thatbossnic Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Hey everybody! First off I apologize if this is all over the place but I really could use some opinions from people who understand unlike my friends who think I just need to get laid...well I'm 19 years old still a virgin more of the loner type I guess you could say I have little to none when it comes to libido although I do occasionally masturbate but when I do I rarely think of anything significant I watch porn also but it doesn't impress me at all my friends seem pretty concerned also since I've never tried to get girls or get laid they even sat me down and asked if I was gay I laughed and said no girls just aren't a main priority I guess they looked at me like I was crazy I've been feeling like that for at least 4 years now it's confusing and quite terrifying to be honest I mean I'm supposed to be alpha as fuck and not care about anything but sex but I just don't and looking back I'm seeing a pattern when it comes to sex I've actually had a few clear shot opportunities but I've never taken them I've even left the room before cause she was making advances on me and I became extremely uncomfortable with it just didn't feel normal for me however I do feel a need for love and I'm always way more emotionally engaged in a relationship then physically which unfortunately can be a bad thing at times the last girl I was dating left me and told me it was because I was to nice:/ I'm really starting to feel like I'm demisexual or asexual this whole thing is just depressing at times cause I really want love and I'm the last male in my family I feel as if I have a obligation to carry on my bloodline but how can I ever achieve that when I have little to no interest in sex and every girl I start to date leaves me:/ I'm just trying to make sense of this all if you could give some opinions on how my story relates with asexual/demisexual and if any of you guys have felt this way? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
yellow Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Welcome! I think you're gonna be fine. You sound like a person with a good heart who's just a bit confused. Your story is quite common on Aven and you are far from alone here. I identify as asexual so I can relate to people just not getting why I'm not jumping on every guy who hits on me. I'm female so don't have the pressure to carry on the bloodline but hopefully your family will realize that your happiness is more important than genes. Just be true to yourself and don't worry what people think. Just be you; everyone else is already taken :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
theam Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Well society says that you're "supposed to be Alpha as fuck" and permanently seeking out sex. But what you feel like doing and what makes you comfortable is really way more important than that. Being emotionally engaged in relationships is something positive, in my opinion. We're all normal, just not necessarily average (which is kind of good). Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RoninA Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Your story has a lot of parallels to mine. I was similar to you at 19, including discomfort when women were sexually forward. I'm also the last male of my line, but that's never been on my mind - there was never much of a chance I'd get involved in procreation. There was never any pressure though. It will get easier - it may seem tough now, but you're asking the right questions, I think, and AVEN is a supportive place. Good luck... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WünderBâhr Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 I don't really have much to add that others haven't already hit on. It may sound borish to hear, but "at that age" it can seem like those things are pretty darn important. Many of your peers may not have reached the emotional maturity to understand what it's like to not focus on the physical. That's what gets THEM going, but that isn't the case for everyone, and certainly shouldn't be anything seen as wrong or deviant. I think, perhaps, some people equate sex with love to the extent that if you're not getting sex, maybe they also think you're not getting love? I'm not sure, as I never saw things that way. But I know what it's like to feel isolated simply because I don't want to get in someone's pants. I'm sorry you've had to experience that with your friends and in relationships. You're not alone, though. Welcome to the community I hope you're able to find some answers, here, and maybe a little peace of mind. :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
thatbossnic Posted February 16, 2015 Author Share Posted February 16, 2015 Thank you everyone! I can honestly say I feel way more comfortable about who I am and it's a huge relief knowing I'm not alone in my experiences I'm going to keep a open mind about everything and try to not hate myself anymore for the lack of sexual interest etc I know im somewhere in the spectrum of asexuality just gotta figure out what but that will come with time I'm just glad this exist cause if it didn't I would have nobody to talk to about this thank you guys so much:) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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