palelamia Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 I was having a conversation with my sister last night, and she suggested that there was a possibility that I may be asexual. Hearing that suggestion, I really wasn't sure that described me. The thing is, I am someone with multiple medical conditions. I have Fibromyalgia, severe depression, PCOS, and I am also pre-menopausal. I spend most of time in pain, and not feeling well. If I may be frank, I can not even have any kind of sex without it being painful and it causing very heavy bleeding. Even something like masturbation can be a largely unpleasant experience due to these factors. It's been difficult to say the least, and because of this, I refuse to pursue any kind of sexual relationship. However, my viewpoints on sex has changed drastically over the years. Before my illnesses, I was a very sexually active woman. I could even go at it several times a day. But after I became ill, my interest in sex has diminished significantly. I really don't care at this point if I never have sex again, and the last time I had a sexual encounter, happened to be back in 2004. I have been sexually active since a young age, and it feels refreshing to me, to not concern myself with this. When I come across sex scenes in the media, I feel bored as a whole, and if I read an erotic story, nine times out of ten, it does nothing for me. When I think of relationships, I think about things like living together, travel, and dream weddings, not anything of a sexual nature. The only thing that runs contrary to this is that when I do see a very beautiful woman (I currently identify as lesbian), I do think to myself, well if I wasn't ill. So, am I asexual or am I celibate? I do thank you in advance for any advice and your time. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hunter James Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 Hi Palemia, due to all of your physical trials, which puts tremendous stress on a person's sense of well-being, I would give yourself the freedom to be whatever you feel comfortable being and not look for any labels for it. I've read some very good articles recently (sorry it's just a preview) about the joys of celibacy for women who have been in relationships previously in their lives, and it seems like a viable choice for many. I think the key word is "choice" however - if you were well, would you choose to be celibate? Asexuality just is what it is, regardless of circumstance. You can feel on top of the world, sitting right next to the most wonderful person in the world, and not have a flicker of desire for sex. That very scenario used to freak me out and make me wonder what the heck was wrong with me. So much stress and anxiety. It wasn't a choice and was actually a confusing burden until I stumbled in here and found it was okay to be myself. So that's a bit of the difference there. I don't know if that helps, and like I said, the most important thing is to just try to be comfortable where you are now. If it means no sex that's perfectly fine - relax into it and know that whatever the reason, it's perfectly ok. =) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Member7783 Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 Asexual is an orientation. Celibacy is a lifestyle. True celibabcy seldom exists in the world nowadays. Even though I identifiy as celibate because I made the choice that I would NEVER engage in sexual activity no matter what, I still wrestle occsionally with sexual thoughts. I'll never be able, personally, to proclaim openly and publically about my celibacy until I have all of those thoughts under control as well. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
palelamia Posted February 8, 2015 Author Share Posted February 8, 2015 Hi Palemia, due to all of your physical trials, which puts tremendous stress on a person's sense of well-being, I would give yourself the freedom to be whatever you feel comfortable being and not look for any labels for it. I've read some very good articles recently (sorry it's just a preview) about the joys of celibacy for women who have been in relationships previously in their lives, and it seems like a viable choice for many. I think the key word is "choice" however - if you were well, would you choose to be celibate? Asexuality just is what it is, regardless of circumstance. You can feel on top of the world, sitting right next to the most wonderful person in the world, and not have a flicker of desire for sex. That very scenario used to freak me out and make me wonder what the heck was wrong with me. So much stress and anxiety. It wasn't a choice and was actually a confusing burden until I stumbled in here and found it was okay to be myself. So that's a bit of the difference there. I don't know if that helps, and like I said, the most important thing is to just try to be comfortable where you are now. If it means no sex that's perfectly fine - relax into it and know that whatever the reason, it's perfectly ok. =) That actually helps a lot. I will admit that I hadn't seen much in the way of asexuality and illness/disabilities. I looked through the articles on this website (though, I must admit, I didn't see the post in this forum about asking the question of Am I asexual, until I posted this) and others on the internet, and I didn't want to blame it on my illnesses alone, but I didn't want to jump to conclusions either. I think that you are right, and the biggest aspect here is choice. Because I really do need to put it perspective the what if regarding illness and whether it does make a difference or not. It does give me a lot to consider and I think I have a better understanding now than I did before. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
palelamia Posted February 8, 2015 Author Share Posted February 8, 2015 Asexual is an orientation. Celibacy is a lifestyle. True celibabcy seldom exists in the world nowadays. Even though I identifiy as celibate because I made the choice that I would NEVER engage in sexual activity no matter what, I still wrestle occsionally with sexual thoughts. I'll never be able, personally, to proclaim openly and publically about my celibacy until I have all of those thoughts under control as well. I do realize that asexuality is indeed an orientation, and that celibacy is a lifestyle choice. I used the term celibacy to describe not being sexually active. I do apologize if I said anything offensive. That wasn't my intent when I posted this. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TheKindredSoul Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 Asexual is an orientation. Celibacy is a lifestyle. True celibabcy seldom exists in the world nowadays. Even though I identifiy as celibate because I made the choice that I would NEVER engage in sexual activity no matter what, I still wrestle occsionally with sexual thoughts. I'll never be able, personally, to proclaim openly and publically about my celibacy until I have all of those thoughts under control as well. I do realize that asexuality is indeed an orientation, and that celibacy is a lifestyle choice. I used the term celibacy to describe not being sexually active. I do apologize if I said anything offensive. That wasn't my intent when I posted this. You said nothing offensive, so do not worry about that. I personally believe you are celibate, not asexual. Since your illness caused your "asexuality", I do not think you are asexual. However, that is for you to decide. I just think your illness is affecting your libido and such, because you cannot enjoy sex if you do not feel well. I sure hope you feel better soon. :( Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Member7783 Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 Asexual is an orientation. Celibacy is a lifestyle. True celibabcy seldom exists in the world nowadays. Even though I identifiy as celibate because I made the choice that I would NEVER engage in sexual activity no matter what, I still wrestle occsionally with sexual thoughts. I'll never be able, personally, to proclaim openly and publically about my celibacy until I have all of those thoughts under control as well. I do realize that asexuality is indeed an orientation, and that celibacy is a lifestyle choice. I used the term celibacy to describe not being sexually active. I do apologize if I said anything offensive. That wasn't my intent when I posted this. No offense taken. Just trying to get the terminology correct. A lot of people all over the world misuse terms. Plenty of times I've heard people say celibate when they actually mean abstinant. All celibabtes are abstinant, but not all abstinant people are celibate. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JohnDoe1995 Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Basically, asexuality means you feel no sexual attraction. If you say you do find other women sexually attractive, I think that the most suitable term/label will be celibate. However, labels are meant to help you describe & explain yourself, & only you can choose your label. Hope you'll feel better soon. You sound like a wise & interesting woman. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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