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Am I even capable of love/being loved?


rosey_lion

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I don't know what is is but sometimes I just get this overwhelming feeling of sadness. I don't think I'm depressed or have depression, it's just that I wonder if I'm capable of experiencing such a thing as love outside of my family. I know I am loved by them and love them back just the same, but just the simple feeling of caring for someone that much other than yourself or family is what I wonder about. It's such a lonely and empty feeling to not have that... I want to love someone, but the whole idea of sex along with that just completely throws me off. Sex is such an intimate thing that people share, so how am I to feel that strongly about another human being if I can't share in that experience with them? I am not interested in that part of "love" whatsoever. My friends that I have told about how I feel don't understand. The sexual part of relationships comes so easy to them.. Am I wrong to envy that? I can't and refuse to tell my family how I feel/who I am, so I can't confide in them. This only makes me feel more isolated. I don't know what to do anymore. I want a relationship with someone. Someone to care about me, but not someone that wants sex out of the relationship. I just can't win... Those thoughts of loneliness sometimes consume my daily thoughts, I can't help but wonder if there is someone out there for me. And maybe I don't belong here on this site for that reason, I don't know.... does anybody else feel this way?

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And maybe I don't belong here on this site for that reason, I don't know.... does anybody else feel this way?

If you want to be here, you belong here. And you are definitely not the only one.

I just recently discovered AVEN and hadn't even heard of asexuality before that. Now that I'm considering that I might be asexual, it's been very hard for me to reconcile that with my desires for a romantic relationship. I want to be with someone, I want to get married and have kids, I want to feel loved and cared for, I want to love and care for another person. It's very hard to see how that could happen for me if I'm asexual.

So, I guess I don't really have any kind of good answer for you, but I do want you to know that you're not alone. Just because you still have romantic feelings does not make you any less asexual, and just because you struggle with your asexuality and maybe even want to be sexual does not mean you don't belong here. We all handle it in different ways and that's perfectly okay.

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Butterfly Belle

You just need to find an asexual boyfriend who doesn't want sex either. You can absolutely experience love without having to have sex with your partner. It just might take a bit more time to find someone, but in the end you'll be able to experience all the pleasant aspects of a loving relationship, just not necessarily with sex involved.

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The Void Walker

I've given up on finding a relationship. I couldn't give them what they need, and I can't force them to be celibate just for our relationship. Better that they find someone who can want them in the same way.

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I understand why you'd feel that way, and you aren't alone in feeling that way. If you're looking for a romantic relationship, it's difficult, because of the societal expectation that sex is a required part of a romantic relationship, but it isn't. Some non-asexual individuals feel like they can't have a romantic relationship without sex with their partner, but some can (sex outside the relationship may work for them, or they may be fine with being celibate or abstinent). There are also other asexuals.

Some joined AVEN, because they needed advice on how to find relationships without sex, concerned about the same expectations that you are. It's possible. Not everyone values sex the same way, and people can have sex without love, and love without sex. I don't know if you desire romantic relationships specifically or not, but there are also different types of love, including non-romantic types.

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There are plenty of people here who feel that way. You "just" need to find one of them who lives close to you and fits all the criteria you are looking for in a partner. ;)

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Lots of people experience that feeling of loneliness, being sexual doesn't really help that much with that. You may find someone, or you may not. It's nothing one can really influence much, sadly. Best thing you can do is to actually invest yourself when someone appears in your life who might be interesting.

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uneager_beaver

I completely understand. I know I have made partners feel unloved because that sexual desire just wasn't there. I have cared for them but this feeling has always been spoilt by my resentment towards them for them wanting to be sexual with me. I feel that without this pressure in a relationship I could have something really special with someone. At times I feel so lonely because I have so much to share but it seems impossible that I might find someone who wants the same :-(

Aqua-ace, I totally agree with your comment about societal expectation!

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I feel exactly the way you feel, I wonder that too since being asexual is a turn off for lots of people especially those around me. Honestly at this point I'd rather live alone than be with someone who wants sex. I was told it makes me "hard to accept" well if you can't accept me I can't accept you either..

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  • 1 month later...

I don't know what is is but sometimes I just get this overwhelming feeling of sadness. I don't think I'm depressed or have depression, it's just that I wonder if I'm capable of experiencing such a thing as love outside of my family. I know I am loved by them and love them back just the same, but just the simple feeling of caring for someone that much other than yourself or family is what I wonder about. It's such a lonely and empty feeling to not have that... I want to love someone, but the whole idea of sex along with that just completely throws me off. Sex is such an intimate thing that people share, so how am I to feel that strongly about another human being if I can't share in that experience with them? I am not interested in that part of "love" whatsoever. My friends that I have told about how I feel don't understand. The sexual part of relationships comes so easy to them.. Am I wrong to envy that? I can't and refuse to tell my family how I feel/who I am, so I can't confide in them. This only makes me feel more isolated. I don't know what to do anymore. I want a relationship with someone. Someone to care about me, but not someone that wants sex out of the relationship. I just can't win... Those thoughts of loneliness sometimes consume my daily thoughts, I can't help but wonder if there is someone out there for me. And maybe I don't belong here on this site for that reason, I don't know.... does anybody else feel this way?

I do.

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