SorryNotSorry Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Maybe it's just me, but it's my impression that most other people find it to be a turn-on when a love interest (either potential or already established) does what I call "sprouting those li'l devil horns", aka flirting or teasing by exercising mean-spiritedness and schadenfreude? I for one find such behavior to be repellent rather than attractive, and I don't do it myself unless I genuinely dislike a woman who's trying to cozy up to me. :) = good. :twisted: = bad. Maybe I'm one in a million... Link to post Share on other sites
SorryNotSorry Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 Well, I do have a very dry sense of humor, and I often make edgy remarks about others who behave foolishly... but as far as someone getting injured or breaking a cherished possession, no, I don't see how someone else can take pleasure in that, because I've been through it myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Meanness is the worst turn-off imaginable for me, with being selfish and being insensitive. Link to post Share on other sites
Scottthespy Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 I think its less of a "mean spiritedness" and more a shared moment of 'lets be naughty and wicked together'. Nice is nice, but a little rough housing can often be fun for many people, and the idea of being a little sassy, a little less 'huggy lovey' and a little more 'spanky snarky', gets the adrenalin flowing. Its not for every one,but those who enjoy it mutually do both have fun with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Hobbes! Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 I don't know, I find kindness to be a really endearing trait Link to post Share on other sites
Xavy Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 I can see how showing a bit of mean spiritedness now and then can help to "keep it real". We all have that side of us. I can't say it's a turn on though. Link to post Share on other sites
Fire & Rain Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Lone wolves are a turn on assuming I could be turned on :D Link to post Share on other sites
littlepersonparadox Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 It's kinda a flirting thing I think. Like the idea that a guy who likes a girl in 2nd grader will pull her ponytail. Being "mean" is supposidly a turn on for some people, i suppose just because it is. Could be it shows a dominant streak that the person has and that shows that they can fend for themselves? Or more likely it's just playful roughhousing that says "I like you and you know it but I can't say i love you because i don't have the words so i'll do this other thing that's cutsy and you know it instead" Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 I don't understand why some people admire cruel people, but apparently it's common, unfortunately. Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 This is all very foreign to me, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Hooded_Crow Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 No. I do not like mean people. I do not like people who act mean because they think it's a turn on because I just don't like any kind of "fakeness". I remember friends of mine mentioning they liked so and so or such an such as a teenager "you know, I was in my bad boy phase, everyone goes through that". And me, looking at them and very seriously "No. I never was attracted to bad boys." I don't like the edgy dark guy. I like the good guy. I prefer Watson to Holmes, Wilson to House, Xander to Spike, and so on and so forth (couldn't think of any female example, interestingly enough. Could this be more of a male trait?) In short, I don't want a bad boy, I want the good man I have =3 Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 I don't get it either. I remember one time a woman I liked who would barely give me the time of day most of the time got all nice one day when I echoed back her attitude to her. Then I backed off, if that's what she wanted. I also don't understand the wedding thing where the newly married couple smashes the cake in their new spouse's face. Or practical jokes. Just a lot of the stuff seems mean-spirited (and unfunny) to me personally. If other people are into I figure that's their business, just leave me out of it (in other words, similar to how I feel about sex. they can have at it, just leave me out of it.) :P That doesn't mean you can't be fun, playful, silly, etc. It's just, for me, there are plenty of ways to do that without feeling like there's some hostility or something behind it. And to be clear, these are my opinions for me personally; what other people feel and do is their business and I'm not condemning that. Link to post Share on other sites
WintersWhite Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 It's a turn off for me personally. I once had an aesthetic crush on someone in school but as soon as I learned they were pretty mean-spirited I didn't crush on them anymore. I always preferred the gentle type of person over the prankster type, it's more admirable considering most people are kind of hostile to each other every now and then. I find them to be a more trustworthy kind of people.Considering a lot of people like to play around with others, I suppose meanness gives people the feeling they can do the same back to them. Who knows. I personally can not bring myself to make fun of another person so I would find kindness and gentleness more endearing to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Member7783 Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 I don't like mean-spiritedness in people, even if it's meant to be playful. I also don't like sass, smart-ass behavior, pranks, rough-housing, or most of the rest of that type of behavior that tries to pass off as the "girls hit boys on the playground that they like". I myself have a very dark sense of humor, but that's about the only type I have, and it's a major repellant to most people. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruqiah Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 I talk to all sorts of people, but the ones who are blunt, honest, and rather cold interest me the most. Honesty is most important to me, even above social expectations and conventions. I feel more motivation to want to learn more about them. Also, any kindness from them seems more genuine, because they don't do it out of social expectation. They do it because they've let their guard down a bit and actually want to express it at the time. It's not because they are "mean" or selfish, but reserved (I would say). I have known three people like this in my life so far, and I was drawn in by their personalities for these reasons. Also, because mine is similar, so I understand it. "Meanness," cruelty or bullying; however, I do not tolerate in anyone I associate with. I don't understand why people feel motivated to act in that way, and the intentional hurting of other people seems senseless to me. It's been said that bullies do what they do to compensate for something that they lack, but hurting another person won't fix their own problems. I tend to be repelled by sexual innuendos and flirtation. I do not know why, but it comes across and degrading and meaningless to me. Perverted comments tend to throw me off as well. I can never tell when something is said seriously or as a joke (either way, it bothers me when I hear it), so I tend to tell most people that I can't discern it, or humor. However, I do not mind actual legitimate conversations about sex and sexuality (such as the ones found on this site). Link to post Share on other sites
sindi Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 I think a little bit of "mean-spirited" teasing might also be a way to test if your relationship with the other person is good and stable, as opposed to being on the brink of a disaster at the slightest provocation (including unintentional ones). Personally, if I feel safe with someone, I might tease them a little, but if I have to be dead serious and super polite all the time (or otherwise the person immediatly gets offended) I will hardly enjoy their company. Link to post Share on other sites
Salmacis Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 I really don't get the phrase "treat'em mean, keep'em keen". If someone's mean to me, I just think they're a dick. Link to post Share on other sites
Scottthespy Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Also keeping in mind that what one person considers mean another might think of as practical, or even amusing...so if two people both think that insults are stupid, and use typically i sulting words on ipeachother becuase to those people, the very notion of being offended by those words is amusing, then to them its not mean spirited at all, its just a fun little inside joke. If, for instance, one person is a packrat, attaching sentimental value to random bits of garbage, and the other gets sick of the clittered house and tells them they have to get rid of all their shit and clean up, thats also not mean spirited, though they could do it in a mean way. Its just wanting to have a reasonably clutter free house and stop having junk around. My dad is like this with his girlfriend...he has a few trinkets he's kept for sentimental value...things I've made him when I was young, a few pictures of his parents, a necklace from his mom. His girlfriend is keeping broken pencils her kids used in kindergarden. Along with everything else they ever touched. And litterally thousands of hard copies of pictures. It takes up so much space. So when dad yells about it, he's not trying to be mean, but the girlfriend sees it as mean because "these things are all important to me! How dare you ask me to get rid of them!". Of course, no one finds THAT kind of 'mean' sexy...just a perspective thing. Some times one person on the outside will see it as mean, while the ones on the inside will have a private joke or a way of seeing things that makes it less mean. Sometimes this goes too far, and you get abused spouse situations...but often it can be perfectly healthy if its not damaging to either party. Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 I really don't get the phrase "treat'em mean, keep'em keen". If someone's mean to me, I just think they're a dick. Wow, I've never heard of that phrase, but I agree with you 100% Link to post Share on other sites
sunstone Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 I have a silly and farly dark sense of humour, and because I was raised with a father who expressed his affection with teasing, I enjoy silly teasing and mock-insults, but only if it is very clear to both sides that it is teasing, and affectionately meant - "Sharpening your half-wit on each other" sort of thing. Being sugary sweet and PC all the time can get wearing. Being mean intended as mean for any reason is entirely out. Kindness is the only thing that I find attractive. Kindness and approval are tow of the most important things you can express of others. No, I don't think you are one in a million. I think it is just that the people who think "mean" = cool make a lot more noise about it than the rest of us, so there seems to be more of them. Link to post Share on other sites
njosnavelin Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 So true.. with one of the best cuts EVER! Link to post Share on other sites
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