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Introduction and Questions


ScorpAeonKnight

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ScorpAeonKnight

I am a guy who has been called weird, aloof, eccentric and "out there."

I’ve had people mistake me as gay. I had to correct them.

I’ve had people mistake me as bisexual. I have had to correct them too.
I assumed I was heterosexual because I didn't know about asexuality yet and I just figured I was weird about what I wanted, or that I was overly picky. Mainly because that’s what other people would say I was.

I but I have chased relationships with men just like I have with women, but "sex" was never on my mind. Since I hung out with a lot of hetero guys I typically felt safe because I knew they wouldn't bring sex up, unless it was about women. I just had to occasionally be reminded about "personal space" amoungst my male friends. I DID experiment with a boy once, that didn't end well and I knew from there I wasn't gay.My main anxiety arose from dealing with women. I honestly only had sex with them because I thought "I'm a boy, that's what I'm supposed to do. This is how boys are supposed to behave. That’s what will make her happy." And I hung out with some very amorous girls at times. However, every time I would feel distant, detached and otherwise disappointed with the experience. Sexual activity was always difficult for me, I had to “think of other things” to get aroused, not once was “the person I was doing” part of the arousal; thus why most of my activity was always one foot (and maybe half of my body) in the fantasy world as opposed to the real one. Instead I loved everything that led up to it, that’s where I enjoyed myself. I could develop deep rooted romantic feelings for people just like I did for fictitious characters. I liked cuddling, courting, doing the “romantic things.” I always felt intense guilt because I had to retreat to a fantasy world in order to have sexual relations. I felt like I was cheating.

I think I felt relieved when my sex life officially died (i became a bit of a shut in), mainly because I wasn't expected to do it anymore. It also explains why I started taking less care of myself in order to avoid my “sexual obligations.” (Hopefully this means I can motivate my ass to get back in shape now that I don't need to use it as an excuse anymore.) Sex always spelled "the end" for me. It was a "now what?" feeling. It was terrifying at times, i felt like i was a bad person, or that I was going to BECOME a bad person. It is also a sad explanation why I had so many sexual partners in the past; thank god I wasn't stupid, used protection and got myself checked annually. I seriously thought I would probably end up becoming a Psychopath by the age of 40 an that I needed to kill myself before then in order to save a lot of people pain.

I really didn't understand my own sexuality until now. Thanks to you guys, after all of these years (I'm a 30 something) I have found that my sexual orientation is asexual. Somehow this explains my entire B.S. with relationships in the past, as well as why I don't have any kids (that I know of.) This also explains why most of my romantic relationships ended after sex (sometimes the next day.) It also explains how I can be just as buddy-buddy with girls as I can be with guys, why I was always “clingy” with people (men and women) that I liked, but would always avoid sexual intimacy. It also explains how I seem to be more "in love with being in love" than wanting to get to "the end." It also explains why later when I had a life and money of my own, I never really chased anyone unless there was a mental/emotional connection first.

I’m only kind of annoyed that I found this out now; It’s like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. While, yes, I am looking for love; I now know that it is love I am looking for and not the thing that society says love is. I also now know why I am attracted to androgyny so much. I like “traps” and “reverse traps” ( a slang for people boys who look like girls and vice versa.) I like androgyny because it is a visual representation of how I feel inside (not that I am sexually attracted to it.) It doesn't mean I don’t like women who look like women, or men who look like men. I draw them all the time, I draw sexual images all the time, it’s an “artistic thing” not a sexual thing. I get stimulated by the “art” not the “act;” However whenever I have been allowed to make an androgynous looking representation of myself in a video game I always jump at the chance. If there is a robot option I would pick that instead (lol thank gawd for the internet.)

I don’t identify with typical binary/cis definitions of sexuality or gender. Yes I am a male, I have male parts, but I am not going to get a sex change operation because I don’t want to be a female; and making my body to be gender-less just seems like a total waste of money to me when I could just say “No thanks, can we just hug instead?” Although I have fantasized occasionally about being a sentient plant or something non-human (I'm not kidding.) Still, eventually I will want to know my DNA went somewhere to make a new life, with my information in it. I hope to do that with the woman I love (because biologically it makes sense to do it this way and adoption doesn't pass genetic information.) otherwise if I don’t find the special girl for me who understands my sexual preference, I’ll probably become a sperm donor.

Anyway .. thank you for letting me type this big wall of text. If you made it to the bottom thank you for reading it as well.

Questions:

1) What is the term for someone who can only "get aroused" by their art? Cause that's what happens to me, I'm typically romantically involved with my artwork.

2) I derive intense pleasure from social interaction at times, absurdly so. Is this normal? I'm an introvert (INFP,) but having conversations are exhilarating.

3) Being asexual I am romantically attracted to women, however I have found I am attracted to men who look like women as well, does that make me "bi-romantic?"

4) Do you have any advice about how to bring this up with future romantic partners? I think I'm ready to start looking again, but don't know how to package this without sounding like a douche or hurting someones feelings. "I like you, I just don't find you sexually attractive," I don't think would go over well, for anyone really.

Ill have other questions but I will start with just these four.

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Hello there! I'm really, really happy that you've found AVEN and now understand that you're not going to have to kill yourself before you reach forty. I don't usually enjoy reading peoples' introductory posts (not that they're often bad, but just that there usually isn't more to say than, "Excellent! Welcome to the site!"), but yours is a definite exception. You write very well, and you've got an interesting past (which, again, I'm glad you no longer feel that you have to have sex/should shut yourself in so that you don't have sex).

Anyway, I'll answer your questions as best I can. :)

1) The closest word I can find is agalmatophilia. The link seems to be generally talking about having sex or doing sexual acts with artwork, but of course sexual fantasies work just as well. Keep in mind that someone else might find a word that suits you better. ^^

2) That depends on what you mean by normal. I don't think it's common, here or otherwise, but I wouldn't say it's a bad thing.

3) Good question. You're really the only one who can label yourself, but there is also a romantic attraction used for people who are attracted to androgynous males (God help me, I can't remember the exact term). There's also a word that you can use to describe yourself as being romantcially attracted to people who are feminine or more feminine-inclined (and I can't think of that word, either, so I suck). If you want to call yourself bi-romantic, then that's fine, too.

4) As I've never been in a relationship my advice probably isn't the best, but I would start off with getting to know them first and foremost. If the two of you seem to be hitting it off, then bring up asexuality and be sure to explain the differences between all the different attractions (i.e., sexual, romantic, sensual, aesthetic). If you're willing to have sex every now and then outside of trying to impregnate someone, then bring that up as well. Other than that, the rest is up to the other person, I'd say.

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your story sounds a lot like mine. i only had sex because it would make her feel good, i got nothing out of the experience. good to know you found yourself.

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