Susie Applesauce Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 So I came out as asexual to my family, and they nodded, smiled, looked vaguely confused and said "okay, we accept that that is who you are right now." Leaving alone the "right now," which feels uncomfortably close to "it's just a phase," I felt kind of left hanging. It's better than "that doesn't exist," but surely there are others here who would prefer to be asked questions and clear up the assumptions and misunderstandings - because there's no way that anyone in my family actually understood what I meant when I said "asexual" - now that we've bothered to come out in the first place? Also, does anyone else have coming out feelings and tips for responding to the newly out? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Member54880 Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 You could tell them that you want to know more about what they mean, and ask if they have any questions, because you don't like to be left hanging, and you want to be sure that they correctly understood you. The "right now" part is concerning. If I were in your situation, I wouldn't want to be left hanging either. When I've come out to people, I liked that they asked questions in a respectful manner. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Perseus Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 I just felt free. It feels good. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TooOldForThis Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 If a person comes out to you, and you say "Okay, I accept you, now let us never speak of it again," it's not really accepting, is it? It's just a different kind of phobia from the "You can't be ace" sort. So if they don't even know what being asexual is, and have no interest in finding out - especially if they tell you that they don't want to talk about it, and why do you want to since they already accept you okay they are good people what are you talking about acephobia - then there is a problem. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Susie Applesauce Posted February 21, 2015 Author Share Posted February 21, 2015 In hindsight, my family is awesome and I love them and I was blowing off steam because I was all excited about figuring out a part of myself and they apparently didn't care. I am curious though - has anyone here changed how they would respond to someone coming out after adopting a non-straight label themselves? If a friend were to come out to me now, I would definitely say, "Are there nuances to that that you feel comfortable explaining/need to explain?" I feel that coming out should at least have the opportunity to be a conversation. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ellamerre Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 In hindsight, my family is awesome and I love them and I was blowing off steam because I was all excited about figuring out a part of myself and they apparently didn't care. I am curious though - has anyone here changed how they would respond to someone coming out after adopting a non-straight label themselves? If a friend were to come out to me now, I would definitely say, "Are there nuances to that that you feel comfortable explaining/need to explain?" I feel that coming out should at least have the opportunity to be a conversation. Yeah, I'm definitely with you, Susie. Growing up the only label I was hearing about that seemed right for me was straight so I latched onto that and thought no other labels applied to me or would ever apply to me and I wasn't too curious about other peoples labels. Now though, that's definitely changed. Now that I know that I'm ace, specifically heteromantic, and all that that means I feel for other people with labels outside of what the world says is normal. If someone were to come out to me now I'd definitely ask them to tell me however much they wanted to - I'd want the same treatment. Finding out I'm ace has definitely changed how I think about, and will talk to people with non-straight labels. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Xavy Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 After I identified as ace, I definitely changed my response to people coming out as non-straight. I used to be very uncomfortable and not sure what to say and afraid to say the wrong things when people came out, but not anymore, part of the reason too is that since identifying as ace aI have taken the time to learn more about all sexual orientations and romantic orientations. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ozzythefabulous Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 I have a lot of gay and bi friends and after coming out myself I can now appreciate how hard it must have been for them and am more understanding with people who are worried about coming out. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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