Real or not real?

[Barricadeofcostarica]

Hi. I've considered myself asexual for the last 2 years. I've been a member of AVEN since pretty much the same time. But it's only until recently that I find myself doubting of my sexuality.

I'm an 18 year old girl and a virgin (tho from time to time I masturbate,and enjoy it), I consider myself biromantic. And I had a boyfriend. We broke up months ago because whenever he tried to get into some kind of sexual act I was reluctant. Not really wanting to do it. I spoke to him about it and he started to become cold and distant with me. I ended the relationship.

Thing is. I think I'm asexual, but recently I've find myself having this thoughts and fantasies. I start thinking of things like "maybe i should have sex. I might like it. Or "i'd like to try that" (thinking of sex acts). Then I have fantasies with male celebrities,sometimes even female. To be honest I've said to myself "man I'd totally sleep with..." whenever I think of a particular celebrity I find physically attractive. Sometimes I think I'm just kidding with myself then other times I think that having the chance I'd totally do it.

So I am really confused now. Am I aasexual? Was I ever asexual? Am I sexual? Are these fantasies ok? Or is it a sexual thing? I have, honestly, no clue right now.

Thank you all for reading (sorry for any mistakes, I'm not a native English speaker) and also sorry if it bothers any of you. All my love to you guys, these 2 years you've been a great family

[Rashkae]

You may be gray-asexual, or might just be curious. Theres nothing wrong with having fantasies or wanting to experiment, sexuality can be fluid and change. The only person who can identify you is yourself so I suggest doing some research and seeing if there are any terms that make sense to you.

[Sarika]

No matter if you are now or not, it's okay to change your label, they're there as a tool to express yourself. Also fantasies are always okay, they're just fantasies! You might be curious because everyone else is doing it, you might be a late bloomer, you might be a grey-asexual. Just try thinking out your feelings, whatever they are they are right, because they're yours.

With the celebrities, think about WHY you'd do them. Is it just their looks? Do you feel you know them because of interviews and other things you've seen and read about them? This might give you a clue as to what avenue your sexuality and romantic feelings take.

Don't feel pressured to have sex because you feel you 'should' try it, but if you want to have sex, just be smart about it. Advice I'd give to anyone!

[Roy M.]

I don't think fantasies count. Fantasies aren't real. Unless you meet actual people that attract you, I don't know how you could be considered sexual in any realistic sense.

So I vote asexual.

[Barricadeofcostarica]

With the celebrities, think about WHY you'd do them. Is it just their looks? Do you feel you know them because of interviews and other things you've seen and read about them? This might give you a clue as to what avenue your sexuality and romantic feelings take.

Well to be quite honest I have this fantasy about Lee Pace. But I kind of mix a little of his looks and physic (cause god he is so tall.like 6'3" and im so small barely 5') and after seeing shows like Pushing Daisies and Halt and Catch Fire (specially Halt) i find him so hot and aattractive. So it might be just the show's way of presenting his character that I find attractive. Things like that.

One of them. The female celeb fantasy is probably just from looks. And the other guy is a combination of what you've said.

Maybe the biggest thing that comes into my mind when I think about my sexuality and my celeb fantasies would be Lee' character from HaCF cause in a way I relate to him in certain psrsonal trait. I find his sexscapades from the show amazing as well. Kind of like a turnon but not quite there to be a turnon. Maybe that's a clue? Still a little confused.

[Barricadeofcostarica]

You may be gray-asexual, or might just be curious. Theres nothing wrong with having fantasies or wanting to experiment, sexuality can be fluid and change. The only person who can identify you is yourself so I suggest doing some research and seeing if there are any terms that make sense to you.

Can I find extensive gray a research here or would you recommend something for me? I kind of feel I'd betray myself if I suddenly knew I was sexual. But I guess yoy are right. Sexuality can be fluid and change.

Thanks 😊

[Star Bit]

I'm not sure if celebrities count under Fictosexual; sexual attraction to fictional characters; live-action, books, animated, etc. I think it could in the sence you won't meet them irl.

[Rashkae]

You may be gray-asexual, or might just be curious. Theres nothing wrong with having fantasies or wanting to experiment, sexuality can be fluid and change. The only person who can identify you is yourself so I suggest doing some research and seeing if there are any terms that make sense to you.

Can I find extensive gray a research here or would you recommend something for me? I kind of feel I'd betray myself if I suddenly knew I was sexual. But I guess yoy are right. Sexuality can be fluid and change.

Thanks

I would begin in this general forum http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/74042-grey-a-and-demisexual-faq-and-link-thread/ but as for where to go from there that is up to you. Good Luck ;)

[JohnDoe1995]

According to what you said, I do think you were asexual, however it does sound like you're gray-a.

Fantasies don't invalidate you being asexual, but if you do feel sexual attraction toward other people, there are 2 options:

1. If you find random people sexually attractive & do desire to engage in sexual activity, you're probably full-fledged sexual (might still be some kind of ace-spectrum). Remember that people change, & it-s perfectly fine if you don't feel asexual anymore. You shouldn't feel like you betrayed yourself. I used to hate white beans & now I love them ;).

2. If you only find these specific celebrities sexually attractive, you might be gray-a. According to your reply to sarika, I think you're demisexual. Although demisexuality is the inability to feel sexual attraction to someone with whom you don't have a deep emotional connection, many demis stated to find certain celebrities sexually attractive. Most of the demis I've heard of said they are fans of the specific celeb & relate to his/her character or feel they know a lot about him/her through the media. Even though you don't know these celebs in real life, relating to them/their characters & knowing a lot about them/ their characters can create the illusion you are close & cause a "demi switch".

Remember that no one can identify you beside you. If you don't comfortable with a certain label - don't use it.

[Tarfeather]

It will only be relevant if this happens to you with a real person, so my obvious suggestion is to forget labels and deal with the issue should a practically relevant situation ever present itself.

The following isn't directed at the OP, but I'd like to caution people against taking these "labels" too lightly: I do not in any way view asexuality as a label for self expression. Your right to self expression IMO ends where other people get seriously hurt, and if you engage in a relationship, call yourself asexual, then quit that relationship to have sex with your new crush, people will get hurt. Asexuality isn't a cloak that one should put on as they please, it has quite serious implications on real relationships, and it implicates quite serious things about your fundamental capability to experience or not experience things. Experimenting with the idea is fine. Making claims about it without certainty is seriously dangerous.

[shockkkk]

I was interested in having sex a few years ago, but I don't wasn't because I wasn't asexual - it was just curiousity.

Majority opinion is that fantasies are largely irrelevant to being asexual or not.

[JohnDoe1995]

It will only be relevant if this happens to you with a real person, so my obvious suggestion is to forget labels and deal with the issue should a practically relevant situation ever present itself.The following isn't directed at the OP, but I'd like to caution people against taking these "labels" too lightly: I do not in any way view asexuality as a label for self expression. Your right to self expression IMO ends where other people get seriously hurt, and if you engage in a relationship, call yourself asexual, then quit that relationship to have sex with your new crush, people will get hurt. Asexuality isn't a cloak that one should put on as they please, it has quite serious implications on real relationships, and it implicates quite serious things about your fundamental capability to experience or not experience things. Experimenting with the idea is fine. Making claims about it without certainty is seriously dangerous.

I think you took the labels are changeable thing to serious. Sexuality, like every aspect pf human nature, can change over time. If you find yourself feeling different things than what you used to, say you're still your previous self is lying to yourself & others.

Didn't you ever had a shirt you loved & now hate? Or a certain type of food you disliked but now eat often? Never heard about people that find their sexuality changed at the age of 40?

& for the example you gave: if someone dump his/her partner to have sex with someone else just because they start feeling full-fledged sexaul, that said person is an ass. You're now full-fledge sexual? Have sex with your current partner.

Labels are meant to be helpful to explain & describe yourself to others & mostly to yourself. If a person use sexual orientations as excuses to his/her misbehavior, than he/she is just a bad person.

[Star Bit]

I forgot to mention, if you don't want sex in real life then you can identify as asexual.