Is sexual arousal that is triggered by people the same as sexual attraction to those people?

[adw989]

I get the feeling I'm nitpicking a bit. If you become aroused by a certain sex, does this mean you are sexually attracted to this sex?

I ask because certain guys that I find to be 'hot' can arouse me, and sometimes I even desire to kiss or have physical contact with them. However, I have no desire to have sex (or engage in any other sexual activities) with them, no matter how much they turn me on. I know 'sexual desire' and 'sexual attraction' are defined on this forum, but I feel like 'sexual arousal' is yet another distinguishable term.

It's almost at the same level as a fetish, kind of like a subcategory of sexual attraction. If someone has a foot fetish, you wouldn't say they're foot-sexual. Feet may arouse them, but it's distinct from their orientation. I almost wonder if I should consider guys that I find attractive to be a fetish. They arouse me a lot, but I have no sexual attachment to them. The attraction I feel is also not linked to their sex, but to certain traits that they have. Despite being aroused by people and being able to engage in sexual activities, I feel like a pretty nonsexual person.

For me, it's as if there are 3 different levels

1. Sexual arousal: being turned on by something or someone

2. Sexual attraction: fancying the idea of sex with someone

3. Sexual desire: wanting to have sex

I ask this because I originally thought I was asexual. After realizing that men turn me on, I thought I was homosexual. Now that I've had various sexual experiences, I realize that I don't have any real sexual desire. I really don't feel like I can identify as fully homosexual. While I like kissing and cuddling, the act of having sex of any kind is not very enjoyable to me. I can masturbate on my own while fantasizing about different things (always involving men or masculine things), but as soon as someone else is physically present, it becomes difficult. I'm not so much attracted to men as I am to different aspects they may exhibit (such as facial/body hair, muscle mass, certain body modifications, etc.). It's more like my attractions are to certain traits than to them or their sex.

It's always an awkward situation, as when I'm around romantic partners, if they have the traits I find them attractive, they arouse me very easily- but that's where it stops. They often think this means I want to take things further, but I don't. I usually just endure whatever comes after just so I don't make them feel bad. It's not really pleasurable at all for me. They're rarely able to finish the job, and when they are able to, it's only because I am intensely focusing on either some aspect about them that deeply arouses me, or reducing the experience to purely physical sensation.

The few times I've engaged in activity with someone I was in love with, it also didn't seem like sexual attraction; any attraction that was there was romantically based. Yes, he turned me on a lot and yes and I enjoyed sharing the activity with him because of the emotional connection I have with him. However, it really wasn't something that I wanted to do that much, as I'm not a sexual person. Despite the fact that I still have emotional/romantic desires in my life, I really have no sexual needs other than the instinctive obligation to occasionally relieve myself.

It makes me wonder what would be most accurate to identify as. I'm definitely homoromantic, but as far as sexual orientation goes I can't say. On one hand, I'm asexual. However, if sexual arousal is synonymous with sexual attraction, then I guess gray asexual (or simply homosexual) might be more accurate than asexual. To confuse things even more, I only feel comfortable by partaking in sexual activity with someone I have a strong emotional attachment to. In that aspect, I'm demisexual.

Has anyone else felt the need for this distinction between arousal and attraction? Can you be asexual and still be regularly turned on by people? What are your thoughts on the topic? Who can relate?

[Star Bit]

Your predominantly right; #2 is unneeded but #1 and #3 make sexual attraction. Alone they do not make it.

[AceofThrones]

Amen! I can relate and say thank you baby Jesus for sending your servant to write this for us all! Lol thank you. It's late and I'm exhausted but thanks.

[Guest]

You experience sexual attraction (obviously!) but you don't want to have sexual intercourse. One needn't raise one's desires to the level of "orientation" simply to have them respected. If you don't want to have sex you don't want to have sex.

Boom. Simple.

"The attraction I feel is also not linked to their sex, but to certain traits that they have."

Um, yeah. That's how it is for most everyone.

[Guest]

You experience sexual attraction (obviously!) but you don't want to have sexual intercourse. One needn't raise one's desires to the level of "orientation" simply to have them respected. If you don't want to have sex you don't want to have sex.

Boom. Simple.

"The attraction I feel is also not linked to their sex, but to certain traits that they have."

Um, yeah. That's how it is for most everyone.

Thanks!!! You cleared my mind <_<