I'm Starting to Resent Being Pretty

[Sockstealingnome]

Yup I said it. I'm attractive. I opened up that can of worms so now that that is out of the way, am I free to rant now?

So I guess I'm pretty good looking seeing as other people feel the need to remind me of it. I've been called cute, pretty, beautiful, gorgeous, and just the other day my coworker said to me "you look like what we Americans would call an Oriental princess" which I'm not entirely sure wasn't slightly racist. It's always been something that has bothered me a little but lately it feels worse. I guess because I've been working as a receptionist lately and that puts me at the forefront of dealing with clients. The office I'm at has a glass storefront and the desk I sit at is in plain view, putting me at the center of attention. Every single week I've been working, someone has hit on me. When I go out in public, people blatantly stare. It makes friends and family uncomfortable because that amount of attention isn't normal. It puts a spotlight on you when you're just trying to buy a book or have lunch or do any manner of mundaneness. I've been asked if I'm a model. I had a customer suggest to me that I should quit my job and become an actress, not because I have any talent for acting but because I have the face for it. People feel the need to tell me these things, and I know I should be flattered but I'm not. It feels empty. I think I'd prefer people not mentioning my physical appearance altogether.

I know it's taboo to complain about a privilege, but as the saying goes, there's no such thing as a free lunch. Privileges come at their own costs. You take for granted being able to run errands and just blend in with everyone else. I don't want someone watching me as I pick out my groceries. I don't want some guy following me into the gas station and start touching my hair. I don't want to deal with attitudes that suggest it's unacceptable for me to actually want to be single. I don't want someone touching me and kissing me against my will just because they find me attractive. I didn't sign some contract that says, "Sure I'll put up with this bullshit. Make me pretty."

I know what I have is an advantage and if given the choice, I probably wouldn't choose otherwise. I'm just somebody who wanted to rant.

[Glyn]

I'm really sorry to hear this. I don't know what to suggest to help you.

I'm on the other end of the scale - I'm not exactly the best looking guy and I am more than just a little overweight. It's not me being insulting about myself or putting myself down or anything - I'm just trying to be realistic with myself on this matter. One of the few good things about being the size I am is that I don't get people coming onto me, trying it on or making any passes at me - sexual or otherwise.

It's reassuring to know that people are talking to me because of who I am, and not what I look like.

(Although when people do come onto me, it tends to be pretty damn weird, but that's another topic for anther conversation!)

I used to work with one guy who himself was a good looking guy. He was in his early twenties and liked to work out. Me and him were close friends at the time, and I noticed that he received a LOT of unwanted attention because of it. One of the receptionists had on more than a couple occasions jumped on him while he was standing up and working - and proceeded to straddle him. Needless to say, it made him really uncomfortable. And no matter how many times he asked her to stop, that he wasn't interested, he had a girlfriend and it was making him uncomfortable, she still would come over and repeat the same thing again and again.

And I am sure I wasn't the only person who noticed her doing this - she would regularly do this when all the staff were waiting for the lunch time meals to come off from the servery (we all worked in catering).

There was another woman who's actions have made me uncomfortable to watch, actions which I've found just plain creepy and disgusting - so you can imagine how he felt. On a number of occasions, I've watched her run her hands up and down his upper arms, and she's even lifted his shirt, put her hand up his shirt and fondled his chest.

It has made me feel really uncomfortable to notice this, so you can imagine how uncomfortable he felt. What she did in my mind was sexual harassment.

The worst part of it was that she was old enough to be his mother - she should've known better.

[Techie]

I have come to believe the universe can have a weird sense of humor. I constantly have to ask why I was given a desire for companionship and a romantic relationship yet no interest in what most people find enjoyable and tends to bind them together. You find yourself "gifted" with attributes that make you a magnet yet you have zero interest in that. Someday I hope the universe can explain exactly WHY this is. I hate being the butt of joke when I do not know the punchline.

[ballerina]

You need one of those fake pregnancy suits - that will send them running!

[Faia]

Your coworker who used the term "Oriental princess" is probably fetishizing your appearance (think yellow fever), which is especially bad if you identify as a variation of Asian American because they just totally implied you are not even American. (Your location says USA but idk if you identify as American. Either way, oriental is a term that implies exotic things liked by the Western people who colonized East Asia.) I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

[Sockstealingnome]

Ah Glyn I'm not really looking for help. I don't think there's anything to do short of becoming a hermit, and I'm a homebody as it is. I was just complaining. There's only so many leers you can endure before you blow your top. And the actions of those female coworkers was gross. It never fails to amaze me how inappropriate some people can be. I have this pet peeve about come ons when you're at work. It's just a big no-no in my book but that doesn't seem to be the case for other people. There's this one guy who's a good 15-25 years older than me who keeps coming into my job to ask me out to dinner and doesn't seem to get it when I keep refusing. His response was even, "I'll keep my fingers that maybe you'll change your mind." Or maybe I won't. Ever.

Ballerina- Bwhahaha! I cracked up reading that.

[Soraiko]

I get what you mean. One of my favorite musicians, who happens to be ace too, has a song about exactly what you're saying.

I have no idea if I'm attractive or pretty or anything or not. I've been called cute, but I think it's similar to how people find kittens cute, which is weird given that I'm kinda tall and such. Anyway people tend to just ignore me no matter what, but I can see what you mean. It sounds majorly like a pain.

I'm not sure what to really say though. :(

Cake?

[yellow]

I agree that having people comment on your physical appearance can be unnerving, especially strangers or people you aren't that close to. I had an old coworker who liked to comment on how thin I was and how I should dress to show off my figure. She was a larger woman and she genuinely thought she was complimenting me. One day she asked me what I weighed, and I turned to her and asked her the same. She gasped and said it was rude to ask a heavy person their weight. I responded that it was rude to ask anyone their weight. She didn't realize that I didn't want anyone noticing my body or commenting on it, silly woman!

[Sockstealingnome]

I get what you mean. One of my favorite musicians, who happens to be ace too, has a song about exactly what you're saying.

I have no idea if I'm attractive or pretty or anything or not. I've been called cute, but I think it's similar to how people find kittens cute, which is weird given that I'm kinda tall and such. Anyway people tend to just ignore me no matter what, but I can see what you mean. It sounds majorly like a pain.

I'm not sure what to really say though. :(

Cake?

Who's the artist and what's the song? I want to hear it.

[SorryNotSorry]

Try being a giant sometime. Not fun.

[potato-chip]

I hear you... Essentially you have to put up with mild (or sometimes more than mild) sexual harassment whoever you go. It's shittY!

[Cheerful]

I don't know what to say. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

[Prisma]

I know your pain, though a few levels lower (I'm not that pretty). I don't have a specific story to share, though: it's mostly the "every guy who has a conversation with me is trying to hit on me" kind of thing.

But there is something I want to get straight:

you said "I know I should be flattered" and "I know it's taboo to complain about a privilege". So let me tell you something: The fact that other people find it a compliment doesn't mean that you have to as well. People have different ways to look on things, and the way you see it, physical look isn't important and it's weird someone should mention that- which means that there's nothing flattering in that for you. What others think is irrelevant. The same goes for the privilege point: If it hurts more than it helps, it's not a privilege. As simple as that.

[TooOldForThis]

I am very sorry you have to deal with all that unwanted attention! I don't really know what to say, for advice; perhaps if they are just complimenting you then you could compliment them back, and make it a case of mutual politeness rather than awkward attraction? Or perhaps that would make it worse. I am not sure. Might be worth a try.

As for people actually asking you out, though, I don't have any ideas at all. I mean, obviously you can keep turning them down, but short of outright rudeness I can't think of how to get them to stop asking. Maybe being polite but really blunt, e.g. "It is nice of you to ask, but I have no interest in dating, and that is not going to change, so please stop asking - it is awkward and embarassing for both of us." Although maybe you've already tried that.

Anyway, sympathy, and cake if you want it! If not, delicious tea :)

[Soraiko]

It's "Thank God I'm Pretty" by Emilie Autumn. It's a really good song. I love all of her music though.

[Glyn]

My apologies for seemingly going slightly off topic here (and perhaps I am being a little self-centred - sorry about that), but there were a couple of things that went through my mind as I read everyone's posts:

I agree that having people comment on your physical appearance can be unnerving, especially strangers or people you aren't that close to. I had an old coworker who liked to comment on how thin I was and how I should dress to show off my figure. She was a larger woman and she genuinely thought she was complimenting me. One day she asked me what I weighed, and I turned to her and asked her the same. She gasped and said it was rude to ask a heavy person their weight. I responded that it was rude to ask anyone their weight. She didn't realize that I didn't want anyone noticing my body or commenting on it, silly woman!

You reminded me of a saying that I try to live by - "Don't ask a question you're not prepared to answer yourself." There's been quite a few times where I've almost asked something, only to realise that I won't want to answer the question if it was posed to me.

I know your pain, though a few levels lower (I'm not that pretty). I don't have a specific story to share, though: it's mostly the "every guy who has a conversation with me is trying to hit on me" kind of thing.

But there is something I want to get straight:

you said "I know I should be flattered" and "I know it's taboo to complain about a privilege". So let me tell you something: The fact that other people find it a compliment doesn't mean that you have to as well. People have different ways to look on things, and the way you see it, physical look isn't important and it's weird someone should mention that- which means that there's nothing flattering in that for you. What others think is irrelevant. The same goes for the privilege point: If it hurts more than it helps, it's not a privilege. As simple as that.

That I can relate to. As mentioned before, I am more than just a little overweight. There have been times where I have lost weight, and people tell me that "You look so much better now!"

Intellectually, I recognise that they are trying to pay me a compliment, but all it does is make me feel really, really uncomfortable. There is a niggly feeling at the back of my mind - it feels like people actually care more about what I look like than the kind of person I am.

I have been on the large side for such a long time now that I have come to accept the fact that people will always remember me for being large. If I suddenly became a 10 stone/140ib bloke tomorrow, I know that somebody - at some point - will remark "Hey, you've lost a HELL of a lot of weight!" or will say "I remember way back when you were a big bloke...." etc. They're not trying to be horrible or rude, it's just one of those things.

I've accepted my size and liked to think there is more to me than just my weight, in much the same way that there is much more to someone than their physical attractiveness. Of course, if I died tomorrow, people will remember me for my size, no matter what weight I am - but I hope that people will also remember me for being more than just being big.

I hope I'm remembered for being that guy who was into Star Trek. I want to be remembered for being a good friend, that I wasn't too bad a person. Of course, I've screwed up more than a few times in my lifetime (everyone does at some point) and I've done some stupidly embarrassing things. But I hope people will remember me for all the other things too. I'd probably be remembered for joking around about certain pigeon-related activities and for being Toilet Wookie of a certain infamous shopping channel on these message boards!

But when you tell me I look better.... it feels like none of that counts for anything - only my physical appearance. And I hate that. It feels so... I don't know... shallow....

Sorry about hijacking the thread, but occasionally, someone says something about appearances that bugs me too.

[Sockstealingnome]

I hear you... Essentially you have to put up with mild (or sometimes more than mild) sexual harassment whoever you go. It's shittY!

Actually it's pretty rare for me to get sexually harassed. I don't get lewd comments. I don't know why but I'm not complaining. Even the creepy ones only remark that they find me attractive and would like to take me out to dinner. Respectful but still creepy. I had the misfortune of getting hit on for the first time today at my second job. Despite seeing a much larger influx of customers at this job, it's the one where I deal with the least amount of flirty behavior but all that was ruined by this guy in his 50's who kept coming back into the store to talk to me. He even said he'd make sure to visit more often so he could get to know me better and even told me his phone number and address.

I know your pain, though a few levels lower (I'm not that pretty). I don't have a specific story to share, though: it's mostly the "every guy who has a conversation with me is trying to hit on me" kind of thing.

But there is something I want to get straight:

you said "I know I should be flattered" and "I know it's taboo to complain about a privilege". So let me tell you something: The fact that other people find it a compliment doesn't mean that you have to as well. People have different ways to look on things, and the way you see it, physical look isn't important and it's weird someone should mention that- which means that there's nothing flattering in that for you. What others think is irrelevant. The same goes for the privilege point: If it hurts more than it helps, it's not a privilege. As simple as that.

Yeah you're right. Thank you to everyone for hearing me out and not automatically brushing me off as a drama queen. This isn't the kind of stuff you can say out loud and have people take you seriously. I was prepared for backlash and to be told to get over myself.

I am very sorry you have to deal with all that unwanted attention! I don't really know what to say, for advice; perhaps if they are just complimenting you then you could compliment them back, and make it a case of mutual politeness rather than awkward attraction? Or perhaps that would make it worse. I am not sure. Might be worth a try.

As for people actually asking you out, though, I don't have any ideas at all. I mean, obviously you can keep turning them down, but short of outright rudeness I can't think of how to get them to stop asking. Maybe being polite but really blunt, e.g. "It is nice of you to ask, but I have no interest in dating, and that is not going to change, so please stop asking - it is awkward and embarassing for both of us." Although maybe you've already tried that.

Anyway, sympathy, and cake if you want it! If not, delicious tea :)

See I did make it clear I wasn't interested. I told him outright I didn't want a relationship, and he completely ignored that with his remark which pissed me off. That's not the first time some guy has brushed off my wishes in favor of his own interests.

[Sockstealingnome]

I know your pain, though a few levels lower (I'm not that pretty). I don't have a specific story to share, though: it's mostly the "every guy who has a conversation with me is trying to hit on me" kind of thing.

But there is something I want to get straight:

you said "I know I should be flattered" and "I know it's taboo to complain about a privilege". So let me tell you something: The fact that other people find it a compliment doesn't mean that you have to as well. People have different ways to look on things, and the way you see it, physical look isn't important and it's weird someone should mention that- which means that there's nothing flattering in that for you. What others think is irrelevant. The same goes for the privilege point: If it hurts more than it helps, it's not a privilege. As simple as that.

That I can relate to. As mentioned before, I am more than just a little overweight. There have been times where I have lost weight, and people tell me that "You look so much better now!"

Intellectually, I recognise that they are trying to pay me a compliment, but all it does is make me feel really, really uncomfortable. There is a niggly feeling at the back of my mind - it feels like people actually care more about what I look like than the kind of person I am.

I have been on the large side for such a long time now that I have come to accept the fact that people will always remember me for being large. If I suddenly became a 10 stone/140ib bloke tomorrow, I know that somebody - at some point - will remark "Hey, you've lost a HELL of a lot of weight!" or will say "I remember way back when you were a big bloke...." etc. They're not trying to be horrible or rude, it's just one of those things.

I've accepted my size and liked to think there is more to me than just my weight, in much the same way that there is much more to someone than their physical attractiveness. Of course, if I died tomorrow, people will remember me for my size, no matter what weight I am - but I hope that people will also remember me for being more than just being big.

I hope I'm remembered for being that guy who was into Star Trek. I want to be remembered for being a good friend, that I wasn't too bad a person. Of course, I've screwed up more than a few times in my lifetime (everyone does at some point) and I've done some stupidly embarrassing things. But I hope people will remember me for all the other things too. I'd probably be remembered for joking around about certain pigeon-related activities and for being Toilet Wookie of a certain infamous shopping channel on these message boards!

But when you tell me I look better.... it feels like none of that counts for anything - only my physical appearance. And I hate that. It feels so... I don't know... shallow....

Sorry about hijacking the thread, but occasionally, someone says something about appearances that bugs me too.

This. These people don't even realize it but they give you these backhanded compliments that you're expected to appreciate. So you smile to be polite but you can't shake this feeling of hollowness.

[Glyn]

I know your pain, though a few levels lower (I'm not that pretty). I don't have a specific story to share, though: it's mostly the "every guy who has a conversation with me is trying to hit on me" kind of thing.

But there is something I want to get straight:

you said "I know I should be flattered" and "I know it's taboo to complain about a privilege". So let me tell you something: The fact that other people find it a compliment doesn't mean that you have to as well. People have different ways to look on things, and the way you see it, physical look isn't important and it's weird someone should mention that- which means that there's nothing flattering in that for you. What others think is irrelevant. The same goes for the privilege point: If it hurts more than it helps, it's not a privilege. As simple as that.

That I can relate to. As mentioned before, I am more than just a little overweight. There have been times where I have lost weight, and people tell me that "You look so much better now!"

Intellectually, I recognise that they are trying to pay me a compliment, but all it does is make me feel really, really uncomfortable. There is a niggly feeling at the back of my mind - it feels like people actually care more about what I look like than the kind of person I am.

I have been on the large side for such a long time now that I have come to accept the fact that people will always remember me for being large. If I suddenly became a 10 stone/140ib bloke tomorrow, I know that somebody - at some point - will remark "Hey, you've lost a HELL of a lot of weight!" or will say "I remember way back when you were a big bloke...." etc. They're not trying to be horrible or rude, it's just one of those things.

I've accepted my size and liked to think there is more to me than just my weight, in much the same way that there is much more to someone than their physical attractiveness. Of course, if I died tomorrow, people will remember me for my size, no matter what weight I am - but I hope that people will also remember me for being more than just being big.

I hope I'm remembered for being that guy who was into Star Trek. I want to be remembered for being a good friend, that I wasn't too bad a person. Of course, I've screwed up more than a few times in my lifetime (everyone does at some point) and I've done some stupidly embarrassing things. But I hope people will remember me for all the other things too. I'd probably be remembered for joking around about certain pigeon-related activities and for being Toilet Wookie of a certain infamous shopping channel on these message boards!

But when you tell me I look better.... it feels like none of that counts for anything - only my physical appearance. And I hate that. It feels so... I don't know... shallow....

Sorry about hijacking the thread, but occasionally, someone says something about appearances that bugs me too.

This. These people don't even realize it but they give you these backhanded compliments that you're expected to appreciate. So you smile to be polite but you can't shake this feeling of hollowness.

Exactly! That is exactly how I feel!

[Igzat]

You are probably prettier than me, and I also don't have to deal with the whole Asian woman stereotype, but I still have some advice I want to share, which is to be very firm and not leave your rejection open to interpretation. For example, saying "I'm not looking for a relationship" implies "but if I were, I would definitely consider you." Saying "I have a boyfriend" means "check back later to see if I am single."

I use: "No, thank you. I'm not interested."

The first time especially it can be hard to state such a straight-forward opinion without trying to justify it in any way, but the way they open their mouths to argue and then realize you haven't given them anything to argue with is pretty sweet and totally worth it. It feels rude but it's actually not rude and even if someone tries to call you out on it, what can they really say? It's not a put down, it's not mean, it's just the truth.

If you've tried this already and the same guys keep coming around, that sucks. And it doesn't help with creepers following you around and touching your hair (wtf), and there will always be more. Still, when I worked with people I thought the "stalkers" were the worst and they always made me want to change jobs.

[GiraffeSpots]

I know what you mean. On the one hand, my looks have put me in uncomfortable situations (a stranger proposed to me in a park, my dad wouldn't stand next to me in a queue because I looked like a "bunny girl") but on the other hand, I like being pretty. I like dressing up as a princess to sit about in my house and sing Disney songs. It's fun. I don't want to stop feeling pretty, I just wish other people wouldn't see me that way.

[Celes]

I definitely get why this would suck. I noticed this on a much smaller scale when I lost weight a few years ago. Mind you, not a huge amount of weight, so I'm not at like stereotypical American babe status, but essentially went from size XL to size M. I also lost the weight while abroad, so I noticed a sudden change when I was back in the states in how people treated me. Like for example, if size M me made polite small talk with a male cashier, they would start flirting back, whereas size XL me could be generally kind and jovial to everyone and no one would take it as romantic/sexual interest. I realized that my physical appearance was vastly changing how some people saw/spoke to/reacted to me. So I can totally get why it would be frustrating to have to deal with that kind of unwanted attention every day. There's something incredibly.... I don't know, disturbing about it. Like you're constantly being watched.

[trixyd]

I see why the attention might start to get wearisome, and I sympathize. I have to admit that I don't have your problem, being male (and a very large butch looking one at that), I definitely don't get hit on very often. In fact I'm pretty sure if I was in your position I'd hate it just as much as you. I'm not sure what to suggest other than moving to a career that doesn't involve a lot of physical contact with other people.

If you're beautiful by most peoples standards then I'm afraid you will go through life getting lots of attention. C'est la vie.

[Sockstealingnome]

I know what you mean. On the one hand, my looks have put me in uncomfortable situations (a stranger proposed to me in a park, my dad wouldn't stand next to me in a queue because I looked like a "bunny girl") but on the other hand, I like being pretty. I like dressing up as a princess to sit about in my house and sing Disney songs. It's fun. I don't want to stop feeling pretty, I just wish other people wouldn't see me that way.

I, too, like clothes and dressing up because putting together a well polished outfit is fun to me. It took me a long time not to regret wearing whatever it was I'd be wearing when I stepped out of the house. Sometimes when I run into creepers or when my mom expects me to dress a certain way, I want to do the exact opposite and frump myself up. I'll wear baggy clothes and no makeup. I won't brush my hair. I did that one day and had on what my sister called grandpa jeans and a plain brown shirt and was actually reveling in being a part of the background. I went and shopped for books and at one point while browsing, I looked up and caught the eye of some guy who had been staring at me the whole time. Damn. Can't even be invisible on frumpy days.

I see why the attention might start to get wearisome, and I sympathize. I have to admit that I don't have your problem, being male (and a very large butch looking one at that), I definitely don't get hit on very often. In fact I'm pretty sure if I was in your position I'd hate it just as much as you. I'm not sure what to suggest other than moving to a career that doesn't involve a lot of physical contact with other people.

If you're beautiful by most peoples standards then I'm afraid you will go through life getting lots of attention. C'est la vie.

It's not even a career. I'm just working these jobs until I can figure out what to do with my life, and these weren't my first choice. I tried to get a job in a bakery since that's what I have a degree in but they wouldn't hire me. So the only thing I had left to me was working in customer service.

[Perseus]

If you are pretty you are that way for a reason. Don't resent it.

[scarletlatitude]

Here's something slightly more creepy -

I teach teenagers, and at least once a week I have a male student (a male TEENAGER) say something along the lines of "hey beautiful lady". AND I have to ignore it because parents won't do anything about it and the admin will just tell them not to do it again. <_<

It is truly different being a woman that is considered "pretty". There is so much sexual harassment that happens, and a lot of people just go with it. :( I can offer you related internet images.

[Member7783]

I can somewhat sympathize (and empathize) with this. I am a handsome man. That's not arrogant, just a fact. I have good genetics, have a pleasant looking face, and i've worked DAMNED hard for my physique, and I have always, always, always turned the heads of the opposite sex (and sometimes the same sex if we're being honest...and it's really kind of flattering that gay men find me hot). But, I never really appreciated the attention I got, because most people only saw the outside of me and I was always looking for the woman who had the power to peer INTO me and see me for who I really am. Nowadays, I stay away from people as much as possible, and I even go so far as to only go to the gym late at night when nobody is around so I don't have to deal with unwanted attention. I no longer go into pubs (bad spots for asexuals in college towns), and I do a lot of other things as modifications to my lifestyle so I don't attract unwanted attention. I'm cute and I recognize it...and I can't help it, but damn is it ever frustrating sometimes.

[Chardog]

Ugh... Feeling this thread all the way and then some... Try being a good looking woman who doesn't identify as being female. Looking at myself in the mirror as I am doesn't bother me, but other people's attention/hitting on me gives me full on dysphoria :/

[jimerman]

i am decently attractive but it doesn't effect guys as much as it does girls. for me it was all the girls looked at me and sense i am pretty social they allays expected me to ask them out on dates but i never did (i always thought it was funny when they got mad at me for this). the guy is the initiator so i cant relate to you to much but ever sense i came out as ace something happened to where everyone is coming after me now. i n the last 3 weeks alone i have been asked out by 3 girls and 2 guys oddly enough. again just ranting like you but i found it really odd and i am not used to turning people down.

[Sockstealingnome]

Ugh... Feeling this thread all the way and then some... Try being a good looking woman who doesn't identify as being female. Looking at myself in the mirror as I am doesn't bother me, but other people's attention/hitting on me gives me full on dysphoria :/

Oh god the body dysphoria...Of course that was probably due to a big change in my body and the way my family reacted to it. I ended up gaining a considerable amount of weight post-graduation from high school and having my family tell me everyday how fat I had become. When I started getting stared at I thought surely they must all be noticing my fat and feeling ever the more self-conscious because of it. It took me several years to realize that to everyone else, my weight gain made me more, uh, womanly.

i am decently attractive but it doesn't effect guys as much as it does girls. for me it was all the girls looked at me and sense i am pretty social they allays expected me to ask them out on dates but i never did (i always thought it was funny when they got mad at me for this). the guy is the initiator so i cant relate to you to much but ever sense i came out as ace something happened to where everyone is coming after me now. i n the last 3 weeks alone i have been asked out by 3 girls and 2 guys oddly enough. again just ranting like you but i found it really odd and i am not used to turning people down.

I think that might have to do with a feeling of self-confidence that comes with aromanticism. The fact that we aren't interested in relationships is very appealing to others because it's the exact opposite of desperation. If any other aros disagree, do prove me wrong.