KaiserinKai Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Hello, everyone. I am a 27 year old woman from the USA. For years I have been confused when it comes to the matter of sex. Or rather my feelings about it. I have never had penitrative sex. I have had the oppertunity to have it but have refused. I have no desire for it and am in fact slightly terrified of it. I did not masturbate until I was 19 years old. I greatly enjoyed the feeling and now do so at least weekly. It's also great for stress relief. I have found men attractive and have had eye candy before. However I have had no desire to do much more than look really, even in regards to the men I find most attractive. Porn involving real people creeps me out and makes me want to look away, I just don't get it. It feels like I'm intruding on something. However I greatly enjoy sexual doujinshi and fanfiction, but only for shows I have watched and enjoyed and only of characters I believe would be good in a relationship. It's more the idea of a deep and great relationship between two fictional people coming to a physical peak and cosumating their love that turns me on then their bodies and the act. The emotional aspect, two people who truly love each other becoming one. The drawn/written and fictional format distances it enough for real sex that I don't feel weirded out in the same way that watching actual people does. My college friends thought it was so weird that I didn't like actual porn but like my fics and doujin. When I have been with any of my boyfriends in the past or present all of which I was/am very much smitten with I have had no desire for any kind of sexual acts. Kissing open mouth feels a bit good but mostly just weird and slimy, when he kisses my neck or fondles my breasts it feels good but I don't really have any desire for it. The one time I ever gave a blowjob I hated every second of it and the one time I was eaten out it felt a bit good but once again mostly weird and slimy and had no desire to do it ever again. Nude bodies do nothing for me, I just feel weirded out. Even when looking at the body of my boyfirends past and present who I love/have loved makes me feel nothing. Yet I love cuddling with my boyfriend, just love feeling comfy and warm in his arms. I can imagine living my life along with him, I love doing anything and sometimes just doing nothing with him. I love being in love with him. Am I asexual? Or maybe something else? I just want to understand... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
CNGB Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 We can't really tell you whether you are or are not asexual, but by all means you certainly sound as though you are. Remember that there is more than one attraction. sexual attraction - looking at someone and wanting to have sex with them aestheic attraction - looking at someone and appreciating the way they look (as you said, "eye candy") sensual attraction - wanting to touch someone, and not necessarily in a sexual way romantic attraction - looking at someone that you have major or slight romantic feelings for Most people define asexuality as a lack of sexual attraction, or, in some cases, a general lack of sexual attraction (if someone experiences this rare or in very specific circumstances then they are in the gray-area, or perhaps demisexual). As you said, you've never experienced sexual attraction, so I'd say that makes you asexual. What you choose to label yourself as, however, is totally up to you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
KaiserinKai Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 Thank you very much for your reply. I thought for the longest that my liking of mastubation as well as my love for pornagraphic doujin and fanfiction meant I couldn't be asexual. I wondered if there was just something wrong with me... It was only recently through reading various articles that I started to realize that I might be asexual. I still wasn't sure though so I found this forum in hopes of getting an outside perspecitve on the matter. I was so very lost and am very relieved to finally understand why I never desired sex with another person even when I was very much in love. I'm just asexual... there's nothing wrong with me... thank god... Now I need to figure out where to go from here, especially in regards to discussing this with my boyfriend... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Annapox Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 If and when you do bring it up with your boyfriend, make sure to clarify that it's not something that's wrong with him, that it's how you feel (or don't feel) about everyone on the planet. Make sure you're clear about where you see the relationship going, but also about your boundaries. That's usually a good place to start. Also make sure you're ready to answer any questions that come up as a result of the coming-out conversation. A lot of non-aces lump the different kinds of attraction together because all of their orientations "match," so be prepared to discuss the differences and which ones you do and don't experience. Things like that. And make sure he gets a chance to tell you about his feelings and boundaries. Communication is so important, especially in mixed relationships. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Archon Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 An asexual person can enjoy any kind of porn and masturbate too. As long as you don't actually want to engage in partnered sexual activities in real life, you are ace. Be honest with your boyfriend. People usually have never heard of asexuality so be prepared to explain things and answer a lot of questions. Best of luck! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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