FBiUkie Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 I have never looked at someone and had the desire to have sex with them, and feel indifferent towards sex. I can tell when someone is being sexy, but it doesn't make me want to have sex with them. I feel like I am asexual, but I'm not 100% certain. Saying I'm asexual seems off in a way... would that be asexual or grayasexual? Link to post Share on other sites
CNGB Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 You can call yourself absolutely whatever you wish, but based on your descriptions you sound asexual. Have you looked into demisexuality at all? Link to post Share on other sites
FBiUkie Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 not really Link to post Share on other sites
Ricecream-man Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 You can be asexual and still tell when someone is trying to "be sexy". That's an observation based on their dress and their conduct. It has nothing to do with your sexual orientation. Now, if you felt something for them when there were in the process of being "sexy" then yes you may indeed be gray-a or sexual. Link to post Share on other sites
CNGB Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 not really A demisexual is someone who only experiences sexual attraction to someone that they have a close bond with. The romantic equivalent is demiromantic. Link to post Share on other sites
FBiUkie Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 thanks, I guess when I see someone trying to be sexy I kinda go 'what are you doing um stop pls put some clothes on' so asexual sounds pretty close rn and I don't really think I'm demi, but thanks for that info c: Link to post Share on other sites
WinterM Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 There's a range of responses and you seem to fall somewhere in the middle. You can pick a more specific term if you want, but "asexual" sounds fine from what you've said. I have one asexual friend who says she legitimately cannot tell whether or not people are conventionally attractive, or if they're trying to be sexy. She's in the minority - most asexuals I know have a sense for this. Some are repulsed, like you, others are simply indifferent, like me. Link to post Share on other sites
FBiUkie Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 I think I will go with grayhomosexual because I realized I would have sex with a few female friends but not all and I didn't have that initial attraction, so I'm more of a mix between allo and asexual Link to post Share on other sites
FBiUkie Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 thanks for all the support though. I'll have to dig deeper I guess :) Link to post Share on other sites
FBiUkie Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 arrggg this is so confusing though maybe i should just stick to asexual oh well Link to post Share on other sites
CNGB Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Hmm . . . perhaps if you can determine what it is about asexuality that you don't really "fit in" with? Link to post Share on other sites
FBiUkie Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 well I don't really know. I don't experience attraction but I would have sex with women if I had to choose. I might be confusing other forms of attraction with sexual attraction... Link to post Share on other sites
CNGB Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Well, a lot of people hear have a preferred gender (or agender) of who they would have sex with if they simply had to choose. For me, I'd go with males, because I'm heteromantic and prefer the look of a guy's body over a girl's. Other people prefer female bodies, other people prefer those who are genderfluid, etc., etc., etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Perseus Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Really evaluate how you feel. Maybe you are questioning if your asexual because your not comfortable with that title. You could be confusing other forms of attraction. I went through that a lot. When I found my right one it felt like I was flying. One knows when they find their sexuality or lack of one because you will feel free and comfortable with yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
FBiUkie Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 do you have any tips for really working this out? Link to post Share on other sites
CNGB Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 There are many "questioning" topics around AVEN, and far too many to find links to. Just look around. :) Link to post Share on other sites
FBiUkie Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 alright, thanks. I think I like the idea of intimacy with the people I'm close to, not the idea of sex (vaginas look icky). I agree that asexual would be the best option here. Thanks so much for help!!! c: Link to post Share on other sites
Ricecream-man Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 well I don't really know. I don't experience attraction but I would have sex with women if I had to choose. I might be confusing other forms of attraction with sexual attraction... It's not really a question of if you had to choose. The bigger question is, would you choose to even if you didn't have to? Link to post Share on other sites
Slob Dylan Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Being intimate is more about sensuality and romance (in my mind anyway, I dunno if it's the same for you) which is definitely within the realm of possibility for asexuals, so yeah, if you don't actively look at people and want to have sex with them and don't like the idea of sex, I think asexual would be the most accurate. Side note, but I didn't feel comfortable with the label for a while but gradually came to accept it a bit more. So if you don't feel totally happy with it even though it seems the most fitting, it might be more to do with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 perhaps a list of attractions will help (which can all be felt separately): Sexual attraction- uninfluenced sexual arousal due to the existence of another person (not solely due to a turn on spot, fetish, nudity/suggestion of sex, etc.) and the desire for sex (indifference is not desire). Arousal from erotic material is different; most Asexuals are aroused by what's being done, not by the person(s) in it. Aesthetic or personality preferences are possible though. Put simply, sexual arousal + sexual desire = sexual attraction. Only having one can still count as asexual because it is not fully sexual attraction/just arousal or just undirected desire. Though sexual desire without an enticing target is called Cupiosexual. Romantic attraction- without the other attractions present, the best way i can think of putting the emotion is a "soft spot" (and the desire to be with them). How it differs from platonic/QP, i can't put emotions into words. Other threads have tried to put it into words but always came back to it being platonically applicable. Aestheric attraction- a fixation on someone because of their looks and or mannerisms; different from indifferently admitting someone is good looking / "aesthetically pleasing" Sensual attraction- wanting to cuddle, hold hands, etc. with someone (does not include sex). Platonically displaying this can qualify as a queerplatonic relationship (QPR). This would probably include chaste kissing and be best compared to the same desired display toward a pet. The other thing that qualifies a QPR is a bond or importance to each other that is stronger than average friends. Both or only one can be present in a QPR. So can "friends with benefits" qualify. Basically it's a platonic relationship that displays traits of a romantic/sexual relationship and they can even look like a couple to the public. Emotional attraction- fixation on someone because of their emotions; how they are stoic, optimistic, etc. And by extent, personality. Maybe compare it to girls fangirling over a bad boy strictly for that fact. It can be different from having a favorite character stereotype, at least it is for me; i can favor them animated but only derp over their personality when seeing those traits in real life. I would word it more as admirance or recognizing your own emotions in someone else and being attracted to/fixated on them because of that. If aesthetic attraction is "omg your face/mannerisms" then emotional attraction is "omg your emotions/personality." It does not entitle the need to know them because of this. Platonic attraction- strong desire to know or befriend someone (aka squish; a play on the word crush, but this is also felt in the average romantic attraction) I word attraction as a fixation to clarify the degree of the emotion, but personally I'd call it my brain derping for X reason. There are also the titles "romance indifferent" and "sex indifferent," aka apathromantic and apathsexual out of apathy. It does not specify if the person does or does not have the attraction, only that they are indifferent of recieving it. Link to post Share on other sites
FBiUkie Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 wow that cleared up a lot... definitely asexual. can't really put an explanation on the need for intimacy because I'm most definitely aromantic. Link to post Share on other sites
FBiUkie Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 yup I'm going to go with asexual because I was questioning why homosexual, so I tried to find an example of who I found sexy, but couldn't think of anyone. I settled for Nicki Minaj, and when I asked myself what I would do to her if I could get her naked, I replied "Absolutely nothing." thanks again for all your help! Link to post Share on other sites
cornel Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 wow that cleared up a lot... definitely asexual. can't really put an explanation on the need for intimacy because I'm most definitely aromantic. I'm (gray) ace and aro, but I still seek out intimacy, just not sexual or romatic intimacy. I'm in a queerplatonic relationship because I feel the need for a bond or importance to each other that is stronger than average friends, as said in the definitions above. aro-ace people could still want intimacy, it just depends what kind of intimacy you're talking about. Link to post Share on other sites
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