StormchasingGal98 Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 Well, I can offically say that I have broken up with my boyfriend, so LDR didn't work for me. :/ I didn't want to put up with all the lies, and the fact that he's done it so many times that I can't even trust him. I'm sorry you broke up. The only thing I want to tell you is that don't judge LDR on the basis of one sour relationship. Who knows, the next LDR you have can be life changing? Thanks, but I feel uncomfortable with Long distance relationships now. I had two sour LDR'S, and I would prefer real life anyway. ^^ I just feel safer. LDR'S, I learned, are just not for me. I don't mind if people do LDR, everyone has their preferences. :) Yeah, I was tired of him lying to me. True, people can lie in real life too, so I am careful now that I know. ^^ Thanks, I am actually not even all that sad. If anything, I am more angry then I am sad. He was a jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruqiah Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Beware of catfish. If anyone has heard the term, you know the reference. If not, catfish is someone who acts like a different person online than IRL. They could be pretending to be a 26 year old single male, but in real life, could be 40, married, and with children. This actually happened to me, but he eventually admitted it. I also knew one or two females posing as males, a 11 year old posing as a 20 year old girl. These were online people that I knew a few years and eventually confessed the truth. While I learned not to trust anyone fully online, I still enjoyed the interactions I had with them. I got to learn quite a bit about people in different countries and their personal lives, which I know that they'd never share to people offline. I feel that without the face to face, people feel more free and open (after a time). But people can use it as a getaway to lie and build up stories too. I've had both fakes and real people. I am still in contact with them, five years later (even though we have never met offline). Are online relationships worth it? It depends on the type of person you are. As long as one is aware of the tricks people try to play, and doesn't take everything people say as fact, there's definitely something to be learned. I have enjoyed my online friendships with people, and the experience with e-dating someone from across the world, but I've come to place more value in my real life relationships. I prefer the physical face to face connection, reading body language, and so on that comes with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mulan Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I think the tell tale sign in a relationship is the consistency - be it online or IRL. if the person says/does something now and then something different later, then that's a red alert. I feel online relationships eventually has to convert in IRL in the long run though. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I'd never even bother trying with a 'ship that isn't online/LDR. Meatspace shipping is pretty definitely out of the question, so the question is "are relationships worth it?". And even in light of recent events, I'm not quite cynical enough to answer no to that question. Link to post Share on other sites
Bronte Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Well, I can offically say that I have broken up with my boyfriend, so LDR didn't work for me. :/ I didn't want to put up with all the lies, and the fact that he's done it so many times that I can't even trust him. I think it's much easier to lie and deceive online, I've never chatted internetly to anyone yet on a personal level who hasn't lied about something. Link to post Share on other sites
Fire & Rain Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 It depends on the individuals who are involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Tarfeather Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 without Skyping, how can you be absolutely certain that the 26-year-old single guy you're on-line with isn't a 59-year-old married guy?That's a very strange example. If you're truly happy with an online-only(text-only?) relationship, I don't think you'd care at all. I've had online relationships where to this day I can't tell you 100% the other person was actually female. And to this day it doesn't matter to me. It doesn't invalidate the feelings felt or the good times had. I think it's much easier to lie and deceive online, I've never chatted internetly to anyone yet on a personal level who hasn't lied about something.*grins* Frankly that seems to say more about you than about the nature of online relationships in general. :) All this chat about people not being what they seem to be made me remember this awesome comic Link to post Share on other sites
Bronte Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I think it's much easier to lie and deceive online, I've never chatted internetly to anyone yet on a personal level who hasn't lied about something. *grins* Frankly that seems to say more about you than about the nature of online relationships in general. :) Really, and what are you implying by that.. ? Link to post Share on other sites
Tarfeather Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Really, and what are you implying by that.. ? The obvious thing, if you're making lots of bad experiences with people online, that says the same thing as if that were happening to you offline: The way you're selecting those people to invest yourself into is ineffective. People give off all sorts of hints and cues, whether it's online or offline, it all depends on how you make use of those hints. Link to post Share on other sites
Xavy Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 No, never worked out for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 All this chat about people not being what they seem to be made me remember this awesome comic That was a fun read... ...until I got to the link pictures at the bottom. That cosmetic surgery trainwreck of what used to be a woman's face will haunt me in my nightmares. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 without Skyping, how can you be absolutely certain that the 26-year-old single guy you're on-line with isn't a 59-year-old married guy?Because Skype is totally the only way to be sure of this. There don't exist anywhere else on the internet ways of communicating through video, and pictures simply can't be sent over the internet or phones.People really seem to blow out of proportion the amount of online relationships that turn out to be fraudulent. Agreed. It's surprising to me how many people I know only online, and I couldn't feel more confident in their identities. Link to post Share on other sites
Touchofinsight Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 This is a question many people find themselves asking, especially those are more esoteric. When I hear "relationships" without a qualifier I am assuming were discussing romantic relationships unlike other relationships (friends of various levels, family etc). At some point (For me) for the relationship in this context to be successful it will eventually need to evolve into a relationship where we see each other physically. I am a very physical person and if I develop strong feelings for a person that is one way I definitely want to be able to communicate those feelings. Its one of the main ways I communicate my affection and without it over long periods of time the relationship can feel rather dull. There is only so much I can do for someone on the other side of the keyboard, only so many conversations to have, and even with that the realm of possibilities are incredibly limited. That being said I have had my fair share of LDRs. Their okay, I have some friends that I am close with online but were not romantically interested in each other so it works. For many LDR's are safe, their comfortable with that level of intimacy but I am of the persuasion that the more you invest your self into something the more you can get from it. Finding a healthy balance is key but eventually all good things to come to an end and your left with the consequences. Link to post Share on other sites
Corretto Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I may be showing my age...but, whatever happened to the love-letter? They can go-the-distance...but just take ages! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I may be showing my age...but, whatever happened to the love-letter? They can go-the-distance...but just take ages! What's the difference (and I mean this, I'm not being snarky) between an email and a letter? Like, why do you think that people can woo via letter but not via email? I genuinely do not see a difference. Link to post Share on other sites
StormchasingGal98 Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 Beware of catfish. If anyone has heard the term, you know the reference. If not, catfish is someone who acts like a different person online than IRL. They could be pretending to be a 26 year old single male, but in real life, could be 40, married, and with children. This actually happened to me, but he eventually admitted it. I also knew one or two females posing as males, a 11 year old posing as a 20 year old girl. These were online people that I knew a few years and eventually confessed the truth. While I learned not to trust anyone fully online, I still enjoyed the interactions I had with them. I got to learn quite a bit about people in different countries and their personal lives, which I know that they'd never share to people offline. I feel that without the face to face, people feel more free and open (after a time). But people can use it as a getaway to lie and build up stories too. I've had both fakes and real people. I am still in contact with them, five years later (even though we have never met offline). Are online relationships worth it? It depends on the type of person you are. As long as one is aware of the tricks people try to play, and doesn't take everything people say as fact, there's definitely something to be learned. I have enjoyed my online friendships with people, and the experience with e-dating someone from across the world, but I've come to place more value in my real life relationships. I prefer the physical face to face connection, reading body language, and so on that comes with it. I apparently was catfished. ;-; I am glad that I ran from my Ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Corretto Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I may be showing my age...but, whatever happened to the love-letter? They can go-the-distance...but just take ages! What's the difference (and I mean this, I'm not being snarky) between an email and a letter? Like, why do you think that people can woo via letter but not via email? I genuinely do not see a difference. You're right...there probably is no difference [not that I've used either]. I presumed that net-tech LDR may have simply out-dated the love-letter. In the aro-sense, I've no confidence in having a relationship with some-one across a dinner-table, let alone across a continent [unless you call this one] Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I like "real" letters. I like handwriting and sending something material. I find it romantic, just like sending gifts (even cheap gifts, just cute or better handmade little things). Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I like "real" letters. I like handwriting and sending something material. I find it romantic, just like sending gifts (even cheap gifts, just cute or better handmade little things). I'm with ya on handwriting... I love seeing someone's handwriting. I also find that I write a little different, aka my "voice" is a little different, when I'm handwriting vs typing. I'm more businesslike at the keyboard, for sure. Still, there are scanners, there are cameras... I've taken pictures of notes I've written and sent them that way... there are definitely options to include handwriting while excluding the long delivery time :) Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I like "real" letters. I like handwriting and sending something material. I find it romantic, just like sending gifts (even cheap gifts, just cute or better handmade little things). I'm with ya on handwriting... I love seeing someone's handwriting. I also find that I write a little different, aka my "voice" is a little different, when I'm handwriting vs typing. I'm more businesslike at the keyboard, for sure. Still, there are scanners, there are cameras... I've taken pictures of notes I've written and sent them that way... there are definitely options to include handwriting while excluding the long delivery time :) Also pens for touch screens to hand write electronic letters :D Link to post Share on other sites
theam Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Any relationship can be healthy or unhealthy. And distance only has very little to do with it. I definitely think that being in a loving relationship, even without physical proximity, is worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I like "real" letters. I like handwriting and sending something material. I find it romantic, just like sending gifts (even cheap gifts, just cute or better handmade little things). I'm with ya on handwriting... I love seeing someone's handwriting. I also find that I write a little different, aka my "voice" is a little different, when I'm handwriting vs typing. I'm more businesslike at the keyboard, for sure. Still, there are scanners, there are cameras... I've taken pictures of notes I've written and sent them that way... there are definitely options to include handwriting while excluding the long delivery time :) Also pens for touch screens to hand write electronic letters :D So, the only experience I have with this is signing my name to the Fed Ex thingy... and my signature comes out a mess. Does it work better for actual handwriting? My LDR was a long time ago so we didn't have fancy touch screens back then! Link to post Share on other sites
Panther Shark Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Mine is (was) worth it. Now we are moved in together after 2.5 years of being together. We talked on the phone, sent pics and skyped. And then with help, met one another a few times IRL. We are happy with 2 dogs and an apartment in FL. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I like "real" letters. I like handwriting and sending something material. I find it romantic, just like sending gifts (even cheap gifts, just cute or better handmade little things). I'm with ya on handwriting... I love seeing someone's handwriting. I also find that I write a little different, aka my "voice" is a little different, when I'm handwriting vs typing. I'm more businesslike at the keyboard, for sure. Still, there are scanners, there are cameras... I've taken pictures of notes I've written and sent them that way... there are definitely options to include handwriting while excluding the long delivery time :) Also pens for touch screens to hand write electronic letters :D So, the only experience I have with this is signing my name to the Fed Ex thingy... and my signature comes out a mess. Does it work better for actual handwriting? My LDR was a long time ago so we didn't have fancy touch screens back then! If you have a good quality touch screen and a thin stylus, you can do digital signatures and even draw. Those fedex screens are just... bad :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
Ruqiah Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 I may be showing my age...but, whatever happened to the love-letter? They can go-the-distance...but just take ages! What's the difference (and I mean this, I'm not being snarky) between an email and a letter? Like, why do you think that people can woo via letter but not via email? I genuinely do not see a difference. You're right...there probably is no difference [not that I've used either]. I presumed that net-tech LDR may have simply out-dated the love-letter. In the aro-sense, I've no confidence in having a relationship with some-one across a dinner-table, let alone across a continent [unless you call this one] I used to send my long distance fella long messages via private messaging. I'm surprised the character limit was never triggered because they were like essays. Whatever I was thinking at the time made its way to his pms, and they'd be quite lengthy too. From what I understand, even this isn't too common nowadays. And the frequency to which I did it makes it even less so. He would also do the same thing back, and since he lived in Russia, I didn't have the luxury of phoning or snail mailing him, so this was what we did. This was something special that we did, even before the e-dating thing. When we were just acquaintances, we'd send these lengthy offline messages to each other, and they were quite nice to write and to read. I wish more conversations could be so in depth like that, online or offline. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 I like "real" letters. I like handwriting and sending something material. I find it romantic, just like sending gifts (even cheap gifts, just cute or better handmade little things). I'm with ya on handwriting... I love seeing someone's handwriting. If I send someone a handwritten letter, it wouldn't be romantic, just sadistic. I fit the clichéd joke that with my handwriting, I should have become a medical doctor, if you catch my drift. So, in the rare cases that I still write "snail mail", I still do so as a computer printout, and the only handwritten bit will be my signature. Otherwise, there'd be little hope of it getting successfully read. (Heck, I have problems deciphering my own writing in 15-year old diaries. :redface: ) Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 What's the difference (and I mean this, I'm not being snarky) between an email and a letter? Like, why do you think that people can woo via letter but not via email? I genuinely do not see a difference. A letter is generally seen as more generally romantic, traditional, and personal. It's sort of like people who would rather have an actual physical copy of a book that's precious to them, instead of an electronic copy on a kindle or something. Technically speaking, books can be quite bulky and people logically shouldn't want to carry them around or have them taking up space. Yet, there are people that prefer their books in this fashion. Not sure if that analogy would help you understand, but it's the closest sort of thing I can think of at the moment. Personally speaking, I like any sort of correspondence. But I very recently got a hand written letter from my honey, and, well... you know those sappy sorts of individuals that can't stop gushing about receiving their first "traditional" love letter? It turns out I'm one of those guys :redface: Link to post Share on other sites
Roy M. Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 If you are patient, they are. If you aren't patient, they aren't. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzytreble13 Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 I have a good friend who has been in an online LDR for around a year now. He's in London, she's in Seattle (doesn't get much further). They seem to be doing well - he just bought airfare to come visit for a second time. But she's considering moving out there in a couple years. It might depend a lot on each person's physical/sexual needs. I'm ace but I loooove cuddling, so it's hard for me having my boyfriend two hours away. I can't even imagine different countries! But my friend is happy, so I'm happy for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 But I very recently got a hand written letter from my honey, and, well... you know those sappy sorts of individuals that can't stop gushing about receiving their first "traditional" love letter? It turns out I'm one of those guys :redface: Seriously adorbz. If I send someone a handwritten letter, it wouldn't be romantic, just sadistic. I fit the clichéd joke that with my handwriting, I should have become a medical doctor, if you catch my drift. Oh, I assume that anyone reading my writing understands maybe 50% of it? I have a hard time reading my own handwriting sometimes too, so, yeah. Link to post Share on other sites
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