Ficulnean Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 I'm glad that I'm either 1. Ugly, or 2. Give off a vibe to people. Not sure which, but it works. : ) Link to post Share on other sites
Ghizwiz Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 OP I can completely relate & I've suffered from this "problem" for about 30 years. With social phobia, introversion, and struggles over sexual orientation identity, I've spent 99% of my adult life single, and all the people in my world seem to find that especially unacceptable because I'm thin & attractive. I even had a *therapist* say, "but you're a very attractive woman - you could get a husband!" as I was trying to explain my problems to him. In his mind, I shouldn't have any problems, as I was attractive enough to get a man, which should solve all my problems. Yup. (last session with that dude). Then there's the fact that I like to stay fit & dress in clothes that flatter me. I enjoy feeling that I look good. I don't dress, for lack of a better word, "slutty", but I do like to wear things that show off my strong points. But I also don't want a sexual relationship with anyone. (I would be open to an asexual one but that seems to be as impossible as that needle in a haystack affair...) People find that - being attractive but always single - unforgivable in my experience. It's like I'm always viewed with suspicion. I guess the only thing different for me, it's not the looks & light compliments that I mind. I'm proud of being fit & still good looking - especially at 48!! It's the fact that society seems to find me unacceptable - single people are not supposed to be attractive apparently. We are dangerous - we must want something, what are we after? I'm becoming a hermit as all my current friends have gone through a phase of accusing me of trying to attact their husbands. Even after knowing me for years, seeing that I'm perpetually single. Then they recover & want me to join them out again but I know it just goes through that cycle again & again, and I can't bear their suspicions, sigh. I don't know what to do about this. Ideally I'd eventually find an asexual partner (either sex would be fine, I identify as bi-romantic) to be with me - then society could breathe a huge sigh of relief & maybe accept me? Or old age finally renders me less worth looking at. Until then, there is always that tension wherever I go. I don't have an answer for you. But if you are still young, unfortunately I can attest this is not going to change for a lonnnnggggg time. Link to post Share on other sites
Sockstealingnome Posted February 23, 2015 Author Share Posted February 23, 2015 I think there is a stereotype that if you're attractive and single there must be something wrong with you. Maybe you're a homewrecker out to steal people's SOs or you're crazy and nobody can stay in a long term relationship with you. The idea of anyone being happily single by choice for the long haul is unheard of. Link to post Share on other sites
Glyn Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 I think there is a stereotype that if you're attractive and single there must be something wrong with you. Maybe you're a homewrecker out to steal people's SOs or you're crazy and nobody can stay in a long term relationship with you. The idea of anyone being happily single by choice for the long haul is unheard of. Let's not forget that some people automatically assume you're also gay or a lesbian if you're single, happy being single and are in no hurry being inside a relationship. I've lost count of the amount of times I've been told I'm gay. And I've worked with someone who was straight but enjoyed being single very very much. One of the waitress supervisors automatically assumed that my single friend was "clearly" a lesbian. Link to post Share on other sites
Ziggy_G Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 My friend saids I'm gorgeous and its kinda a waist cos I'm asexual. He reckons I should shave my head and put on tonnes of weight. Yeh..cos I'm gonna change the way I look because..how other people feel about my appearance...or something...not seeing the logic... meh. Guys don't bother me enough with comments or whatever, the girls bother me though. I don't want to hear about your body issues if your gonna dismiss mine cos you like the way I look. Link to post Share on other sites
nicknack12 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Your profile picture is gorgeous ;) Link to post Share on other sites
nicknack12 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I don't think of myself as that attractive, but I know I'm not hideous. The problem that I have is that I go to the gym a lot, so I am very physically fit. Now, I get looks from girls if they see me in a tank top or slim t-shirt or anything. One time coming out of the shower I had to walk past this group of girls to get back to my room, and they just didn't stop staring. It's like some girls lose their sense as soon as they see a six pack! Don't get me wrong, I like attention, just not THAT kind of attention Link to post Share on other sites
Sockstealingnome Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 BigBearHug--I have to quote this answer to a question about why Fifty Shades of Grey appeals to so many women. To understand that, you have to understand that 50 Shades is not about sex. It has sex in it, but that's just icing.To repeat something I posted in a different question about 50 Shades: The book appeals to lots of women because it's about a really rich billionaire with billions of dollars who's really rich and also built like a Greek god who falls head over heels for a plain, insecure woman who really has nothing going for her. The rich billionaire Greek god with his abs and his helicopter and his billions of dollars (because he's rich) becomes so obsessed with this plain, insecure girl that she becomes his entire life. He uses his billions of dollars (and those abs! OMG!) to buy her company, even though she's plain and insecure and boring and plain, because he's SO TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH HER. Him! A rich billionaire! With amazing abs! And he doesn't CARE that she's plain and insecure and boring and plain! He, like, totally has to have her!It appeals to women because it creates the fantasy that a woman can be plain, insecure, boring, dull, wishy-washy, passive, and totally unremarkable, and yet a highly desirable billionaire Greek God can still come along and sweep her off her feet. Link to post Share on other sites
Yona Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Wow that's a hilarious book description. XD Sounds pretty spot on! (SockStealingGnome? brilliant name! now gimme back my socks!!!) I totally get the OP on the whole being pretty thing. I swear I'm just average at best--on a good day. But my male friends tell me that I'm very attractive and have gorgeous hair. I like dressing nice, and in an attempt to be more outgoing, I act extra bubbly. But I do it all for me, cause it's fun. I've had so many guys come on to me, ask me to sleep with them, and stalk me. Half the guys in one of my classes had a major crush on me at some point, and because I turned them down, none of them talk to me anymore. They even pretend I don't exist. 8( I don't want some guy following me into the gas station and start touching my hair. I don't want someone touching me and kissing me against my will just because they find me attractive. Holy crap, that screams harassment to me. Do people DO that?!?! Gah! Link to post Share on other sites
Sockstealingnome Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 Mwhahahaha! Incomplete sock pairings for everyone! Link to post Share on other sites
SnowCrystalGirl Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I really don't think I'm pretty, but I resent the fact that strange guys do and use that as an excuse to talk to me. I get hit on a lot; it's really annoying (and more than a little creepy, especially since a lot of it happened in high school). I also notice that they like to comment very loudly on my big butt, which doesn't stop even after I chew them out for it. I complained about this to some friends once, and one said I should think of people like him who didn't get the kind of attention I got. Needless to say, this didn't amuse me in the least. I thought I made it very clear that this is not fun for me, and it never has been! Do you think it was fun being underage and having older guys ask you for your number?? Link to post Share on other sites
Theoryal Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I can somewhat relate, and it sucks. Any unwanted attention from strangers is annoying, but being hit on or leered at is especially bad. I definitely feel for you! :( I'm not standard pretty so I don't get that kind of attention a lot, but I have to say - and I sincerely do not mean to sound racist by this - I've noticed that older hispanic men frequently stare at me, I can only guess it's because of my very long dark hair? It's something that makes me really uncomfortable, maybe they're not leering but it sure feels like it. Aside from that I have a rather unusual style, though I don't wear things because I want attention, I just like different and old-fashioned things. But I can't seem to go anywhere without people asking me if I'm in a play or stopping me to comment on my style, or tell me my hair is long, and I really don't understand why people can't just keep their comments to themselves, I mean.... do they really need to know what my style is called? (it's called, 'because I felt like it') Do they really think I need to be informed that my hair is long? (thank you, captain obvious). I don't want to change these things about myself, I like my style, I want to just be myself. I wish people didn't think they had the right to interrupt someone else going about their business just because that person doesn't look totally normal. Link to post Share on other sites
Sockstealingnome Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 Theoryal--I, too, have very long hair and people stop me all the time to point that out. Your hair is looong. Yes. I know. So I volunteer with an art club affiliated with the local college and have been interacting a lot with the student government. The last leadership of the club really pissed them off so our goal this semester was to rebuild that relationship. We've been pretty successful so far regarding that but it's become apparent that two of the SGA members keep flirting with me, and it's really weird and makes me uncomfortable. I've been keeping very professional so I don't know where this is coming from. I was asking one for contact info for important people and he responded to me that there were easier ways to make conversation if I wanted to talk to him. Uh...no. All I want is for you to give me some contacts. Link to post Share on other sites
Barylambda Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Sockstealingnome, no incomplete sock pairings! I'm already having sock issues as it is. I usually take one less sock out of the dryer than what I put in. Seriously, how does that happen? After reading what everyone has written, I see that there is a dark side to being what society considers to be attractive. I really feel terrible for everything that people had to go through just because of their looks. Cake for all. :cake: I also lost quite a bit of weight, from 250 pounds to 170. I do work out, and, as I will say over and over again, am a cyclist. Actually, I have had people tell me that my legs look better than the legs of many women. But, I guess I don't pay enough attention to notice how people react to me. In the gym, I always listen to dark, aggressive heavy metal and usually carry a look of grim determination, my favorite look. The only times that I have been really hit on was at a friend's wedding where a drunk older women keep rubbing my back, kissing my cheek, and calling me hot. I found it to be amusing. I remember talking to our secretary at work about the routes I like to cycle in the area. She mentioned that I should cycle up to her house and hang out at her hot tub. But, our interactions in the office actually improved as she became my arch-nemesis! How cool is that, to have an arch-nemesis. It seems that the human race has not improved much since they walked out of their caves 10,000 years ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Techie Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Sockstealingnome, no incomplete sock pairings! I'm already having sock issues as it is. I usually take one less sock out of the dryer than what I put in. Seriously, how does that happen?It is a combination of the heat and the rotation of the drum that creates a vortex which propels the odd sock forward in time. The exact distance forward would be dependent upon the heat setting but generally it will be outside the normal human life span. Figure piles of socks should start mysteriously appearing about 100 years from when the first electric dryer was turned on. That is still some time away.Friday morning humor! Link to post Share on other sites
Barylambda Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Ah, that makes sense. A time vortex in my dryer. I will have to jump into my TARDIS and retrieve them. ^_^ Link to post Share on other sites
Batman's Ace Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 I've never been considered especially pretty, but the hair thing...I had long hair, and once had the unnerving experience of someone coming up behind me and picking up my braid to look at it. He was a relative's friend and nothing was going to happen, but still... Best way I found to avoid comments (and getting it stuck in zippers) was various styles of bun. Then nobody knew how long it was. My friend saids I'm gorgeous and its kinda a waist cos I'm asexual. He reckons I should shave my head and put on tonnes of weight. Yeh..cos I'm gonna change the way I look because..how other people feel about my appearance...or something...not seeing the logic... meh. Seriously, what an idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
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