Perseus Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I wanted to do a special topic about Demisexual guys. I was confused by my sexuality for a while. For the longest time I mistook a lot or my aesthetic attraction toward types of men and women, the sexual acts these people do, and lack of interest in sexual activity for being a gay man, Bi, straight, hetero-romantic homosexual, and asexual at one point of my life. I have come to the realization that I am a Demi-polysexual and love who I am. A strong bond is a prerequisite for sexual and romantic attraction to possibly occur. I am open minded and easygoing. I like strong friendships with any gender. I also like spiritual and emotional bonds with guys. I find all genders aesthetically attractive but I find men much more beautiful. I hope to have a long term relationship and kids someday. I want that special someone to spend my life with.To all the Demi guys out the, feel free to post something or PM me anytime. It would be nice to know I am not alone. For anyone who has questions about Demisexuality or doubts about their Demisexuality, this link cleared things up for me. http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Primary_vs._secondary_sexual_attraction_modelThis link helped me figure out other attractions I had and things I liked. http://anagnori.tumblr.com/post/67669933207/words-and-concepts-used-in-asexual-communities Link to post Share on other sites
Sarika Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 In one month I've gone from thinking I was 'picky' to understanding I was demisexual, to realizing I'm also demiromantic. I am hetromsenual but panromantic... boy does THAT clear up a lot of confusion. If it were not for the fact that I have wanted to be a mother for the longest time, taking so long to know who I am wouldn't be such a problem... sure, I want a loving partnership, but damn if I wouldn't have gotten around to artificial insemination sooner. And yes, I was considering it before I realized I was demi! Edit: Wait, was this topic always about Demi guys? Link to post Share on other sites
Perseus Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 I hope I am not the only guy. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnDoe1995 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 You're not the only one, but I think we are the only two demi men here :( Link to post Share on other sites
Blackmageofdoom Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Demi men, hey that's me :) Link to post Share on other sites
Perseus Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 Demi men, hey that's me :)You are the second male Demi I have seen. You're not the only one, but I think we are the only two demi men here :(We got one more who posted after you. Until I saw his post I thought me and you were the only ones. lol. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnDoe1995 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 We almost doubled our number XD Link to post Share on other sites
TangerineG Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 So, I have a question for you demisexual guys. How do you know when you start to feel romantically or sexually attracted to someone? Does it just evolve really slowly and that's why your demi or is there some other factor? Sorry if that sounds blunt, I'm honestly curious, that's all. Personally, I'm ace but really quick to form deep emotional or romantic bonds, so I was just curious what the other side of things were. Link to post Share on other sites
Perseus Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 I had to look back and evaluate my past to come to the realization that I was a type of Demisexual. I have been sexually attracted to a lease two guys in my life. It took well over a year in both relationships for me to feel anything. The first started with me acting on my sex drive/libido. I didn't feel anything toward the guy for a while. Then after a year the sex lead to a emotional bond and then I felt sexual attraction. The second relationship stated off as friends. Then a year past and we bonded emotionally and then spiritually. That lead to sexual attraction, but I didn't act on that one. I have had many one night stands with men in the past but because I didn't bond with them, I didn't feel anything toward them at all. I was just acting on my slightly higher that average libido. These past events and how I felt then and now is how I know I am a type of demisexual. I am a demi-homosexual with a pan-aesthetic attraction, but a stronger aesthetic attraction to men. I believe i am just aromantic. I don't do romance. I don't feel it and I am ok with it. Link to post Share on other sites
N Dakota Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I wanted to do a special topic about Demisexual guys. I was confused by my sexuality for a while. For the longest time I mistook a lot or my aesthetic attraction toward types of men and women, the sexual acts these people do, and lack of interest in sexual activity for being a gay man, Bi, straight, hetero-romantic homosexual, and asexual at one point of my life. I have come to the realization that I am a Demi-homosexual and love who I am. A strong bond is a prerequisite for sexual and romantic attraction to possibly occur with only men. I am open minded and easygoing. I like strong friendships with any gender. I also like spiritual and emotional bonds with guys. I find all genders aesthetically attractive but I find men much more beautiful. I hope to have a long term relationship and kids with a guy someday. I want that special guy to spend my life with. To all the Demi guys out the, feel free to post something or PM me anytime. It would be nice to know I am not alone. For anyone who has questions about Demisexuality or doubts about their Demisexuality, this link cleared things up for me. http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Primary_vs._secondary_sexual_attraction_model This link helped me figure out other attractions I had and things I liked. http://anagnori.tumblr.com/post/67669933207/words-and-concepts-used-in-asexual-communities I feel pretty similarly through my own experience, though I wouldn't say that I am absolutely demisexual. I am drawn to masculine people so I'm torn between pan- and homoromantic. As for Tangerine's question, my story is gradual and primarily came down to a lot of examination and research. I assumed I was gay for the longest time because only men drew any interest. It was when I dated a hypersexual and emotionally abusive bi guy did I realize I was ace. But asexual alone didn't make sense for me either, because I had found my previous ex appealing to a degree as opposed to not at all with this guy. When he (and others) tried to explain sexual attraction to me, it was a foreign concept. I've learned through my various types of close relationships over time that demisexual and eventually demi-gray fit me the best. Shouts to my fellow demisexual guys! Link to post Share on other sites
TangerineG Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 Thanks for the responses, Perseus and Dakota. Do you mind if I ask another question? Did you look for relationships or did they just happen? In other words, you weren't looking for romantic partners and then you realized that you were sexually attracted afterwards? Sorry, I'm just trying to get this understood in my head. I find this sort of thing really interesting. It might be because I'm trying to figure out why I find the idea of sex with a woman repulsive where I don't find sex with a man repulsive. Not something I look for, but not repulsive, if that makes sense. But this is just conjecture and I'm just trying to understand more I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Perseus Posted March 7, 2015 Author Share Posted March 7, 2015 Thanks for the responses, Perseus and Dakota. Do you mind if I ask another question? Did you look for relationships or did they just happen? In other words, you weren't looking for romantic partners and then you realized that you were sexually attracted afterwards? Sorry, I'm just trying to get this understood in my head. I find this sort of thing really interesting. It might be because I'm trying to figure out why I find the idea of sex with a woman repulsive where I don't find sex with a man repulsive. Not something I look for, but not repulsive, if that makes sense. But this is just conjecture and I'm just trying to understand more I guess. I personally don't do romance. But when it came to significant others, no I did not look. In reality the universe delivers your significant others. They find you, not you find them. Link to post Share on other sites
Perseus Posted March 7, 2015 Author Share Posted March 7, 2015 I just had this idea to create a t-shirt that shows what Demi's need to feel something. The shirt would say "My name is Bond, First Bond". What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
JohnDoe1995 Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 So, I have a question for you demisexual guys. How do you know when you start to feel romantically or sexually attracted to someone? Does it just evolve really slowly and that's why your demi or is there some other factor? Sorry if that sounds blunt, I'm honestly curious, that's all. Personally, I'm ace but really quick to form deep emotional or romantic bonds, so I was just curious what the other side of things were. Like every other demisexual, I need a strong emotional bond to feel sexual attraction. The amount of time & intensity needed for the emotional bond to turn into sexual/romantic attraction varies between different demis & potential partners. On one occasion, I started having feelings to one of my best friends after 3 years of friendships, & on another occasion I really connected with a girl I met earlier that day & we got along so well that I started feeling attracted to her after only several hours of knowing her. For me, I don't really "know", I just start feeling something different. I don't even know how to explain it... Some demis call it a "demi switch", cause it's like a switch in your head that turns from friendship to sexual/romantic attraction. After the demi switch occured, I just started to see that particular girl in a different light. Thanks for the responses, Perseus and Dakota. Do you mind if I ask another question? Did you look for relationships or did they just happen? In other words, you weren't looking for romantic partners and then you realized that you were sexually attracted afterwards? Sorry, I'm just trying to get this understood in my head. I find this sort of thing really interesting. It might be because I'm trying to figure out why I find the idea of sex with a woman repulsive where I don't find sex with a man repulsive. Not something I look for, but not repulsive, if that makes sense. But this is just conjecture and I'm just trying to understand more I guess. There were times when I desired to be in a relationship, but because I can't see other women as sexual beings, I just forgot about it after an hour. Every relationship I had started as friendship without any intention for it to become romantic, but then the demi switch occured & I felt attracted to them. Link to post Share on other sites
Perseus Posted March 7, 2015 Author Share Posted March 7, 2015 So, I have a question for you demisexual guys. How do you know when you start to feel romantically or sexually attracted to someone? Does it just evolve really slowly and that's why your demi or is there some other factor? Sorry if that sounds blunt, I'm honestly curious, that's all. Personally, I'm ace but really quick to form deep emotional or romantic bonds, so I was just curious what the other side of things were. Like every other demisexual, I need a strong emotional bond to feel sexual attraction. The amount of time & intensity needed for the emotional bond to turn into sexual/romantic attraction varies between different demis & potential partners. On one occasion, I started having feelings to one of my best friends after 3 years of friendships, & on another occasion I really connected with a girl I met earlier that day & we got along so well that I started feeling attracted to her after only several hours of knowing her. For me, I don't really "know", I just start feeling something different. I don't even know how to explain it... Some demis call it a "demi switch", cause it's like a switch in your head that turns from friendship to sexual/romantic attraction. After the demi switch occured, I just started to see that particular girl in a different light. Thanks for the responses, Perseus and Dakota. Do you mind if I ask another question? Did you look for relationships or did they just happen? In other words, you weren't looking for romantic partners and then you realized that you were sexually attracted afterwards? Sorry, I'm just trying to get this understood in my head. I find this sort of thing really interesting. It might be because I'm trying to figure out why I find the idea of sex with a woman repulsive where I don't find sex with a man repulsive. Not something I look for, but not repulsive, if that makes sense. But this is just conjecture and I'm just trying to understand more I guess. There were times when I desired to be in a relationship, but because I can't see other women as sexual beings, I just forgot about it after an hour. Every relationship I had started as friendship without any intention for it to become romantic, but then the demi switch occured & I felt attracted to them. I really like this. I can relate to it completely. Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 While I still wouldn't really call myself demisexual, I'm currently in a sort of relationship where I wouldn't really be able to blame someone for thinking of us as such XD I've toyed around with the concept of demilibidoist, because if anything that comes a little closer to describing me, than demisexual would (much like how I always felt like asexual was an incomplete sort of label for me until I came across nonlibidoist and added that on). Generally speaking, what I *am* capable of experiencing seems to only happen as a result of our own interactions together and isn't something I tend to just "randomly" experience on my own. Link to post Share on other sites
theydontknow Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 I think this a really great post and it shows just how small the male demi pool is. Now when I think about it, it kind of makes sense that most of the demis are females. We live in a society where as a male you're expected to have a high libido and sleep with as many people as you can, whether you're hetero or homosexual. You guys are like unicorns. I hope that wasn't offensive to anyone. Just as a female demi it's nice to know there are male demis out there. Link to post Share on other sites
KevCo Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 I'm demi and the things that could interest me into relationships usually don't work well with each other. First off I'm not very romantic at all. I make great friendships with all kinds of people and bff/bromance is great, but I feel confined when serious romance comes up. I have a libido and masturbate but usually this doesn't involve thinking of anybody, but sometimes. I'm bisexual: more easily turned on by guys but not romantically at all; I have straight kink sadomasochistic interest in women only and enough romantic interest to think about it a lot but rarely enough to go for it and risk "trapping" myself. I like gross humor tattoos ratrods and "boy stuff" so while my social skills are OK im not cool enough to be bad boy eithet and I generate 20x more interest from boys than girls. On an intellectual level I want to know more about the worlds of poly, swingers, AND MFM threesomes where I only have to cuddle- but navigating through any of that seems super exhausting and fraught with dead ends, people who find me confusing, and a lot of people whose overt sexuality puts me off. Any actual physical contact with either sex can be kindof fun but is so mixed with panic and worry about relationship drama and self-conscious over my extreme inexperience- and really I only want to make out and stuff like that. I am 100% OK with the idea of a wife who is similar to me and we don't have to fight through thus unless we both feel like it. Link to post Share on other sites
Bard King Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Another demi guy here! It's true that browing the forum can be a little discouraging because we seem to be an endangered species... but we do exist! As others have said, it's been great to read about your experiences and thoughts. ;) Link to post Share on other sites
N Dakota Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Thanks for the responses, Perseus and Dakota. Do you mind if I ask another question? Did you look for relationships or did they just happen? In other words, you weren't looking for romantic partners and then you realized that you were sexually attracted afterwards? Sorry, I'm just trying to get this understood in my head. I find this sort of thing really interesting. It might be because I'm trying to figure out why I find the idea of sex with a woman repulsive where I don't find sex with a man repulsive. Not something I look for, but not repulsive, if that makes sense. But this is just conjecture and I'm just trying to understand more I guess.I'm actually a terribly dependent person and maintain many close relationships. People seek me out, for the most part, rather than the other way around. My best relationships have always come (romantic or otherwise) when I stopped worrying/caring about being single. As for sexual attraction, it's a relatively weak force when it does happen. There tends to be one deciding moment shared with the other person where I'll just sorta -know- if I find them sexually attractive on top of my romantic interest in them. Link to post Share on other sites
jamesjackson8 Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 You are not the only ones out there. Without realizing it I think I have been Demi for my entire life. Growing up I always seemed to have emotional attractions towards other males and the occasional female as well but for the most part no matter how hard i have tried to make it so I have little interest in sex and it is rare for me to be attracted to anyone. I didn't even know that this option existed until I stumbled on a youtube video and something clicked inside me and I was like whoa that's me. I have tried random dates in the past but there was never a spark so i just left it at goodbye and lets be friends which in the gay world is not really what they want to hear from someone who is allegedly attractive. It's crazy how looking back it all makes sense and hopefully those I care about it will understand eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
noparlpf Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 I'm demi, probably -sexual and -romantic, but close enough to aromantic that it hardly ever comes up. It's kind of a weird place to be. Link to post Share on other sites
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