exrachnid Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 I think we're all aware that everyone wants something different in a relationship. However asexuality/aromanticism and the many other orientations and labels that I'm forgetting many of us on these forums have can make our definitions of an ideal relationship much less relatable or understandable to the general populace. I think we all need a place to talk about our hopes or wishes in a relationship so... Voila! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 My ideal relationship is only found with my relationship with books. Link to post Share on other sites
Sage Raven Domino Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 Error 404: Ideal Not Found. I can only tell a lot of small details about what makes a relationship not ideal for me. There are so many nuances that I can't account for them all at once and visualise an ideal. Link to post Share on other sites
exrachnid Posted February 23, 2015 Author Share Posted February 23, 2015 @DiamondAce - I can relate. Many of my preferences in a relationship are just that it doesn't occur in a certain way. Although to be honest I've always found it hard to entertain the idea of having a relationship with someone for too long before I start seeing the whole idea of relationships as impractical. Which is a bit annoying sometimes because I often find myself wanting one. I often admire the idea of a queerplatonic relationship though... Link to post Share on other sites
My alias Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 It is hard to articulate something like an ideal relationship, because in the words of John Legend "I love all your perfect imperfections." For me it is hard to acknowledge that there is no perfection in this aspect. That being said I would IDEALLY like somebody who understand how personal attention can be. If I was with somebody and their phone lit up with a text and they just put it away without checking it.... *swoons* Link to post Share on other sites
Ashmedai Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 I don't care personally for having a relationship, but QPR's do sound interesting. I much like being by myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Isa Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 For me an ideal, romantic relationship would be pretty much like a really close friendship, but only with cuddling, hugging and kissing. No sex. Communication would be open to both directions, whether it be negative or positive. Mistakes would be talked through, apologized, forgiven and forgotten. And no digging them up anymore after that. Both would accept the other one like they are, without trying to change them or secretly hoping they'd change. Personal space would be needed. We'd both live in our own apartments, the closer to each other the better, but still in separate apartments. Could have sleepovers and such and hang out at each others place most of the days, but if the other one wanted to be in peace, that should be allowed. No being glued to each other 24/7 like siamese twins. Each would have their own bank accounts and they'd be free to use their money as they please. Both could invite friends over to their own place without having to ask permission from the other. Etc. generally being able to have their own slice of life despite of being in a relationship. No kids. I'm not too fond of the idea of marriage either. I'm content with exchanging rings or pendants and perhaps to have small festives because of it etc. but that'd be enough. I don't see a need to prove my love legally to the whole world, but only to this one (or possibly 2-3 at most, if that kind of situation was about to happen) person. I couldn't care less what happens to their belongings or money if they died before me. Themselves is the only thing I'm interested in. Oh, and a huge plus would be if they liked dogs, since I'm gonna have one or more dogs til I die. :3 Link to post Share on other sites
Whispearl Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 My ideal romantic relationship is basically the last (and only) one I was in. There was a lot of cuddling and hugging and a little bit of kissing, and he was super respectful of when I felt comfortable with doing those things. But beyond that, we were just really close friends. We spent a lot of time together talking about everything, we watched TV shows we liked together (even banged out a whole season once), and we'd enjoy just being together and talking, not even doing anything stereotypically romantic for the most part, so much, that hours would pass and we wouldn't realize. The romantic stuff is nice, but for me, the best part of a relationship is being able to talk about anything and enjoy even just being in the presence of the person so much that time passes and you don't even realize it. Link to post Share on other sites
Lydian Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 I actually think a poly relationship sounds like something I'd like to try. Specifically one where all three people love each other, not one person dating two people who simply agree to share. Obviously it wouldn't work without the right people, but I feel like it'd be nice for me because I tend to like a lot of space and I can sometimes be lacking in romantic gestures. I think being in a relationship with two people would allow the to have each other when I decide I want more space or if they want to have sex or more mushy romance than I can offer them, if that makes sense. Granted I wouldn't be pawning them off on each other or anything, it just seems it might be more flexible in that whatever needs one person might not quite fill, the other could. I guess the 'sharing' situation would be ok too so long as I wasn't the one being shared. I wouldn't mind sharing a partner with someone else I got along with. I don't get jealous much. It would just defeat the purpose for me if they weren't with each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Trolleri Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 A polyfidelity v relationship where I am the "pivot" would be my ideal. I love my boyfriend, and he compromises really well with my needs. We get along great and have life plans together. I also have always wanted to be in a relationship with a girl, but I won't leave my current relationship just to go looking. I would love to find a girl best friend and romantic partner to complete my desires. My boyfriend and I are completely committed and loyal to each other (if you don't count me looking for our missing piece. Communication is very important, and I never feel like I'm hiding anything from him. He is accepting of my looking for a second partner) and ideally I would want a girlfriend to be part of the closed and loyal relationship. I just need people I can love and trust in my life, and I feel the chance of finding the perfect match is small, but very worth pursuing. Link to post Share on other sites
thatmusicdork Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 Personally I've never been in a romantic relationship but it's something I want to be a part of. Ideally I'd want someone I'd considered a best friend but we just happen to be more affectionate (hugging, kissing, cuddling) with one another. I have a passion for traveling so someone who is willing to take me on adventures and go exploring with me is perfect. Some days though I'd want to just relax indoors and enjoy my partner's company. Obviously we don't live in a world of paradise so when problems arise, we have to be able to provide space but come back and communicate with each other. Communication is extremely important within any type of relationship. Looking at my friends' and their relationships I notice traits that I wouldn't want like neediness. I can't be with someone who has to be with me 24/7. Sometimes I want to be by myself or with my family/friends. In the past if I wanted to hang out with someone, I would put forth the effort to do so and that would be the same in a romantic relationship. Eventually I'd want to live with this person and kids aren't a part of that (although that MAY change as I get older but I doubt it). I'd say that I want to raise an animal baby (kitten, puppy) instead. In terms of marriage, I never pictured myself getting married. I can see myself living with my partner for the rest of our lives without actually getting the certificate (common law marriage) but I also wouldn't be opposed to having a ceremony. Link to post Share on other sites
unluckybagel Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 I don't want a romantic relationship, but a QPR sounds nice. I would like to get married to a very close best friend, and treat marriage like the next level of super-friendship. Maybe adopt a kid or something when we are stable enough :) No kissing, sex, etc. Maybe a little cuddling? :) They would have to be able to accept my introversion, and we would feel comfortable with one another. Link to post Share on other sites
boxed toast Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 Ice cream Link to post Share on other sites
Perseus Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 For me to be in a relationship with anyone they have to have a powerful mental, spiritual, and emotional bond with me. It my be magical and they have to be my soul mate. Only after that happens will romantic and sexual attraction will happen. When all five components are completely satisfied, it is going to ROCK. Link to post Share on other sites
PastryBubbles Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 I don't know. Someone who likes cuddles and pizza. If they were sexual, I honestly wouldn't mind sex occasionally if we really loved each other without it. Compromise and communication would be key. I think if they were ace, it'd be ideal. Link to post Share on other sites
Corretto Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 My ideal relationship would need to be as aro as possible. Maybe, a business-like partnership; I'll design whatever & they build it & someone can finance it & someone else can sell it... Aro-Ace Corp'n Link to post Share on other sites
NoLongerWanted Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 Well, I would love to have a partner in my field of study as a sort of lab partner. That way we could work together and bounce ideas off of each other. I plan on going into neurotech so good luck to me. I would absolutely have to cuddle, and kissing would be okay just no french kissing. I would also not want any sex to free up time for other things we may do together. I would love to go on hikes, explore nature, cycle around, play music, play video games, watch movies/anime/cartoons/shows, photography, art, etc... My dream is to have a wife I could sing a duet with. Kids I'm not so sure about. Possibly adoption, as I think it would best help the human race and the earth to take care of the existing population, instead of adding on more stress of another human for it to support. We would live in a modest sized home to minimize wasted space. Possibly even in a high rise to further reduce land usage. I would like to find a city with a similar setup as San Fran, though located in Europe somewhere as I wish to move out of the states. I would share cleaning the dishes if she wanted to, though I clean as I go. I'd prefer her to be very understanding and have a laid back attitude. Someone I can talk to without fear of them judging or snapping at me. Being shy, sensitive, and anxious, I find negative emotional response is not something you want to do to me, lest walls will be built. So I don't really want serious arguments, but instead I would like to talk it out possibly over some medical cannabis to keep things smoothed out. I don't really follow traditional gender rules or normal romantic behaviour and instead just wish to act like two entities working as one, though for that we must both share the same vision to change the world for the better. Link to post Share on other sites
Syphon Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 In short: A super best friend Slightly longer version: A super best friend to go do stuff with and talk to. Separate living spaces would be needed unless we're compatible living together. It's unlikely, but I wouldn't rule it out. I could even be ok with some cuddling and occasional kissing (never French though) as I assume most people would want at least some intimacy. Sex is an absolute NO though. We could watch movies, and play games together. If living together help support each other financially (separate banks accounts though). Maybe this is a QPR (shrugs). Link to post Share on other sites
Fire & Rain Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 Being squished by two amazing people I know :D I want them to be my life partners. We'd travel together, be roommates and cuddle a lot :P That's my dream. The reality being one of them is romantically attracted to me and we're involved in a romantic-like relationship. The other one has no strong feelings towards me, platonic or otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
CNGB Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 I want all of the "usual" things in a relationship: emotional and financial security, to feel safe and loved, yatta yatta. Definitely marriage and possibly one or two (three?) kids, preferably by adoption but there are other ways. Though no sex is fantastic, I can compromise a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Mulan Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 My ideal relationship is two persons living in a place doing their own things - differently (their work/official stuff) or together (the household stuff, working out, social obligations). They'd be supportive of each other - motivate to the get the best of each other, share their laughter along with tears... In leisure time, they would be making plans for their future or doing an activity with each other because they want to be spending their time then and there. Or, they could be at different places doing different things with other people (then they would be thinking about the partner too). Both of them would be working equally hard on the relationship and not like the sacrifices coming from one side only.... in other words, both would willingly be in this relationship than anything else Link to post Share on other sites
funnyhousemate Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Great question! Quite simply sharing a house, each with her own room, and being friends. Maybe going shopping or on trips together, joking and chatting. She should definitely enjoy being treated like a princess and preferably be a bit lazy so I could do things for her. That's my way of showing affection. Link to post Share on other sites
ozzythefabulous Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 A qpr would be the best as there's no pressure and we can just hang about together and play games and stuff ^_^ Link to post Share on other sites
CharmVif3075 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Just being with someone who I can 100% be myself with. Someone who wouldn't judge me on anything, even on things we disagree on. Honest love and being nice to each other. Sounds simple but I didn't feel entirely comfortable around the very few guys I ever had crushes on, so I'm sure it would have never worked anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
ImaUnicorn Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 1. My ideal relationship starts off as a friendship with someone I met through what I call natural, organic life activities (such as going to school, church, work, a hobby group, or something else that people do when they are not necessarily looking for a romantic partner). Non-organic or unnatural ways of meeting people include dating web sites and singles bars and clubs that people go to for the specific reason of picking up dates. For some reason, it's really important to me that I meet the person because it was destiny and not because I was looking for someone and was bound to run into someone given the environment. I also believe that starting off as friends is important because it allows you to get to know someone and see if you can fall in love with them without a romantic context. It's easy to fall in love on a fancy date or when people are putting their best foot forward in active courting, but when it's just a friendship with no pressure and no promise of romantic interest, it makes me more inclined to trust the person is being genuine. 2. My ideal relationship is with a person who has a lot of the same Christian beliefs that I do. I also like to see that a person has good morals and character. The person's level of kindness to others is REALLY important to me. Even if someone is nice to me but mean to some other people, I really don't like that. Being able to be kind to people in turn-the-other cheek contexts when people are not necessarily deserving of the politeness or kindness is a plus. I also think it's really important to be with someone who inspire me to be the best person I can be and helps draw me closer to God. 3. I want to be valued and loved for who I am rather than lusted after. Anyone who feels the need to "test drive the car" before committing to it is someone I would break up with based on the grounds that they value sex more than love. Also, guys that tell dirty jokes are a really big turn off to me. 4. It's important that the relationship is one in which there is a lot of hugs, verbal affirmation, kisses, and time together. I'm very sex averse but not touch averse at all. 5. He would love cats! Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Spoon Train Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Cuddle buddy / affectionate friendship. More of a baseline than an "ideal" really. As in, that's the kind of dynamic I like in general, but the details can be specific for each unique connection with each person. But as long as we have a deep and tender affectionate friendship type bond, other stuff can come and go and still make the relationship feel worthwhile to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Himegami Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 A platonic sugar daddy! :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
thatonederpface Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Aside from all the little things that may bother me about people, and that may be dealbreakers (for example, chewing with one's mouth open makes me want to throw things at people), I have 4 main goals for a relationship. 1. I have to have known them for a while (like, a year minimum, it takes me a while to trust a person) beforehand, as friends. Dating websites and such are a no-go. 2. No sex, maybe kissing, but definitely lots of cuddles and hugs. 3. Religion and politics stress me wayyyyy out, I can't have that be a common point of debate. Maybe once or twice when elections and stuff roll about but if they're too into that then I'll start actually having anxiety attacks and that's no fun. (I'm atheist and democrat btw, not that I adhere particularly closely to either label.) 4. Someone I don't have to be afraid to talk to about my depression and such when I'm having a hard time. Link to post Share on other sites
FabulFuz Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 My ideal is someone who makes me feel comfortable in my own skin, gender-wise. (i.e., isn't caught up in the 'boys do this', 'girls do that' mentality, and doesn't mock me when I need to do something to deal with dysphoria) Someone who understands my need to be in control of situations that make me anxious and lets me approach them instead of pressuring me for physical intimacy. (I'm like a cat. If you come after me I'll growl and run away, but if you leave me be I'll be super-affectionate and lay across whatever your doing, demanding attention. :'D) Someone who understands that "being an adult" isn't the same as "putting away childish things"; I want someone who takes me back to the feeling of ease I had growing up, being on an equal playing field with both boys and girls. (Before sexuality/adulthood/gender-roles placed barriers between us all) I want an equal partner, not a dependent or a pseudo-parent. Someone who makes me laugh, and wants to have fun, but who also understands when it's time to be responsible and get things done. Someone who knows how to turn work into play. I can get all of these things from a close friendship, the difference is that I want stronger intimacy than that and a long-term "We want to grow old together, even if just platonically" relationship versus a "we're both here together until life takes us elsewhere" relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
WintersWhite Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Hmm, even though I consider myself aromantic, the idea of a relationship still sounds fun to me. I guess a person who I can do everything with and tell everything to without feeling uncomfortable about it. Someone who I know I can have a fun time with and someone I know who won't ever leave me. I'd rather not kiss or have sex but I'll still allow my partner to love me if they feel that way towards me. We'd give each other presents too. I guess something like more than friends but not quite lovers. And in terms of some really selfish preferences that probably won't happen, my partner would be a cute boy :P Link to post Share on other sites
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