Psychdude Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Hello everyone.I am posting from Greece and today I met the first asexual person in real life.I had heard of asexuality mostly within the context of my studies and LGBT activism but earlier today we had a new guy at work who totally fascinated me with what he had to say about his asexuality. So what I am not clear about is whether asexuality means a distinct aversion towards sex or is it more like apathy and indifference towards it?Also have you ever felt discriminated just because of who you are? Do you believe that you could fit in the LGBT community or do you regard it as hostile? Sorry about my obvious ignorance :) I dont mean to offend anybody! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ennis Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Hey Psychdude, there are many different kinds of asexuality - some aces are really, really sex repulsed, others don't mind doing it and are quite indifferent - and everything in between. Asexuality is a spectrum. So, asexuality is either a lack of interest in sex with other people (some aces have fetishes, masturbate etc.) or a lack of sexual attraction towards others. Or both. I was never discriminated against, but I felt alone, sometimes even broken. I personally think we belong to the LGBT+ community, because we are a sexual minority, and because some asexuals are transgender, agender etc. and belong there anyway. But this is my personal opinion. If anything is not clear, feel free to ask. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 As the above banner states, asexuality is purely about having no sexual attraction. Some asexuals are open to sexual compromise (out of indifference or actual enjoyment but no personal desire) and some aren't (out of being uncomfortable recieving something they do not reciprocate or as far as having sex-repulsion). Some masturbate (to erotica or not) and some dont (called non-libidoists). I've never felt discriminated exctly; some of my friends kinda already knew sexual stuff wasnt my thing just by my "innocence" and when I'd do something remotely sexual ( -_- like licking my fingers after a bag of chips) they'd be creeped out and I'd feel a bit bad and a little annoyed. They didn't do this to tease me or even do so frequently; just a few times throughout highschool and genuinely were just creeped out and were stated by the most sexual ppl in my group of friends. Not to make them sound unaccepting, they very much are and would most likely accept my asexuality if i ever found it relivent; they already accpt my virginity; no teasing or trying to 'fix' it. Considering all the other letters that come after LGBT, yah, we should be a part of it too. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Psychdude Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 Thank you so much for the answers.Do you have any stats around asexuality?Do we actually know how prevalent it is in the general population?Is there any discrepancy between males and females? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tazoz Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Hello everyone.I am posting from Greece and today I met the first asexual person in real life.I had heard of asexuality mostly within the context of my studies and LGBT activism but earlier today we had a new guy at work who totally fascinated me with what he had to say about his asexuality. So what I am not clear about is whether asexuality means a distinct aversion towards sex or is it more like apathy and indifference towards it?Also have you ever felt discriminated just because of who you are? Do you believe that you could fit in the LGBT community or do you regard it as hostile? Sorry about my obvious ignorance :) I dont mean to offend anybody! Don't worry you've said nothing offensive. :) As mentioned, the asexuality community is very varied and people relate to sex differently. In many cases, I would say it goes beyond an indifference to sexuality. It's closer to being a form of blindness to sexuality. There is a feeling of meaningless and emptiness when I try to imagine myself in a romantic or sexual relationship or situation. Sexuality just didn't exist for me. Discriminated against... No one outside of my close family knows about my asexuality but I've lost friends and felt socially isolated/broken at times as a result of not being interested in sex and acting confused and uncomfortable when people brought up the subject. I feel perfectly comfortable being a part of the LGBT community, however, there is a large amount of ignorance about aromantic asexuality and its problems which can lead to hostility and hurtful comments. Thank you so much for the answers.Do you have any stats around asexuality?Do we actually know how prevalent it is in the general population?Is there any discrepancy between males and females? According to the kinsey study around 1% of all people are aseuxuals. On these forums, 25% or so of asexuals are males. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Psychdude Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 Hello everyone.I am posting from Greece and today I met the first asexual person in real life.I had heard of asexuality mostly within the context of my studies and LGBT activism but earlier today we had a new guy at work who totally fascinated me with what he had to say about his asexuality. So what I am not clear about is whether asexuality means a distinct aversion towards sex or is it more like apathy and indifference towards it?Also have you ever felt discriminated just because of who you are? Do you believe that you could fit in the LGBT community or do you regard it as hostile? Sorry about my obvious ignorance :) I dont mean to offend anybody! Don't worry you've said nothing offensive. :) As mentioned, the asexuality community is very varied and people relate to sex differently. In many cases, I would say it goes beyond an indifference to sexuality. It's closer to being a form of blindness to sexuality. There is a feeling of meaningless and emptiness when I try to imagine myself in a romantic or sexual relationship or situation. Sexuality just didn't exist for me. Discriminated against... No one outside of my close family knows about my asexuality but I've lost friends and felt socially isolated/broken at times as a result of not being interested in sex and acting confused and uncomfortable when people brought up the subject. I feel perfectly comfortable being a part of the LGBT community, however, there is a large amount of ignorance about aromantic asexuality and its problems which can lead to hostility and hurtful comments. Thank you so much for the answers.Do you have any stats around asexuality?Do we actually know how prevalent it is in the general population?Is there any discrepancy between males and females? According to the kinsey study around 1% of all people are aseuxuals. On these forums, 25% or so of asexuals are males. Thank you for the awesome reply!You said that there is a lot of ignorance around aromantic asexuality and tbh I find this category of people like you very intriguing but I am also mostly ignorant. So enlighten me please! :) How do you experience intimacy with other people?Do you actually have a need to be intimate?I mean the way I see this is that humans by definition are social animals.Most of us need some form of intimacy in order to feel validated and closer to people.What motivates you in a relationship?How do actually perceive relationships with other people and what is your view of let's say friendship? I am sorry if I am bombarding you with q's but from a psychological point of view I find you guys very interesting!I remember last year while we were planning Athens pride some people brought up asexuality and unfortunately we could not find a single group of Greek asexuals to represent you in pride. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Psychdude Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 double post Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tazoz Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Hello everyone.I am posting from Greece and today I met the first asexual person in real life.I had heard of asexuality mostly within the context of my studies and LGBT activism but earlier today we had a new guy at work who totally fascinated me with what he had to say about his asexuality. So what I am not clear about is whether asexuality means a distinct aversion towards sex or is it more like apathy and indifference towards it?Also have you ever felt discriminated just because of who you are? Do you believe that you could fit in the LGBT community or do you regard it as hostile? Sorry about my obvious ignorance :) I dont mean to offend anybody! Don't worry you've said nothing offensive. :) As mentioned, the asexuality community is very varied and people relate to sex differently. In many cases, I would say it goes beyond an indifference to sexuality. It's closer to being a form of blindness to sexuality. There is a feeling of meaningless and emptiness when I try to imagine myself in a romantic or sexual relationship or situation. Sexuality just didn't exist for me. Discriminated against... No one outside of my close family knows about my asexuality but I've lost friends and felt socially isolated/broken at times as a result of not being interested in sex and acting confused and uncomfortable when people brought up the subject. I feel perfectly comfortable being a part of the LGBT community, however, there is a large amount of ignorance about aromantic asexuality and its problems which can lead to hostility and hurtful comments. Thank you so much for the answers.Do you have any stats around asexuality?Do we actually know how prevalent it is in the general population?Is there any discrepancy between males and females? According to the kinsey study around 1% of all people are aseuxuals. On these forums, 25% or so of asexuals are males. Thank you for the awesome reply!You said that there is a lot of ignorance around aromantic asexuality and tbh I find this category of people like you very intriguing but I am also mostly ignorant. So enlighten me please! :) How do you experience intimacy with other people?Do you actually have a need to be intimate?I mean the way I see this is that humans by definition are social animals.Most of us need some form of intimacy in order to feel validated and closer to people.What motivates you in a relationship?How do actually perceive relationships with other people and what is your view of let's say friendship? I am sorry if I am bombarding you with q's but from a psychological point of view I find you guys very interesting!I remember last year while we were planning Athens pride some people brought up asexuality and unfortunately we could not find a single group of Greek asexuals to represent you in pride. One way to look at aromantic asexuality is as an orientation that helps support friends and relatives. Without a partner, we are free to live our lives as we want to. However, we still need others, in a similar manner as children need the support of family and friends. As we grow older, most of our childhood friends get married and our siblings likewise find partners leaving us in a problematic situation as our support network is drastically weakened. This change brings with it a feeling of loss and confusion and we try to find ways to adapt to the new situation. What I've found is that in response to these changes we become more attuned to the needs of others. We try to remain a part of our friends and families life by focusing on their needs and desires. If for example, a friend's needs are not being satisfied completely by a partner we will be there to help her or him cope with the situation and often our intervention will strengthen the marriage as we bridge the gap between the two partners. What makes this more interesting, is that aromantics are much more likely to form strong and lasting relationships with both partners in a marriage instead of maintaining a connection with just the person we were close to before the marriage. This allows us to both support the relationship and strengthen it which in turn also satisfies our own needs for intimacy because they allow us into the boundaries of the family. For example, I am very close to my brothers, however, I see my sister in laws as extensions of my brothers and as such I treat them the same way as I treat my brothers. In many ways, I love both equally and by extension I care deeply about my nephews and niece and love them unconditionally. This is my perception of aromantic asexuality, however, others might have very different experiences. Some might have less need for intimacy and can satisfy their needs through normal friendships or familial bonds. Others, might find a partner despite the problems such a relationship might bring. In general, we do have a need for love and affection but instead of satisfying our needs by forming a strong romantic and sexual bond with a person we are attracted to, we spread our love and affection among multiple people at varying levels of platonic intimacy. :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jimerman Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Hello everyone.I am posting from Greece and today I met the first asexual person in real life.I had heard of asexuality mostly within the context of my studies and LGBT activism but earlier today we had a new guy at work who totally fascinated me with what he had to say about his asexuality. So what I am not clear about is whether asexuality means a distinct aversion towards sex or is it more like apathy and indifference towards it?Also have you ever felt discriminated just because of who you are? Do you believe that you could fit in the LGBT community or do you regard it as hostile? Sorry about my obvious ignorance :) I dont mean to offend anybody! first everyone is different but for me its more of an indifference to it. for your second question i spend a lot of time on my campuses LGBT center and really enjoy it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MaxAmoeba Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 As somebody rightly said here, some asexuals are sex repulsed, some are not. The underline being, asexuals are not hung up about sex. And the question of it being included in the LGBT community lies in this line of thought that since we do not identify ourselves as 'queer' or 'sexualised', I would find it unacceptable for asexuality to be included in a group which has sexual liberation as it's fantasy. We are non-sexuals and hence liberated, already! :-) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Perseus Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 You eally came the right place about asexuals. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Howard Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 My therapist doesn't beleive in the Kinsey test for asexuals because it compares someone's attraction to the opposite gender in terms of attraction to his own gendre. It's true that 1% showed no reaction at all but since it doesn't take into account attraction to other things, like cake, the true number may be higher. Most people active on this site are female. Amongst my friends, however, there are many males that I suspect to be asexuals but they consider themselves otherwise, like gamers or crowd people. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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