Georgetown Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 I have no interest in ever dating sexuals again. I've been on dates with them before, and these dates were miserable specifically due to the fact that I was asexual and they were not. For "hetero" asexual guys anyway, the problem is that the other partner (by statistics) assumes you probably want sex, and this makes everything super awkward as all your actions are suspect. There is an unbearably ridiculous level of miscommunication when you date sexuals. I also have no interest in being dominant or masculine as many heterosexual women expect. Not to mention, in order to get dates with heterosexual girls, you must compete with all the other heterosexual men who have a sex drive giving them motivation. If you tried to be up front about your asexuality, you probably wouldn't get a date at all. The asexual online-dating I've been doing via asexualitic.com and recently OkayCupid (with the filter set to "Asexual") has been fantastic. Talk about being on the same wavelength! Once you go "ace", you don't go back. Does anyone else have an opinion or experience with regard to disliking or liking dating sexuals? Link to post Share on other sites
Tja Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 How about, just hates dating? ;) :D Link to post Share on other sites
Mulan Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 I read this title as "who here hates dating asexuals" and I was kinda thinking, this is the wrong place to post. Hehe. Personally, I prefer dating asexuals but the problem is I haven't met any in my locale. So, the second best or rather only option is to date them. :( Link to post Share on other sites
deltaX Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 I just don't like dating in general. If I did start dating again though, I would have to agree that I'd much rather date another ace. There is nothing wrong with sexuals, and many people have managed to make mixed relationships work, but I know I'd be uncomfortable with the differences in sexual desire. I would feel like I was holding them back by being with me, and would probably pressure myself into being more sexual than I really would like. If asexual dating is what feels right to you, then I'm glad you were able to make it would via asexualitic and okcupid. The internet is wonderful in that it connect people like us to each other :) Link to post Share on other sites
Georgetown Posted February 16, 2015 Author Share Posted February 16, 2015 I read this title as "who here hates dating asexuals" and I was kinda thinking, this is the wrong place to post. Hehe. Personally, I prefer dating asexuals but the problem is I haven't met any in my locale. So, the second best or rather only option is to date them. :( We in the Northeastern US have the luxury of population. Link to post Share on other sites
animanova Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 I've tried dating, but with almost everyone being sexual where I'm at, it's very hard. They've interpreted (all potential partners, not everyone in general) my actions as flirting to sex, even if I have explicitly stated I will not be engaging in any sexual relationship, ever. That being said, I don't mind what sexuality a person is. As long as they respect mine, I'm okay with anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Mulan Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 I read this title as "who here hates dating asexuals" and I was kinda thinking, this is the wrong place to post. Hehe. Personally, I prefer dating asexuals but the problem is I haven't met any in my locale. So, the second best or rather only option is to date them. :(We in the Northeastern US have the luxury of population. In that case, consider yourself very lucky. <hope that wasn't sarcasm> Link to post Share on other sites
dissolved Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 I don't mind what sexuality a person is. As long as they respect mine, I'm okay with anything. Precisely. Had to squint though, as I could barely read your font size :D Far too much attention is put on sex in this world... I can see why dating sexuals would drive some of you on here batshit. I can take it or leave it, but for fuck's sake there are soooo many better things in this world! Link to post Share on other sites
The Great WTF Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 The truth is, the fact that they're "sexual" tells you close to nothing about how they're going to treat you and interact with you. ^This. My partner is sexual. He's treated me with more love, honesty, and respect than any of the asexuals who have pursued me in my years involved with the asexual community. So, no, I do not hate dating sexuals. I hate dating self-important assholes who feel that they are entitled to me, my time, or my body no matter what their sexuality. It just so happens that I've encountered more of that type of person among asexuals than I have sexuals. Apparently something about being part of a minority and a limited population makes certain men think I owe it to them to "give them a shot". Link to post Share on other sites
Georgetown Posted February 16, 2015 Author Share Posted February 16, 2015 I read this title as "who here hates dating asexuals" and I was kinda thinking, this is the wrong place to post. Hehe. Personally, I prefer dating asexuals but the problem is I haven't met any in my locale. So, the second best or rather only option is to date them. :(We in the Northeastern US have the luxury of population. In that case, consider yourself very lucky. <hope that wasn't sarcasm> No, it's fine. In all seriousness, if you want to actually get a concentration of asexuals, liberal major metro areas are the place to me. It's a night and day experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Georgetown Posted February 16, 2015 Author Share Posted February 16, 2015 The truth is, the fact that they're "sexual" tells you close to nothing about how they're going to treat you and interact with you. ^This. My partner is sexual. He's treated me with more love, honesty, and respect than any of the asexuals who have pursued me in my years involved with the asexual community. So, no, I do not hate dating sexuals. I hate dating self-important assholes who feel that they are entitled to me, my time, or my body no matter what their sexuality. It just so happens that I've encountered more of that type of person among asexuals than I have sexuals. Apparently something about being part of a minority and a limited population makes certain men think I owe it to them to "give them a shot". Interesting experience. You have asexual guys trying to pressure "cuddling" on you? Tsk tsk tsk... What a shame. I'm digging a lot of spiritual cerebral relationships! I think lots of people have different experiences, so it all varies a lot. I just know that it drives me crazy to think someone assumes I'm interested in sex because I'm a guy! It drives me so crazy that I want no part of that world, none at all. Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 I think you've just had bad experiences with sexuals and are judging all of them based off of past experiences. You have a right to date who you want to date, but I think you should be less prone to generalizations which got you a lot of heat in that other thread about asexual women. Link to post Share on other sites
The Great WTF Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 The truth is, the fact that they're "sexual" tells you close to nothing about how they're going to treat you and interact with you. ^This. My partner is sexual. He's treated me with more love, honesty, and respect than any of the asexuals who have pursued me in my years involved with the asexual community. So, no, I do not hate dating sexuals. I hate dating self-important assholes who feel that they are entitled to me, my time, or my body no matter what their sexuality. It just so happens that I've encountered more of that type of person among asexuals than I have sexuals. Apparently something about being part of a minority and a limited population makes certain men think I owe it to them to "give them a shot". Interesting experience. You have asexual guys trying to pressure "cuddling" on you? Tsk tsk tsk... What a shame. I'm digging a lot of spiritual cerebral relationships! Cuddling, dating, talking, doesn't matter. My damn body and they can't respect that. Link to post Share on other sites
Georgetown Posted February 16, 2015 Author Share Posted February 16, 2015 The truth is, the fact that they're "sexual" tells you close to nothing about how they're going to treat you and interact with you. ^This. My partner is sexual. He's treated me with more love, honesty, and respect than any of the asexuals who have pursued me in my years involved with the asexual community. So, no, I do not hate dating sexuals. I hate dating self-important assholes who feel that they are entitled to me, my time, or my body no matter what their sexuality. It just so happens that I've encountered more of that type of person among asexuals than I have sexuals. Apparently something about being part of a minority and a limited population makes certain men think I owe it to them to "give them a shot". Interesting experience. You have asexual guys trying to pressure "cuddling" on you? Tsk tsk tsk... What a shame. I'm digging a lot of spiritual cerebral relationships! Cuddling, dating, talking, doesn't matter. My damn body and they can't respect that. That's terrible. If a person isn't into it, they're not into it. Were they explicitly trying to pressure you, or were they persistent like "Hey, baby, c'mon?" I'm trying to understand this behavior as it seems so foreign to me. I always thought it was sex drives that made men act that way. Link to post Share on other sites
The Great WTF Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 The truth is, the fact that they're "sexual" tells you close to nothing about how they're going to treat you and interact with you. ^This. My partner is sexual. He's treated me with more love, honesty, and respect than any of the asexuals who have pursued me in my years involved with the asexual community. So, no, I do not hate dating sexuals. I hate dating self-important assholes who feel that they are entitled to me, my time, or my body no matter what their sexuality. It just so happens that I've encountered more of that type of person among asexuals than I have sexuals. Apparently something about being part of a minority and a limited population makes certain men think I owe it to them to "give them a shot". Interesting experience. You have asexual guys trying to pressure "cuddling" on you? Tsk tsk tsk... What a shame. I'm digging a lot of spiritual cerebral relationships! Cuddling, dating, talking, doesn't matter. My damn body and they can't respect that. That's terrible. If a person isn't into it, they're not into it. Were they explicitly trying to pressure you, or were they persistent like "Hey, baby, c'mon?" I'm trying to understand this behavior as it seems so foreign to me. I always thought it was sex drives that made men act that way. lmao No. A culture that teaches entitlement, machoism, and that obnoxious persistence will change a girl's mind makes people act that way. Hard to believe though it may be, sex drive does not make men into animals or make them lose all sense of decency. That's all cultural. Link to post Share on other sites
Sage Raven Domino Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 How about, just hates dating? ;) :D You're right somewhat, the thread title should read 'Who else likes dating but hates dating sexuals?' I do have a strong preference for aces and against sexuals, though I'm not much into dating in general (have never done it). With an ace, I'd have one nasty chore less than with a sexual (I'd respect the partner's right to have their needs fulfilled, but they might feel uncomfortable having sex with a third person, who'd be also hard or expensive to find). Link to post Share on other sites
marki Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 No need to hate......pleanty of regular people are just fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Georgetown Posted February 16, 2015 Author Share Posted February 16, 2015 The truth is, the fact that they're "sexual" tells you close to nothing about how they're going to treat you and interact with you. ^This. My partner is sexual. He's treated me with more love, honesty, and respect than any of the asexuals who have pursued me in my years involved with the asexual community. So, no, I do not hate dating sexuals. I hate dating self-important assholes who feel that they are entitled to me, my time, or my body no matter what their sexuality. It just so happens that I've encountered more of that type of person among asexuals than I have sexuals. Apparently something about being part of a minority and a limited population makes certain men think I owe it to them to "give them a shot". Interesting experience. You have asexual guys trying to pressure "cuddling" on you? Tsk tsk tsk... What a shame. I'm digging a lot of spiritual cerebral relationships! Cuddling, dating, talking, doesn't matter. My damn body and they can't respect that. That's terrible. If a person isn't into it, they're not into it. Were they explicitly trying to pressure you, or were they persistent like "Hey, baby, c'mon?" I'm trying to understand this behavior as it seems so foreign to me. I always thought it was sex drives that made men act that way. lmao No. A culture that teaches entitlement, machoism, and that obnoxious persistence will change a girl's mind makes people act that way. Hard to believe though it may be, sex drive does not make men into animals or make them lose all sense of decency. That's all cultural. Well, as an asexual beta male, I would love for someone to platonically seduce me.... Meh to machoism and obnoxious persistence; it's such a hassle. Link to post Share on other sites
Visenya Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 I've never gone on a date or had a relationship with sexuals, and unfortunately I've never met an asexual person (and probably never will), but I don't think I could ever date a heterosexual guy. They can be great friends, don't get me wrong, but dating them would be a nightmare for me (and probably for them too :P)! Maybe if I were poly or met a sexual man with a very low libido and/or if I didn't mind having sex every once in a while, then yeah, maybe things wouldn't be so bad and I would have a different view regarding mixed relationships, but that's a huuuge "if"... ;) Link to post Share on other sites
Georgetown Posted February 16, 2015 Author Share Posted February 16, 2015 I've never gone on a date or had a relationship with sexuals, and unfortunately I've never met an asexual person (and probably never will), but I don't think I could ever date a heterosexual guy. They can be great friends, don't get me wrong, but dating them would be a nightmare for me (and probably for them too :P)! Maybe if I were poly or met a sexual man with a very low libido and/or if I didn't mind having sex every once in a while, then yeah, maybe things wouldn't be so bad and I would have a different view regarding mixed relationships, but that's a huuuge "if"... ;) Come to New York! Link to post Share on other sites
Phaetion Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 I swore to never date sexuals again for a reason. More than 90% of sexuals want a child. I don't want a child. Adoption is also out of the question. I might be sex-repulsed...or at least not want it often. Most sexuals want that in their relationships. So...thanks but no thanks. I'm just going to stay single and ride it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I swore to never date sexuals again for a reason. More than 90% of sexuals want a child. I don't want a child. Adoption is also out of the question. I might be sex-repulsed...or at least not want it often. Most sexuals want that in their relationships. So...thanks but no thanks. I'm just going to stay single and ride it out. Well, a lot of aces want kids too, so that's not orientation based. :( I hate DATING period. At least, I hate TRADITIONAL dating. Why on earth would I want to get to know a stranger with the stress of a romantic environment pushed into it? Rather get to know people as friends, THEN if they like me as a person and I like them as a person, try a romantic relationship if it's a mutual attraction. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 More than 90% of sexuals want a child. I don't want a child. Adoption is also out of the question. I dunno, the economy is pretty rough right now (thanks, Obama <_< )*. I think more and more anybodys are reconsidering children on the basis of cost alone. *hopefully obvious cheeky sarcasm! Link to post Share on other sites
SorryNotSorry Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 My biggest beef against dating sexuals is that it's implied that the dating process is a lead-up to sex, which is widely understood to be an end in itself (nobody's supposed to care what comes after that). To me OTOH dating is a lead-up to a romantic merging of two lives. My other beef is against the dating process itself. To me it's very inefficient and counterintuitive, and I daresay just about everybody but me disagrees with my view that searching for a partner should be like going to a dealership and buying a car that has all the options you want---dehumanizing to be sure, but destination-oriented rather than journey-oriented. I'm not thrilled by "the chase"... but who am I to tell the rest of the human race they're doing it wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
Phaetion Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I swore to never date sexuals again for a reason. More than 90% of sexuals want a child. I don't want a child. Adoption is also out of the question. I might be sex-repulsed...or at least not want it often. Most sexuals want that in their relationships. So...thanks but no thanks. I'm just going to stay single and ride it out. Well, a lot of aces want kids too, so that's not orientation based. :( I hate DATING period. At least, I hate TRADITIONAL dating. Why on earth would I want to get to know a stranger with the stress of a romantic environment pushed into it? Rather get to know people as friends, THEN if they like me as a person and I like them as a person, try a romantic relationship if it's a mutual attraction. True. I just don't want to bother with children. That's what I'm saying here. More than 90% of sexuals want a child. I don't want a child. Adoption is also out of the question.I dunno, the economy is pretty rough right now (thanks, Obama <_< )*. I think more and more anybodys are reconsidering children on the basis of cost alone. *hopefully obvious cheeky sarcasm! A lot of sexuals I know have kids or are wanting them in future. I have never met a single sexual, irl or online, that doesn't want a child. :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Sage Raven Domino Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 More than 90% of sexuals want a child. The remaining several %s are still more than the entire asexual population. Therefore inclusion of sexuals into the dating pool significantly increases it. Being a male, you probably hope to get asexual dates due to the deficiency of males in the asexual community; but, as witnessed by The Great WTF's opinion above, this is not guaranteed if you fail to assert yourself as a positive, honest, caring personality. Link to post Share on other sites
Phaetion Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 (@DiamondAce; The quote buttons don't work on this computer so I have to do these sort of responses...unless it's a site-wide thing. Am I the only one who can't quote other people's posts? :S ) I did say "more than" so it could be higher but you still have a point. I am aware of that but that is also required in a relationship regardless of sexual orientation Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I'm a sexual who doesn't want kids, and I know many others. Many. (many) Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I am I am a asexual who does not believe in dating. I am more into the idea of courting.. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 (@DiamondAce; The quote buttons don't work on this computer so I have to do these sort of responses...unless it's a site-wide thing. Am I the only one who can't quote other people's posts? :S ) I couldn't either after the return of AVEN from the long deep-freeze. I've found by chance that I can quote when I hit the top left button on the blue top band and fade the menu out. Then if I want to add an emoticon/change font/whatever, I have to unhit the button. But either way I can post. Link to post Share on other sites
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