plaidclash Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 Hello, friend!I am a sixteen year old female, and lately I've been questioning my sexuality. I AM a virgin and I've never dated. I have felt emotionally attached to certain people but only as friends. I've talked to guys before, but NEVER once felt aroused (ever), in fact I'm not really interested in dating like my friends all are. I mean, I can find someone to be good-looking, but that's about it. For a while last year, I was confused. I thought, "since I am not showing interest in guys, I MUST be gay, right?" But more recently I finally pinpointed that I'm not a lesbian, because I've never really been interested in girls, either. I'm just realizing that I don't want to have sex. I have no libido, no desire, and I never look at someone and think, "Wow. I want to have sex with you." Recently I discovered the concept of asexuality, and as I was reading the description, I was like, "HOLY CRAP THAT SOUNDS JUST LIKE ME!" I did more research and almost everything accurately describes my feelings. I've never masturbated (ew... I don't even like to mention that word) and have no desire to. I can be cuddly and romantic to a certain extent, but only after knowing someone for a long time. I don't like when people touch me, even friends, unless I initiate it. I've made sure my friends know not to touch me at all without asking, and they all respect that completely. I only like to socialize occasionally, with certain people too. I've never had an actual crush on anyone (except a few actors, but I don't really get turned on by them... I never fantasize about anyone but I DO find them to be aesthetically pleasing). I don't know. I'm a fangirl (please don't judge) so I've read porn-ridden fanfiction but have never been turned on by it or anything, in fact I feel the sexy scenes aren't really necessary to portray love between characters, and sometimes it even grosses me out. Lingerie also looks uncomfortable and I have no idea why some people think it's attractive or fun or whatever. Same with kinky stuff... I just don't get it. Most of my friends have had crushes, had boy/girlfriends, and have gone as far as sex. I'm starting to feel "out of place" I guess, and my lack of feelings is becoming more obvious/apparent to me. I never want to be married and I DEFINITELY do not plan on having kids, unless I adopt a child, but I can see myself dating someone. I can't stand the thought of pregnancy. Sex grosses me out completely. I am repulsed by the thought of genitals and I I can't tell if I'm just being immature... I mean, how old are people before they start having sexual feelings? All my friends seem to (although I never really talk about it with them) and I've gone through puberty. I just feel like I'm not the same as everyone else. Lastly, I want to add that I think everyone looks better with their clothes ON!!! I look at faces, not boobs/asses/abs/etc...Ok, I think I covered everything... sorry I listed so much stuff. I just wanted to make sure I got all my thoughts down. I also want to reiterate the fact that I DO think people are attractive physically, but I don't desire sex with them. Does that mean I could be asexual? I know I don't need to put a label on myself, especially at this age, but I'm just SO confused and I really want to know what the deal is. I just feel that it would be convienient to have a word like "asexual" to describe myself. Thank you so much! PS. Sorry this is so long... I wanted to be thorough! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Member54880 Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 Welcome! It's possible to be asexual and find people attractive. The term for being attracted to someone's looks in a non-sexual way is aesthetic attraction. You're not immature for being repulsed by sex, and many asexuals are repulsed by it to different degrees. Most people start experiencing sexual feelings after puberty, so you're not too young to identify with the asexual label. Many people who realize they're asexual at your age realize it when they realize they don't have the same interest in sex that so many of their peers do. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 Non-libidoist is more specific but you can go by asexual too. A non-libidoist is someone who cannot become sexually aroused and thus do not masturbate or someone who can but do not desire to. Some asexuals can be sex repulsed. Some people have touch aversions, i have it with strangers. Also, an Aromantic is someone who does not feel romantic attraction. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Froggles Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 It sounds like you definitely share a lot of qualities with many on here! I think the biggest advice I can offer is just to stay positive. A lot of us were sort of afraid of how to handle the future when we started to understand our sexuality (or lack thereof), but there's so much to enjoy in life without experiencing sexual desire or attraction. I would also encourage you to keep your doors open rather than shut - sexuality can be very fluid in nature, and you may find that you have changed several years down the line or that perhaps there are elements about yourself you did not completely understand. Good luck on your journey, and welcome to AVEN! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
plaidclash Posted February 14, 2015 Author Share Posted February 14, 2015 It sounds like you definitely share a lot of qualities with many on here! I think the biggest advice I can offer is just to stay positive. A lot of us were sort of afraid of how to handle the future when we started to understand our sexuality (or lack thereof), but there's so much to enjoy in life without experiencing sexual desire or attraction. I would also encourage you to keep your doors open rather than shut - sexuality can be very fluid in nature, and you may find that you have changed several years down the line or that perhaps there are elements about yourself you did not completely understand. Good luck on your journey, and welcome to AVEN! Thank you so much! I'm thinking about labeling myself as asexual now, and maybe telling people. Also, thank you for the virtual cake! ^_^ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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