It's not always about having personal experience to go off: How many actors who play mass murderers are really mass murderers or have what it is that makes someone capable of murdering multiple people inside them? How many actors who play Satan worshiping child rapists/torturers/murderers actually have those deeply, deeply disturbing characteristics inside them? How many actors who convincingly play an especially brutal Nazi officer in a WWII film actually have any of those characteristics inside them? ..

That's the whole point. Being an actor isn't about convincingly being who you already are, it's about convincingly being someone totally alien to you in all ways.. Taking the persona on of someone you have nothing in common with, and making that fictional person totally believable.

Sexuality should technically be one of the easiest things to mimic, because it's EVERYWHERE. There are so many examples you can go off!!!! Overt sexuality is in almost every show on TV, almost every movie made.. it's literally all over the place and all you need to do is watch and learn to mimic.

As an actor, it's your job to know how to convincingly portray things that are not already existent in your personal make-up.. Get out there, do some research, study TV shows like Boardwalk Empire, Game of Thrones, even sitcoms like Two and a Half Men and Two Broke Girls (depending on how overtly sexual your character is meant to be) ..take on the characteristics of sexual women in those shows and make them yours for whatever it is you character is portraying (subtly flirtatious? or is she a Victorian prostitute? experimenting with her sexuality? etc etc) Maybe just something like Gray's Anatomy or Six Feet Under if you're going for much more subtle sexuality/flirtation etc. It's really very straight forward.

I speak from personal experience as an asexual person who has done a lot of acting in the past. It's about taking on roles that are unfamiliar to you and making them a part of who you are for the time you play that character: That's why it's called acting :P

[Annapox]

I'm not an actress, but that does sound like a difficult situation. However, actors and actresses play characters who die all the time, and not one of those actors or actresses has died in real life. I'm sure it'll be a challenge, but I think there's probably a similar strategy to dealing with this as there is to acting any other part you haven't experienced in real life.

[Guest]

It can be done, if you try to think you're way into the character. Gay men have been "straight" in films/TV for years, including even fake sex scenes. There are probably still actors -- male and female -- that we don't know are gay because they're not out. Acting is pretending.

And vice versa. For example Christian Bale had a pretty epic and very convincing sexually intimate scene with Ewan McGregor in Velvet Goldmine. They are both heterosexual men, but were able to completely convincingly act a homosexual sex scene and act out the romance and sexual tension between their two characters because that's their job. They are actors. They act.

[Perseus]

Yeah, that is rough and I can see how it affects things. I am sorry you are going through this. Try to think of a really powerful situation or thing that will help acing out the right emotion. You might not be using the right influences. Try something different ad see how that works.

[nycactress]

I don't really get what the issue is here, to be honest. It's your job to be pretending to be things you are not! no matter whether that's a promiscuous woman, a slave, a murderer, and empress, a concentration camp officer, whatever. That's what being an actor is about.

The whole point of being an 'actor' is being able to naturally take on roles that are alien to you, and do it convincingly. Iv'e seen actors playing mass murderers, rapists, pedophiles etc convincingly, even though many of the actors who play such characters would have very little in their own personal make-up to go off. They research the roles, take on the characteristics of actual murderers, rapists etc from watching documentary footage, reading books, some even do interviews with actual offenders to learn the role perfectly. That's what being an actor is. It's learning a role.

It's not always about having personal experience to go off: How many actors who play mass murderers are really mass murderers or have what it is that makes someone capable of murdering multiple people inside them? How many actors who play Satan worshiping child rapists/torturers/murderers actually have those deeply, deeply disturbing characteristics inside them? How many actors who convincingly play an especially brutal Nazi officer in a WWII film actually have any of those characteristics inside them? ..

That's the whole point. Being an actor isn't about convincingly being who you already are, it's about convincingly being someone totally alien to you in all ways.. Taking the persona on of someone you have nothing in common with, and making that fictional person totally believable.

Sexuality should technically be one of the easiest things to mimic, because it's EVERYWHERE. There are so many examples you can go off!!!! Overt sexuality is in almost every show on TV, almost every movie made.. it's literally all over the place and all you need to do is watch and learn to mimic.

As an actor, it's your job to know how to convincingly portray things that are not already existent in your personal make-up.. Get out there, do some research, study TV shows like Boardwalk Empire, Game of Thrones, even sitcoms like Two and a Half Men and Two Broke Girls (depending on how overtly sexual your character is meant to be) ..take on the characteristics of sexual women in those shows and make them yours for whatever it is you character is portraying (subtly flirtatious? or is she a Victorian prostitute? experimenting with her sexuality? etc etc) Maybe just something like Gray's Anatomy or Six Feet Under if you're going for much more subtle sexuality/flirtation etc. It's really very straight forward.

I speak from personal experience as an asexual person who has done a lot of acting in the past. It's about taking on roles that are unfamiliar to you and making them a part of who you are for the time you play that character: That's why it's called acting :P

I get what you're trying to say, but acting has to be honest and truthful. I've played roles like serial killers and prostitutes and while I don't have direct experience to draw on, I can think of times I've wanted to retaliate after someone betrayed me in some way and amplify that to play a killer, for example. When I've tried to think of passion or desire or something to make a sexual situation authentic on stage or on screen, no matter how I feel or what images I use for myself, I've never gotten feedback that it's truly "working". It doesn't read to the audience because it's being faked rather than embodied based on the expansion and exploration of some part of myself. And of course everyone has areas or character types that are more difficult to play than others, but lately it's been an actual obstacle in auditions/classes. So I rant here and continue on with the daily grind :P

[SithLord]

I think that's why I didn't try to pursue acting anymore than just me enjoying it in high school and middle school. I just can't fake sexiness. I just start laughing.

I wish I could help, since that really sucks. Instead of advice, I offer you sympathy cake:

[Philip027]

I don't really get what the issue is here, to be honest. It's your job to be pretending to be things you are not!

Which I'm sure is something that aspiring actors know already, but it's a little different when it's something that nearly everyone takes for granted. This sort of thing is harder for people to teach because most people don't have to be taught. It's like trying to teach someone how to breathe. Thankfully this is something we don't have to do, but imagine if we did? How exactly would you go about it? I imagine most people would have trouble explaining it without actually using the term "breathe"

This line really spoke out to me: I can look at how other people approach a song, scene, or role and try to imitate it, but I'm never going to feel the underlying sexuality behind it, and teachers and casting directors can see right through it.

Speaking as someone with Asperger's (and frequently lacks knowledge of things that are supposed to be "common sense", and frequently doesn't respond to situations/emotions in a way that is "expected"), this sort of thing is a tough hurdle to get over. Having to learn and research a role like a mass murderer is expected because most people aren't mass murderers. But when it comes to sexually charged situations, it's considered so much more of a base, instinctual thing that there really isn't as much help out there for the people for whom it just doesn't come naturally. You're not really intended to have to "act" it, because it's something you *should* already know. And when you're disconnected from the sexual feelings to begin with, you're not going to be able to learn them simply by watching other people. Not everything is visible, or audible.

I just can't fake sexiness. I just start laughing.

I would too. And from what I'm told, that isn't considered very sexy.

[Eva]

*edit*

I didn't read your follow-up before I talked about my own acting experience and blah, blah, blah.

So I rant here and continue on with the daily grind :P

No reply necessary. Carry on.

[Soraiko]

I can understand this. That probably part of why (among other reasons), I'm not an actress or screenwriter. Apparently in the more advanced screenwriting classes they ask you to get influence from like your first date and other romantic things, I've never done any of those things. I'm terrible at writing romance and very rarely do. And I don't think I'd be a very good actress anyway.

I think just a lot of things are hard for people. Practicing might help. That's the only thing I can really think to recommend. That's how I've been at least competent in acting.

[Guest]

I agree with Serran, find something you're passionate about and think about that. And then think about how to make it...naughty. Not in a sexy way but like "I'm doing black and white photography AND THEN I THROW PAINT ON IT" kind of way. Just something that you've always wanted to do regarding that hobby but you were always told was wrong (basically breaking the rules and thinking out of the box on purpose). That might help.

[Kirrae]

I once had a teacher in an acting class go through some exercises on how to approach a character in a less method way, for those of us who are a little to cerebral to really "feel" things the way a lot of actors approach roles. It all sort of boiled down to finding the outward signs of what you wanted to convey and using those to inform your performance. Like "pick a nervous habit for your character to have and fall back on that when you aren't given specific direction" kind of stuff. Maybe something like that could work for you? I know you mentioned trying to imitate other people's performances, but maybe your problem isn't that you aren't selling the sexiness enough because you're asexual but that it comes off as imitating in the way that a traced sketch always looks kind of off?

Not an actor so I could be totally wrong but I thought that advice might help.

[RobPal]

I understand your frustration as I have been fighting a similar battle as a songwriter. Most commercial hits these days are about relationships, and being an aro-ace, I have zero experience with this other than what I've picked up from my friends and family. I now tend to write about life rather than love.

From an acting point of view, the advice about using memories about things you're passionate about is probably the best way of tacking it, as well as the advice about doing something that is against the rules.

I don't really get what the issue is here, to be honest. It's your job to be pretending to be things you are not! no matter whether that's a promiscuous woman, a slave, a murderer, and empress, a concentration camp officer, whatever. That's what being an actor is about.

The whole point of being an 'actor' is being able to naturally take on roles that are alien to you, and do it convincingly. Iv'e seen actors playing mass murderers, rapists, pedophiles etc convincingly, even though many of the actors who play such characters would have very little in their own personal make-up to go off. They research the roles, take on the characteristics of actual murderers, rapists etc from watching documentary footage, reading books, some even do interviews with actual offenders to learn the role perfectly. That's what being an actor is. It's learning a role.

It's not always about having personal experience to go off: How many actors who play mass murderers are really mass murderers or have what it is that makes someone capable of murdering multiple people inside them? How many actors who play Satan worshiping child rapists/torturers/murderers actually have those deeply, deeply disturbing characteristics inside them? How many actors who convincingly play an especially brutal Nazi officer in a WWII film actually have any of those characteristics inside them? ..

That's the whole point. Being an actor isn't about convincingly being who you already are, it's about convincingly being someone totally alien to you in all ways.. Taking the persona on of someone you have nothing in common with, and making that fictional person totally believable.

Sexuality should technically be one of the easiest things to mimic, because it's EVERYWHERE. There are so many examples you can go off!!!! Overt sexuality is in almost every show on TV, almost every movie made.. it's literally all over the place and all you need to do is watch and learn to mimic.

As an actor, it's your job to know how to convincingly portray things that are not already existent in your personal make-up.. Get out there, do some research, study TV shows like Boardwalk Empire, Game of Thrones, even sitcoms like Two and a Half Men and Two Broke Girls (depending on how overtly sexual your character is meant to be) ..take on the characteristics of sexual women in those shows and make them yours for whatever it is you character is portraying (subtly flirtatious? or is she a Victorian prostitute? experimenting with her sexuality? etc etc) Maybe just something like Gray's Anatomy or Six Feet Under if you're going for much more subtle sexuality/flirtation etc. It's really very straight forward.

I speak from personal experience as an asexual person who has done a lot of acting in the past. It's about taking on roles that are unfamiliar to you and making them a part of who you are for the time you play that character: That's why it's called acting :P

It's not as easy to fake being sexual as being a serial killer, as the majority of people are sexual and would recognise instantly someone who is faking it. Very few people are serial killers, so almost nobody would be able to tell if your performance wasn't accurate, so you just need to be believable. It's this difference that brings the greatest challenge and even though it might be acceptable on a smaller level, would not be enough the further up the professional ladder you climb. So I completely understand how limiting being asexual can be in the arts.

I wish you the best of luck with the advice given.

[Philip027]

It's not as easy to fake being sexual as being a serial killer, as the majority of people are sexual and would recognise instantly someone who is faking it. Very few people are serial killers, so almost nobody would be able to tell if your performance wasn't accurate, so you just need to be believable.

Bingo, this is pretty much what I was trying to say, just in a lot fewer words

[SithLord]

I can understand this. That probably part of why (among other reasons), I'm not an actress or screenwriter. Apparently in the more advanced screenwriting classes they ask you to get influence from like your first date and other romantic things, I've never done any of those things. I'm terrible at writing romance and very rarely do. And I don't think I'd be a very good actress anyway.

I think just a lot of things are hard for people. Practicing might help. That's the only thing I can really think to recommend. That's how I've been at least competent in acting.

I find this funny since I'm trying to improve my writing and end up writing a lot of romance. My friend though criticized my writing saying it was emotionless and boring. Guess I'm not good at writing love. ^_^