Jump to content

For aces who have had sex, how does sex feel physically?


Francoise Wang

Recommended Posts

Francoise Wang

I guess it's harder for asexuals to feel physical pleasure during sex than for sexuals, because if one's body isn't aroused enough, sex can feel very physically uncomfortable. But I'm not sure.

So how does sex feel physically to you? Is it physically uncomfortable/painful, or you don't feel anything physically, or the physical sensation is pleasurable to you?

Does the physical feeling of sex affect your attitude towards having sex (such as being sex-repulsed, sex-indifferent, or sex-favorable)?

I'm mostly sex-indifferent. I don't feel gross or uncomfortable while imagining myself having sex with others, I just feel indifferent towards it, like imagining myself doing some chores such as washing dishes. But all of my sex experience are physically uncomfortable, so I'm a little repulsed by actually having sex, because it's normal that people would want to avoid doing something that make them physically uncomfortable.

So I wonder if some aces' aversion towards sex is linked with the physical uncomfortableness during sex?

Link to post
Share on other sites

It's pretty enjoyable, but there are instances where, in the middle of it, I suddenly feel like I'm being violated and I feel sick. Anyone felt the same way?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm a demisexual, I'll do my best to explain:

First, they say sex with someone you already have a powerful emotional bond to really "helps" sex, because some of the chemicals that fire off in your brain are literally bonding chemicals, to make yourself feel more attached to your partner(s), if you already have a strong bond, that helps.

Sex is a completely unique sensation. It is literally like nothing else you'll likely ever feel. For a girl (since I have girl bits, not guy bits), you really need to first go slow and build up to when the guy (or girl, whoever your partner is) decides to try to insert something vaginally. The reason is that it takes time for your girl-bits to lube themselves up for sex (lots of kissing and other foreplay involved). Lubrication helps. If you plan to do anything involving the butt, GO SLOW and use LOTS OF LUBRICATION since the bum can't naturally produce lubrication. Common myth is that oil isn't a good lube. This is false because it's fine with monogamous partners (it breaks down toys and latex faster, however, hence why it's only recommended for monogamous partners).

If you're really enjoying yourself, there's a chance you'll lose some slight sensation in your appendages and hands. This is because of blood pressure changes while the deed is going on. Wherever you do it, make sure there's plenty of padding (this is why a bed is a very common place), otherwise you might feel a little sore the next few days.

Link to post
Share on other sites

It's pretty enjoyable, but there are instances where, in the middle of it, I suddenly feel like I'm being violated and I feel sick. Anyone felt the same way?

i felt like that everytime, i enjoyed the foreplay aspect of it but once it came to the real thing my mind was fully aware and my body would clench up and i couldn't enjoy it at all!!

Link to post
Share on other sites

I have a feeling none of the guys will reply to this, but I am sort of curious from that perspective

Link to post
Share on other sites
Francoise Wang

I don't like foreplay either. I don't feel physically uncomfortable during foreplay, but I just literally feel nothing. So I've always been unable to understand what's the point of doing foreplay. I would rather have sex directly and finish it as quickly as possible, because sex and foreplay are equally boring to me. But my body can be physically aroused (be lubricated) while my genital being touched (but I wouldn't feel anything), so it's still possible to do something to my body to make penetrative sex easier (although it's still physically uncomfortable even after my body is lubricated).

Link to post
Share on other sites
Pen Given Ink

I don't feel anything. I'm not repulsed or anything, I just don't feel it during sex. I mean if I feel like it I get aroused at the thought, just not by who or anything, and I've been with men who I'm very emotionally bound to. And the only time I ever get replused is by the thought of me swallowing. And thats never happening. I had an ex pressure me about it a lot. Masturbation is bout the only thing I can do. I never have a patient partner. :/

Link to post
Share on other sites

I have a feeling none of the guys will reply to this, but I am sort of curious from that perspective

Meh.

Warm... Vaginas are super warm...

I mean, it isn't unpleasant. Just not something I feel the need for. I'm pretty indifferent in general. I mean, the sensation is okay I guess. Receiving oral freaks me right out though, and it seems like that's the bee's pajamas for most guys...

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thought I would chime into this topic.

I don't know what sex feels like, but from responses it can be physically uncomfortable because one is not mentally/physically aroused or it feels like an annoyance.

In the case that it feels like annoyance (I would imagine looking down to discover a chihuahua humping your leg as you're on the computer), I would like to ask a question.

Is it possible to ignore the sex happening? In the sense where one is lying down and reading a book, or doing pushup-like motions while watching TV. Is that possible?

I'm not talking about physically being in pain and going through with it. Not at all. But if one does not mind it but considers it an annoyance.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Francoise Wang

Thought I would chime into this topic.

I don't know what sex feels like, but from responses it can be physically uncomfortable because one is not mentally/physically aroused or it feels like an annoyance.

In the case that it feels like annoyance (I would imagine looking down to discover a chihuahua humping your leg as you're on the computer), I would like to ask a question.

Is it possible to ignore the sex happening? In the sense where one is lying down and reading a book, or doing pushup-like motions while watching TV. Is that possible?

I'm not talking about physically being in pain and going through with it. Not at all. But if one does not mind it but considers it an annoyance.

For me, it's impossible to ignore it while doing penetrative sex because it's physically uncomfortable. Even when it's not really painful, it still feels weird and unpleasant. But if it's just someone touching my genital, I tend to ignore it and just think about something else or do something else. Most of the time this happens during foreplay, when my partner is doing things to try to make me aroused, I just ignore it and thinking about something else, because it's too boring to concentrate on it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel like some others on here... My weird place on the gray-A spectrum is that I find new partners very attractive for the first few weeks and want to bang... Until we've done it once or twice. It doesn't really feel like anything. My body responds, and produces lubrication (my partner remarked on that, because apparently I make an unusual amount. Who knew?).... But someone might as well be poking my knee for all the sensation I have from it. Not unpleasant, but I think I'd rather play more video games or get some of my homework done... *eyes pile in the corner*

Once I've done-the-do with someone two or three times the appeal usually fades, and then the relationship problems start! But that's a story for another day.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Notte stellata

I can physically enjoy manual and oral sex, and I'm indifferent about penetrative sex. But even for the kind of sex I enjoy, I don't want too much of it, because it takes me a long time to reach orgasm and I'd rather spend that time on things I enjoy more than sex.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I have been having sex (penile-vaginal sex) for the past month or so (was a virgin before that) and to me that specific part of it basically feels like what one (female bodied person) might imagine - you have something inside of your vagina. For me, since my boyfriend is quite well endowed, that "something" definitely feels like something large is filling me up in there, and since I'm new at it I can usually feel a sense of my vagina stretching (which isn't really painful but sometimes uncomfortable). I've never had any trouble getting aroused or getting wet enough so far, but I am able to get aroused by the kinky stuff that we are both into (things which often aren't in and of themselves specifically sexual) or simply just laying there and talking about such things. So a lot of what would be considered to be foreplay for us isn't the same as what it might be for many others. We don't do much if any kissing, but we do touch and rub each other as part of that + the kinky stuff.

So the actual mating of the parts isn't "all that" as many would have you believe, at least not to me. I usually enjoy the feeling of intercourse, it is generally pleasant, but it is just never enough to bring me even close to orgasm. Every time I've had an orgasm has been thru manual stimulation from him. Even that feels different from me masturbating to orgasm, since when I am with him I focus on the sensations and the intimacy with him far more than any fantasies, where as when I'm alone it is almost all fantasy and then stimulation to finish things off. Even the orgasms are different. Usually they are less intense when I'm having sex than when I'm alone, and the whole process by which they happen (both mentally and physically) is different. But they are still just as satisfying simply because of the intimacy I have with my partner.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

I think I probably fall somewhere under the category of indifferent?

My boyfriend reaches orgasm pretty fast and he can't really keep going after that.
So usually I need "manual" help to get off. It feels nicer when he touches me than when we actually have sex.
The sex itself is kind of "meh" but I don't know if that has to do with my sexuality or with the quality of sex (ha).

I think my biggest issue is that kissing etc doesn't seem to hold my interest for long.
I can be into it but lose interest really fast.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Blackmageofdoom

I'm a demi.

I can't have sex with anyone I'm uncomfortable with, literally physically lol. It takes me a long time of getting to know and being comfortable with a girl to get to the point where performance is actually worth doing it. I don't really enjoy it, but I enjoy making my partner happy. It is kind of weird doing it, like I imagine it would be easier walking down the street and being able to look at a random girl and think about sexing her. But I think if you want to do it do it, it's weird but I guess it's a biological thing people do it all the time lol.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Wherever you do it, make sure there's plenty of padding (this is why a bed is a very common place), otherwise you might feel a little sore the next few days.

Today I Learned. I've never thought about why people stereotypically use the bed. Of course, it must be a pretty athletic activity, and they have padding in gyms.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Baskervillain

Sex is physically pleasurable it raises your heart rate, can cause a adrenaline rush, and stimulate nerves these things together make a unique experience many find to be the most pleasurable thing they can bring to mind

Link to post
Share on other sites
WhenSummersGone

I'm kinda repulsed now but when I first tried it I was indifferent and curious. I could still feel some pleasure, it was too bad, but it felt like something was missing (desire/attraction). My body was working fine but my mind wasn't too interested.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Betty Badinbed

(TMI alert)

All my life, it has been an uncomfortable experience. Sometimes (thankfully rarely) with burning pain, even with an ocean of lube going on. With my most recent partner, I had a time limit in which he had to reach his conclusion - if he was going to take too long, it would eventually become intolerable and I'd ask him to stop. He always obliged; he was nice like that. So yeah, sadly not very sexy at all.

The best experience I can say I've had from sex is when my partner has just climaxed. Firstly, there's the relief that it's all over and I can go to sleep soon. But secondly, if we stayed 'coupled together' for a short while, and I would feel the energy of his body slowing, I would get a nice release flowing through my brain, like the stroke of a velvet-gloved hand. Not quite an orgasm, as it didn't seem to have a bodily component - but I think a release of 'oxytocin', the natural chemical that can be triggered by hugging.

Link to post
Share on other sites
LadyWallflower

I am very afraid of penetration. I get hysterical whenever I have to get a Pap smear. Also, I find male privates very gross (sorry guys. I love your faces.)

Link to post
Share on other sites

I prefer non-penetrative sex, like others. The times my bf and I had the conventional penis-in-vagina sex, it wasn't unpleasant, though. I imagined something much more invasive and uncomfortable, and my fear made it difficult to do at first. It's still an odd sensation to me, though, almost like touching a sore spot of my body despite knowing it's sore. It feels like he's touching something that's too sensitive to be touched, but it's not painful as a result. I tend to focus on other parts of the intimacy that give me pleasure.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Goodbyeblueyes

I have only ever had penetrative sex twice and both times were extremely uncomfortable. The first was also very painful. It was probably due to me being very nervous and my partner pretty much not caring about it and just going on with doin' his thang... The second time was just... weird. It didn't feel pleasurable /at all./ Mostly felt like there was something in me that shouldn't be there. After like 5 minutes, the guy looked at me asked if I wanted it to be over, and I was just like "um, yeah."

And that, my friends, is my extent of sex experience.

I get much more fun/pleasure out of kissing/cuddling/caressing, honestly.

Link to post
Share on other sites

It's pleasurable for me, but if it was with anyone other than my SO it wouldn't at all. It makes me feel very close and connected with him. But thinking about sex with anyone else seems like invasive and gross and very uncomfortable.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Ricecream-man

I have a feeling none of the guys will reply to this, but I am sort of curious from that perspective

Another male perspective.

And it could be pretty TMI so here's a spoiler. (It's harder to describe it in a PG way from a guy's perspective)

I just want to clarify that this is a purely physical description. Emotionally it's a whole different can of worms, but that's not what's being asked so here's the physical aspect in the most objective way I can put it.

So overall, it's just a wet sticky feeling. The internet memes that use "shlick" actually feel like a pretty accurate description of what it's like. Beyond that, just picture it being a warm moist pressure around you for the most part. There are some minor differences that come up from girl to girl but that's the main feeling. Just a heads up as well. If you're not careful or if you get a little too imaginative, it can hurt for a guy as well. And there you have the physical part as objectively as I could put. Lots of color removal on this one...

Link to post
Share on other sites
Tea with toast

I used to be sexually adverse until I started to date my current SO and eventually became comfortable with being naked with him (which took over a year to feel comfortable with). I am now sex indifferent, at least with him. We started having sex just a few months ago. I'd say the first 5 times or so I would get sore no matter how much lube was applied. The first few times I had to ask him to stop, but eventually I could tolerate him for longer amounts of time (unfortunately, he takes a while).

I've never orgasmed, never had any physical pleasure from it, but it is no longer painful and only very minimally uncomfortable. I continue to do it because I enjoy the emotional pleasure being with the person I love. I like that he enjoys it, and the best part is the cuddling afterwards.

Link to post
Share on other sites

It was better than masturbating, but overall underwhelming. I didn't feel like there was a lot of sensation prior to orgasm, but then there was more sensation that normal.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I had a terrible fear of it. In all honesty, I still do. I don't know if that is encompassed under the "repulsion" umbrella, but I would guess it's similar. Anyway, my first time was his too, and I was so scared I involuntarily closed myself off to him. The first few times, he couldn't even complete a thrust. It was excruciating but got less painful over the course of three months, when it then got a little better to only being uncomfortable. I found out when I was pregnant for the first time that my uterus was tilted, so I don't know if the uncomfortableness stemmed from that or just from my uncomfortableness with sex in general. I was hoping after that birth that I wouldn't be as tight, and it wouldn't be as uncomfortable. I was wrong :-( However, about a year and a half after I had my second baby, I managed to find a position in which I actually felt pleasure. When I orgasmed for the first time like that, I finally knew what everyone else was talking about. It truly was spectacular. I can't O all the time, but I know if it will happen or if it won't. It's very strange: I'll be feeling really good, then all of a sudden I won't. I don't know if it's my clinical OCD or not, but whenever I'm not into it, I just count the thrusts. I don't think my husband has gone beyond 450.

I like being able to take my guy there, but afterwards and even during I feel embarrassed by the act. I hate that embarrassment. I also hate that I have to turn down my husband a lot. We probably only do it maybe 3 times a month. I don't see how anyone can do it "all night" or even night after night after night.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Although your information is helpful, there is one statement I'd like to discuss:

Common myth is that oil isn't a good lube. This is false because it's fine with monogamous partners (it breaks down toys and latex faster, however, hence why it's only recommended for monogamous partners).

As a peer sex educator I can confirm that using oil-based lube can break down toys and latex faster as stated. It can also make condoms much more likely to break (because it breaks down the latex), causing a possible pregnancy risk if one is not using any other form of birth control and an STD/STI risk as well because the skin-skin barrier is broken. Oil also traps bacteria in the vagina which can cause risk for a yeast infection, and because of the imbalance in Ph levels oil-based lubricant causes, it can also cause discomfort and redness. For these reasons, oil-based lube is not a recommended form of lubricant. Water-based lubricant is the most safe and comfortable method. ^_^

Link to post
Share on other sites
Ricecream-man

Although your information is helpful, there is one statement I'd like to discuss:

Common myth is that oil isn't a good lube. This is false because it's fine with monogamous partners (it breaks down toys and latex faster, however, hence why it's only recommended for monogamous partners).

As a peer sex educator I can confirm that using oil-based lube can break down toys and latex faster as stated. It can also make condoms much more likely to break, causing a possible pregnancy risk if one is not using any other form of birth control and an STD/STI risk as well as the skin-skin barrier is broken. Oil also traps bacteria in the vagina which can cause risk for a yeast infection, and because of the imbalance in Ph levels oil-based lubricant causes, it can also cause discomfort and redness. For these reasons, oil-based lube is not a recommended form of lubricant. Water-based lubricant is the most safe and comfortable method. ^_^

Coconut oil excepted of course. So far as I know. Quite a few of my more sexual friends swear by it. Quite vocally at times >.>

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...