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Problems with loneliness


veneziogiulio

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veneziogiulio

hi to everyone,

since a while after i've lost my libido i am really afraid of loneliness to the point that i cannot be far from my friends and they are starting to be bothered from this story that makes me feel bad because i am unable to be happy both alone and with friends

thanks i hope someone have a problem similar to mine and sorry for my bad english

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Anime Pancake

Hey!

Yeah I've been feeling lonely for a long time.

A lot of the time I think about the fact that I can't date most normal people. And friendships are great, but a lot of the time people are too busy to spend time with me often.

When you spend time with your friends are you happy then? Or do you want a romantic relationship also?

I think the only thing we can do is try to spend time with friends so that we don't feel lonely, or if we happen to meet someone we can be in a relationship with.

You're not the only person going through this.

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The loneliness thing sucks big time. I have no urge what so ever to have sex, but i'm thinking i'm going to have to learn to pretend to enjoy it if i want to be with anyone, not just someone.

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freewill-gray

The loneliness thing sucks big time. I have no urge what so ever to have sex, but i'm thinking i'm going to have to learn to pretend to enjoy it if i want to be with anyone, not just someone.

please don't sacrifice yourself in the altar of sex just because you are lonely. i'm sure there are people who understand your sexuality :)

don't give up hope

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Dahlia Blues

Lonliness. Yes heavy and clotted and just about to spoil.

But there are coping devices and tools. Starting with understanding the nature of loneliness and how it sticks to our shadows. It is not just an ace dilemma although compounded by an orientation that is barely understand and worse spoken of in hushed voices.

I can not judge neither condemn the person who has sex in order to ensure presence and complicity but I do think it masks the real issues a certain time. You will still have to deal with it, loneliness, eventually. And discover for yourself why, with whom if ever you would want to be so intimate.

Be well and at peace. Thank you for sharing.

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I've felt loneliness too, and I see it coming in the future as my friends and I go through different stages in our lives. They're going to have kids and families, and not so much time to spend with friends (like me). And while I'd rather have a significant other, I can be happy without one if I have really good friendships and other relationships in my life. I also worry about being too "needy" with my friends, as they have other important people in their lives and I kind of don't.

So rather than try to dwell on the current or impending loneliness, I try to focus on positive things I can do to minimize it and maximize my potential for happiness. I try to seek out friends who have similar values or lifestyles to mine, or even a verity of friends so I don't feel like I'm a "burden" on a small group of friends. I also try to keep busy with activities that I find fulfilling.

I also find that the feeling of loneliness kind of comes and goes depending on what's going on around me.

You're not alone in feeling this way!

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I likely have Borderline Personality Disorder due to a lifetime of psychological abuse from family. I've only had two people in my whole life who ever made me feel loved and I think I just drove the second one away with my neediness and insecurity. I'm giving them space for a couple of weeks and then I will see if they'll talk- but I'm scared and I'm sad because I loved this person more than anything (and they seemingly loved me too).

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Tricksyhobbitiz

The loneliness thing sucks big time. I have no urge what so ever to have sex, but i'm thinking i'm going to have to learn to pretend to enjoy it if i want to be with anyone, not just someone.

BE TRUE TO YOU!

I don't normally do the all caps thing but it is SO important. I have wasted so much time pretending to enjoy sex for others. In the end it hurt me a whole hell of a lot and then ended up hurting someone else. There is this mindset in our culture that we have to give sex. I don;t know why it took me so long to realize that that was false. Now when I think about it I think that its a crazy thought! I (and you) should be true to ourselves and do right by us. It'll happen. Someone or some people will come along and we just have to be patient.

That's how I look at it anyway. Even if I wrong wallowing won't help anything.

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I don't experience the same problem with this as you veneziogiulio, but I hope I can offer some perspective.

I've been on my own my whole life. I've never been in a relationship (that lasted more than a few days anyway), I've never had sex so I've never experienced that closeness to someone. I don't have a very broad circle of friends, and I lost a lot of those when I went through my anxiety issues two years ago. My best friend lives in the UK (I'm from the Netherlands) so I don't see her as much as I'd like. I have a wonderful family, but really small and my parents are divorced so rarely do I get to spend time with all of them at the same time. And I do sometimes feel that pang of regret when I realize that I'm not the most important person in anyone's life. And yet I've never felt lonely.

I've never seen being psychically alone as the same thing as being lonely. I'm not a loner or an einzelganger by any definition. I do enjoy spending time with others and doing fun things with them. But I have a pretty broad definition on what the means. I don't psychically need to be near someone to enjoy their company. The internet has, in more ways than one, been my saving grace I think. On a day to day basis I talk to a lot of people, but I don't actually see them. Some people I talk to every day and yet I've never even met them in real life.

Take me and my best friend for example. We've been friends for over 13 years, and for the first part of that (we were about 17 when we met) we never met. I didn't have the resources to just fly out to the UK. I was well over 20 when we first saw each other in real life. And yet it's always been good. We see each other two/three times a year now when we go on holidays together. But we talk ever day over WhatsApp and we Skype about once a week. A Skype date with her for me is as good as a cinema date with one of my other friends.

I guess my perspective in this would be, the definition of being alone can be pretty broad. Not everyone has the same definition, but it might be worth it to have a look at yours and see if you can redefine it a little. You say your friends are bothered by the fact that you want to be near them (which by the way seems like a pretty shitty attitude for them to have. Friends would understand this emotion I feel) but maybe they'd be less bothered by frequent texting and you might get some gratification out of that as well.

I hope this helps a little! And just remember, you're not alone online. We're all here for you :)

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Sure, I feel lonely, and it would be nice to find someone. But, I do keep pretty busy and active so it helps. But, we all do have this forum and we all do have each other. So, we are not truly alone.

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The loneliness thing sucks big time. I have no urge what so ever to have sex, but i'm thinking i'm going to have to learn to pretend to enjoy it if i want to be with anyone, not just someone.

I know that feel deep in my bones, please don't pretend to enjoy it just to have a partner. You can really, really hurt yourself. Besides, you have us! We're here to all be mopey and lonely together.

Yeah. I can't tell you how many times I've sat around thinking it's completely hopeless and I'll just end up as a modern day baba yaga. Brb gonna go cry in a hole now.

Bottom line yeah it's the worst and I try to keep busy and remind myself that my environment will be changing soon and maybe I'll get lucky as hell. Gotta keep dreaming, right?

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What's interesting for me is that I've been dealing with loneliness for a very long time, but I have a wonderful partner. I guess why you feel lonely is different for everyone, but personally for me it's the lack of friendships rather than a romantic relationship that drives it.

In regards to thinking you're going to need to engage in sex to find someone...throughout last year I slept with a few different people (open relationship) because I thought that sex might mean that people are more inclined to want a lasting friendship with me (ugh this sounds so ridiculous and depressing...) but it actually made feeling lonely so much worse.

I don't really know what point I'm trying to make with this...maybe it's that there's no definite solution of loneliness? I'm rambling. At least we can all agree how horrible it is, but it is pretty nice having a forum like this to chat to other folks like yourself.

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hey

I think my own situation is verry simmilar to what furubacase shared.

I have never been in a relation ship never had sex and never felt lonely when I am alone.

tho I do experience loneliness and it's when I am with to many ppl that I know at the same time.

it doesent happen when I am in a small group tho when the group I am in becomes more then 4ish ppl I get the impression that I am an outsider looking in on thos I am suposed to be with.

this is not somthing that happens allot becauce I dont really have friends that I hang out with most ppl I have in my life is more like aquaintanses and I keep to my self mostly.

the natural stay at home type.

those that I do look at as friends are all on the internett and I do chat with them regularly. and chating with multipl at the same time is ok it's only when it's a facetoface that loneliness strikes me.

it's imposible for me to be lonely when it's only me THERE IS TO MUCH ME :D caps wanderfull tool

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UncommonOtaku

Coping isn't the issue,...

Find something that you're passionate about and pursue it. Even dedicating energy and effort into it, you could find peers that share the same interests. By getting involved you won't really have to worry over the loneliness and sex/horniness won't even be an issue to screw things up, when working on a mutual cause.

Because I'm so particular about whom I would find attractive, I've dedicated my life's work in other areas of interest.

For example, I've actually found true clean energy, that can provide 100% baseline power 24 hours a day, for commercial production of electricity.

I just have to get it verified and I can publish my findings.

But I have other interests, that I keep busy with.

Even just being around other people that are working towards a common goal is making a difference.

Coping does not have to be an issue if you keep busy at something you love.

mieyaoe

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