.,. Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Now first of all, I identify as an asexual, and I will continue to do so no matter what any of you say. Cool, now that that's taken care of - so, I am indeed curious to know if anyone identify with my asexual experience, as I never heard anyone explain their relationship with sexual arousal quite as I experience it. So the anomaly part in my sexual world, is that I get aroused by watching what we commonly know as porn. It does not make we want to engage in sex, I never want to do that - I am, in relation to my own body, a self-proclaimed, sexophobic. But yes, I do take pleasure from seeing other people on a screen, getting it on in front of camera, or professional film crew, or in the form of erotic literature. This arouses me sexually, but I do not know if it's cause I'm attracted to the people, I mean they are beautiful (at least in the material I'm using), or if it's something else. In relation to real life I have never been sexually attracted to any person who I've been in the same room as, but imagining people I know whom I find aesthetically pleasing in a sexual setting with me, might get me aroused - phone sex is actually something I've thoroughly explored, and enjoyed in the past. I'll make it very clear though, that I'd never want to take part in any physical sexual activity with any of them. I do not identify as a graysexual, or demisexual - plain asexuality, is what I identify with. So does getting aroused by the idea and concept of sex make me a sexual living in denial and celibacy? Or, can I still by all my rights claim to be an asexual, as the physical side of sex does not seem favorable at all to me, and as I've never found myself actually feeling anything sexual towards a person within an arms length. Let me know what you think, it might help me put my mind at ease in regards to this piece of fickle friction in my life. I wish cake to be granted upon you all. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
QueenWS Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 (edited) ignore my post dear Edited March 2, 2015 by QueenWS Quote Link to post Share on other sites
CNGB Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Love erotica. Love PWP (porn without plot). Love sexual messages. Done it a lot. I love all of that in the same way that you love porn and are interested in phone sex. Doesn't mean either of us experience sexual attraction. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hooded_Crow Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 I've read erotica. I've become aroused from reading erotica. I'm asexual too. Sexual situations that don't involve me or that involve me and my partner exclusively might turn me on. But that's not so much because of the people as it is because of the situation. As far as I'm concerned, even if you weren't repulsed by the thought of becoming physical with someone else, you could still be asexual. It's really the "never been sexually attracted by anyone that was present in the room with you" that makes me think yeah, you're asexual. Whether you like porn, erotica, sexual stimulation (on your own or with someone else), is irrelevant to me. You wouldn't say to a straight girl who got aroused watching lesbian porn that she's not straight. So I guess what I'm getting at is that yes, I would call you asexual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Archon Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Sounds to me like you're totally asexual. An asexual is someone who either a) does not experience sexual attraction to real specific people, and/or b) does not want to actually engage in sexual activities. You've said that you "have never been sexually attracted to any person who I've been in the same room as" and "never want to take part in any physical sexual activity," so it seems that you are very much super duper ace. The term that describes an ace who experiences arousal or has sexual fantasies that do not actually involve them is "autochorissexualism," which might apply to you. You don't have to identify with that term if it doesn't suit you, it just shows you that a lot of aces (myself included) experience arousal and have fantasies but are still ace. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Scottthespy Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 I can be turned on by certain sexual acts on screan, though very specific ones, to the point where my body wants release. There are many asexuals who still feel the need to 'clear the pipes', as the saying goes, and this can be brought on by porn in some cases, though not always. For some its pleasant and enjoyable, for others its an annoying chore. They all still fit neatly inside of the asexual spectrum, and so do you. You aren't sexually attracted to those people, you're sexualy aroused by the acts they're performing on screen or in your mind. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 You can totally be asexual and aroused by porn. Your reaction to porn is normal. It doesn't mean that you feel sexual attraction as a person can feel aroused by acts themselves. A lot of asexuals like to watch or read porn or erotica. It seems to be the majority on this forum. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
.,. Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 Thank you all for being such a pleasant supportive community, it really blows my mind how I haven't come across a single hateful individual since joining this site (not that I was expecting it), so there - that's it. All contributers have been overwhelmingly on the one side, so apparently I'm "super duper ace." So mmm, thank you, that is the last speck of insecurity I may have had about my sexual and romantic identity, finally, erased. oo (no xx'es 'cause eww! :p) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Perseus Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Asexual can like porn. It doesn't make them any less asexual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
flamboy-ant Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 i watch porn too. my older sister's called me porn-sexual before. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
foolishseedling Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 It's good to know there are people who experience the same. (My problem is that sometimes I get excited by completely random stuff that I associate with sex. This was very confusing in my teens when thanks to this I thought I was lesbian or bi.) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tospringe Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I experience exactly the same thing and I'm glad I'm not alone. Because I expecienced this I felt like I couldn't really be an ace for a long time, so it's nice to know people feel like it is possible :). Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sleepy Skeleton Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 When I was younger and still learning about porn, I used to think pictures/magazine were the only way to do it. Then I kept hearing other people talk about watching porn and I was like "What? They make VIDEOS?!!" The idea of watching people go at it with volume up and everything is still so strange to me. Sometimes I'll read erotica, but only if it's fanfiction of a ship I like. Unfortunately, there aren't many m-rated Tiva fanfics that aren't 40K words long and the Destiel fics I've read are too weird for me. Wing kink and stuff like that. I dunno. Bottom!Dean ftw, though. I really don't think porn has anything to do with sexual orientation though. If a completely straight guy like to watch gay porn, who cares?! It's not like he's participating or anything. The same goes for asexuals. None of the definitions I've seen ever mention porn. Don't let anyone else try to change your mind. If you think you're asexual, you probably are. On a more random note, I hate when I'm browsing tumblr or something and suddenly a wild hentai appears. I know there's ways to block it, but I can't catch everything. Keep your naked lavender-haired schoolgirls away from my puppy pictures. :P Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lain-heart Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Actually, is there some researches or articles on that topic? Why porn is affecting asexual individuals differently, than encounter with fully developed, physicaly attractive specimen? I can't quite grasp, why porn, masturbation and fantasizing works, and attraction - don't. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
.,. Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 Actually, is there some researches or articles on that topic? Why porn is affecting asexual individuals differently, than encounter with fully developed, physicaly attractive specimen? I can't quite grasp, why porn, masturbation and fantasizing works, and attraction - don't. Wow, I never actually thought of that, that's really interesting - it doesn't seem very logical, not even to an asexual. Some clever people need to look into this... Maybe it's just a more pure, simple way into the world of sexual arousal? Like it's not involving anyone else, it just cuts straight to the bone of intimacy and mating - and with all *sexual relationships* removed, your body just cries out in anguish, let's make babies! Now! At once! Be ready! Take this arousal, and these expanded blood vessels with you! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hooded_Crow Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 It doesn't work on everybody. And the reason I would put forward is that asexual doesn't mean nonsexual. Some people are both. Some are just asexual, but still have sexuwl feelings. They're just not directed at a specific group of people. Porn and erotica and fantasies are about acts and situation, not about people. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lain-heart Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Too vague of an answer to my liking. I'm not criticizing. But it's not enough. I already know, there is different people with different experiences. I'm interested to know, what factors involved in this. Should google, probably, but don't know where to start. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
holdenyraphony Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 It's probably just as simple as sexual drive and libido don't correspond with sexual attraction. I can have sex with my bf, but I don't feel sexually attracted to him, it's just the situation, and even then it's weird cause there's no way I could do it with anyone else. I think I just - and pardon my pun - got lucky. I found someone I'm comfortable with and who I can be intimate with without it feeling awful and gross because of any repulsion to sex involving myself. Even non-asexuals have sex with people they might not be attracted to, I think. or have sex with people they find sexually attractive even though they may have a low sex drive. Sex/attraction/libido are strange science things and each person has different levels of each. I will never understand people calling actors and actresses sexy or hot, nor would I refer to my boyfriend or anyone else I find aesthetically attractive in that manner. It seems silly and laughable, because a person ?? sexy ?? w hat ?? but the sexual acts in their own mysterious entity, that's interesting, I can deal with that. I don't know if that helps, I get confused about it myself sometimes when I think about it too much. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hooded_Crow Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 It's probably just as simple as sexual drive and libido don't correspond with sexual attraction. I can have sex with my bf, but I don't feel sexually attracted to him, it's just the situation, and even then it's weird cause there's no way I could do it with anyone else. I think I just - and pardon my pun - got lucky. I found someone I'm comfortable with and who I can be intimate with without it feeling awful and gross because of any repulsion to sex involving myself. Even non-asexuals have sex with people they might not be attracted to, I think. or have sex with people they find sexually attractive even though they may have a low sex drive. Sex/attraction/libido are strange science things and each person has different levels of each. I will never understand people calling actors and actresses sexy or hot, nor would I refer to my boyfriend or anyone else I find aesthetically attractive in that manner. It seems silly and laughable, because a person ?? sexy ?? w hat ?? but the sexual acts in their own mysterious entity, that's interesting, I can deal with that. I don't know if that helps, I get confused about it myself sometimes when I think about it too much. Exactly that :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lain-heart Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 It's probably just as simple as sexual drive and libido don't correspond with sexual attraction.Yup, but why? What's inner workings behind this? Anyone knows, where to look? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lain-heart Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 P.S. What's the factors, responsible for development of sexual attraction to other people? From my limited understanding (i'm pretty new to these concepts and ideas) porn feels like attraction, but do not (not nessessarily, but it's possible) provoke sexual behavior. But what kind of behavior is masturbation, is, for example? Maybe, I just should think about this more. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
News_Junkie Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Let me throw some science your way. You know when you see someone yawn, you might also yawn? That reflex is very closely tied with the part of our brain that is responsible for empathy (and humans aren't the only ones who do this. Apes do it. Even dogs do it.) There's still some speculation on this front and it's not widely studied, but some neuroscientists and primatologists hypothesize that watching porn or seeing other people (or if you're a monkey, other monkeys) engage in sexual behavior is similar in that regard. Not that it makes you run out and have sex with someone, but it allows your body to physically experience what you are seeing (aka you get aroused). Evolutionary speaking, it's easy to understand why natural selection would favor this response as it could influence a person's likelihood of engaging in sexual behavior. Obviously, not the case for asexuals, but you're still human, so your brain is still wired in that way. Short answer: yes, getting aroused from porn even if you identify as asexual is totally normal. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Allotasm Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Honestly, I'm sexual and the physical response my body has to most porn has nothing to do with sexual attraction, libido, or really anything other than just biological cue and response. I mean, it's similar to (TMI I guess) the way I will lube up if I'm startled, or a dude might get a fear erection. It's just a physical response to stimuli and isn't part of my sexuality so I don't see any reason why it would have to be part of yours. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lain-heart Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 Short answer: yes, getting aroused from porn even if you identify as asexual is totally normal. Your short answer has nothing to do with my question (in a way I see it). ^_^ Not the assurance or self-assurance I wanted, but understanding of processes. I'm just curious about some things. While, your idea about empathy is interesting, I consider myself not particularly empathic. (I feel compassion about other's physical pain, I'm probably empathic to others having sex, but not keen about emotions other's experience(false kindness, hypocritic politeness, hidden pain or unexpressed irritation - too subtle for me)). It raises more questions... Yeah, generally, on rational level I understand, that urges of my body and my sexuality aren't the same (and this is undeniable fact, that I'm asexual - it's nothing more then a summary of carefully preserved, but unexplainedly unnoticed self observations, realized in one sudden flash of epiphany). There was times, I remember, when I considered, that not having a libido at all would be lot easier to me. I still like the idea, that ability to switc libido on and off would be so cool option, our bodies clearly don't have. I thought, that sex without romantic attraction is vulgar, dirty and strange to me. And despite all that years without sexual or romantic attaction, when I had libido (not very strong, not very weak) all porn/erotic/romantic stuff made me settled with ideas (dreams or fantasies, if you like) of having 'casual' sex, monogamous sex, romantic relationships and all. In recent light of discovering this site it makes my ideas abot sex and romance inconsistent. What I have, what I'm capable of and what I want (or, more precisely - "what I want to want", if you follow my thought). So, I'm a little bit confused about this, and that makes me curious to dig for details. Beg pardon, if I'm sound immature/excessive in details. I just more comfortable, when I am understood right, even by myself. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
rurouni Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 Actually, is there some researches or articles on that topic? Why porn is affecting asexual individuals differently, than encounter with fully developed, physicaly attractive specimen? I can't quite grasp, why porn, masturbation and fantasizing works, and attraction - don't. From my wandering through the internet I found this. There are a lot of people that are studying the effects of porn as an addictive substance (same as, for example, alcohol and coffee). It's an interesting read but, nevertheless, take it with a grain of salt. I doubt they have aces in mind when they write this, so there might be conflicting terminology (e.g. definitions of sexual desire, sexual attraction, etc.) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lain-heart Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 So, (I'm using this thread, because, don't know, if I should start new, feel free to move it anywhere you think, it should be placed), my primary assumption, that I'm really an asexual, even if I'm watching porn (I can't really, sure, if I got to amounts, that should be called "addiction" or it'st 'normal', whatever that is nowadays). Pretty recently, I discovered, that living alone helps me to indulge myself pretty much any time I want. Few clicks and I'm in... Sometimes, few times per day, sometimes, once in couple days. Before, when I was living with family it was rarer, a moments for myself. What would happen (hypothecially), if I'm suddenly stop watching porn and masturbate? Based on idea, that my first assumption my be true or false? I just want to hear facts, so I would know, what I should pay attention to... For example (I don't know, just thinking, correct me, if I'm wrong) could I somehow unconsciously (for some reason) supress my libido by regular self-satisfaction acts, so I'm not feeling anything particular around girls (or it's actually impossible to supress sexual attraction, if it is already exists)? And even supress any minor urges (if I happen to have have low level attraction), now and then, so I just don't pay attention to it anymore? It could have anything to do with pointed out by psychologist, but not diagnosed properly Asperger? Dunno.. I want to test my limits to be solid sure, at least in something. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mundane Mesh Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Here is a long and complicated word that you can look up: "autochorissexualism" It isn't a sexual orientation, it's a paraphilia so you can still be both autochorissexual and asexual. It basically means that you can be aroused by porn, but feel no desire to participate in it yourself. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Orthonomous Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 Your voyeurism means that you have sexual attractions. In fact, it is likely that the reason you do not feel attracted to people in real life is because you have altered your brain wiring as a result of porn consumption and its hyper stimulating effects. Unless you are avoiding sexual activity for moral reasons, it is likely that your aversion to it is caused by your lack of interest in people, rather than your lack of interest in sex. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 Your voyeurism means that you have sexual attractions. In fact, it is likely that the reason you do not feel attracted to people in real life is because you have altered your brain wiring as a result of porn consumption and its hyper stimulating effects. Unless you are avoiding sexual activity for moral reasons, it is likely that your aversion to it is caused by your lack of interest in people, rather than your lack of interest in sex. People don't need to feel sexually attracted to porn actors to be aroused by porn. Sex itself is largely enough to induce physical reactions. Experiments even show that people are aroused by animals having sex, and it doesn't mean that everyone is a zoophile. It just means that sex itself induces arousal, no matter what living beings are doing it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blinkin Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 I had the same questions about the feelings I get from watching porn while I discovered I am asexual. I discovered that there's porn I like and there's porn which does nothing to me except boredom. For me the difference seems to be in the emotions I see and hear. Even if they are faked (without being obviously fake) they will draw my attention. There are some porn genres I would prefer above others, but if there's zero emotions I get nothing from it. Behaviour and attraction are two different things, so yeah you can watch porn, have sex and such things while being asexual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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