Asexy Void Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 This is my first time starting a topic on here. xP I couldn't really find anything helpful for my situation in the other topics. So, I'm curious. I'm 99% sure that I'm ace, but I get aroused when I kiss my partner for an extended period of time. >_< I still don't really have the want/desire to have sex with her, or with anyone else, and the arousal is more of an annoyance than anything else. Is this just my libido acting up? Or am I actually somewhere on the sexual spectrum? :o Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Hmm, well since asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, not sexual arousal, then you'd still fit on the spectrum. But I'm curious as to know if kissing can count as a fetish, or if it even counts if it's just you getting aroused from kissing. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I have no idea.. Since I've never kissed anyone. I guess it is ok. To be ace and kiss it would not change you being ace. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wyrmcraft Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 As a Demi, I find kisses intoxicating if the person I am kissing is someone close enough to create a strong enough connection. I don't think it makes you not an ace, but there is a whole spectrum of ace-dom and you can fit fine anywhere along it. Do you want to have some kind of sexual contact when you feel this attraction, or is it just your body being obnoxious? Aces are not immune to libido, so it could be that kissing just cranks your libido up and then your body wants to find release and you don't much care either way. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I wouldn't necessarily call that attraction, it's just your body responding to stimulus. I get the same way with my partner, and we're not even actually physically doing the act. We're basically just emoting to each other and imagining it, and it still functions the same way. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Asexy Void Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 Do you want to have some kind of sexual contact when you feel this attraction, or is it just your body being obnoxious? I don't really want more sexual contact when I feel that way, the arousal is just kind of... there. I don't feel the need to do anything with it. :o I wouldn't necessarily call that attraction, it's just your body responding to stimulus. I get the same way with my partner, and we're not even actually physically doing the act. We're basically just emoting to each other and imagining it, and it still functions the same way. I thought it may just be stimulus, but my partner's confusion on the whole thing ended up getting to me, too. ><' Thank you for your input, everyone. :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Quickhands Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Yup, that's just arousal. I'm the same way, just means you have a functioning libido. Can't help it and it's very annoying. Now imagine being a dude... extra annoying... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
shockkkk Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Pretty obviously sexual attraction (only the asexual community doesn't consider that to be sexual attraction), but I'd still consider you asexual since you don't desire partnered sex. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bronte Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Kissing I think can be a form of sensual attraction and how your body responds possibly relates to your libido. I also think it can be sexual though so maybe it depends on the individual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzytreble13 Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 If you consider yourself asexual, then you're asexual. If you aren't sure, that's ok too! If it helps you to narrow down the label, the fact that you have no desire to act on the arousal and that you have no desire to engage in sexual acts definitely places you on the ace spectrum. If it's helpful, you can ponder the possibility of being grey-a or demisexual. After all, kissing could be considered softcore sexual activity, but I think you'll find many aces enjoy kissing without feeling any desire to go further. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Pretty obviously sexual attraction (only the asexual community doesn't consider that to be sexual attraction), but I'd still consider you asexual since you don't desire partnered sex. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dalkey Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 I was the same way, exactly the same way, but I still never thought "yes, let's take our clothes off and get on with it". In fact, even knowing that he was aroused (which was... obvious, physically) only stroked by ego a bit (lol) and made me want to make him happy/satisfy him, but I never desired to have sex with him for reasons other than non-sexual reasons like that. Even then, I don't think I would've had sex with him even for that reason (I'm a bit sex repulsed now and again). Honestly, my libido is triggered very easily, and it gets sort of annoying because my mind and my body are almost always on two different pages. Pretty obviously sexual attraction (only the asexual community doesn't consider that to be sexual attraction), but I'd still consider you asexual since you don't desire partnered sex Sexual attraction and arousal are two totally different things. Sexual attraction is subjective for everyone but I think it's agreeable that sexual attraction is more in the mind than it is in the body, as physical matters pertain the arousal and libido, which can be triggered by sex. attraction, but are also easily triggered by sensual attraction and simply touching, like kissing. This may be sexual attraction for you personally, but please remember that sexual attraction is subjective and that your definition, or anyone's definition, simply is not sufficient or true for every other asexual (I know you didn't mean anything by it, and definitely nothing against you, but I've questioned myself a lot on account of the many definitions for asexuality and sex. attraction, and I would never want anyone else to feel that way, because it's certainly not a good feeling) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
012 Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Arousal is an unconscious physical reaction to some stimulus in your environment. It can be different for everyone and it doesn't mean you want to act on it. I actually get aroused by holding hands for some weird reason, which is really awkward and annoying for me. It doesn't mean I necessarily want to do anything with it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Theoryal Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I think it still counts as asexual if you don't really want to do anything further. I can relate anyways, I love kissing, and for me feeling emotionally connected to someone can make me feel aroused, but... any touching of genitals actually just kills that aroused feeling. It's like... my body responds with arousal due to the desire for emotional bonding and cuddling/kissing, but doesn't actually desire sexual stimulation, which often simply feels annoying, or just feels like too much sensation that is overwhelming rather than enjoyable and it doesn't provide a sense of satisfaction because that's not really what I was 'lusting' for. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WoodwindWhistler Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 OP, libido is what your body does when not stimulated. i.e., most guys usually get random boners in the morning with no prompting, and the other 99% gets tingly or aroused spontaneously at points in the day, week, month whatever. Your body wants individual attention (or sometimes attention from someone else, if possible), in that case. That's not what's going on here. It's also not sexual attraction, as I'll explain in a bit. If you have any questions about the terms I'm using, feel free to ask. Pretty obviously sexual attraction (only the asexual community doesn't consider that to be sexual attraction), but I'd still consider you asexual since you don't desire partnered sex. No, pretty sure sexual attraction happens before intimate physical contact is initiated. If someone you weren't attracted to walked up to you and started giving you oral, your body would probably react. That's not attraction, that's your body functioning. Same applies to touching and kissing. I would wager most asexuals would have some kind of reaction, even if it mentally disgusted them. There are finer degrees here, as you'll have more or a more pleasant reaction to people you're more compatible with (physically or otherwise) but let's just leave it there. I'm not excluding the possibility that actual i.e., touchless, beforehand, sexual attraction could develop in a relationship that keeps being physical, of course. Your body could start anticipating it. But, in the general course of ace discussion, primary attraction, (what allos experience) secondary attraction, (what demis experience) I think that could be considered tertiary attraction (so, what aces experience). Attraction that has to be prompted is not really attraction, especially the way the mainstream uses the word. Sexual attraction and arousal are two totally different things. Sexual attraction is subjective for everyone but I think it's agreeable that sexual attraction is more in the mind than it is in the body, as physical matters pertain the arousal and libido, which can be triggered by sex. attraction, but are also easily triggered by sensual attraction and simply touching, like kissing. This may be sexual attraction for you personally, but please remember that sexual attraction is subjective and that your definition, or anyone's definition, simply is not sufficient or true for every other asexual (I know you didn't mean anything by it, and definitely nothing against you, but I've questioned myself a lot on account of the many definitions for asexuality and sex. attraction, and I would never want anyone else to feel that way, because it's certainly not a good feeling) Not sure I agree with this, either. Most allosexuals experience some type of arousal that IS sexual attraction to a person, which is what aces are so perplexed by and define themselves in absence of. Being "turned on" before anything even happens. Any type of mental attraction could be romantic or aesthetic or platonic or emotional or intellectual, etc. Obviously, aces experience it the latter way, but allos can experience these things too. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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