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Asexual Interview Questions.


WildGold4602

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So I'm writing an essay for my English class on asexuality and I just wanted to get some feedback from fellow asexuals on the subject. I just have a few questions and I would really appreciate any/ all responses. Thank you so much for your help!

1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

7) Any experiences you would like to share?

Again, I would like to thank you in advance for your answers. :)

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GwendolynAngel83

1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?

20, I just figured it out recently

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

Relieved, yet worried about potential reactions

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

I've only told three people so far. My friend is Asexual as well and was fine with it and my parents are ok with it as long as I'm ok with it. They'd prefer I don't live alone though

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

It helps things fit and make sense better for a lot of people

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?

I'm...not entirely sure what you mean by this

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

I didn't know I was asexual back when I was dating

7) Any experiences you would like to share?

Um...none that I can think of at the moment

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So I'm writing an essay for my English class on asexuality and I just wanted to get some feedback from fellow asexuals on the subject. I just have a few questions and I would really appreciate any/ all responses. Thank you so much for your help!

1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual? 28

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings? Overwhelming, confident, at ease... all in all very good feeling

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual? You haven't met the right person yet. It is all crap. You need more exposure.

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality? It is good to have spectrum. I would say sexuals should also have such a spectrum because I'm sure in their world too there will be wide variety

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society? A lot. Can't enjoy most of the comedies, can't understand concepts of the ads, feel out of place at most of the places, very difficult to enjoy tv & movies

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual? Not into a relationship where other person would really get impacted by my asexuality

7) Any experiences you would like to share? I wish I wasn't in minority, would have been able to enjoy more. Friends have settled, people take single status have available... all in all find myself lost in this world

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1) 16

2) I felt safe and I wasn't confused anymore.

3) My friends and family were very accepting, however I did need to explain it a few times.

4) Even within the ace spectrum there is an extreme amount of diversity, I think it is fascinating.

5) I'm not sure what the question is asking.

6) I've never been in a relationship

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1) I was 19 when I first realized.

2) Honestly I didn't even realize that I had weird feelings until I saw the word and what it meant. I looked it up randomly one day and then thought to myself, "oh my gosh!!! This is exactly me!"

3) When I told my younger brother, he said "WHAT ME TOO." When I told my parents, they were a little bit confused and tried to offer explanations as to why I might feel this way, but overall they were very accepting and supportive. When I told my old roommate, she wrote it off and said that I definitely wasn't ace. And when I told my ex, he was initially very accepting and supportive, but I don't think he actually understood what it meant because he kept trying to find ways to turn me on. Eventually it felt like he was trying to "fix" me.

4) Most of them make sense. I'm a bit iffy on everyone who claims to be demisexual, but that might just be the crazies on the internet making me cynical by mis-interpreting the meaning. Also I'm not really sure that sapio-sexual is a thing...

5) Yes. As a girl I feel like that... not super often, but it is annoying. I've had guys try to date me based on looks only, which bugs me to no end. I'd like to know somebody before I date them, thanks :)

6) As I said before... he was very cool with it at first, but I don't think he actually understood the full implications. He kept trying to find ways to make me like sexy moments... saying "there has to be a way to turn you on. There just has to be." He wanted to make out all the time, trying to get me to like it. He never once violated me, or went past my boundaries, or anything like that... but it was tiring after a few weeks. Eventually he broke up with me with the excuse that he "couldn't get emotionally attached"... but I don't think that was the full story.

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averylongwalk

1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?

13

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

Nothing

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

I didn't, at first. but when i did they seemed more confused than anything.

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

I think they're just words

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?

I can't recall any type of sexualization directly aimed at asexuals...

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

not much of a reaction. "ok."

7) Any experiences you would like to share?

Yeah, I got tired of telling people i'm asexual.

No one really associated it with avens definition, much less any context as to 'grey/aromantic/asensual, eventually I just decided to say 'I'm nothing'. made things WAAAAY easier.

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1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?

I questioned myself at 13, but really knew at 15.

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

It was odd because I didn't think I was any different, but people thought I was because they had crushes and I didn't, so I guess it made me feel like I finally understood myself a bit.

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

I don't really tell people unless it pertains to the conversation at hand, but the people I've told are mostly understanding since they're friends and family I felt could react positively. I've had a few people say it isn't possible and that they didn't understand, some disrespected it, but it was mostly just having to explain asexuality. I've told my dad and he just kinda accepted it. He didn't get why I felt the need to tell him since he said I shouldn't need to explain myself, but he also was glad I told him. Other than that it was just basic acceptance of it and some people didn't question it and were neutral.

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

I don't really feel any feelings towards it. I think it's great there's so many things you can identify with on the spectrum and that it helps people understand themselves. They are just labels though and labels aren't pefect. labels are used to make others understand so in that respect I don't think it's needed, but if it helps then it helps.

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?

Not too sure what you mean, but asexuality in a sexual world is a difficult thing. It's difficult to see everything sexualised and society seeing sex as a necessity, but that's how it is. Asexuals are not interested in sex and people who are sexual are. We may be a minority, but that doesn't mean we are any less. There are people who don't respect this and try to sexualize and "fix" asexuals and that is not right. Personally, I don't feel anything towards media being sexualized because I'm not interested and that's that. I've been hit on, but that's just a fleeting thing.

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

Never been in a relationship myself.

7) Any experiences you would like to share?

Nothing really. Don't really know anyone offline who's asexual and I'm only friends with people who respect differences.

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1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?

- 16, but I didn't fully accept the label until 18 or so.

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

- SUCH a relief. I needed affirmation and there it was.

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

- Everyone I've told so far have reacted pretty much the same way: "Okay, that's cool." No one's really asked any follow-up questions or anything. I'm not sure if it's because it's really not a big deal or they just don't want to offend/look ignorant.

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

- I'm a fan of specificity and clarity of language, so I like the the subcategories. They make things easier for me, at least.

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?

- No, but to be fair I'm very oblivious, so it's probably just because I haven't noticed anyone sexualising me.

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

- Haven't been in one.

7) Any experiences you would like to share?

- Not really. My life is pretty uneventful.

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1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?

13.

2) How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

I was so happy! Almost as if I was complete. How come I never notice I was an ace all along? I knew this word for a while and never even realised I was an ace!

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

I came out to my sister during the summer of last year. She disagreed with me and said I was Pansexual. A lot of people think I'm Bi or Pan due to my openness of expressing my aesthetic attraction of people of multiple genders and my genderfluidity.

Second time I tried explaining I wasn't attracted to either sexes to my mother. Maybe it was indirect? She seemed to have forgotten, almost as if she wasn't listening to me. But then again, she wants me to get married and have children. So, I can see her pain.

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

I'm okay with it. Though some may be wary about demisexuals due to the first usage of the word was online and made up for a character, I believe they exist.

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?

Not really. Yet, I do get nervous occasionally when people try to express some type of interest in me and while watching or listening to certain films or songs.

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

Any serious relationships? No. I've online dated once when I was younger, but I never known my orientation then.

7) Any experiences you would like to share?

Came out to someone outside of the family. They said it was no way I was ace because what makes us Human is the desire for sex. Claimed I must have HSDD or been abused by someone. Tried explaining the difference in desire and attraction, didn't work. They called me a "special snowflake" afterwards.

Honestly, don't see how it makes me one. How does not experiencing physical/sexual attraction or not finding others "hot" make me "special" or a "snowflake"? I don't see the big deal with it. Humans are complicated beings, we don't experience things the same.

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Good luck on your essay! : )

1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?

Last year...so 25. Well, "realized" versus finding the word for it? Cause I've felt different for a looong time but had no idea about asexuality until last year. : )

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

Awesome! Really, it was a huge weight off my shoulders. I felt like I belonged. I felt like I wasn't alone...that I wasn't just "weird."

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

I've only told a couple of people. My friend reacted with wonderful support and acceptance. : ) My mom was...disbelieving. My psychiatrist thought it just had to do with my social anxiety lol. So yeah, a range of reactions.

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

I think it's useful. Because everyone is different. : ) It's really helpful for someone to find a description or label that fits so well...because humans are on a spectrum regardless.

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?

Have I personally felt overly sexualized? No (thank goodness). But I do think in the world today, that it seems like a lot of things are overly sexualized...or that you find sex EVERYWHERE. I think I notice it more now that I've discovered my asexuality lol.

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

I've never been in one! : D

7) Any experiences you would like to share?

Well, after joining AVEN and learning about asexuality and how much it fits me...it also opened doors for questioning and learning about my gender identity. : ) So it's helped in a lot of ways.

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  1. I figured out i was uninterested in sex and rarely experienced romantic attraction in junior high; when everyone was interested in that and i wasn't. Word wise, I've only known of Asexual and Gray-romantic for a little over a year. Prior to knowing of it's existance i just thought i would eventually feel it; i was waiting.

Considering I've only had around 5 ppl ask me out and my highschool friends never pressuring me or even asking about dating, finding out there was a word for it was pretty unrevalating because i didn't really have an external demand for the answer. My initial reaction was "no way, there are ppl like this; I'm this," but in a neat info sort of way, not a self completing way. There is no more waiting in the back of my mind anymore, so i suppose I've been relieved of some vague form of stress or announce or something very minute. A year before knowing of asexuality my mind finally tried out things in my dreams; I had 3 "this guy feels like he's going to force himself on me" dreams but once i felt that i woke up. It was trying out sex and i obviously didn't want that. Since then i haven't had such dreams because i nolonger expect to become sexual.

My friends are very accepting; they even accept my verginity and act as if it's irelivent, so when i told 3 of them they were immediately accepting of it; as i thought they would be. I haven't told anyone else out of relevency. I was surprised i had never heard of the term before and asked 2 of my friends if they had and ended up admitting it to them. I did single them out for a reason though; one had a crush on me and i needed to tell him why i was uninterested, and i wondered if the other could be asexual as well. One knew about it and the other simply never knew it's title name but knew people could be uninterested in sex. The 3rd was my best friend. :3

It just seemed logical. Yes there were alot but at no time was i overwhelmed because i was very eager and patient to learn them/vocabulary was expected when getting into any community.

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1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?

I was about 19 when I found out, but I didn't fully accept the title until a few years later.

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

It made me feel like I wasn't alone. That there were actually other people out there who felt the same way. It was uplifting to say the least.

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

They have not believed me at all, thinking that I will suddenly meet the right person one day, or my "maternal clock" will start ticking.

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

It can get confuses at times, with so many different terms. However they help people to better understand themselves (and have others understand them) without having to spell everything out. Its (mostly) summed up in a single word or two.

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?

Yes. Everywhere you go and look, there it is.

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

They did not know, because at that time I myself had not fully accepted that I was asexual.

7) Any experiences you would like to share?

Not that I can think of at the moment.

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1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?


Complicated answer - I knew I was aromantic long before I knew I was asexual. I first suspected there was something different about the way I experienced romantic attractions around 11 or 12, knew for sure around 16 or 17. When I discovered AVEN at age 21, I realized I was asexual, too, and that was the first time I've had a word for it. I didn't have a word for being aromantic until 2 months ago; nevertheless, I've been telling people for years that I have no romantic or sexual attraction towards either gender.



2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?


Relieved in some ways - to finally understand that there wasn't anything "wrong" with me and it was nice to have a word to give to tell people who were questioning my sexual orientation (asking why I never went on dates, asking if I was gay, etc).



3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?


It had only been known as a sexual orientation by the mainstream for a few months at that point, so I didn't really get any positive reactions. Mostly disbelief and a lot of "How do you know until you've tried?," "It could just be a phase," "You probably just haven't met the right person yet," etc. A few people have told me that they believe it's a choice I made.



4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?


On the one hand, I think it's helpful for people to have a word to describe what they're feeling, and the subcategories give people that validation. It's particularly useful to me since I identify more strongly with aromanticism than asexuality: I rarely think about the fact that I'm asexual - doesn't come up much; doesn't matter to me; I don't think about it - but people have had a vested interest in trying to figure out my relationship status and why I'm so single all the time. So it's nice to have a word for it, even if I only tell people in my life that I'm asexual rather than saying "I'm an aromantic asexual."



On the other hand, I worry sometimes that people might take asexuality less seriously if we split off into too many subcategories. It makes asexuality much more difficult to follow as an idea, and any non-asexual visitors to this site will honestly need to track down the AVEN wiki and read up on things to understand what most of us are talking about. I don't think they're very likely to do that, and so I think it's going to make it harder to convince anyone to stick around and find out what asexuality is really about. I also worry that we focus too much on labels and definitions to the detriment of the asexuality movement: our goal is to increase visibility, but focusing on labels and definitions makes us too insular and distracted, and seems to cause a lot of needless arguing.



5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?


I'm reminded that I'm asexual very frequently, if that's what you mean. It's closed me out of a lot of conversations about men, dating, and sex, where I sit and listen but have very little to contribute.



It terms of feeling sexualized, I guess that has only happened when men have behaved badly. As a woman, I've had guys catcall to me when walking in major cities, and I've experienced guys rolling down the windows of their trucks as they're driving by and call out to me. (Guys: this is so creepy, and makes me worry a bit for my safety. Don't do this.) This kind of behavior makes me feel like the target of men who are trying to sexualize me.



6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?


Never dated or been in a relationship - no interest.



7) Any experiences you would like to share?


No, but I'd like to share the fact that when I've come out in the past few years, people have not expressed disbelief to me. They've been more like, "That's cool. Tell me what that means, exactly?" This may be attributed to the fact that my friends and I are all much mature now, but even so - progress from the scoffing I used to get.


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FallOutAtTheMotionCityDisc

1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?


Well I suspected when I was 15ish, but I didn't start identifying as such until I turned 17.



2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?


Pretty freaked out at first actually, I didn't really want to know I was different that way. I wanted to be able to say it was all in my head and that I wasn't different from my friends in that way. I finally realized that it's not a bad thing, and I'm really happy to be asexual, I wouldn't change it even if I could.



3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?


They've all been pretty accepting. I took the time to explain it to my Mom and Dad. My Grandma knows other aces, so I didn't have to explain it to her, and she accepted it 100%.



4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?


It's great that we have a spectrum and subcategories so no one has to feel like they are "wrong". It's important that everyone understands themselves and that they don't try to fit into someone else's description because there isn't one that fits them!



5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?


Absolutely... Especially as a AFAB person. Sex never seemed necessary to me, except in terms of reproduction, so in such a sexual orientated society I've always felt slightly off. Simple things like going to the beach can be hard because I'm terrified someone's going to look at me sexually lol.



6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?


I haven't been in a relationship, though I'd probably get nervous and tell them immediately, so that could get complicated and awkward!



7) Any experiences you would like to share?


One experience I had before I realized I was a sex-repulsed asexual was telling a friend of mine (typically 16 year old hetero male) that I wasn't interested in sex and getting responses like "But it's so natural!" "You'll change your mind" "You just haven't met the right person yet, someday you'll meet a guy who will change that" the stereotypical answers to someone being asexual.



Other than that finding AVEN and other aces on tumblr have been the best experiences for me related to asexuality! :)


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1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?

If the terminology had existed (and I'd been aware of it) when I was 13, or more likely 15, probably then. True realization didn't strike until I was speaking to a new friend I'd made when I was 43 and she was able to point me in the right direction.

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

Funnily enough, before I started reading romances at the age of 39 (yeah, I'm a late bloomer! LOL), I didn't really pay any attention to such things. No one had ever asked me about whether I had a boyfriend or anything, so it just was not anything I worried about. My problem was trying to figure out why I kept wanting to drop kick the heroes of romances out of the stories for stepping into the heroine's personal space. Now, I know why I feel the way I do.

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

All of them have been pretty accepting.

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

It's been an eye opening experience that there are so many ways to be orientated. Absolutely fascinating.

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?

I think this question needs to be reworded. Do you mean do I feel like I've been inundated by sexualized media? If so, I think society on the whole could do with a good deal less of sex. Not everything needs to be about it.

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

N/A

7) Any experiences you would like to share?

See No. 2 above.

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Nameless Monster

1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?


It was at some time in my early teens that I began to identify as asexual. Around fourteen or so, I think.



2) How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?


I actually used the word 'asexual' to describe myself before I ever looked it up online and found communities like AVEN. But it did feel pretty good to know that it's a term in actual use outside of my own head.



3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?


I have come out a couple of times to different people, and overall there was nothing too negative. One time I was at a party, talking with a group of friends and family members, and one of them asked if I was asexual, explaining that he had been curious for some time due to my never having shown interest in people of either sex. Nobody there seemed to be particularly surprised by my response, nor did they have anything bad to say about it. The other time was in a one-on-one conversation with a friend online. This one didn't go quite so smoothly, as it seemed like they didn't quite believe me or something, which was a little disappointing.



4) How do you feel about the spectrum/subcategories of asexuality?


I think it's very important for people that the varying forms and degrees of (a)sexuality have language to express their experiences, or lack thereof, so that they can more easily communicate and relate to each other.



5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?


That seems like a bit of an odd question. It's up to me whether or not I choose to engage in sexual activity or view sexual material.



6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?


I have never been in a romantic or sexual relationship.



7) Any experiences you would like to share?


Not really.


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1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?

I was 14 when I finally had a word for my asexiness, but I knew I felt differently about sex and romantic relationships since I was about 11 or 12.

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

It made me feel whole again, for a long time I thought I was broken because I didn't feel the things other people felt. But once I found out there was a label that fit and there were people just like me, it made me feel whole, 100x more happy, and even more open about my feelings.

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

They reacted in one of two ways. 1) To ask a bunch of questions (some which were a little on the ignorant side, but ignorance is always an opportunity to educate) or 2) To say they already knew and were expecting something like this.

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

I think they're fantastic. There was a time where I thought I was demisexual, but then I realized that I was very sex repulsed and didn't like sex at all. I also love all of romantic orientations, which shouldn't be understated. It shows how complex a thing like sexuality is (and this can be applied to gender as well) and how it can't fit into a set of check-boxes. It's amazing, really.

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?

If you're talking about media, then yes. I always laugh at the hilarity of overly-sexualized commercials, especially Victoria's Secret commercials. The models look so fake it's funny and sad at the same time, because girls out there compare themselves to them. I honestly just think they look stupid. And their pupils are dilated to the point of cartoon characters because apparently that's sexy?

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

I haven't been in a relationship where my asexuality was brought up because I somewhat avoided the topic of sex for awhile when I was uncomfortable with my asexuality.

7) Any experiences you would like to share?

I can share how I found out about asexuality. So, I was reading something online, I can't remember if it was an online book or a roleplay or something, but I do remember that one of the characters was demisexual. Not knowing what that was, I did a Google search and stumbled upon asexuality. At first I thought that it was strange but in an awesome kind of way, and secretly I felt like I shared that label, though I didn't want to believe that myself. However, it was thoughts of asexuality that came to me before I fell asleep for months. Eventually, I started poking around and researching a bit more until I realized that yes, I am asexual, and I might as well embrace it. And here I am :)

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1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?
: Late 20s


2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?
: A word or definition doesn't matter.


3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?
: None of anyone's business.


4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?
: Okay


5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?
: The society is sex obsessed but not me. Stay away from them.


6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?
: No good luck for any such mortal yet.


7) Any experiences you would like to share?

: Be specific.

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1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?

19. I always knew I was not interested in sex or romance, but I learned the word asexual and immediately identified with it when I was 19.

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

It was a huge relief to know that there was nothing wrong with me, and to know that there are other people out there who have similar feelings.

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

Confusion about what it is and skepticism that it exists are the most common, but if people get over those two barriers it's mostly supportive. (Except the people who think that it's a choice. Those people annoy me.)

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

They can be really confusing, but they bring piece of mind to those who use them because they legitimize our feeling and create a sense of commonality within the community. It helps us all understand each one another more easily.

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?

I've been flirted with etc. many times, and it's gets awkward because I don't always recognize it as such. Before I found out about the word asexual, I always wondered why sex was such a big deal to everyone else when it never mattered to me (guess I know now :cake: :D ).

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

I briefly dated two men while I was trying be straight before I knew that asexuality existed. The first asked me to be his girlfriend again when I came out to him (which is ironic because he was the one who first told me he thought I might be asexual and must not have been paying attention when I explained my feelings to him). I had just broken up with my second (and last) boyfriend when I realized I was ace. He didn't speak to me for a week, but eventually he came round. I think that he thought I was just making up an excuse for leaving him (although we'd only dated for a couple weeks, so he might have over reacted a little). I made myself very uncomfortable by being in both of those relationships because I wanted to be okay and like everyone else. Now I embrace the face that I'm aro-ace and am a million times happier with just having friends.

7) Any experiences you would like to share?

Coming to AVEN was and amazing expierence. I can not express how much AVEN has helped to reassure me in my sense of self. It has also taught me so much about all of you lovely asexy, gray-sexy, and everything-else-sexy people! :) :cake:

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1) 19, I think. Maybe 18.

2) I felt like I finally knew myself. Like I wasn't just misguided or confused, but perfectly normal.

3) I haven't been really told many people but the few I told were mostly confused and needed an explanation, but were willing to understand and accept me.

4) I really like that AVEN especially is trying to find a term for everyone, but it can get to be a little much. Especially when they're getting to the point of having multiple mean the same things.

5) I've never felt sexualized but I do feel awkward at the idea of someone sexualizing me or even me sexualizing myself.

6) I'm currently in a relationship and my bf is 100% supportive. It's hard to find a middle ground sometimes but it's getting better. Originally his friend told him to break up with me, but he stayed and we're happy. : )

7) Nope.

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Reilly Ryugazaki

1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?



I think I was about 13 when I first realised there was something... off, but it wasn't until I was about 15/16 before I found the label to fit.



2) How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?



It was the biggest feeling of relief. It was honestly like coming home.



3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?



I've only told a few people so far. One of my friends (she's bi) is really accepting, she asks me questions and makes lighthearted jokes about it and it helps me a lot. My younger sister is totally cool with it (her best friend is pan, so she'd already done a bunch of LGBT+ research when she came out, so I didn't have to waste time explaining). A lot of my other friends sort of know about it, but without the word 'asexual' stamped on it. Most people were just really nice about it, I've been very lucky! :)



4) How do you feel about the spectrum/subcategories of asexuality?



I find it fascinating, as well as comforting. All the different romantic orientations in the ace community give me hope that maybe one day I'll find someone like me to be with.



5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?



Definitely. I'm not sex-repulsed, so it doesn't bother me as much as it could, but sometimes it's just so alarming how obsessed most people are with sex. It makes me kind of uncomfortable.



6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?



Never been in a relationship, sorry!



7) Any experiences you would like to share?



I don't know why this came into my mind first (I guess it kind of fits in with the over-sexualized question), but I remember about a month after I started coming out to people as asexual, I went to this convention in the city with my sister, and I remember dragging her to this one discussion group about an anime I really liked. I'd watched the show earlier that year, and fell in love with the characters (and I even headcanon one of them as ace) so I thought I'd be awesome to go talk about it with a bunch of other fans. I remember getting there, so excited when I saw the room was filled with girls (and a few guys) my age... but then it started and literally everyone just discussed how attractive they found various characters for the entire hour. I was horrified and it was the most uncomfortable 60 minutes of my life like, I came here to talk about a bunch of fictional characters - their hopes, dreams, and motivations - and now I'm stuck with a bunch of people talking about the hotness of animated boys. It was like my second asexual epiphany like oh my god is this what other people think about.



GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR PROJECT! :)


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1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?


Seventeen.



2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?


Very satisfied. I didn't go through this whole, "maybe I am, maybe I'm not . . ." thing that so many others do. As soon as I read the definitions for asexuality and heteromantic, I knew this was me.



3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?


Of course, this can vary. I told my best friend about ten minutes after I figured it out myself, and he was good with it. I told another friend (who was then close, but we've since had a falling out--not about sexuality, though) and she said that she realized asexuality is a "real sexuality," but didn't think I was that. In fact, she was pretty bitchy about everything and never wanted to talk about it. I told another friend and they said, "Oh, okay. I didn't know that was a thing"--but they didn't mean it in a bad way. I told my mother and I could tell she'd rather me be heterosexual, but when I told her that she said, "It doesn't matter what I think. All that matters is you're fine with it."



4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?


I believe that there's a difference between asexuality and gray-asexuality, if that's what you're asking. Understand that I do NOT mean this in an "elitist way" at all. But they are different. As for demisexuality, I don't like calling that a subcategory of asexuality. It deserves to be independent of asexuality just as pansexuality deserves to be independent of bisexuality.



That being said, I am all for the whole, "sexuality is a spectrum" thing, and I'm also supportive of gray-A's and demisexuals intermingling with asexuals. Whether we say they're different or not, we are all closely related.



5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?


Nah.



6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?


Never been in a relationship.



7) Any experiences you would like to share?


You're wonderful.


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1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?

I first suspected in my early 20s, but because I misunderstood the spectrum of asexuality and thought it was more aroace, I rejected the definition almost as soon as I found it. It was only at 35 when I was introduced to the term demisexual that I realized I fell neatly in the asexual umbrella.

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

The definition of demisexuality seemed to spell out how I saw sex and intimacy perfectly. I never would have been able to put into words so neatly how I felt and operated. I wasn't 'broken' anymore, I was just wired differently then most people. It's a relief not to wonder if you're broken even if it's not a major concern in your life, it eats at you in the back of your subconscious, only coming out when you are already world-weary and emotionally weak.

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

Only a few close people know, people that I don't have to worry about their reactions because their lives have had more bumps then mine have sadly. I'm not sure if and when I'll actually tell people I'm asexual and demisexual. I know if I get in a relationship I'll want to explain how I work, but the labels might wait a while.

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

If there wasn't subcategories and a spectrum I would still feel like I was somehow inadequate as a (mostly) straight woman. I wouldn't have the words to expression how I work so that misconceptions and miscommunications could be avoided.

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?

I always figured it was a 'woman' problem, and to a degree I still think it is, but as much as much of the population are sexual, I think everyone, sexual, asexual and the middle are overly forced to be sexual and that the force it the problem.

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

I did not realize I was asexual while in a relationship, this might have caused as much of the disconnect as the actual asexuality since I couldn't communicate what was going on with me and understand that wasn't the expected or 'normal' reaction.

7) Any experiences you would like to share?

As an adult awakening to asexuality, I've come to review a lot of interactions I've had over the years. Wondering how much of my 'innocence' was due to being an only child and a nerd and how much due to my non-interest in sex. While I've always wanted a family, to be a mother, and have a husband as a dance partner, friend, travel buddy and life companion, the actual part about sex really never entered the equation and I am only now starting to understand how even those I would say aren't hyper-sexual end up hooking up. I wouldn't want to change. I like being who I am. My only wish is that I had understood myself sooner so that I could look at finding meaningful connections in a more constructive manner.

Awakening to my asexualism has given me peace of mind in one other fashion. Before awakening I'd already decided to look at artificial insemination, but while it was the right choice, I felt I 'failed' somehow for not finding a man to have a child with. I would be lying to say I don't still feel a bit bummed about that, I no longer feel like I am deficient for having to go this route.

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anonymous.writing

1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?

I always knew/sensed I felt differently about sex and relationships than did my peers. I didn't really identify my specific differences, though, until I was about 20. I'm 22 now, and still working out a few pieces of the identity.

2) How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

Kind of great ("yay, there are other people like me!" and "everything's going to be okay") and kind of not so great ("oh, when I tell people about this, it's now like it's not just me but part of a larger idea and they may have the wrong impression of what I mean because of something else they heard or read somewhere" - the concept is known as stereotype threat).

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

I do tend to apply the label "asexual" to myself, but am more likely to just tell others that I don't have much if any interest in sex or relationships rather than giving them a specific term or more.

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/subcategories of asexuality?

I recognize their value for many, but myself find that the labels can become nit-picky and hard to navigate.

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?

I feel like the expectation for me to be sexual, and the norm for others to perceive me as a sexual being (especially as a relatively "attractive" female), are there, yes. When people flirt with me or interact with me in ways that I know most of my friends would find flattering, I sometimes feel objectified and uncomfortable. Is that what this question means?

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

I'm just starting my first relationship now, and I've told my partner exactly what I described in question three. He's willing to go slowly, and see where things between us lead. So far, so good.

7) Any experiences you would like to share?
No, but thank you for asking :)

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Re: WildGold4602 Interview




Q1 Recognised ace orientation at 18yrs...not understood or labeled until 51yrs.



Q2 Immense relief...helped remove a hopelessness 'component' from diagnosed depression.



Q3 Initially considered to never attempt...but recently achieved on one occasion; a relief to me, and polite ignorance-surprise from them.



Q4 Satisfied with spectrum contribution to initial and on-going understanding.



Q5 [Q needs clarification. Define 'feeling over sexualised' more specifically.]



Q6 Never had a 'relationship'...referring to myself as 'hyper-aro' [my defn.]



Q7 Have found AVEN a valuable and well-run forum site; but have also followed complementary 201 & 301 blog-sites as a positive extention of views etc.




Thanks...Cia :ph34r:

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So I'm writing an essay for my English class on asexuality and I just wanted to get some feedback from fellow asexuals on the subject. I just have a few questions and I would really appreciate any/ all responses. Thank you so much for your help!

I hope this helps :)

1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?
19 years of age.

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

I didn't have strong feelings one way or the other, I just thought it was cool.

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

My mother encouraged me to go to the doctor to get fixed, and when I told my fater, he said that there is nothing wrong with having female friends (both missed the point). My mother now has an understanding on asexuality, but my father sadly still doesn't understand. I have not attempted to tell anyone else.

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

I am neither for nor against them. In some cases I do not see issue because it gives a better understanding on where they are, but sometimes these subcategories can be a bit much.

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?
Not really, seeing as I am a guy, most people don't see value in sexualizing me. The difficulties lie when people want me to be more sexual.
6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

I have not been in a relationship. Any attempt to let the girls know that I am not interested has been either futile or resulted in negative behavior.

7) Any experiences you would like to share?
My asexuality has been noticed despite me never mentioning it. Most people will say one of the common "you will meet the right one" statements, but they eventually give up and accept it.
Again, I would like to thank you in advance for your answers. :)

No problem. :)

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So I'm writing an essay for my English class on asexuality and I just wanted to get some feedback from fellow asexuals on the subject. I just have a few questions and I would really appreciate any/ all responses. Thank you so much for your help!

1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

7) Any experiences you would like to share?

Again, I would like to thank you in advance for your answers. :)

1) 17 or 18, when I first heard about asexuality I knew it's the right description for me. Up until then when someone asked me about my sexuality I answered with "don't know. I was never attracted to a man or a woman" so in a sense I always knew.

2) It was good. I finally had an answer for the question of what's my sexuality, and it also allowed me to stop waiting for my sexuality to happen and pursue an asexual relationship.

3) The comments change greatly from one person to the other. For a more specific answer, a more specific question is required.

4) I hope that I'm demisexual and not really asexual as I want to have children some day- hopefully biological ones. I wouldn't know, however, since I only fell in love once, which is also not enough to say anything on my romantic orientation other than "not aromantic".

5) Have you ever seen how guys hit on girls? Even sexuals feel overly sexualized in these situations.

6) I told him before we started dating, and he agrees for an asexual relationship, despite being sexual. He manages to do it surprisingly well. He does have a very low libido, though, which helps.

7) Perhaps I'll think of something later.

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1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?

21, but that's probably because it's the first time I ever had to even think about it. I'd have known a lot earlier otherwise I think.

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

Amazing. I felt like I finally had a spot and a place :)

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

Not many people know, but the ones who do where like, ok, sweet. Totally cool with it!

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

It's interesting. We all aren't the "norm", but we're still diverse amongst ourselves.

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?

I'm kinda oblivious :)

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

He was the one who brought it up, asking if I thought I might be. Before he brought it up, I had never really thought about it. So he was awesome about it!

7) Any experiences you would like to share?

I'm glad I found a site where I belong :D

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So I'm writing an essay for my English class on asexuality and I just wanted to get some feedback from fellow asexuals on the subject. I just have a few questions and I would really appreciate any/ all responses. Thank you so much for your help!

1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?

Late teens, I think

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

It made me feel better, because I realized that there were others who could relate to this. Before I found out about the existence of asexuality, I thought no one would ever be able to understand and that I was going to have to pretend like I was interested in sex with everyone all the time.

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

Some people were very accepting, some of them even expressed interest. Others were not so accepting and said it would go away or that I need to see a shrink because "everyone wants to have sex"

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

I feel like they makes sense. The spectrum and subcategories make it easier for people to define their sexuality.

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?

Yes, especially before I knew asexuality existed. I remember feeling like every guy who hit on me wanted me to be their sex toy or something.

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

When we first started dating, I thought I just wasn't ready and that I wanted to wait until marriage and my ex was fine with that. At some point I told him I was not interested in sex, and he said that I was denying it or something, because "everyone wants to have sex" and "it's a basic human need".

7) Any experiences you would like to share?

I pretended to be sexual for years (speech only, not action), mainly because there's no other way to get sexuals to stop trying to fix me. I still have to pretend sometimes when I interact with sexuals, but on this site I never have to pretend like I'm something that I'm not :D :cake: .

Again, I would like to thank you in advance for your answers. :)

Happy to help :)

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hobbitsarerad

1) How old were you when you first realized you were asexual?

I realized I was "odd" in middle school, early teen, but didn't understand the term/accept it until I was probably sixteen.

2)How did it make you feel knowing you could finally put a word to these feelings?

I was joyous but also terrified because now I was in a category and not a well understood one at that. Mostly, it was a huge relief and I started laughing and crying because I realized the past five years of internal conflict was so so silly. We're all just people.

3) What happened when you told people you were asexual?

A lot of people don't believe me or tell me that I haven't met the right person yet...? because science.

One kid asked if I had a vagina and a penis. That's not what asexual is.

He also asked if I could bud, like a potato...? This isn't ninth grade bio, kid.

A couple members of the LGBTQ community in my school tease me about it a lot.

or get defensive and talk about how "asexuals" are just hesitant gay people.

I know not all of the LGBTQ community like this, it's because they're all friends with each other, but it hurts because I felt like they could be my saving grave from isolation as a result of taboo sexuality.

4) How do you feel about the spectrum/ subcategories of asexuality?

The spectrum is amazing. It helps a lot of people who feel "weird" but aren't, they're just a part of the spectrum that doesn't have the light shone in it often. (weird rant. sorry.)

It's cool because it allows everyone to figure it out hut I don't worry about it too much, like the romantic identities. I think it's wonderful that they're there but I haven't identified there at this point because I don't (personally) need to right now.

5) Have you ever felt overly sexualized as an asexual in today's society?

yeah. just, everything is sex sex sex, I personally am - I guess the term is sex repulsed - spend a fair amount of time mildly grossed out.

6) If you've been in a relationship, how did your partner react to you being asexual?

no relationships officially, it's always almost then "oh wait, you won't have sex with me. we should stay friends."

which just showed me I didn't want to be their partner anyway.

7) Any experiences you would like to share?

Nothing crazy. One time, this guy at work was interested in me and I thought he was sweet and funny, and then one day another coworker told our mutual friend I was ace and she pulled me aside and talked to me about just not having met the right person and I shouldn't "flirt and not be sexual". I don't think I was flirting, and even if I was, that doesn't mean I have to have sex with anyone. Anyway, it got back to him and he started teasing me and saying shit about how I won't be ace after our date and it just showed he was a fish dick and I shouldn't be too torn up over the whole thing anyway, but it hurt because I feel alone a lot.

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