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How do you even come out as trans?


TheStarrySkai

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TheStarrySkai

^^What the title said^^

I've come out as asexual panromantic, but that's mostly cause people asked. I guess I'm terrible at hiding it, but whatever.

Currently there are 3 people that know I'm neutrois [not including the trans group I go to cause I'm pretty sure they assume that everyone there is trans so.... yeah]. Two of them asked my gender and the other one found out by himself [pretty much peeked at this form I was filling out for an lgbt center]. They haven't told anyone as far as I know, not that they are the type to say stuff like that anyway.

My dilemma is: I wanna formally come out to all my friends, but I am an awkward kid with anxiety and I have no idea how to go about it.

Any ideas of what I can do??

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Random Happenstance

i have anxiety too and spent so long worrying and stressing and deliberating coming out. i'll let you know what i did, see if it helps in any way.

first i came out to my mum. i did it on a car journey - just me and her - so we both had to engage about it, and neither of us could get away from it. it went well for me, but i'd been sort of testing the waters with her for a while, figuring out how she might react.

then, for friends, i made a facebook status that was only visible to the people i wanted to come out to.

that said, two of the three people it was visible to haven't mentioned it in any way shape or form, so i have no idea how out i actually am currently. so it might not be the best way if you want something clear cut. i did prefer it, since it didn't put anyone (or me) on the spot though.

i also made the status visible to pretty much everyone i ever talk to after a day or two had passed and the anxiety had died down. i dunno if anyone's seen it, but yeah.

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Calligraphette_Coe

^^What the title said^^

I've come out as asexual panromantic, but that's mostly cause people asked. I guess I'm terrible at hiding it, but whatever.

Currently there are 3 people that know I'm neutrois [not including the trans group I go to cause I'm pretty sure they assume that everyone there is trans so.... yeah]. Two of them asked my gender and the other one found out by himself [pretty much peeked at this form I was filling out for an lgbt center]. They haven't told anyone as far as I know, not that they are the type to say stuff like that anyway.

My dilemma is: I wanna formally come out to all my friends, but I am an awkward kid with anxiety and I have no idea how to go about it.

Any ideas of what I can do??

Your Mileage May Vary. Think of your trans life as your house, your sanctuary. When you're outside of it, know it's sometimes a cold world, and be vigilant, not necessarily anxious? You can give off vibes without coming out. Only when you really trust someone by seeing how they react to the vibes and hints, *then* invite them into your 'house'.

Chances are, some of them will amaze you. They may knock on the door of *your* house! Instead of 'coming out', invite them *in*. They'll say something like 'I KNEW it!", and you'll all share a smile.

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If you want to generally announce your identity to everyone, there are some ways to do that on social media. You could tweet it, or make a Facebook post, or change your profiles on social media sites, etc. I don't really do much social media, so that's outside my experience.

I'll also share my experience, because that's maybe the best way to give advice. And I like talking about myself both out of respect for my mild megalomania and because it helps me figure myself out.

First I came out to myself. That was difficult, but I finally managed it after twenty-three years, at least ten of which I'd been hiding it from myself. (Child-Kappamaki might have been agender, but they weren't really trans until puberty.) I was enthusiastic about it once I had explained it to myself and I soon became my strongest ally.

The first other human I talked about this with (as opposed to dogs) was my Mom, one-on-one. This isn't a good idea for everyone, but my parents are both super tolerant and supportive people, even if they get super confused by all this and need everything explained ad nauseam. I started by talking about what I think gender is and what she thinks gender is and used that as a segway to mentioning agender stuff and my own struggles and identity. My Mom cried when I came out because she thought this meant I had been secretly horribly uncomfortable and depressed for years and I wound up having to cheer her up and reassure her. She told my Dad with permission, and I talked with him about it later.

I also contacted some college friends about it over email, and got nothing but enthusiasm back at me, because my college friends are awesome. This was the first time I felt what I consider gender euphoria, and I spent a lot of time squeeing and running around and hugging myself and rolling about and suddenly eating food. And then I talked with my siblings the same distanced, electronic way, and both responded with phone calls, one with a knowing, "Yeah, I had you figured out already," and the other with, "Whatever goats your float." (sic) Emails for me are easier than conversations because I'm more eloquent and less awkward, and I can divulge the information without having to respond to a suddenly crying mother. It's also easier to type up a whole bunch, revise it to make sure I'm saying things the best possible way, summon bravery, and click 'send' than it is to choke out word after word.

Unfortunately, coming out as trans can be a never-ending process, just as it can be for one's sexuality. You sort of keep coming out to different people forever for your entire life, or withholding that information because you feel unsafe or can't be bothered. For me, the group of people who know about my gender is a slowly expanding net. And sometimes it expands to people I hadn't planned on, but so far no one who I feel threatened by, so that's good.

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nerdperson777

I have anxiety too. But I managed to summon the courage to tell close friends, both through online though. First one was actually trans herself, but I didn't get the memo when she said that she considered herself a tomboy when I met her the first few times as male. Second one, she didn't mind. And I was betting that my parents would accept me no matter what because that's what tends to happen in the family. We do things that make each other mad or sad, or something, but the next day we act like nothing happened. Repeat. The first friend warned me about coming out because some parents throw out their children. I came out, nothing happened, just as I suspected.

I don't have the courage to tell the other people I see frequently, but I think it'll come with time and when I'll be ready. It's always a long process.

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brightberry

I'd suggest testing the waters before making the plunge - if you bring up someone like Laverne Cox (transgender actor, if you didn't know), it can help you feel out who's going to be supportive or not.

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leftradical

First of all make sure you're safe. Which means that if you're financially dependant on anyone (like your parents) it might not be the best idea to tell them (or anyone who might tell them) yet.

Make sure you really want to do this - it can be an enormous relief, but there's also no going back - your secret is now out.

In my case I wrote my parents a letter. I'd already had a really shitty experience with coming out to them as bi when I was 15 (which was followed by 3 years of misery, multiple attempts to leave home, living in a shelter etc.) which made me wary (but don't worry too much about this happening to you - I had an unpleasant childhood for a lot of reasons). They weren't thrilled (and were convinced I was wrong) but they didn't kick me out or anything.

With my friends I started with my closest friends and took them aside one at a time to quietly explain. They were all fine with it. They just asked all the usual questions and were very supportive, as was my boss at work.

Hope this helps. Good luck! :D

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