WorldHero Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 So I decided to do a little social experiment on OKCupid to see what type of responses I would get from guys for identifying as asexual. Since 5 AM Saturday, I've accumulated at least 165 likes and a few messages that have started off friendly. One of them has already started to flirt with me, which is a bit awkward to me... My current personality after about 150 questions: Some of the questions are kinda pointless, but so far, I haven't gotten any rude responses about asexuality. One guy is already asking me about it and he's being relatively polite about it. A little ignorant on it, but polite nonetheless... I'll try to update this thread the more things happen on there. c: I'm also trying to use OKCupid to actually meet other people first and improve my social skills. Link to post Share on other sites
Someone Else Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 165 likes in one day? *jaw drops* Link to post Share on other sites
Agape Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 165 likes in one day? *jaw drops* I know, right? That's crazy... For what it's worth, noticed the asexual option a week or two ago on OkCupid. Have gotten a handful of likes since... I get the feeling the male experience on OkCupid is wildly different than the female experience... Link to post Share on other sites
WorldHero Posted February 15, 2015 Author Share Posted February 15, 2015 165 likes in one day? *jaw drops* I know, right? That's crazy... For what it's worth, noticed the asexual option a week or two ago on OkCupid. Have gotten a handful of likes since... I get the feeling the male experience on OkCupid is wildly different than the female experience... Believe me, I'm surprised too. For one thing, I'm not used to that much popularity, but I was also surprised to see that many people liking me that much already, even though I'm asexual... Maybe it's because I'm visually attractive? When my ex had my high-school grad photo, he got a lot of compliments about how I looked...Personally, I don't think I look very attractive, with my small eyes and gummy mouth (damn braces made me show too much gum)... Link to post Share on other sites
WorldHero Posted February 15, 2015 Author Share Posted February 15, 2015 I found one guy who I've hit it off very well...He's near me, and he's straight, but sex doesn't seem to be a big deal to him either. c: Link to post Share on other sites
WorldHero Posted February 15, 2015 Author Share Posted February 15, 2015 176 likes now and counting... Someone hold me, I'm scared. This social experiment is going a lot better than I expected... Link to post Share on other sites
I'm a person too! Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 I tried OkCupid a couple years ago being straightforward about the aceyness and some guys were politely curious, a few were almost making fun of me and telling me that wasn't a thing, and there were some jocks sending one-liners about how their "special medicine" would fix me. Seems to me that you start off with okay guys and the longer you are on there the weirder they get. But best luck! Link to post Share on other sites
WorldHero Posted February 15, 2015 Author Share Posted February 15, 2015 I tried OkCupid a couple years ago being straightforward about the aceyness and some guys were politely curious, a few were almost making fun of me and telling me that wasn't a thing, and there were some jocks sending one-liners about how their "special medicine" would fix me. Seems to me that you start off with okay guys and the longer you are on there the weirder they get. But best luck! I'm expecting to get responses like that...But it's going okay for now. c: Link to post Share on other sites
Spence Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Believe me, I'm surprised too. For one thing, I'm not used to that much popularity, but I was also surprised to see that many people liking me that much already, even though I'm asexual... Maybe it's because I'm visually attractive? When my ex had my high-school grad photo, he got a lot of compliments about how I looked...Personally, I don't think I look very attractive, with my small eyes and gummy mouth (damn braces made me show too much gum)... Hey- being asexual is NOT a reason for you or anyone else to be any less like-able! There are plenty of good guys out there who will care about you as a person and genuinely enjoy your company because of who you are, and not be drawn to you solely by your profile picture. Link to post Share on other sites
Someone Else Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Unfortunately, when I do get likes, I generally don't find out who did it. I guess they used that ridiculous quickmatch, so if I like them back, then it'll tell me but not until them. Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 This totally has nothing to do with the thread, but WOW you look just like a brown-haired version of someone I knew from HS (hers was closer to blonde) Keep us posted how it goes ;) Link to post Share on other sites
Barylambda Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Interesting experiment, I actually tried POF and Meet Me myself. Nothing too serious just typical online banter. I'm not expecting much because I know no one is really attracted to me, and I politely deflect the conversation to tamer grounds if someone does start talking about sex. Actually, I enjoy Meet Me more for seeing the horny males attempt to hit on/pick up women. Some of their antics are pathetic and laughable. I am intrigued to see what happens in your online adventures...hopefully nothing too scary. Link to post Share on other sites
WorldHero Posted February 16, 2015 Author Share Posted February 16, 2015 Just discovered one giving me a ton of red flags. All of the alarms are now going bonkers on this one. OH HELL NO. I thought his flirting/hitting on me in his second message was harmless...Until that latest message about doing Starbucks and I actually peeked at his profile and saw his age. He sounds like a pretty nice guy, but the age range for what he's looking for...? Most people would consider that inappropriate for long term-dating. Especially to a 23 year old college student like myself. Hell, his flirting from the second message is now making me want to run for the hills. And I look like I'm 14 too...If I'm seen hanging out with a 40+ year old guy, people are going to be concerned. Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 It's hard for me to speak out too much against big age differences, due to my first relationship having one (even though it ultimately did not work out in the end). But since it looks like you didn't specify a preferred age range on your profile (or at least, it's not visible in your first post), I would try not to be too harsh on the guy. Not everyone really pays that much attention to physical ages... I fall under this category. Ultimately though, if you're seeing red flags, you should probably pay heed to them. Link to post Share on other sites
Tarfeather Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 I think it's unsurprising that profile pic along with the "innocent" personality claim would get a lot of likes for a female. A lot of people are into that. I doubt it's the kind of attention you're looking for to be frank. Did you try the same combination without the asexual bit? Did it get you less likes? If so, yeah, that's interesting... AND worrying. Link to post Share on other sites
Meirella Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 I found this very interesting, so I decided to try it out for myself as well. Let's see how this goes. I didn't like all the sex questions like "how often would you like to have sex" and there wasn't any "never" answer. But oh well. Also when I searched for people near me I found a guy from my school.....I really hope he doesn't see my profile because he's pretty creepy. Link to post Share on other sites
Someone Else Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Definitely just skip the questions with no good answer. On okcupid, the sexual guys are going to turn the conversation to sex and flirting very, very quickly, most of the time, from what I've heard. Definitely set your desired age parameters, although the horny guys often don't even look at profiles. Link to post Share on other sites
Bronte Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Just discovered one giving me a ton of red flags. All of the alarms are now going bonkers on this one. OH HELL NO. I thought his flirting/hitting on me in his second message was harmless...Until that latest message about doing Starbucks and I actually peeked at his profile and saw his age. He sounds like a pretty nice guy, but the age range for what he's looking for...? Most people would consider that inappropriate for long term-dating. Especially to a 23 year old college student like myself. Hell, his flirting from the second message is now making me want to run for the hills. And I look like I'm 14 too...If I'm seen hanging out with a 40+ year old guy, people are going to be concerned. Erm.. this guys profile doesn't look genuine to me ..like AT ALL. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruqiah Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Just out of curiousity.. am I am odd duck in that I don't like posting my picture on sites like that? I have a profile and explicitly state only for friendship but people get annoyed or ignore me without a pic. As someone who've talked to people 5+ years without knowing or caring what they look like, its strange to me. Id rather give a pic after we've had a real convoy and built up trust. In the chatroom I frequent of ppl I've known for years, they are the same. But on all other sites, people make a huge deal over pics. And my thing is why would a stranger care what I look like? If their profile says they only want friend or Long distance friend then I don't see how an image matters. Am I the only one here with these thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Just out of curiousity.. am I am odd duck in that I don't like posting my picture on sites like that? I have a profile and explicitly state only for friendship but people get annoyed or ignore me without a pic. As someone who've talked to people 5+ years without knowing or caring what they look like, its strange to me. Id rather give a pic after we've had a real convoy and built up trust. In the chatroom I frequent of ppl I've known for years, they are the same. But on all other sites, people make a huge deal over pics. And my thing is why would a stranger care what I look like? If their profile says they only want friend or Long distance friend then I don't see how an image matters. Am I the only one here with these thoughts? Certainly not odd to me. I'm the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
marki Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Well word of advice on OKC....don't answer all the questions. I did and it actually is to your disadvantage to do that because it ends up making too many options for supposed match %. Just do the ones that are relevant! I actually met a really nice ace girl on OKC and we've hung out a couple of times. But yeah, no photo usually is a red flag for me unless it is a girl, then my thoughts are she has no photo because too many dudes would hit on her. But OKC makes you have a photo. I'd say just meet someplace nice and public and worse case scenario you've got a hilarious story for your friends later in the day! Link to post Share on other sites
WorldHero Posted February 16, 2015 Author Share Posted February 16, 2015 Just discovered one giving me a ton of red flags. All of the alarms are now going bonkers on this one. OH HELL NO. I thought his flirting/hitting on me in his second message was harmless...Until that latest message about doing Starbucks and I actually peeked at his profile and saw his age. He sounds like a pretty nice guy, but the age range for what he's looking for...? Most people would consider that inappropriate for long term-dating. Especially to a 23 year old college student like myself. Hell, his flirting from the second message is now making me want to run for the hills. And I look like I'm 14 too...If I'm seen hanging out with a 40+ year old guy, people are going to be concerned. Erm.. this guys profile doesn't look genuine to me ..like AT ALL. Genuine or not, that guy is just giving all the red flags. I'm definitely not going to meet a 41-year-old man at Starbucks right off the bat...I don't want to meet people in person that fast either. I prefer to get to know the guy for at least a year before I even try to meet him. Link to post Share on other sites
Someone Else Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Scammers will often use a rather obvious fake pic or try to skip using one altogether. It's a bad sign, like trying to hold a bag over your head while talking to someone. Someone might have a good reason to hide their face -- although I don't think there is one, since you're not using your real name, but most people hiding their pic are up to something, in my experience. The newcomer might not realize how suspicious or strange it looks, like a newcomer to the internet innocently might not realize HOW STRANGE IT LOOKS TO TYPE IN ALL CAPS. ;) Link to post Share on other sites
Someone Else Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Just discovered one giving me a ton of red flags. All of the alarms are now going bonkers on this one. OH HELL NO. I thought his flirting/hitting on me in his second message was harmless...Until that latest message about doing Starbucks and I actually peeked at his profile and saw his age. He sounds like a pretty nice guy, but the age range for what he's looking for...? Most people would consider that inappropriate for long term-dating. Especially to a 23 year old college student like myself. Hell, his flirting from the second message is now making me want to run for the hills. And I look like I'm 14 too...If I'm seen hanging out with a 40+ year old guy, people are going to be concerned. Erm.. this guys profile doesn't look genuine to me ..like AT ALL. Genuine or not, that guy is just giving all the red flags. I'm definitely not going to meet a 41-year-old man at Starbucks right off the bat...I don't want to meet people in person that fast either. I prefer to get to know the guy for at least a year before I even try to meet him. I really don't like meeting people quickly, of any age. I plan on taking a very long time to actually get around meeting anyone from okc, if it ever even comes up. Usually within no more than a week, some serious red flags pop up that make me glad I am cautious. Link to post Share on other sites
WorldHero Posted February 16, 2015 Author Share Posted February 16, 2015 Just out of curiousity.. am I am odd duck in that I don't like posting my picture on sites like that? I have a profile and explicitly state only for friendship but people get annoyed or ignore me without a pic. As someone who've talked to people 5+ years without knowing or caring what they look like, its strange to me. Id rather give a pic after we've had a real convoy and built up trust. In the chatroom I frequent of ppl I've known for years, they are the same. But on all other sites, people make a huge deal over pics. And my thing is why would a stranger care what I look like? If their profile says they only want friend or Long distance friend then I don't see how an image matters. Am I the only one here with these thoughts? I'm usually the same way online, but I've only posted two pictures of me so far. I'm not posting any more for now...For me, as long as they don't know my address, I'm comfortable with just posting one or two pictures of me. Link to post Share on other sites
WorldHero Posted February 16, 2015 Author Share Posted February 16, 2015 Just discovered one giving me a ton of red flags. All of the alarms are now going bonkers on this one. OH HELL NO. I thought his flirting/hitting on me in his second message was harmless...Until that latest message about doing Starbucks and I actually peeked at his profile and saw his age. He sounds like a pretty nice guy, but the age range for what he's looking for...? Most people would consider that inappropriate for long term-dating. Especially to a 23 year old college student like myself. Hell, his flirting from the second message is now making me want to run for the hills. And I look like I'm 14 too...If I'm seen hanging out with a 40+ year old guy, people are going to be concerned. Erm.. this guys profile doesn't look genuine to me ..like AT ALL. Genuine or not, that guy is just giving all the red flags. I'm definitely not going to meet a 41-year-old man at Starbucks right off the bat...I don't want to meet people in person that fast either. I prefer to get to know the guy for at least a year before I even try to meet him. I really don't like meeting people quickly, of any age. I plan on taking a very long time to actually get around meeting anyone from okc, if it ever even comes up. Usually within no more than a week, some serious red flags pop up that make me glad I am cautious. I'm very cautious too and this other guy that I've hit it off well so far has not given me any red flags. He's a few years older, but we've done nothing but have geeky conversations. He's asked a few questions, especially about meeting up some day (and not right away), so even though I'm still being cautious with him, he hasn't given me any reason to distrust him so far. I'm going to keep treading lightly until I feel like this guy is completely okay. Link to post Share on other sites
WorldHero Posted February 16, 2015 Author Share Posted February 16, 2015 And now I'm up to 232 likes...It seemed to jump 50 more overnight. Link to post Share on other sites
marki Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Um....if you need a year before you want to meet someone online dating may not be your thing. I can understand being cautious but taking that long isn't really how sites like OKC work. Definitely talk with people and don't rush things but at the same time taking that long isn't what most people would expect. And can I please say as a man it is really horrible how being polite towards women always makes it seem like I'm somehow "creepy". There is nothing wrong with a guy sending a message to a girl because he is interested. Link to post Share on other sites
WorldHero Posted February 16, 2015 Author Share Posted February 16, 2015 Um....if you need a year before you want to meet someone online dating may not be your thing. I can understand being cautious but taking that long isn't really how sites like OKC work. Definitely talk with people and don't rush things but at the same time taking that long isn't what most people would expect. And can I please say as a man it is really horrible how being polite towards women always makes it seem like I'm somehow "creepy". There is nothing wrong with a guy sending a message to a girl because he is interested. That was kind of an exaggeration...I don't really want to take that long, but with my last relationship, I only knew the guy for 5-6 months before we started dating and I feel like we went into a relationship too fast. This time I really want to slow down and get to know the guy really well before I decide to make that leap. I'm not trying to make it look like I think all guys who are interested in me or hit on me are creepy. I've had a random guy hit on me before in public. He was younger than I am and I took it as a compliment, which is what I always do. And this guy was polite, and all the other guys I've been talking to on there have been very polite so far with no concerns. But since this guy is 41 and I'm 23, he hit on me with asking how if it was "hard being good looking." I may suck at flirting, but I know what it looks like when someone's flirting with me. I took it as a compliment. But when I found out he was 41 and his next message was asking to meet at a Starbucks...? Yeah, that falls under being creepy. I look like I can pass for a 14-16 year old anyway; I'm frequently getting mistaken for being younger. And if people see me with a guy who's 40+, they're going to find it concerning. In fact, my parents would have a heart attack if they found that out. Hell, even if he wasn't 40 and he was around my age, I still wouldn't accept meeting him anywhere that fast. I'm not that type of person who immediately runs off with the first guy who hits on me or is interested in me...I'm not that desperate. I want time to get to know the guy first before I meet him in person. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruqiah Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Um....if you need a year before you want to meet someone online dating may not be your thing. I can understand being cautious but taking that long isn't really how sites like OKC work. Definitely talk with people and don't rush things but at the same time taking that long isn't what most people would expect. And can I please say as a man it is really horrible how being polite towards women always makes it seem like I'm somehow "creepy". There is nothing wrong with a guy sending a message to a girl because he is interested. In my experience, a year is actually a decent time frame. If I'm still talking to someone after a year, then it means I am more willing to be invested in those conversations and want to try a little harder. Also, a year is too long for catfish to keep up their antics. I've been on one site (and it's just chat, nothing else. no pics, no social media) for over 5 years, and known people just as long. A few of them took a year or so to de-catfish themselves, which is good on my end because I was planning on meeting a fella who I thought was 26, but turned out to be 40 lol. I do have an OKCupid account, but I don't go on. People there don't like the lack of avatar and since I'm not serious about looking for meetups, I don't feel a need to go on. Um....if you need a year before you want to meet someone online dating may not be your thing. I can understand being cautious but taking that long isn't really how sites like OKC work. Definitely talk with people and don't rush things but at the same time taking that long isn't what most people would expect. And can I please say as a man it is really horrible how being polite towards women always makes it seem like I'm somehow "creepy". There is nothing wrong with a guy sending a message to a girl because he is interested. That was kind of an exaggeration...I don't really want to take that long, but with my last relationship, I only knew the guy for 5-6 months before we started dating and I feel like we went into a relationship too fast. This time I really want to slow down and get to know the guy really well before I decide to make that leap. I'm not trying to make it look like I think all guys who are interested in me or hit on me are creepy. I've had a random guy hit on me before in public. He was younger than I am and I took it as a compliment, which is what I always do. And this guy was polite, and all the other guys I've been talking to on there have been very polite so far with no concerns. But since this guy is 41 and I'm 23, he hit on me with asking how if it was "hard being good looking." I may suck at flirting, but I know what it looks like when someone's flirting with me. I took it as a compliment. But when I found out he was 41 and his next message was asking to meet at a Starbucks...? Yeah, that falls under being creepy. I look like I can pass for a 14-16 year old anyway; I'm frequently getting mistaken for being younger. And if people see me with a guy who's 40+, they're going to find it concerning. In fact, my parents would have a heart attack if they found that out. Hell, even if he wasn't 40 and he was around my age, I still wouldn't accept meeting him anywhere that fast. I'm not that type of person who immediately runs off with the first guy who hits on me or is interested in me...I'm not that desperate. I want time to get to know the guy first before I meet him in person. Do what makes you comfortable and don't ever feel bullied or pushed into meeting someone. I've always done things at my own slow pace and I have a few worthwhile Long Distance Friends as a result. The long time frame of my patience weeded out the people who were impatient or only wanted pics or something. It is kind of gross that fella is hitting on you with such an age gap. He should at least have bothered to see if you're ok with it, then leave you alone if you aren't. Link to post Share on other sites
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