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Reducing/Removing Sex Drive?


The Void Walker

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The Void Walker

I'm not quite sure what section this should go in, so I'll post it here and hope that it gets moved if it's in the wrong place.

***Possible TMI/Talk of a sexual nature ahead***

I identify as asexual. I don't feel any sexual attraction for anyone*. I still have a drive, though, and will get aroused at random times. Horny is the term, I believe. I can just masturbate it away, but it still bothers me that I have to do that in the first place. I'd rather it just go away permanently. From talking with others (sexuals, though), I already have a lower than normal drive as I only have to "take care of business" about once a week, but I want to be rid of it for good.

I have considered castration or sterilization, but... Well, I still have hope that maybe, one day I'll find someone that I want to have a family with. I'm starting to realize that that is a very unlikely situation, but I want to have that option in the off chance that it happens. Plus, I've heard of sterilized men still getting urges, which completely defeats the purpose.

Does anyone know of a way to be rid of the sex drive? Or at least, to reduce it to such a level as to be negligible? This has really started to stress me out, and I don't know how to handle it otherwise.

*A long time ago, I met someone that I did become attracted to, but that was only after years of knowing them. They are the only person I've ever felt something like that for. I'm not quite sure of what caused it, but it hasn't happened since.

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No doctor will give you a solution (and only a doctor would be qualified to do so). Changing normal hormone levels or taking other drugs can have quite dangerous consequences, and more and more on long term.

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Could try this herb, they used it at monasteries... I haven't tried it, but maybe I should because I feel the same way about my libido.

Vitex agnus-castus is the fruit of the chaste tree. The fruit and seed are used to make medicine.

"Some men use vitex agnus-castus for increasing the flow of urine, for treating benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH), and for reducing sexual desire. Historians say that monks chewed chaste tree parts to make it easier to maintain their celibacy."

http://www.webmd.com/vitamins-supplements/ingredientmono-968-vitex%20agnus-castus.aspx?activeingredientid=968&activeingredientname=vitex%20agnus-castus

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LostInSilentHill

Certain anti-depressents completely kill my sex-drive, but it's different for everybody so I can't say if it would work for you. Be careful with herbal rememdies though, make sure you check with your doctor before taking them though.

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don't worry about a libido. The human male needs to ejaculate occasionally. it clears potentially harmful proteins out of the prostrate and reduces the risk of cancer. Also all of these libido reducers work by inhibiting the production of testosterone and other gonadotrophic hormones by the endocrine system. potential side-effects can include osteoporosis, T2diabetes, changes in body fat distribution , reduced stamina, muscle tone, an increased risk of low mood/depression, anxiety and all sorts of nasties. Speaking as one who experiences hypogonadism naturally, I can assure you that you don't want to acquire this artificially.

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The Void Walker

don't worry about a libido. The human male needs to ejaculate occasionally. it clears potentially harmful proteins out of the prostrate and reduces the risk of cancer. Also all of these libido reducers work by inhibiting the production of testosterone and other gonadotrophic hormones by the endocrine system. potential side-effects can include osteoporosis, T2diabetes, changes in body fat distribution , reduced stamina, muscle tone, an increased risk of low mood/depression, anxiety and all sorts of nasties. Speaking as one who experiences hypogonadism naturally, I can assure you that you don't want to acquire this artificially.

I can't not worry about it, it is a part of me that disgusts me. The fact that my body has control of me in any way and not the other way around makes me feel animalistic*. The fact that it is a physiological necessity for human males just makes things worse, because it is forced on me.

But I understand your point, most things you can do to reduce libido will cause harmful side effects to the rest of your body. I just wish there was a safe way to be rid of it.

EDIT: Never explained the *. I don't consider allosexuals or sex-positive asexuals animalistic, only that part of me. I understand that there are those who embrace that part of them willingly, and that to me has given them a sort of control over it, therefore not animalistic. Not sound logic in any means, but it is how I rationalize not holding disdain for those who enjoy in them the part in me that I hate.

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As a female, I can't really help with the physiological aspects of the problem but I think that maybe you should try to understand your body better -- the way it works.

Our bodies always have some form of control over ourselves and it's often a good thing -- regulating temperature of the body, feeling pain and so on. You can't just turn it off, it's impossible but what you can do is you can work on having more control over your body.

I also value my mind way more than I value my body, that's why I often meditate so that I can be in peace with who I am and try to find a connection between my mind and my body.

What's the most important -- don't feel ashamed of your body, it's a part of who you are :).

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The Void Walker

What's the most important -- don't feel ashamed of your body, it's a part of who you are :).

I just wish that it didn't have to be.

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I used to live as a sexual person, so maybe my experience will be of some use.

When I made the conscious decision to be celibate, it was after I had taken time to evaluate WHY I had gotten into sexual relationships, and what my personal relationship with sexuality was. I found (and this is only valid for me, so YMMV), that I engaged in sexual activity because I felt I needed to fulfill a societal role, or because it was expected of me by a partner, or because I was engaging in egoic behavior (deriving pleasure out of giving another person sexual satisfaction). Once I took the time to examine all these things, I was able to finally be honest with myself about what sex meant to me and was able to move forward from there.

Nowadays, since I no longer engage in any sexual activity and haven't for years, I find that I am able to channel that "energy" into other pursuits. My creativity is at an all-time high. I can focus on tasks better. I can work longer. My weightliftng has taken off astronomically (my testosterone is super-high thanks to not having sex or masturbating).

Now, what works for me might not work for you, but once I took time to look at my relation to sex, I found that I had no innate desire for sex and was really only "faking the funk", so my desie for sex diminished and reduced over a period of months until it is where it is now - nonexistant. I never think about sex. I don't fantasize about sex. I don't have nocturnal emissions. I never get spontaneous erections. None of this is a result of low testosterone, either...my T is 2x as high as a man half my age. It's all a mental game.

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I agree with Void Walker. I still have a sex drive and I want to get rid of it. I don't think it is natural. It is a defect. It is unfortunate that castration seems to be the only solution. But, I will do what I have to do. I tried simply controlling it and hoping that it would fade away. But, it still persists. My anti-depressants help a little but not a lot. I think if I completely did away with my sex drive my depression would go away. Why is that? Because I know what my ideal state is, a being with absolutely no desire for sex, intimacy, or companionship. It will be impossible for me to happy or free until I achieve that.

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Even castration wouldn't remove your desire for intimacy and companionship in general (I include trying to stop platonic companionship desires). It isn't just your hormones. It's a part of your humanity (no one can be 100% alone and detached for life, we're a social species) and if you force yourself to get rid of such a basic need, you'll hurt yourself and you may even damage your brain in the process.

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Yeah, but then there is the whole Iron Will thing I have about my body. My body does and becomes whatever I want it to become. When it told it to lose 100 pounds; it lost 100 pounds. If I tell it to ride 150 miles on a bicycle, it shall do that. I demand absolute and total control. I will win this somehow. As for pain, I ignore it and move on. I ain't got time to bleed!

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If you have a sex drive you have one for a reason. Changes like this go against fates design. I would not try to remove your sex drive.

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@ Barylambda, if you want absolute and total control, it won't end well. Same with my family member who suffered from anorexia during decades. He's dead.

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I know how you feel. I hate my libido; it's higher than most non-aces have, and as an asexual, I just don't like it

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The undue stress you guys are causing yourselves is more troublesome to you than your libido is.

If it's just an "itch that needs to be scratched", then itch it and get on with your lives. :)

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I thinking cycling will take care of the whole issue anyway, not easy on that part of the body. My intense drive, if you will, comes from the fact that I hang hard-core bicyclists. Their motto is push as far and hard as possible, then push harder. I'm not strong enough to keep up with them yet and feel like a failure.

I need to start a separate thread explaining my attitude about sex; there is a reason besides the asexuality. Anyway, I've hijacked this poor guy's thread as it is. I apologize for my rudeness.

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The only way you could be legally castrated by a doctor is for gender re assignment. They won't do it on request.

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I know one thing that tended to kill my libido (and I do think the Victorians were onto something here) was simply hard work. I spent 12+ hours a day either commuting to work or working, and then more time doing household chores, and by the time the sun went down, masturbating was the last thing on my mind! In other words, keeping yourself really busy can help (this is perhaps the only drug and hormone free way to do it) put the kibosh on libido.

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don't worry about a libido. The human male needs to ejaculate occasionally. it clears potentially harmful proteins out of the prostrate and reduces the risk of cancer.

I can't not worry about it, it is a part of me that disgusts me. The fact that my body has control of me in any way and not the other way around makes me feel animalistic*. The fact that it is a physiological necessity for human males just makes things worse, because it is forced on me.

But I understand your point, most things you can do to reduce libido will cause harmful side effects to the rest of your body. I just wish there was a safe way to be rid of it.

I can understand how you feel, I don't feel that 'itch' very often but whenever I do I don't enjoy it, I find it distracting and not truly pleasurable and tend to feel a bit disgusted, I just want it to go away. Like you I don't like feeling out of control when I know I don't actually want this, I know trying to satisfy it never actually feels good anyways, so it's just pointless and disturbing. I can't give any great suggestions, and I don't know how different it may be for guys, but it does seem like if I can manage to avoid thinking about or seeing/hearing things that sometimes trigger it definitely make it happen less often (though it's pretty hard to avoid sexually related things in modern culture). The more I avoid triggering it, the less and less often I experience that feeling. When I do, some things that help dispel it are to go take a walk outside or interact with a friend or family member because being in a more 'public' situation where you can't do anything about it and you have to focus outwards on other distractions seems fairly good at killing that urge. For example, it's hard to feel turned on when you're on the phone with you mom.... Also doing something that is mentally engaging helps clear my head, whether it's reading or something with numbers like looking at finances, stuff that doesn't let your mind wander back to dwell on that feeling. (Another thing that kills that urge fast is someone actually getting flirty with me, then I just go cold and my mind quickly wanders off to non-sexual topics - I guess it's a more vivid reminder that whatever this craving is, it's not really for that).

Also I know that what I really desire is emotional/mental closeness, or simple affection, those are the only things that will actually fulfill my feelings of yearning, so instead of trying to satisfy a physical itch (which isn't really going to work, it may go away but I won't feel any better) I seek out what will truly satisfies me - if there's no one around I opt for a good cuddle with my pillows and mentally thinking about a comfortable firm hug or good emotional connection - either with real friends by remembering good times with them, or even scenes with fictional characters I like who share a deep friendship. It's not a perfect remedy, and may not help everyone, but I really want to encourage you and chime in that you're not alone in feeling as you do.

And, a sort of strange observation for me is that I feel like feeling guilty or ashamed somehow actually feeds the sort of addictive/compelling aspect of that urge, I know it doesn't make a lot of sense, but I feel like at times when I've been able to feel more accepting of occasionally feeling it, I actually experience it less and find it easier to keep my head and simply brush it off with mentally thinking 'meh, I could do that, but I know it's not really what I want, okay moving on'. And another thing is that satisfying that itch purely physically without thinking about anything sexual, seems to make it seem more bland and surfacy in nature and thus less enticing as well as less likely to stir up feelings of guilt.

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Theoryal, thanks for your post. I use to feel quite a deal of guilt over satisfying my urges. I'm slowly starting to realize that it is more like routine maintenance at the self-service pump. And, I think I too want more love and affection than actually sex. Someone that I can treat as an equal with respect, not another conquest. The more I post and read on this forum the more ideas and feelings morph and change in what I want.

Most educational

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