StormchasingGal98 Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Are Long distance relationships even worth it? What are your opinions on Long distance (online) Relationships? Do you think that people new to dating should try them, or is it better to just date in real life? (Part of the reason I am asking this, is because I am having relationship issues at the moment. I am actually in a long distance relationship currently.) Link to post Share on other sites
Notte stellata Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 For me LDRs are totally worth it. I connect with people better online, and although I love physical affection, I can be quite satisfied with purely online communication. But not everyone would be happy with LDRs. Some people really need a lot of in-person contact to feel connected to a partner, so LDRs are less likely to work out for them. Link to post Share on other sites
Anime Pancake Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 I think they can be enjoyable.Time difference is something that can be a little tough though.Personally, I think companionship and emotional support can totally be shared online. Link to post Share on other sites
Someone Else Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Once I realized that I don't care about sex even though I can appreciate a pretty face and the female form, online relationships started to seem really nice. Haven't even had a chance at one since that realization though. The rise of things like skype would add an interesting visual element to the relationship that didn't exist when the internet was mostly limited to text, so that's interesting too. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 It depends on the person. If you cannot handle the distance, then it will never work. Personally, all of my relationships have started LDR. Because, I find it a lot easier to meet people online than IRL. IRL I get asked out, but it's like... why would I want to go on a date with a totally random stranger I know nothing about? And I don't really do large social networks being an introvert, so my friends-to-relationships pool would be very small IRL. I much prefer the online option of talking, getting to know someone and THEN dating them. I met them all IRL eventually (currently living with / married to one), but playing video games and talking are my favorite activities with a SO and those are easily done online. :) Link to post Share on other sites
StormchasingGal98 Posted February 9, 2015 Author Share Posted February 9, 2015 For me LDRs are totally worth it. I connect with people better online, and although I love physical affection, I can be quite satisfied with purely online communication. But not everyone would be happy with LDRs. Some people really need a lot of in-person contact to feel connected to a partner, so LDRs are less likely to work out for them. I am glad to hear that it is working out for you. :) It seems like they never work out with me, because either 1.) They are arseholes to me. 2.) They never actually intend on meeting me in real life. Plus... Cheating! They could have another SO online or even in Real life. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 For me LDRs are totally worth it. I connect with people better online, and although I love physical affection, I can be quite satisfied with purely online communication. But not everyone would be happy with LDRs. Some people really need a lot of in-person contact to feel connected to a partner, so LDRs are less likely to work out for them. I am glad to hear that it is working out for you. :) It seems like they never work out with me, because either 1.) They are arseholes to me. 2.) They never actually intend on meeting me in real life. Plus... Cheating! They could have another SO online or even in Real life. Well, IRL they could always cheat too. You aren't with someone 24/7, they have lots of opportunities to cheat. That's where trust comes in. My spouse is at work 8-12 hours a day, in an office by himself a lot of it, that his other co-workers have had sex in when they are left alone. So, he could cheat there (and women he works with have offered). He goes to his friends house to play video games - he could just say he was going there and not actually go, it's not like I call his friends house to make sure he's there (if I felt I needed to, I wouldn't be with him...). There is not really any more risk of cheating online than IRL, in both IF they want to cheat, they will cheat. Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 IMO, they're totally worth it, but only if you manage to meet IRL, because something 100% online forever is just so depressing, I think... Link to post Share on other sites
Mikasa Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 For me, I definitely think they'd be worth it. Although I've never been in a LDR, I know physical affection is not that important to me. Many of my friendships are also mostly (if not completely) online, so I think a long distance relationship could work out for me as well. :) Link to post Share on other sites
alto Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 I think that online friendships are the best. I find them more satisfying than real life friendships currently. It's easier to find people you have things in common with on the internet. But people can also turn on you easily, or not be who they seem to be. So you have to be really careful. I can't speak for LDRs. I've never had one. Link to post Share on other sites
StormchasingGal98 Posted February 9, 2015 Author Share Posted February 9, 2015 IMO, they're totally worth it, but only if you manage to meet IRL, because something 100% online forever is just so depressing, I think... Yeah, it is kinda what is going on with my LDR boyfriend. Every time I bring up meeting up with him, he either doesn't sound excited about it, or he gives me the Silent treatment about that subject, like he forgets I even asked him about it! DX Link to post Share on other sites
Tarfeather Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 I don't see how that question could possibly be answered in any meaningful way.. Link to post Share on other sites
Bronte Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 I tend to think after a while they would probably fizzle out, don't know if I'd get bored after a while basing a relationship purely on communicating through a screen, I mean there's only so much you can talk about, right ? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 IMO, they're totally worth it, but only if you manage to meet IRL, because something 100% online forever is just so depressing, I think... Yeah, it is kinda what is going on with my LDR boyfriend. Every time I bring up meeting up with him, he either doesn't sound excited about it, or he gives me the Silent treatment about that subject, like he forgets I even asked him about it! DX Well, some people prefer online (there are members here who have online only and don't want it to go beyond that). But, he should be willing to discuss it with you. Have you tried asking him point blank "So, I notice you don't seem too into the idea of meeting. Is this something you aren't interested in doing, or just think it's too soon, or is there something else?" ... some people can just hesitate about it because of nerves, being shy, or being afraid they won't be liked as much. I know one person that prefers online because she is over weight and she's scared if she meets the people she is with online, they will dump her for her looks... while online she can just show her face instead of the body she is ashamed of. There are a lot of reasons people may be wary or nervous about the idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Poots Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 LDR's can definitely be awesome :D Link to post Share on other sites
Hooded_Crow Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 My LDR is pretty much the best thing that ever happened to me. I love my partner dearly and I have no doubt we are going to be together forever. However, I wouldn't want our relationship to remain LD forever. As I told him once or twice, if I'm going to spend the rest of my life with him, then I'm going to spend the rest of my life *with* him. I couldn't handle living glued to my phone or laptop forever. That being said, I'm very happy to be glued to my laptop and phone now =3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lydian Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 While it might not be ideal for someoen who needs to have that physical contact or closeness, I find online relationships to be do-able though it depends on a few other things as well. There has to be a real openness to it, obviously. A lot of people might act a certain way but not actually behave the same offline. This can be slightly problematic because if you meet in real life and you're nothing like your partner expected, things might get rocky. There's also costs to consider if you wanted to visit regularly. How far, how much would it cost, how realistic is regular visits? I think voice chat and webcam from time to time are somewhat important because it really gives you a face to connect to and a feel for things like body language, what their voice is like, more sublte parts about their personality to help you get to know them better. I also think finding things to do together even online is important. What works for me personally was online gaming. I don't think I could date someone via only a forum or online chat but I've been in a relationship with someone I met in an MMO and it worked well for the most part. We could spend time together within the game, and whether we were doing something active or just sitting together somewhere pretty there's just something about having a "body" there. It might not be reality, but sitting together with the person in-game creates a sort of feeling of being there with them that text on a screen alone just doesn't convey. Maybe not for everyone but I find it helped a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Sarika Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 I went with depends, because while for a time (and the amount of time can vary a bit) it's fine to just get to know each other and communicate via text or voice over, but eventually for it to last someone MUST move. For those that are tacticle it's obvious that physical comfort will be wanted, but even for a touched adversed aro there comes a time that a relationship should be in a shared enviroment. There could be exceptions, in fact almost anything in life can have exceptions, but a few years being apart once the relationship is "serious" should be tops unless both parties are still in college. Now if we're not talking exclusive relationships, but friendships, they very well can work online. My best friend in all the world I have hung out with in person for a total of less than a months time, and that's knowing her 17 years. Another good friend I knew nearly as long and never met her once. Link to post Share on other sites
Bronte Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 How 'real' is an online relationship anyway. This resonates with me what Timbre said : A lot of people might act a certain way but not actually behave the same offline. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 I went with depends, because while for a time (and the amount of time can vary a bit) it's fine to just get to know each other and communicate via text or voice over, but eventually for it to last someone MUST move. I know people who will disagree with that statement and have had happy, lasting relationships for years LDR with no plans to move. :) Just depends on what each person wants. And Bronte - The fakest people I have met, I met IRL. They acted a certain way for years and then once they felt you were "attached" poof total 180. So, online or IRL, you need to be cautious because lots of people fake acting a certain way to manipulate you. Link to post Share on other sites
Null_and_Void Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 I have been in an online relationship since June of 2012, and I'm extremely happy with our relationship (as is she). We aren't going to actually meet in person until November of this year, and that will just be a 9 day visit. It will be another two years after that (when she turns 18) that we can finally be together for good. I don't really see much of a difference between this and an in-person relationship, save for we really want to cuddle together. I guess for most people it's a matter of missing out on sex, but she's asexual and we've agreed to just never do that, even when we're together, so that's not a factor. Link to post Share on other sites
Purnkin Spurce Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 I've never been in a long distance relationship and I am the type of person who likes to share physical/romantic affection. So being online alone, all the time, would be kind of sad. Although I have some meaningful online friendships, I think it would just depend on a few things for me to have a lasting online relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Null_and_Void Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 So being online alone, all the time, would be kind of sad. The imagination can do wonders. Maybe it's just because I've read books all my life, but even just /me actions on Skype can be comforting. Perhaps though that's also because I've never had a relationship in person. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 without Skyping, how can you be absolutely certain that the 26-year-old single guy you're on-line with isn't a 59-year-old married guy? Link to post Share on other sites
Null_and_Void Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 without Skyping, how can you be absolutely certain that the 26-year-old single guy you're on-line with isn't a 59-year-old married guy? Because Skype is totally the only way to be sure of this. There don't exist anywhere else on the internet ways of communicating through video, and pictures simply can't be sent over the internet or phones. People really seem to blow out of proportion the amount of online relationships that turn out to be fraudulent. Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 LDRs are all I've ever known; all my past relationships (not that I've had so many as to need more than one hand to count them...) have fallen under that category. For me, I think they actually work out better, because I have various... complexes, that impede with carrying out and maintaining real-life interactions (of all sorts, not just relationships) and I'm just a lot more comfortable online. Additionally, I'm not generally a very tactile person; I'm not the sort that needs to have in-person interaction to feel satisfied. Being asexual possibly helped a lot with this. (Or was it being like this that possibly helped a lot with me being asexual? HMMM) As for anything else I could say on the topic... *points to what Serran said* My LDR is pretty much the best thing that ever happened to me. I love my partner dearly and I have no doubt we are going to be together forever. However, I wouldn't want our relationship to remain LD forever. As I told him once or twice, if I'm going to spend the rest of my life with him, then I'm going to spend the rest of my life *with* him. I couldn't handle living glued to my phone or laptop forever.That being said, I'm very happy to be glued to my laptop and phone now =3 Also, everything this lovely individual has said, too ;) How 'real' is an online relationship anyway. This resonates with me what Timbre said : A lot of people might act a certain way but not actually behave the same offline. As Serran stated, the internet is not required for this sort of thing to occur. My mom's first marriage was a disaster because the guy did a similar "180°" following the marriage. Pretty sure the internet wasn't even a thing yet then. Because of that experience, she has been wary of my own relationship, with the belief that you don't truly know what a person is like until you've had to live with them on a regular basis. While I understand her logic, I also think it's dangerous to assume that everyone is just putting up some sort of front, too. Link to post Share on other sites
StormchasingGal98 Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 Well, I can offically say that I have broken up with my boyfriend, so LDR didn't work for me. :/ I didn't want to put up with all the lies, and the fact that he's done it so many times that I can't even trust him. Link to post Share on other sites
Mulan Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Well, I can offically say that I have broken up with my boyfriend, so LDR didn't work for me. :/ I didn't want to put up with all the lies, and the fact that he's done it so many times that I can't even trust him. I'm sorry you broke up. The only thing I want to tell you is that don't judge LDR on the basis of one sour relationship. Who knows, the next LDR you have can be life changing? Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Sorry to hear :( It sounds to me though that in your case, the issue might have been more so with the specific person involved, rather than the fact that it was long distance. In short, your experience could have easily played out the same way in person. It just may have been harder for him to cover up his lies. It wouldn't change the fact that he was lying. Link to post Share on other sites
Zapstileon Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I´m sorry to hear about your break up. :( Have some cake. As for LDR online relationships, it depends on the people involved, I think... My friend´s online relationship has worked so far. Though they have the lucky chance of visiting each other occasionally, which makes it easier. For me, I´ve never tried so I wouldn´t know. I guess it can get hard for some people, particularly for sensual and sexual people who might need to feel the closeness of their partner, but I think it can work, with some effort. Every relationship is hard work. LDR´s even more so. Link to post Share on other sites
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