Jump to content

Demi-Romantic


Perseus

Recommended Posts

I wanted to start a topic for the Demi-romantics out there. I consider myself Demiromantic. I need a strong bond with a guy to feel romance.

Any other Demi-Roms out there? Feel free to post or PM me.

Link to post
Share on other sites

As I posted in your other thread I've realized I'm demiromantic, and it sure clears up a lot of my lack of love life, moreso than my demisexuality I think. It always just made sense to me that you would need to KNOW someone before you had a connection. In all honestly I just never understood how people dated near strangers. Sex and lust I sorta understood even though I was 'picky', but how did you even get started, how did you pick up someone or date? Only people I've ever wanted to date were people I knew well, and usually by that time it was too late. I also knew I had romantic attraction to same sex friends, but it didn't make sense since I really only thought guys were 'hot'. I just figured you could crush on close friends that had nothing to do with sexual orientation (which I was sorta correct about), but I did fantasize about some sort of 'perfect' scenario where we could be in some sort of menage a trio, even though I've viewed myself as a somewhat selfish monogamist. I think I might have even unknowingly been in a QPP, but that ended when their spouse made things unworkable.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Fire & Rain

I'm still confused about my romantic orientation due to its fluidity. On days like these I'm very sure I'm aromantic cuz I feel aromantic. On some other days I would feel romantic. I know!! It's confusing!! Anyway, it doesn't matter how I am feeling atm the only constant attraction I feel and adore is EMOTIONAL ATTRACTION (yup with caps!!!). So demiromantic sounds like something I could be if I was feeling romantic :) Not today though lol

Link to post
Share on other sites
Mycroft is Yourcroft

I identified as aromantic until a few months ago, when I grew romantically attracted to my Q/P (who I'd been talking with online for a few more months). Now I identify as demiromantic, though that label's a bit loose for me. Occasionally, I feel really strongly romantically attracted to them, other days, romantic-ness doesn't even enter my mind, and most days, somewhere around the middle.

Link to post
Share on other sites

i don't know if i am dime-romantic or i just would rather have really really good friends. i list my self as aromatic because my last relationship i had (note: the last and only one i had before discovering asexuality) was really bad and abusive, so i have big trust issues and just don't want to reenter a relationship with anyone. eventually though, i will probably want to open up again to someone, i just don't know if it will be a romantic relationship thing or a life long best friend roommate situation.

Link to post
Share on other sites

To clarify; demin-romantic = one who does not feel romantic attraction until they have a strong emotional bond? That's kind of murky to me, it feels like a tautology? Is this just a way of saying one doesn't experience "love at first sight" type stuff?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I should be demiromantic, since the few people I have been romantically attracted to are people I have shared quite a strong emotional bond with. However, I don't consider it to be a huge part of my identity, therefore I don't identify with it. Besides, not enough data.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Fire & Rain

To clarify; demin-romantic = one who does not feel romantic attraction until they have a strong emotional bond? That's kind of murky to me, it feels like a tautology? Is this just a way of saying one doesn't experience "love at first sight" type stuff?

For me it's a way of describing how the emotional attraction comes first and then romantic attraction MIGHT follow later. In my case, romantic attraction has never been the primary attraction. I don't love my partner because I'm romantically attracted to them. It's the other way around. Demiromanticsm from what I gather is about romantic attraction being secondary, tertiary, etc attraction. Emotional bond is a requirement for demis. Without it there's no romantic attraction whereas many people can fall romantically for people they barely know.

Maybe I'm stretching the definition quite a bit lol Let's just say this is my own definition of demiromanticsm.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Is this just a way of saying one doesn't experience "love at first sight" type stuff?

Yes, it is.

I never experienced any type of attraction for someone when I was younger. I fell in love only twice in my life, and it always took an eternity for feelings other than friendship to develop, two years and one year. I'm actually a "full demi" if I can call it this way, meaning that I feel all 4 types of secondary attraction but I never felt any type of primary attraction at all, not even aesthetic (I can recognize if a person is beautiful but I still don't feel attracted to them at all). But when attraction happened, it wasn't because of the depth of the friendship I had with the man, but because of his qualities, qualities that I couldn't be sure about if I didn't know him enough. It takes time to know if somebody is genuinely kind, empathic, sensitive and loyal : people who fake these qualities in order to date or to boost their ego are much more numerous than people who genuinely possess them.

Link to post
Share on other sites

To clarify; demin-romantic = one who does not feel romantic attraction until they have a strong emotional bond? That's kind of murky to me, it feels like a tautology? Is this just a way of saying one doesn't experience "love at first sight" type stuff?

One could experience love at first sight. But not everyone does. I think "love at first" is primary romantic attraction. Not all people will feel this. Most of the time love takes time to develop.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Occasionally, I feel really strongly romantically attracted to them, other days, romantic-ness doesn't even enter my mind, and most days, somewhere around the middle.

Can you give me(/us) some kind of example, so that I could understand romantic attraction better. I would really appreciate it. :)

I don't think I've ever felt romantic attraction myself. The concept is a bit hazy for me to understand and knowing more about it will help me sort out my own feelings (at least a little). At the moment I identify with grey-andro-romantic but I feel like I'm more aromantic than I'm willing to admit. I'm just so unsure about everything. Like, how can I know if I can feel romantic attraction, when I've never even been a relationship?

Link to post
Share on other sites

My romantic orientation is very close to demi-romantic, but I don't identify with it and instead use grey-aromantic for the following reasons:

  • instead of using grey-romantic, on the greyness scale, I'm much closer to the aromantic side than the romantic side
  • I've only been romantically attracted to one or two people. Yes it started off as an emotional attraction and then romantic attraction (very briefly), but we didn't exactly have a "strong" emotional bond... but there was SOME kind of emotional bond. Thus that romantic attraction came before the "strong" part of the emotional bond. So not quite demi, but very close.
  • I've never been in an actual relationship and haven't done any romantic activities whatsoever, but I certainly would like to hug and cuddle, maybe even kiss (no making out though). Yet I can live without it, it's not exactly one of those things that I absolutely crave at the moment, but it certainly be a plus. Either way, I don't really need it.
Link to post
Share on other sites

Like, how can I know if I can feel romantic attraction, when I've never even been a relationship?

Have you ever had a crush ? If yes, you're romantic (maybe grey-romantic or demiromantic if you had only one or two crushes in your life). If not, you may be aromantic (or grey or demi).

Link to post
Share on other sites
Mycroft is Yourcroft

Occasionally, I feel really strongly romantically attracted to them, other days, romantic-ness doesn't even enter my mind, and most days, somewhere around the middle.

Can you give me(/us) some kind of example, so that I could understand romantic attraction better. I would really appreciate it. :)

It's where you feel like this around them:

creepy-zach-galifianakis-flirting-beard-

Serious answer though, would depend a bit on what you consider to be 'romantic'. For some people, roses and chocolates and Valentine's Day are romantic, so wanting a specific someone to share in those activities and feelings with you would be romantic attraction. For me, I like chocolates and roses, but I don't see them as any more romantic than other food or flowers, so that association wouldn't necessarily be romantic for me. I've got other things that I consider to be romantic, like cuddling up on a couch with a bottle of red, a good movie and some fluffy blankets, or sitting up in a high tree and flicking seeds at passers-by, almost falling out of said tree when we laugh too much :P

Or maybe, something won't seem romantic when you do it with a friend or family member, but when you're romantically attracted to someone, that action suddenly becomes romantic, and takes on a new or special meaning.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm demiromantic. I've only had two crushes in my life, one much stronger than the other (that one actually going on to a romantic relationship) and both only came after a strong platonic relationship had been formed beforehand. I'd probably just tell any old person that I was straight, since both crushes were on guys, but I'm a textbook demiromantic, I think, so I like to use that label for myself in communities like this one.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Like, how can I know if I can feel romantic attraction, when I've never even been a relationship?

Have you ever had a crush ? If yes, you're romantic (maybe grey-romantic or demiromantic if you had only one or two crushes in your life). If not, you may be aromantic (or grey or demi).

At the time I thought they were crushes, because I didn't have a better word for it, but now that I've been thinking about it more I feel like it was just aesthetic attraction towards those three people. I never felt the need to get to know them, I just liked to observe them (kinda like a wild animal in nature :D ) . All of them were just people I knew from school and occasionally I had same courses with them. Also when I compared my "crushes" to my friends', mine were never as strong and also while I listened to them wondering how they could get closer to their crush, I was like:"Why?" Because I never even wanted to go talk to my "crushes", so that always kinda baffled me. Basically I have no motivation to seek a (romantic)relationship with anyone.

Personally I think a QP would be more my thing than a romantic relationship, but I'm just trying to figure out what this romantic attraction is. It's wrecking my brain, 'cause I can't wrap my head around the concept.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...
AlwaysBeKorra

To clarify; demin-romantic = one who does not feel romantic attraction until they have a strong emotional bond? That's kind of murky to me, it feels like a tautology? Is this just a way of saying one doesn't experience "love at first sight" type stuff?

For me it's a way of describing how the emotional attraction comes first and then romantic attraction MIGHT follow later. In my case, romantic attraction has never been the primary attraction. I don't love my partner because I'm romantically attracted to them. It's the other way around. Demiromanticsm from what I gather is about romantic attraction being secondary, tertiary, etc attraction. Emotional bond is a requirement for demis. Without it there's no romantic attraction whereas many people can fall romantically for people they barely know.

Maybe I'm stretching the definition quite a bit lol Let's just say this is my own definition of demiromanticsm.

This is pretty much how I feel myself :-D

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...