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not sure if im asexual


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i know im the only one who can define my sexuality, but im really confused and tired of this, so i want some help.

im 17. i used to define myself as gay, but about a year ago i started to feel uncomfortable with this definition and i felt it doesnt describe my sexuality well.

so i didnt define myself for a while, but it wasnt that good either. after couple of monthes, when i talked to my friend about this, i said to him that im just attracted to people and not gender, kind of gender-blind, it is not a factor for me. he reminded me that this is one of the ways to define pansexuality. i gave it a thought for a couple of weeks, and realised it was a great definition for my weird-ass sexuality.

but for a long time (two years or so) i realised that im not that into sex, and maybe not into sex at all. i tried sex with my ex-bf and it was really weird and not arousing. i did enjoyed a bit when giving him oral and satisfy him, but i didnt enjoy when he gave me oral, and kind of freaked out when he suggested anal. it is the same way i feel about having sex with female (though i havent tried it yet) - id like to satisfy her with oral, but i dont think i would enjoy vaginal (or anal). i realised that this is not something normal that everyone feels sometimes, and i started to wonder if im asexual.

i do attract to people romantically, and physically too. but i dont want to have sex with anyone and never felt the urge to do it. i feel like i want to get intimate with the people im attracted to, but i dont want to have sex with them. i find sex weird and i dont get the point of it and i dont find it arousing.

porn is mostly boring too, though i did enjoy a couple of times when watching gay, straight and lesbian porn.

it sounds like i just didnt have sex with the right person, but it is not true. i felt confident with my ex-bf, he was respecting me and cared about me and i loved him. i just dont find sex sexy (ha! get it?) or attracting.

so, i dont know if im some kind of weird asexual-pansexual (if it is even possible, because it is all AND nothing at the same time), or grey-a pansexual (still ironic) or just pansexual who doesnt attracted by sex.

i considered that im maybe panromantic asexual, but i do feel physical attraction, just for intimacy, not sex, so im not really comfortable with "panromantic"

i just want to define my sexuality once and for all, because i get tired of switching definitions or be uncomfortable with my current definition, and some stupid people think that im just gay who switches definitions just to get attention and "be cool" and "unique". which is NOT true. id love to be gay, it would spare all of this headache and uncomfortableness

so, if you actually read all of this long whining about my weird sexuality, id like to hear what you think about it and maybe it will help me define myself

thank you! (:

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freewill-gray

Hi there! :)

As i see, you are ace and panromantic. I guess you are asexual in the basics, you don't want to receive any sexual touch etc. (me too), but you can romantically bond to people who you are interested in, and want to be intimidate with them. Romantic attraction means that, and you told that you feel like this. Regardless of gender. That's fine, do as you please.

If you are clearly annoyed about the labels and terms of different kinds of sexuality; to hell with them! :D
You know what you want, and how you feel and that's enough.
Don't worry, you are not whining, telling your problem is not whining ever ;)

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Hi there! :)

As i see, you are ace and panromantic. I guess you are asexual in the basics, you don't want to receive any sexual touch etc. (me too), but you can romantically bond to people who you are interested in, and want to be intimidate with them. Romantic attraction means that, and you told that you feel like this. Regardless of gender. That's fine, do as you please.

If you are clearly annoyed about the labels and terms of different kinds of sexuality; to hell with them! :D

You know what you want, and how you feel and that's enough.

Don't worry, you are not whining, telling your problem is not whining ever ;)

First, thank you (:

I feel uncomfortable with the term panromantic because i do feel some physical attraction, but not to sex. I like to touch, hug, get naked, make out, etc with people im attracted to. but when it comes to sex it just stops... i feel that this is more than romantic attraction, isn't it?

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freewill-gray

First, thank you (:

I feel uncomfortable with the term panromantic because i do feel some physical attraction, but not to sex. I like to touch, hug, get naked, make out, etc with people im attracted to. but when it comes to sex it just stops... i feel that this is more than romantic attraction, isn't it?

hmmm, then grey-asexual? :D i guess that would describe that naked-fun without sex...

i know romantic attraction as somone want to be in intimate relationship with others, hand-holding, cuddling, gaze into each others eyes, and other fluffy stuff.

but as i say, terms are not good to describe a person :D

i hope you will find peace within yourself

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What you describe could be sensual attraction. You can want all the physically intimate stuff besides sex and still be asexual, from what I've read and understand. In that case you'd be panromantic/pansensual(?) asexual.

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but for a long time (two years or so) i realised that im not that into sex, and maybe not into sex at all. i tried sex with my ex-bf and it was really weird and not arousing. i did enjoyed a bit when giving him oral and satisfy him, but i didnt enjoy when he gave me oral, and kind of freaked out when he suggested anal. it is the same way i feel about having sex with female (though i havent tried it yet) - id like to satisfy her with oral, but i dont think i would enjoy vaginal (or anal). i realised that this is not something normal that everyone feels sometimes, and i started to wonder if im asexual.

This is really interesting: I think I feel exactly the same, but I've never even heard of this (wanting to satisfy a partner but not wanting that back). I wonder if there is a term for this, and if there is, I'd say you are panromantic and that theoretical term. And yes, I suppose that term would be under the ace spectrum.

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