Ranranran Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 My name is Randi, I am 29, and I have come to believe that I am nonromatic asexual. I would like advice. i have never been attracted to anyone, no crushes, no desires, nothing. I haven't been in a relationship and the idea of being with someone for the rest of my life is unappealing. Recently I met this man on Mardi Gras who I feel incredibly lucky to grab his attention. He is French and I am Cakun French, so I felt a bond and wanted to start a friendship. He seems to be attracted to me in a very sexual way. He invited me to afternoon coffee, but wound up wanting to do evening wine instead. We went to his apartment and he expressed his want to have sex. Mind you, on the first "date." Long story short, for the first time, I let someone kiss me and even multiple times. I felt nothing, though I did kiss back in hopes of finding something there. L My thing is I really want to be attracted to him. I want to have a relationship with him, but I have no attraction outside of platonic friendship. Like going for a run together or looking at art together. He seems like a wonderful man and I want to know him, but I am repulsed by the idea I have to even kiss him to keep him near. Has someone else experienced this? And how do I stay friends? I am so, so lost. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
yeshello Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 Hmmm this is tough. Maybe you could talk to him about it? I'm a very direct person, so personally, I'd probably ask him to get lunch or coffee or something and say something along the lines of "I'm very flattered that you showed an interest in me and I think you're super cool, but I don't know you like that. I really enjoy hanging out with you and I think we'd make really good friends but that's all I'm interested in: friendship. I hope that's cool with you." If he says yes, he'd like to be friends, then that's awesome! You have a buddy to enjoy the finer things with. But if he says no, then you know he's a jerk and you can find someone new. You don't owe him kisses or sex or ANYTHING. I wouldn't want a friend who didn't respect my wishes, would you? But my point is that people aren't mind-readers, and you have to let them in on your wants and needs to build healthy friendships/relationships. who knows? Maybe when you tell him, he'll say "I had no idea! Of course we can be friends!" You'll have to talk to him to find out! Good luck :] Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Slob Dylan Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 Agree with OkayPan, but I think you should make your asexuality absolutely clear to him. Some people think 'I don't know you that well, I'm not into you' means you're suggesting they can change your mind and will still try and get off with you when they sense you've gotten closer. Let him know that you've never been attracted to people, sexually or romantically, and if he would still like to be friends and nothing more then that's great! If he doesn't, then it's a shame, but unfortunately some things were not meant to be, even if you imagined they could've been ideal. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
yeshello Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 Agree with OkayPan, but I think you should make your asexuality absolutely clear to him. Some people think 'I don't know you that well, I'm not into you' means you're suggesting they can change your mind and will still try and get off with you when they sense you've gotten closer. Let him know that you've never been attracted to people, sexually or romantically, and if he would still like to be friends and nothing more then that's great! If he doesn't, then it's a shame, but unfortunately some things were not meant to be, even if you imagined they could've been ideal. Yes, totally agree. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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