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Demisexual problem: i don't feel it anymore!


Lilly D'White

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Lilly D'White

Hi! So i just find out that i'm a demisexual... i have a boyfriend and we used to be really active... but not anymore :/ lately i don't feel like doing it and it's kinda troublesome 'cause he's always asking about it. I don't feel comfortable anymore! I think that our bond is broken(?)

Is it possible? I don't think that i'm asexual, i do feel repulsed by sex and related stuff but i do feel sexual attraction to ppl i'm really clouse and tha are really important to me, but i don't feel romantically attracted to them...

:( and i don't know what and how to tell my boyfriend!

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Has this loss of sexual interest happened before?

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Lilly D'White

Well :/ i'm kind of new to sexual interest... so this is the first time

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The connection you get with someone doesn't have to be romantic. I also identify as demi but often find it's not a romantic bond I form with someone in order to (rarely) find them sexually attractive. For me it's purely an emotional thing and I don't even know if that makes sense. I don't consider myself romantic at all but people have told me that certain personality traits of mine can be seen as romantic. Random tangent, sorry.

In my experience once that emotional connection with someone has gone, they go back to being "ordinary" people, and I don't think twice about them, as cruel as that may sound (it's not intentional).

You don't have to tell him about your sexuality unless you feel it might help explain why things have changed, but of course that is completely up to you. If you no longer want to be with him then to say that your feelings for him have gone is a perfectly legitimate reason to leave someone. In fact, it is cruel (in my opinion) to stay with someone that you feel nothing for. I've done it, I'm not proud of it, but feelings change all the time. It's not as if you're in control of it, eh?

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MinorThreatGirl

This is essentially what happens in all of my relationships as well. At first, sex seems novel and desirable. I don't derive much physical pleasure from sex, but it can lead to feelings of mental excitement. After a while, the excitement wanes and the act starts to feel very mechanical and routine, like a chore or obligation of sorts. I don't really think it means that you've lost interest in your partner or that the emotional bond is broken. I think it's just a case of, "Hmm, I want to try this!" followed by trying it (for weeks, months, sometimes years) and ultimately realizing, well, it's not that great. Sex is something I often think of as the first, most primitive and rudimentary component of a new relationship. As time goes on, the emotional and intellectual connections become stronger and can outshine the appeal of a sexual activity.

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Irezumi Hikari

This has happened to me in pretty much every relationship I've ever had. I identify as a grey ace because of it. I dated a lot of men before I really realized this:

There can be a strong desire for sexual activity initially, but it will more than likely wear off. I believe it is true of any relationship. The beginning is new and fun.

But it does fade. And then you can feel a different kind of bond. I actually ended up marrying an amazing man. We had a lot of sex in the beginning. Now we don't really have much sexual activity. Our connection is more about each other. We cuddle on the couch a lot and have a lot of physical contact, but the biggest thing in our relationship is how we converse and go through life together.

I really enjoyed having new relationships because I could feel "normal" and straight in the beginning. But I've realized that I really like just having someone by my side as a partner.

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Fraysexual: sexual attraction fades away

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Find out what he's into that DOESN'T repulse you. I'm into satisfying my babe as long as my body doesn't have to get involved sexually & he's fine with it. Sure, he wishes we could be "closer." But we CAN get close by cuddling & he CAN get sexually pleased by other acts that don't involve my no-no-zone. Haha :) I'd say that I'm fraysexual but my sexual attraction comes back when I get drunk.

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