NudistOnStrike Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 So, what is your guys' opinion on coming out? Is it necessary as an asexual? How would you even come out? Pretty much anything related to coming out let's just talk about it. I am unsure if I should even come out but I want to see what the community thinks of all this! Here's some cake :cake: -Nudist On Strike Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Perseus Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 I think coming out is a great thing. I feels great like you are being freed. I come out to a few people by just telling them what I am. Use facts if they don't understand right away. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Welsh Ace Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Actually I've been struggling with this myself recently. I am going back home to my family for a few weeks in March and I know I will get questions on when I will get a girlfriend etc. Although I won't be coming out to my parents anytime soon I am not sure if I ever should.Infact, I am not out to anyone outside the internet. I am a bit worried about what reaction I would get I guess. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NudistOnStrike Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 I think coming out is a great thing. I feels great like you are being freed. I come out to a few people by just telling them what I am. Use facts if they don't understand right away. Can I ask how did they react to finding out? That sounds amazing though and I do want to do it Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Vega91 Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 It''s amazing if people react well. When you get reactions like "You're just traumatized" or "you're just emotionally distant," then it's not so fun. The internet is a wonderful place to come out just because you can link them to a wikipedia article or some AVEN info sheet and don't have to explain it all yourself. That's pretty much what I did when one of my friends started telling me he was attracted to me. When it comes to coming out, nobody has to do anything. Visibility is always important, but it's up to you whether you want to be out or not. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
yeshello Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 Personally, since I am heteromantic, I don't feel that it's super important to me. I probably won't ever tell my parents. My boyfriend knows (of course) and my sister and a few close friends know, but I don't think that (for me) it's a big deal if people know what goes on behind closed doors with my partner. Other people may feel differently, though! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ficulnean Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 I recently told one person not on the internet. He thinks it's all conditioned, but I get along really well with him as a friend that it didn't hurt anything between us. This is why I recomend maybe people you only already talk to personal stuff about? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ozzythefabulous Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 When I came out to everyone last year everyone was really cool about it and all my friends where really supportive and It helped me feel better about my asexuality. so for me coming out was the best thing to do. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RK800 Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 I'm not really out but I'm not in the closet either. I mean my mother thinks I'm asexual and that's fine. My granddad thinks I'm asexual and that's okay. My grandma thinks I'm heterosexual and just quiet and I couldn't care less. The general public makes the common assumption that I'm heterosexual and I'm alright with that. My sister just thinks I'm weird. :P I currently haven't found a good enough reason to out myself. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Cpt_Crouton Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 I've came out to some of my closer friends, and all of y'all here, and it feels great for them to know. I'm in the same boat with you about coming out to my parents. I just find it wierd talking to them about personal stuff. I might eventually. But still, coming out to close friends felt really great, like I got an elephant off my chest. Hope this helps! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TheLeafBunny Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 I've come out to a few friends (one after she came out to me as bi, and then most of the other folk I've come out to are queer on some level so that made things a little easier), and my roommate + her best friend who happened to be over at the time. I've tired coming out to my mom and grandparents and I don't think that went over too well, at least not with my mom who basically suggested that I'm actually demi instead ("you'll be attracted once you start kissing"), and my grandma not-as-explicitly suggested the same. Granted for all I know they could be right, but the fact that they won't even entertain the thought of someone just plain not wanting sex is discouraging to say the least. I sort of want to come out to them again but armed with more info/links to show them (like maybe the AVEN FAQ). But in the meantime it's not a terribly big concern. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Jango-Zarzook Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 I have not come out to anyone, but every one knows I am asexual. I guess I have never had any thing to come out from. I like to think of myself as an open person. If someone asks my sexual orientaion I tell them honestly. In regards to my parents, they have known (or at least suspected) that sex is just not a thing for me. So when I started using the label of asexual it wasn't like coming out it was more like giving a personality trait of mine a name. All of my friends know because I have never pretended to be a sexual person. It is actually because of my friends that I found out asexual was a real thing. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Perseus Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 I think coming out is a great thing. I feels great like you are being freed. I come out to a few people by just telling them what I am. Use facts if they don't understand right away. Can I ask how did they react to finding out? That sounds amazing though and I do want to do it My friends took it pretty well and were understanding. What I told my mom was partially correct. I will tell her my true realization some day. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
GwendolynAngel83 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 It was relieving for me when I did it. I came out to my parents and to one close friend (though she's asexual as well and helped me find the term). I'm not hiding it anymore, but it's not that I jump at every opportunity to explain either. My siblings don't know, but that's mostly because things haven't come up. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
QueenWS Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 I came out to my sister and she told me "You don't know what you want, you need prayers" and when I told her there are Christian asexuals she told me they were confused as well as to what they want. She doesn't believe in asexuality, she thinks it's... not crazy but rather impossible to have no sexual attraction or no desires to sex. Only less than a hand full of people know about my asexuality but it's because I never felt the need to say "I'm asexual" and I had a boyfriend before so nobody would expect me being asexual at all. I guess I'll only come out to those very close to me. I know I'll have a very hard time to find a partner that is asexual and that sexual people will probably look down on me when they hear about my asexuality but there is pretty much nothing I can do about it other than to accept myself and face reality. Whether people can accept that or not is not something to care about since you are who you are and I'm not changing my preferences for anyone anymore. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
*a*rteest Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 i've told one coworker about it, and about AVEN. I was surprised to learn that her daughter (who has social anxiety among other things) also is considering herself A too. I don't feel the need to really tell anyone or talk about it. Sex and sexuality is so not a part of my life that I simply don't feel the need to discuss orientation at all. i have no orientation....sorta. It's a void, not a negative on a scale. It absolutely does not define who I am at all. it's not on my radar.So I don't discuss it....and I don't have the civil rights issues, like gay couples. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Red Fox Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Im new to all this but as soon as i heard about asexuality i knew that it was me all over! I discovered it because of a friend (a very open pansexual) and so came out to her almost immediately. About a month later I then plucked up the courage to tell my mum. She said "is that a thing?" I was so relieved to discuss it with her and to get unwavering support. I have recently come out to my best friend and my brother. My brother said "omg that is so cool!" It was so funny, in our family it seems that the less 'normal' you can be the cooler you are. Im so lucky to have such an accepting family. My mum told me that i shouldnt feel like i have to tell anyone about my sexuality. I think thats very sound advice for everyone, ace or not! :-) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
butterscotchwm Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 I think the best tactic, actually, is to not assume that people are going to know what you mean when you say that you are "asexual." My mom, for instance, thought that it meant I didn't identify as a woman, and I was under the conviction that I "had no sex" or something ridiculous like that.... So when she asked, "What makes you think you are asexual?" I told her straight up, "Well, because I don't experience sexual attraction or desire." And she said, "No, that doesn't make you asexual!"I would ask that person you are coming out to if they know what it is or not, and then when you explain to them what it is, monitor their reaction. It's a good way to test the waters and foresee their reactions before you actually come out. And then when you think their knowledge is adequate, come out to them. I would say, as an asexual, you don't have to come out to most people - only if you really want to, or if you think it would relevant to the relationship that you are having with that person. I HAD to tell my boyfriend, for example. I didn't have to tell my mom so much, but I wanted to for the sake of spreading visibility. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
zebraace Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 I'm out to pretty much everyone. I came out because we (the asexual community) need more visibility. It wasn't something I felt was necessary to tell other people for myself. There really isn't enough people who know about asexuality, so I am openly ace so that other people who are ace (but haven't figured it out yet) can understand and not feel so lost and broken, like I did for so long. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpy Alien Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 It entirely depends on the person and their situation. I'm out to my mom, three friends, and the internet. I like it that way. The people that understand know and those who wouldn't just assume I'm either straight or gay. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
FoxEars Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 So as I've mentioned elsewhere on the forums, I recently came out to my boyfriend by sending him, (along with some explanations), this link, which is genuinely the best thing that has ever happened on the internet. With a few close friends, I just point-blank told them, but in such a way that the focus was more on 'I found out this cool thing about myself and I'm so excited that I'm not just a malfunctioning heterosexual like I always thought!' rather than 'you know what? Sex is really not my thing. Like at all'. It seems the latter has the potential to result in more awkwardness, whereas the former method sort of forces them to be happy for you. Also, just today I had a lot on my mind and accidentally said to someone (who I had not intended to come out to), 'I'm afraid there're an asexual number of socks here. Odd. An odd number of socks. Not asexual. I'm the asexual one, not the socks'. That lead to an awkward (but mercifully brief) conversation. I don't entirely reccomend this method. ^ FoxEars ^ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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