Am I experiencing sexual attraction or not?

[Handinmypocket]

Hi,

I am new here and I am very confused about my sexual orientation and I was hoping maybe someone could help me clarify some things for myself. Sorry about the long post.

I believe that my major problem is that I cannot seem to get aroused, hardly even during sex, I don't get particularly wet when I masturbate, etc. I've seen a lot of people whom I find attractive in the sense that I want to touch them, kiss them, press my body up against them and I really do want to have sex with them too, but since I never really get aroused I feel like reality would probably not be as good as Id like to think it would be. When I think about those situation I get a kind of short lived feeling in the pit of my stomach, and when I read erotic novels or watch erotic scenes I feel a kind of throbbing between my legs but it's also short lived, it's seriously like one or two throbs. I have sex dreams pretty often in which I am usually super turned on by just the smallest touch though, so I know what it feels like, I've just not really experienced it in real life. Which I want to, so badly, since I really want to have sex with certain people.

When I masturbate however, like I said I don't really get wet, and when I try to think about someone during it, its usually kind of distracting. I'm pretty sure I'm orgasming simply through stimuli and that my body can't get turned on in its conscious state. Except maybe with my best friend from high school who is not a very physical person but I remember once when she was sad and put her head on my shoulder and I felt this electrical current through my body, it was exactly what being turned on feels like in my dreams but to a lesser extent since it wasn't in a sexual situation. But she has, kind of sadly, always been a person towards whom I've felt the type of attraction I usually experience, which i have yet to classify.

So to sum it up, I do want sex with certain people, I absolutely love a heavy make out session, but I have a hard (impossible) time getting turned on. I'm also thinking that I might simply be a lesbian, because I've never actually had sex with a girl, but wouldn't I get aroused by thinking about it then? Or making out with them? Because that I have done. Not with my best friend though, that would be interesting for sure.

Does this seem like I might be asexual? Or is there more likely something wrong with my body, or how my body operates when I'm awake? Again I'm really sorry for this long, rambling post.

[Laurens]

Asexuality is all about attraction. If you say you want sex with certain people, you're probably not asexual. However, it sounds like you have a low libido? Your problem seems to be getting aroused and not so much the sexual attraction part or the desire to have partnered sex.

I'm not sure how to help or advice you further, but perhaps others here have some good suggestions.

[Guest]

Everyone I know "came out", or came to realize, their orientation based on another actual human person, not on abstractions. In other words, if you feel electric when touching one girl, the fact that you don't feel that way when touching a totally different girl is... meaningless. I'm lesbian but i don't respond to, well, almost anyone in that way.

I field a lot of questions around here in the "i don't know how i feel about guys and i think girls are swell and am I lesbian?" vein and my response is always, always, always... come back to me when you have an actual person who makes you feel things. People aren't attracted to gender categories, they are attracted to humans who we happen to classify into gender categories.

In other words... there's a girl you like. The inquiry can end there, IMO.

[Handinmypocket]

Thanks for your replies!

Laurens - yes I've been thinking the same thing but since I have a tendency to over-analyze everything I can't help but wonder if maybe I feel like I want to have sex with these people is because I find them aesthetically attractive and society has taught me that this means I want sex with them? But I really do want it, except how can I tell if it's because of sexual attraction or general brainwashing due to a normative society? Since I don't even get turned on, why do I want it? The only thing I know is that I think about sex, with these people, a lot (more than I want to admit :P), and just because someone is very good looking to me it doesn't automatically make me want to have sex with them. I need some other kind of spark.

Skullery maid - I agree, there is someone who makes me feel something, but the feeling is still much vaguer than I feel like it should be. It's like my mind wants it more than my body? I read about people asking if it's normal for asexuals to become aroused every now and then but still not want sex, but never the other way around. And I realize that one is not attracted to "girls" as in "all girls" or "guys" as in "all guys" but I'm thinking maybe I've been focusing on guys a little too much when they don't turn me on in that sense, and maybe a girl would. Who knows. I know I can feel romantic and sensual attraction towards guys though. Because I'm currently in a heterosexual relationship and have been since I was 19 (same relationship, 5 years now) and I want to hug him and kiss him but I never get turned on when we have sex and I knew initially I wasn't attracted to him but it never bothered me a lot until recently so idk...

I'm rambling again :(