Asexual Interview Questions.

[Nyew]

1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?

I was 20 when I heard of the word and that it applied to me. Before that I thought I wasn't normal and I that just needed to take it slow or whatever.

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

I had two phases: First was "YAAAAAAAAAAAY I know what I am", then "Oh no, I'll never be in a relationship again"

Now, I'm okay, I feel fine being what I am.

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

Some of them knew before I did so they weren't surprised and are really understanding. Some others said stupid things like "It's just because he wasn't good enough" "You need to find the right one" "nah it doesn't exist it must be something else"

With other people I just stick with "Not interested"

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

Well, if that helps other people putting words on how they feel, I really don't mind. It's a little confusing sometimes.

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?

Yes. And that's annoying as hell. I mean, come on, why does everybody expect me to be interested? When a guy hits on me and that I notice it, I just feel uncomfortable. I suppose they're gonna want to have sex at some point and that bothers me a lot.

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

Uh. How can I put that... I've never told them. I just said something like "I'm not very interested in sex", I had sex to please them until the point where I couldn't do it anymore. Destroyed two relationships.

Now I just say "I'm asexual, I won't date you because we'd never have sex, ever." and there's always one or two who says "But I don't miiiiiind" oh yes you do. Believe me, you do.

7) Any experiences you would like to share?

Well, I already complained about that one on a topic but there was that guy who told me I was frigid and a few months later "changed his mind" and tried to convince to go out wih him. And the usual "but I don't mind" when they just don't know what they're talking about. Yeah maybe in the short term they don't mind, but I don't want a short term relationship and knowing them, I'm sure they wouldn't last a year.

[Crealityisabeast]

1) 22/23? It was only in the last year or two? I found this website, and figured it out a while before I joined AVEN

2) At first, I was kind of pissed! Like, are you kidding me? How the hell is this ever going to work? But after a little while, I realized it really wasnt anything, and I know it's like, 'asexual... meh'

3) I've only told a few people. I've gotten some laughs and incredulous looks, one person was just 'hmm. that's interesting' and my good friend said 'that makes a lot of sense'

4) I think it's interesting in that there are so many different ways that people feel, but there are so many different types of people in this world!

5) Oh yeah, there's just sex everywhere! I watch shows like game of thrones which has sex every other scene it feels like. I actually talk about that with one of my co workers. we suggest tv shows to each other, and it seems like every one we suggest we always say 'this one is really good but there is a lot of sex!

6) n/a

7) I work in a kitchen, and one day my co worker made this gelato that was just absolutely declicious. I said to her 'coming from an asexual, the things i would do to that gelato if it was a man!' and she replied with something like 'asexual? that must be a hard card to play!' and my first thought was 'YES! THANK YOU!' its difficult to have to explain to someone that (in my case) you don't want to have sex, in any circumstance, ever. it seems like that is such a huge part of people's lives that they just wont understand when you say the opposite

[The Wreyck]

1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?

20

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

I felt ecstatic, and also like a dense dummy cuz I had been involved in the asexual community for over a year when I finally realized that I, too, am asexual. It made everything else make sense without having to assume trust issues were the blame, which in turn made me a little less broken.

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

My best friend was awesome. My ex-girlfriend accepted it fairly easily because her main problem in our relationship had always been how disconnected I always seemed (I'm not good at feeling or expressing emotion). To her my asexuality just made sense. My oldest sister is really open about it, and my youngest is comfortable enough to even joke about it. My mother avoids the topic and thinks our whole community is just "weird". My last sister thinks I'm psychologically screwed up and need fixing.

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

I love them. Studying them has helped me understand myself better, and their existence give me people to relate to. I do, however, dislike when strong emphasis is placed on the identity. It squelches growth and regrowth, in my opinion, and can even breed disruption and exclusivity.

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?

I'm not sure. I came from a conservative and highly religious community and identified thaqt way myself for a long time. People generally respected that and didn't overly sexualize mne for the most part. I have felt put into such situations with men online various times, though.

6) If you've been in relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

I've only been in one relationship since discovering my own asexuality. My partner reacted very positively. He was very accepting if it. He is not highly sexual himself, so it is not a majorly big deal for him. He did, however, stop flirting with me in some of the more sensual or sexual ways, which I was not happy about him stopping. But I can't seem to get him to change his mind.

7) Any experiences you would like to share?

Dunno, I guess not at the moment?

[potato-chip]

1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?

38

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

Relief! Happiness... And rebellious, at rejecting what is expected of me. Some anxiety too about being different.

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

I have only disclosed to my therapist, who accepted it immediately. I have not met anyone else who I feel safe telling.

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

I think it is fine. People should have the right to identify however they want.

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?

I have felt sexually objectified my entire life.

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

I never told a partner, but I always had partners complain that I didn't initiate sex often.

7) Any experiences you would like to share? Nothing comes to mind.

[A Perfect Square]

1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?
I officially acknowledged my asexuality when I first read about the term, which made me about 14 years old. The feeling of 'oddness' came much earlier though - when I was about 8.

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?
My feelings came as a series. Frozen would describe the initial physical feeling of it pretty well, because I remember feeling incredibly cold and unable to do anything but read what was in front of me. It was like all my other senses just shut down completely, and I had to 'remember' to do basic things, like blink. Once I got over that feeling, another load came which left me simultaneously intrigued and ecstatic that I could finally answer a question that had been running through my subconscious throughout that aforementioned 6 year gap. Once I made peace with that answer, I actually felt pretty normal.

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

My friends didn't mind so much. Two came out as demis not long afterwards. One even started to do some research on it, and she is now one of the few academics out there who focuses on asexuality, which is pretty neat. My family dismissed it - not necessarily in a hateful or spiteful fashion, but given my Mormon background, they struggled to grasp that I am unlikely to go to the 'higher circles of Heaven' when I pass on. some believed that my Asperger's and previous instances of sexual abuse contributed to it, but the jury is still out on that one. My exs were pretty baffled by it, but just thought that I was being prude, secretly gay or simply embarrassed about my body.

But in the literal sense, nothing really happened. The world didn't blow up, and people didn't so much reject me outright as suggest solutions on how to 'fix' my little 'problem'. Life went on, and I am pretty happy with that!

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

Initially I found it very confusing, but now that I have been lurking for a few years (I was too shy to post things!), I have a more rounded idea of other people in the asexual community. I feel that I can approach things with a lot more understanding now I know that asexuality isn't always a black and white framework.

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?
While I am sex-positive in terms of other people embracing their sexuality and enjoying sexualised events, scenarios and whatnot, when people have over-sexualised me (rare, but it happens), the question that has always struck me is "What is the point of all this? Seriously." I am disinterested, and it irritates me when sex becomes the ultimate topic of conversation. I mean, there are other things to talk about! I think it is a positive thing that society has become more open to sexual culture, but since I am so disconnected from it, I cannot deny that it bugs me slightly.

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

My first boyfriend wondered if he was the problem, and became very depressed about it. I had some fairly comical conversations with him where I tried to reassure him that there was nothing wrong with him physically! Another boyfriend was demisexual and did not give two flying kangaroos. One ex was a complete douchenozzle about it, and did a few things that I will not mention here. As for my current girlfriend, well... we're still testing the waters as in where our relationship is headed with regards to this, but I have spotted her lurking these boards a few times and she does ask lots of questions about it. She seems to be incredibly open about it, and - if she isn't - she is at the very least willing to communicate what she feels towards the subject :) (If you are reading this - hello! :P)

7) Any experiences you would like to share?
My first kiss was the most disgusting, revolting thing I have ever had the displeasure of experiencing. It wasn't even from my first boyfriend, but from some random, creepy dude in Valencia who thought it was okay to slam me against the wall, lick all around my lips and then bite on them, like I was some sort of snack. It really stunted my confidence - it felt as though I had a big slug crawling all over my face, and it made me feel absolutely disgusting. Not to mention I was about 13, and this dipstick was at least 25. Even to this day I can't think about kissing people on the lips without shuddering.

[jimerman]

1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?

19

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

i was questioning to say the least, a lot of it was "am i or am i not" that question continued to sit with me for a long time

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

i only came out to a coworker, never came out to anyone close to me, i dont really see the point

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

well i am also a romantic so that is good, but i think if you are demi than you are just really picky or have extremely high standards for partners. Don’t mean to offend but it is in my opinion that you are all or none, because if you are a little attracted sexually than it just means that you don’t find most or a large percentage of people sexually attractive. 99.9999% is still attracted to .00001% of people

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?

When i tell people (women) the most common thing i here is that i just need a good partner and that they are that partner.

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

the only one i was in was how i discovered that i was asexual

7) Any experiences you would like to share?

[ThorHera]

1 - Appx 12-14 yrs old, the WORD/understdg came 40 yrs later.

2 - an ah, so that’s it moment: Relief and at peace.

3 - Have not told anyone, cept the ppl at aven

4 - never think about them, as I now know who/what I am - putting more categories to it? What for? I don’t feel the need to categorize, label, or further categorize/label. Sexuals don’t label themselves, ie: “Hi I am a heterosexual tending toward the aromantic side of the spectrum, yet polymorous in some situatns”

5 - yes. I don’t understand why sexuals put so much emphasis on sex, heh, in all parts of life (clothes, makeup, movies, adverts, etc)

6 - Have a husb (30+ yrs), have NOT come out to him (anyone), I believe he would be hurt (but probably would go: Oh, so that is why thus & this

[animanova]

1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?
Eight.

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?
It was like a weight off my soul, to be dramatic. A sigh of relief, after having been drowning in so much confusion and fear of not being normal.

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?
I was taken to conversion therapy. They told me it was a phase, I was deluding myself, or needed to have sex to change my mind.

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?
I think that if someone can find themself on the spectrum and be happy with it and confident in their sexuality and how they view themselves, then it's perfectly okay.

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?
My boobs have played a big part in this, and why yes, I have.

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?
I...uh...not quite a relationship, but it ended with trying to convert me with his dick.

7) Any experiences you would like to share?

I've flirted before, and then was told it was my fault if I got raped because I was leading them on.

It's really hard trying to date. No one is interested in an asexual, much less a biromantic one...and it's just uncomfortable, knowing people can easily picture me beneath my clothes or make me an object of sexual pleasure.

Mainly very negative experiences from people knowing I'm not sexual.

I cried when I first found AVEN because it was realizing I wasn't broken and or crazy. It gave me hope that I'd have less of a chance for being completely ostracized by others, and able to know that people like me exist.

[WintersWhite]

1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?

15.

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

I felt so happy that I could find the label that suit me best. I didn't have to question myself anymore

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

Everyone was generally accepting. Some people were confused because they didn't know the correct definition but it came out alright.

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

I think its interesting how orientations work in that there's so many categories for it. It makes it feel more sexual preferences are tastes like as in how we like our food.

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?

You mean if I got overly sexualized? No, I don't show skin at all other than my hands and face most of the time. If you're talking about society then I do feel that way sometimes with all the perverted images everywhere and ads.

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

I don't want a relationship.

7) Any experiences you would like to share?
With the little visibility we get, I do get tired of having to explain this stuff to people. Nothing else really.

[Teavana]

1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual? 19

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings? I felt relieved and it was a aha moment. I was so mad at myself for not knowing all these years though.

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual? Responses varied. Some people were confused and some people were understanding.

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality? I don't feel anything. I believe that everyone is different.

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society? Yes. I'm a woman and I feel like men are overly sexualizing me when I'm not a sexual person. I hate how society assumes I am a sexual person. I hate how they gave me a gardasil shot even though I will never be sexually active.

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual? I have never been in a relationship.

7) Any experiences you would like to share? Not really. Nothing special I can think of right now.

[TooOldForThis]

1) It was a drawn-out process, so I'm not sure. Between 12 and 15.

2) I don't think it felt any particular way, since there wasn't really a 'moment of revelation.'

3) A few people didn't really understand what it meant, but most people were fine with it and didn't seem to find it confusing. I don't think I got any intentionally negative reactions.

4) Most of them make a lot of sense to me. Others seem unecessary, but if people want to use them it doesn't bother me or anything.

5) Occasionally. My doctor insisted that I get inoculated against various STDs and seemed hesitant to believe that I was sexually inactive at age 20, and always had been so. My mother has made a few highly uncomfortable sexual comments directed at me. And a few people have made sexual comments about me, but those didn't really bother me as they were sort of off-hand.

6) My partner turned out to be also asexual. And aromantic, which they discovered later, but either way they had no problems with my asexuality.

7) Well, when I came to my college I didn't know of any other asexuals there. Then my partner (well, partner-to-be, we were not together yet) figured out they were ace. And then a friend of ours figured out the same thing. And then someone read the 'Asexuality 101' sheet my partner and I had on our door and realised they were asexual too. From there we met a few more asexuals. So, I became acquainted with quite a lot of asexuals at my college without much effort at all.

[SMW22792]

So I'm writing an essay for my English class on asexuality and I just wanted to get some feedback from fellow asexuals on the subject. I just have a few questions and I would really appreciate any/ all responses. Thank you so much for your help!

1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?

A. I was around the age of 18 when I realized how I felt about sex wasn't how the majority of others felt about it. It started with a quick Google search about not being interested in dating. I saw things along the line of: "How are you going to have sex if you're not interested in dating?" At the time, I didn't realize the majority of people who dated had an expectation of sex. Then I started looking up: "Not interested in sex." That's when I found out about asexuality was a thing, and there was a community of like-minded individuals I can talk to. It was, and still is a nice feeling.

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

​I felt more confident in the way I felt about sex after realizing there was an entire community of people that shared similar thoughts, and views on it.

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

To family: I've only came out to my Mother, but I'm not shy about letting others know how I feel about sex. When I first told her (18) I was told it's a phase, and that I haven't met the right person. That bummed me out. Three years later, I talked to her about it again. Not only was she more receptive, she seemed to think she may be on the asexual spectrum herself.

To friends: I got a few questions, but mostly I received positive reception. One of them mentions that he's jealous of my indifference when it comes to not being in a relationship. Then sometimes we joke about me reproducing by budding. I never received any negative criticism from friends, but as a make more friends, I'm aware that someone might take more exception then needed when it comes to asexuality.

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

I think if people are comfortable enough with a particular label, use it! I've seen people say they're not fans of huge titles for subsections of asexuality. Even I'd agree that terms like quoiromantic, and autochorissexual may be a bit much for people not familiar with asexuality. Thing is though, I feel comfortable enough to use these labels, and any information on each can be found via Google search.

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?

Yes to a point. I never realized how sexualized everything is before I started inquiring about my own sexuality. Music, movies, advertisements, etc. It gets old after a while, but I can't say it angers me. It just bores me to death. I wouldn't be a good target for advertisements. :P

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

I've had two prior relationships before I even started thinking about my asexuality. They both ended on good terms, but I didn't understand what the other party meant when they mentioned, "Taking the relationship to another level."

Since my asexuality, I haven't been in a relationship. While I'm not actively seeking one, I'm open to the idea of a relationship.

7) Any experiences you would like to share?

Don't put all your focus on trying to fit into a particular label. Everything will come with time. Just remember that some people can be assholes about the topic of asexuality. Try to take it with a grain of salt, and always remember that you have a community of like-minded individuals to fall back on for support.

Again, I would like to thank you in advance for your answers. :)

[Whispearl]

1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?

I was sixteen when I first heard about it and seventeen when I realized it applied to me. I'm almost nineteen now.

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

It was a weird sort of relief, because I didn't realize I was different until I looked it up. But somehow everything made sense once I realized I could identify with that.

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

My two friends were very supportive and asked questions. My brother and one of those friends don't see it as quite as "permanent" as other orientations but still support me. I came out on Facebook and there wasn't any negativity. But my parents don't get it, especially my dad. He's said some nasty stuff.

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

It doesn't bother me. I don't really think about them much as a separate entity, since they're as active in the community as any of us.

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?

This oversexualized society drives me insane. And I'm a girl in my late teens, so I'm especially expected to have some sort of interest or attraction, and it's really bothersome and isolating.

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

He was cool with it. We talked about it in concepts and he totally understood it. And then I was talking with someone about the coming out Facebook post I did, and when he was confused (he didn't see it), I flat out said it, and he said "Okay," and we moved on! But the relationship didn't last long enough for sex to come into the picture and ended for reasons outside of it. So I think he was cool with it.

7) Any experiences you would like to share?

Everything that comes to mind is already written here, haha.

[Ruqiah]

1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?

I started identifying as asexual when I was 19. I'm now 21.

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

Pretty good. I used to be pretty freaked out that I didn't want sex or that I didn't want to masturbate (and still don't).

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

One female said that I just needed to find the right someone. Another girl thought it was weirder that we had a flag (but she didn't know that gays have flags too lol). I usually just default to "I'm not into sex" and "I'm not a relationship person." People seem to understand that better (my family). And My family in particular, I haven't used the word asexual but they know what I am anyways even if they don't know a label exists for it.

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

I can see why people (non-aces) are so confused about what asexuality is. There's aces who have sex and say they enjoy it and are still ace. There's some who are completely repulsed. It's nice that a wide range of people feel that they have a place to belong (and it's not my place to tell anyone what they should or shouldn't be) but at the same time it's confusing for people who buy into the misconceptions of what ace is, because of the multitude of definitions floating around and interpretations.

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?

I don't feel sexualised. I've never been hit on for sexual reasons (I'm quite average.. or below), nor felt a need to look gussied up in that way. Society certainly is sexualised, though. And place too much condemnation for people (particularly males or virgins) who don't desire sex.

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

Had one online relationship but that was before I knew I was asexual. Otherwise, never dated ~

7) Any experiences you would like to share?

Hope your writing went well (since it was probably due way before I posted this).

[Rising Sun]

1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?
I was 25. It was 5 years ago.

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?
I felt relieved to know that I wasn't just mentally blocking my sexuality and that there were other people like me who didn't have sexual disorders.

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?
When I was a teenager, my classmates bullied me because they felt my sexuality and my gender perception were different from theirs. From that day, I hid my sexuality to almost everybody and came out only to my partner and to the very few people who could handle it. I also accidentally came out to a religious friend, I never knew what he thought about it but he surely thought I told him I was abstinent.

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?
It's quite enriching to see how everyone's experience is different and unique. But there are too many labels.

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?
Yes, of course. When I was younger, I was bullied because as I wasn't heterosexual, others thought I was a lesbian. Even schoolkids couldn't imagine that one of their classmates could simply find absolutely no one hot or cute.

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?
My first partner never knew, as I didn't know my sexual orientation at the time. With my second partner, it was funny because he told me "I think I'm asexual" and I was like "What ?!! OMG, me too !"

7) Any experiences you would like to share?
After I was bullied so much when I was younger, I rarely dared coming out. Even now, it's still quite painful memories. There is always that fear of not being accepted. Desire and even simple physical attraction aren't universal experiences, and it's important to respect differences.

[Ace of Fishes]

1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?

Since 13 I could tell I wasn't sexually interested in people, but I didn't think anything of it until 16 when people began to show interest in me. I would say that at 17 I definitely knew I was asexual. See #7.

2) How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

There's a fable of blind people trying to figure out the shape of an elephant by each touching different parts of it, each coming to a different conclusion. My experience was analogous to their suddenly regaining sight and realizing that all their experiences were facets of the same thing.

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

People replied by posting pictures of cake. Outside AVEN, no one knows for sure.

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

I think the existence of subcategories encourages people to examine themselves more closely and to recognize the variety of people's experiences, both of which are good things to do. However I think they create a bit of temptation to say "I am a [whatever], therefore I [do something or think a certain way]" rather than the reverse. In other words, a determination to find a label that fits instead of deciding what that label needs to describe.

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?

I haven't personally felt sexualized except to a trivial extent, but I do think today's society has a tendency to do that to people.

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

I decided not to bring it up, and the relationship ended well before I would have changed my mind.

7) Any experiences you would like to share?

One of my high school history teachers wanted to make the point that you should always back up an argument with verifiable facts, so he had one of the pretty (apparently) girls in class stand at the front and then asked who thought she was "hot". So I thought to myself: "If I don't raise my hand, it'll look strange and I'll have to explain myself. If I do, then I can hide in the herd of sappy males who raise their hands and maybe escape unscathed." Unfortunately, being the smart-looking guy in the front row I get called on to support "my" claim with cold hard facts. I flounder because as an asexual I don't see people that way, and after a horrendously awkward silence people start this ridiculous "ooooooh"...ing that I gather was to insinuate the lascivious thoughts allegedly passing through my mind. Fortunately I did not die of embarrassment.

And that is how my voyage of ace-discovery began. On the bright side, I've gotten really good at finding supporting facts.

[VBA]

Dear friend,

just saw your questionnaire. here are my replies:

1. not many know about my asexual feeling

2. those who know (two indian ladies in my life i.e. one in real life and other here an indian lady) are quite open, flexible and understanding. they do not find my situation strange! they are quite good.

3. i had a partner in the past. but she went away from my life due to domestic pressure i.e. getting married. now i feel that her decision was good. otherwise she would have cursed me once she came to know about my lack of sexual urge. but we were good romantic couple as long as we were together.

thats it for the time being,

vijay

[Loodwring]

1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?

At the age of 12, I noticed that I was off when it came to sexuality and romance. I thought I would be interested later, but deep down I didn't count on it. At the age of 13, some people said that I should date some particular girls, and I said no because I didn't feel like that suited me. At the age of 15, in a French class (mother tongue = French), we had to get in teams and talk about a music we liked, someone we were attracted to, etc. When my turn came, I said I had no love interest. So the other people said I had no sexual orientation. I didn't know about asexuality, but it's then that I identified with the meaning. A few months later, at 16, while looking up schizoid personality disorder on Wikipedia, I found the word ''Asexuality'', I found out about AVEN, and this is when I self-identified with the label. So let's say I was 15-16.

When I was 14-15, I saw in a magazine that Alfred Hitchcock got interested in girls at the age of 20, so I said to myself that I would wait to be 20 to be really sure about my lack of attraction (that's how I defined asexuality at the time). I wasn't really counting on that, and by the age of 21, I realized I had gone beyound my deadline with no change. So this it.

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

I felt like I belonged somewhere. On the other hand, sex and love seemed so important to other people (I'm also aromantic) that I felt that talking about asexuality would disturb other people and get me partially ostracized. (I didn't think asexuality could get me fully ostracized, but I was afraid that people would stop talking to me.) So I kept it to myself. Once at 16, I told a boy and a girl that I had never fallen in love. But when they asked me what kind of woman I was attracted to, I just changed the subject. I was to afraid to disturb anyone. So I felt isolated, but I was not sure who exactly was to blame, me or the others. It felt so weird that it took me almost 6 years to join AVEN, even though I had known about it since I was 16.

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

Twice, people have joked by saying that I was a confirmed member of the 1%. The people I've told have reacted pretty well, so far. The last time I told people was about one week ago on Facebook. They asked me some questions, made some comments, but things went pretty well. I feel like people are more familiar to the concept now.

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

They can be useful for the people who identify with them. But that's not all. These subcategories can also help us understand some parts of human sexuality (and nature) that we had overlooked before. I feel that some categories can ''feel'' more groundbreaking than others, but that's normal since that has to do with what people have known so far.

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?

Not really. Not in high school, at least. Since I was 12 or 13, people made some comments (never in a mean way) about how I didn't seem very open about my sexuality. But I seemed aloof about it, so people didn't bother me too much with that.

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

N/A

7) Any experiences you would like to share?

Sometimes, people can be so opiniated. I was with a group of friends once. One of them is bisexual, and someone said that he was neither gay nor straight. (I think that was more a joke on the label, or otherwise he would have said that the guy was gay and straight.) And the same guy said that this would imply that the other guy was bisexual. The bisexual guy had already made some weird comments, saying that some religious figures were masochistic (and I assumed that had to do with their celibacy). And he said out loud that he'd rather be a pedophile than an asexual. It's not that he's attracted to kids, he just has a very negative view on ''sexless'' lifestyles. I'll have to talk to him about that. Anyway, his remark made me so uncomfortable that I had to look away. At some point, I'm gonna see that guy and I'm going to tell him I'm asexual. It's not my fault if he'd rather have sex with kids than have no sex at all. But this is going to be so awkward for me and for him. But I look forward to it nonetheless.

The other thing is that I have this friend I know who is 20 and has had dozens and dozens of sexual partners. Some people admire that, I don't really care, personally. He made some strange comments, but I know he meant no harm. He knows I'm asexual. But I feel like he can't talk about it. He talks to me about the sex the same way that he did before knowing about my asexuality. I guess he must be a bit uncomfortable.

[Ficulnean]

1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?

21

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

Relived. Mostly happy. A bit sad for my futire prospects.

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

The one person I've told so far believes that it doesn't exist mand that people are just really good at conditioning themselves.

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

I learned a lot about this when first figuring out I was asexual. Now, it is something that I don't actively search out. I'm fine with it but not too invested in it.

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?

Yep. "When are you going to . . . date, marry, have children, bring a boy home, come out as lesbian".

7) Any experiences you would like to share?

Hmm . . . I'm now wondering if my early aversion to makeup could have been something that might have 'predicted' this.

[realm96]

1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?

17

2) How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

It was kind of a mixture of emotions. I liked that there wasn't anything wrong with me but at the same time, I hadn't thought about my sexuality that much beforehand.

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

My friends were really cool with it, some of them had even figured it out before I did. My family on the other hand, not so much. I tried to tell them but they didn't want to hear it and told me that I "didn't really know what I was talking about" and that I would change my mind eventually.

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

At first, I learned a lot and the vocabulary got really confusing but now I just kind of go with it even though some of the vocabulary and stuff still throws me off sometimes.

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?

I guess kind of but not to the point it did anything more than annoy me for a little bit.

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

I didn't explicitly tell him that I was ace, I only told him that sex was off the table. We never officially dated or anything so maybe that was why he seemed okay with it.

7) Any experiences you would like to share?

If you see a place that looks like a bed and breakfast but it's called "Rooms With a View" and it's in the middle of a sketch part of town think about innuendos before you go in. Spoiler alert: it wasn't a bed and breakfast; it was a brothel.