OhNoWhat Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 Hi. My name is Josie, and I'm fifteen- turning sixteen in two months. One time when I was a little kid, my sister said I would end up being asexual (which at the time I had no idea what it was), but now here I am, and I think A might actually be ace. But the thing is- I also have a few 'kinks' and fetishes, namely guro and chub. I'm very grossed out by sex and the like, so I was wondering if I truly am asexual? My friends and /their/ friends are pretty much set on the fact that I am. They all say my behavior is practically textbook enacted. Another question is that if I am, is it necessary for me to 'come out'? I feel that if I do, people will think I'm faking it for attention, or that I might not be valid since I'm white. (Its stupid, I know.) I think my final question is related to LGBT+. Does asexuality fit under the umbrella? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MoraDollie Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 1) only come out if you feel like your personal safety isn't at risk 2) the entire string of letters is: LGBTQQIAAP (second A "optional) which translates to: lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, intersex, asexual, *ally*, pansexual 3) Lots of asexuals have fetishes and kinks (there's a FB group dedicated for aces and BDSM in my signature :P ). It's fine to not enjoy sex, as long as you aren't claiming all non-aces are sex-a-holics or some evil creature. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Llama-Overlord Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 It really doesn't matter if you act "textbook asexual" it really matters what you feel on the inside. If you're comfortable calling yourself hetero/homo/bi etc than no one can tell you you aren't. If you feel like you are asexual then that's the only opinion that matters. There really isn't one type of asexual, some are more sexual than others, some are repulsed, some have fetishes, some do not. What other people think about you really has nothing to do with your sexuality. Point is, they can't tell you and I can't tell you if you are. Seeing as you went as far as to make a profile here, you feel like you are. As for coming out, no it's not necessary (if they expect you to or not) if you were to come out you probably have it a lot easier than most people. But don't be afraid to come out if you want to. My friends were all pretty accepting about it (still working on coming out to my family) but again it's if you feel comfortable. If you were to be in a serious relationship then you probably should come out to them. But most people who accept that asexual is a thing and/or accept the LGBT community tend to be cool about it. Some people are going to just be assholes, and that just happens, sorry. My experience has been mostly positive. LGBTA accepts us, sometimes. Some people think we should be in some people don't (asexual people and sexual people) the easy answer is that we are and sometimes people don't know that. I think we are under the LGBT+ umbrella, other people on this site might not. We have marched in pride though, so we technically are. Good luck on your self discovery! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
realm96 Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 It's pretty much just like Llama-Overlord said. There aren't really any set rules for any orientation, it isn't like if you like green better than purple than you no longer qualify for your sexual orientation. Labels aren't there to define us-- we define labels. Identify however you feel comfortable identifying as. Some people will think that it's their business to define you in their own terms but that's not something that they get to do. You define you. Most people won't care about your sexual orientation for the most part. Personally, all my friends were cool with it-- some even had bets placed on whether or not I was before I came out to them. Don't spend too much time worrying about what everyone around you thinks. They're going to think what they're going to think and there's nothing you can do to change that. People who are worth the time of day won't care about things like sexual orientation; and the ones who will care tend to be bigoted assholes that I know I don't really want to be friends with anyway. Don't stress over them. Do what you're comfortable with. I hope this wasn't too long or anything, but I wish you the best of luck with everything! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 What do your friends mean by you being a "textbook ace?" The sex repulsion? Then I'd want to inform them that that's highly wrong. There are asexuals that masturbate to porn, partake in BDSM, have fetishes, as well as have sex for their partner. But there are also asexuals who are sex-repulsed and non-libidoists; finding nothing sexually arousing and cannot masturbate or can become aroused but do not want to masturbate. As well as Fictosexuals (sexual attraction to only fictional characters) and Lithsexuals (sexual attraction but it's irl reciprocation causes an indifferent to negative reaction) in the Gray-A area who may go by asexual out of convenience. There really isn't anything textbook about being ace-- other than having no sexual attraction. Coming out is only necessary to potential partners. Your sex life is no one elses business. What's this "I may not be a valid asexual because I'm white"? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tessc Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 What do you mean by "I might not be valid since I'm white"? Your sexuality isn't defined by your skin colour! No one can tell you your sexuality based off of anything. There isn't really a "textbook" definition of any kind of sexuality, because it's so fluid and people express it in different ways. Not every gay man is flamboyant, for example. Some asexuals can get turned on - some are even willing to have sex to keep a partner happy - so don't let people try to force a label on you if you're unsure if you want to identify as it. Some of us also have kinks. Take a look here: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/105805-kink-bdsm-and-cake/(BTW, I totally understand your thing for chub XD) A kink doesn't have to be sexual and having one makes you no less an Ace if that is how you want to identify. And, no, it's not necessary for you to come out. I told my family and that's it. I wasn't even going to do that, but my mother kind of found out by mistake :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
CNGB Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 A lot of people here have their own "fetishes." Some would and have acted on them (both gray-A's and those who are "totally" asexual) and others are simply aroused by it. Some people find that their kinks lie within the BDSM scene, others like the thought of anal, and still others (like you and moi haha) like chubbiness, whether in males, females, neutrals, or what have you. Being aroused--meaning that you are in possession of a libido--or even having sex or being involved in some sort of sexual activity does not indicate that you are less asexual. I suppose a textbook ace is an asexual who doesn't like sex? Well I'd say that most asexuals don't like sex, so if that's the deal then I suppose it's true haha But otherwise, as the others have already said, there really isn't such a thing as a "standardized asexual," but I doubt at this point you need me to point that out. Many people choose to never come out. For me, I'm simply not going to lie about it, and there are also times where I just want to go ahead and say it and let it be done with, because I don't really like the idea of some of my friends going on thinking that I'm heterosexual when I'm definitely not. That's just me, though. You do what you do. :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PatheticGirl Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 too young to put a label to yourself yet Quote Link to post Share on other sites
CNGB Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 too young to put a label to yourself yet Would you say the same thing if she was coming out as lesbian? She's hit puberty . . . I think once you hit puberty you know what you like in sex better than what anyone else does, and if she hasn't felt sexual attraction at the age of fifteen, which is one of the most "hormonal" times in a teenager's life, then if she wants to say she's asexual she's right. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ficulnean Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 Hello, I'm not going to say anything about whether I think your asexual or not, but I couldn't help but notice that most of your fear here was coming from the possibility of telling others or being rejected for it . . . I think that that means you may have decided a bit, and shouldn't let other people worry you. You don't have to tell them. And that doesn't make it any less true. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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