Hufflepuff36 Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Hi, I'm really sorry for doing one of these 'am I asexual' posts but I want to hopefully 'come out' to my friend tomorrow & I just want some more opinions before I do. So basically I read a lot of erotica (fanfiction) and have watched porn and find it arousing and I wank a bit but whenever i imagine myself in that situation I just get turned off completely. I love the idea of kissing & cuddling and loads of my friends like to tell me about their sexual exploits and I'm not repulsed by it (probably because it's them doing it not me)I just really don't like the idea of doing it myself. I'm only 15... Does this mean I'm ace or 'just not met the right person yet'. All help is appreciated, thanks for reading Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Cimmerian Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Well it could technically be either, but as you're 15 I think you have decent exposure to sexual stimuli and I don't see a reason why you couldn't be asexual based on what you said. Trust your instincts about it, if what you've heard/read about asexuals around here sounds like you feel then go with it. :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SkyWorld Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Well, first of all I would like to mention that sexuality is fluid. So even if you "have't met the right person yet", that doesn't mean that you could be asexual right now. I'd also like to mention that it doesn't necessarily mean that you're asexual or not and it's still completely up to you and only you can tell that about yourself and decide to identify with it or not. I mean, someone could be heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, etc. and still not have "found the right person". So why don't they just identify with asexual? Because they know who they are and just because they haven't "met the right person" doesn't mean that they don't know about themself and what they identify. My point is, it's possible that you can be any of the sexual orientations and finding that special someone doesn't necessarily define your sexual orientation. Besides, all asexuals are different. No two people are the same. Some asexuals read erotica, some don't. Some like porn, some don't. Some like kissing and cuddling, some don't. Some are repulsed by sex, some aren't. It's totally okay if you like that! You're old enough to define yourself, but it's also completely okay not to know or be sure just yet. It's nothing more than a label anyways and you are always welcome here regardless of who you are and what you identify with. ^_^ Good luck! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
CNGB Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 We aren't allowed to answer whether or not you're asexual, as you're the only one who can determine what your sexuality is, but I'm going to say that I think you sound like you are. You're fifteen years old; you're not a baby anymore. You've hit puberty. By now if you were going to experience some kind of sexual attraction you probably would have. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Schattenschatz Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Whether you are or not, I don't think you need to rush to 'come out' to your friend or be absolutely certain of how you feel before you are able to talk about it with friends. In fact, talking to someone you trust about it could help you determine how you actually feel. Sometimes just talking things out makes them clearer. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
werevampire Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 Could be that you're too young. Could be that you're ace. Maybe just don't worry about it for now. It's only a big deal if you make it one. ;) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Null_and_Void Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 Okay, as I tell nearly everyone, you are what you are. Labels are something we've invented to help describe things. If you break things down enough, these labels fall apart and we're all entirely unique. As I've told people before, terms like "heterosexual" only serve to get the point across that the people you are sexually attracted to are exclusively of the opposite sex. The term does not mean that you are attracted to all members of the opposite sex. Everyone has their own preferences (or lack thereof), and thus all of these labels are only over-generalizations used for the sole purpose of communicating a vague point. The fact of the matter is that it doesn't matter if you're asexual or not. If you feel that the word helps you get your point across, by all means, use it, but please do not tear yourself apart trying to find a label that fits you. Just live your life as you wish to and engage in relations that you are comfortable with. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
EquationWorthSolving Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 I'm also 15 and identify as asexual. I still have misgivings about being 'just a late bloomer' or too young, but I've come to the conclusion that even if I am those things, I am currently asexual. The future is the future, and you can't let that bug you. If, at this current moment in time, you feel that you are asexual and you would like to identify and come out as asexual, it doesn't matter if tomorrow you wake up and realise you're something else because sexuality is just that fluid and the future is just that unpredictable. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 I'm a similar age 16 nearly 17 and I also want to cuddle and kiss people who I fancy , but I don't feel sexualy attracted to people , very similar to you ! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
a-happyhippie Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Honestly it doesn't matter if you have or have not "met the right person". If you truly believe you're asexual, then you are. That could change within the next few weeks or next few years--you never know--but what matters is the now, and if you're asexual today, then you're asexual. Only you can determine your sexuality. (: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tarfeather Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Agree to most of what has been said, plus, maybe I'm just a bit too traditional, but shouldn't you care a lot more about your partner preference than about your sexuality at that age? That is, isn't it the time right now for you to find out whether you are interested in dating people or not? :) The sexual stuff will make a lot more sense if you have a partner (or if you realize you don't want one, heh) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WintersWhite Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 If it makes you feel you're not alone, I am also 15 and I identify as asexual. Some people already have sex around this age and get aroused by people so the 'too young' thing isn't an issue I don't think. Nothing contradicts the possibility of you being asexual in what you said, but choose the label you feel suits you best. It is your identity after all, we all have no right to determine it for you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NukilikUlva Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Hey, just wanted to give a tiny bit of input from the sexual side. A lot of people are going to tell you you're "too young to know" and you MIGHT be; but you probably aren't. That's like telling a gay teen that they're confused or going through a phase. I started coming out when I was thirteen/fourteen. I knew 100% that I loved girls, I knew I thought they were sexy and that I wouldn't ever be able to sleep with a man. At first people did try to tell me that I was too young to know for sure. The thing that does worry me a bit is that you are fifteen. And call me old fashioned but rushing into anything sexual at a young age is dangerous for your emotional side. (And physical side wtf am I saying?) I'm not going to sit here and tell you to wait until youre married or something I'm just saying give it a few years before you commit to a physical relationship. If you do happen to end up having sex you don't want it to be with the wrong person. Your first sexual experience will usually be very "dream-crushing" as in it probably won't be what you're expecting. And doing it with someone that's going to break your heart later will just make it that much more upsetting. You are what you are! Your sexuality could be totally fluid. Right now if it comforts you to identify as asexual then go for it! And if you change your mind later it's not a problem at all. However I would suggest not rushing your "coming out". Too often do people come out and then change their mind and regret it because they end up judged. (I would be one of them haha). So do what YOU feel is right. Now one can tell you what your gut is telling you. At the age of fifteen you probably haven't met the person(s) that you're going to spend the majority of your life with, but that doesn't mean you can't identify yourself if you feel you need to. Some people like labels and some don't. I'm OCD and I found it 100% necessary to label myself. But that's just me ;3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BlueBird813 Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 If it helps, I'm 14 and I identify as asexual. What you said about what your exposure to stuff has been like sounds about the same as my experience. I don't think you need to worry about it. It's not like there are Sexuality Police. You don't have to pass some test to be asexual. Good luck with your friend, I'm sure they'll still love you no matter what you identify as. :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The Ace Otaku Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 I'm 15 and I fully identify as ace. You may or may not be ace, you could be ace this year and hetro the next, but as long as your ace now, identify as ace and don't worry about what you'll be tomorrow. Tomorrow is an undiscovered country, live in the today. I knew I was different for a long time before I discover asexuality and AVEN. really what I'm saying is don't worry and welcome to AVEN Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Susie Applesauce Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Your experience is very similar to mine and I have decided, like others here, that 'asexual' applies to me right now. If I change or discover something new, then I can change my labels. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guy Fawkes Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Hi, I'm 15 also and a GrayAce, I would say go with your instincts, I'm not totally repulsed by my friends talking about their sexual exploits or any other sexual stimulation like porn or something. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
DiamandisQueen Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I'm 16 and a few months ago I started to label myself as a demi. You go with whatever you feel fits you! If you find out that maybe you aren't asexual then simply just change the label you have given yourself. Being mentally ready for sex is very different from asexuality. Usually people who are mentally ready for sex will still feel sexual attraction, but thinking about it makes them nervous/conflicted etc about acting on it. People in the ace spectrum don't feel that sexual attraction to begin with. I hope this makes sense ! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
theCupsSong Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I joined aven when I was 15, I am now 17. I have found the perfect partner for me and he is asexual, we still are not interested in having sex :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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