Jump to content

Can an asexual be really horny, like, constantly?


SouthernPoet

Recommended Posts

Hey, this is really embarrassing, but:

can an asexual person be really horny all the time?

I totally identify as being on the asexual spectrum because I don't want to have sex *ever* (not sex-repulsed, just don't want it!), but I'm constantly horny. I'm a teenager, so hormones are rampant and everything, but does a super super active libido (not sure if that's the right term?) indicate that I'm not "actually" asexual? Would it put me more towards the Grey-A side of the spectrum? I feel really uncomfortable posting this on a public forum, but I masturbate almost every day and am just, well, really horny. As ridiculous as that may sound. I just really want to know what other asexuals think about this, because it's been really hurting me - I want to come out as asexual/biromantic, but am not sure if:

1. I would "qualify", as it were

2. The asexual community would proverbially roll out the welcome mat for a horny asexual teen

3. I would be mis-identifying myself as asexual

Link to post
Share on other sites

It's more than possible. I think they're called libedoists or something.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Ricecream-man

Possible yes, although if it's as serious of an issue as you make it seem you might want to get it checked out

Link to post
Share on other sites

Are you horny towards/for other people? If so then that's not really in the typical boundaries of asexuality but you still may be. If you've just got a potent urge to 'clean the pipes' constantly but don't actually find anyone of any gender sexually attractive that would still fall into the standard definition of asexuality.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm a gray a, so I'm not attracted to people unless I know them...but yes my libido is constantly active and it's super frustrating.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Lol. I didn't mean to make it sound severe, like a medical issue or something, I just see alot of asexuals on this site talk about how they've only been aroused "three times" in their entire lives and wanted to stress that I'm as horny as a teenage boy in a fanfic. Haha thanks for the responses though! They're really reassuring!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Masturbating has nothing to do with sexual attraction; just like watching gay porn does not make a straight person gay, or watching BDSM does not mean they want to partake in BDSM. Most asexuals are aroused by erotic material because of what's happening in it, not because of the people. People can have aesthetic or personality prefferences for it though. Sexual attraction is genital arousal due to another person (not because of a fetish or turn-on spot) and the desire to have sex.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well being asexual means you don't experience sexual attraction. Do you experience sexual attraction? I mean there are asexual people who have high libidos and I personally think what your libido does or doesn't do or how high or low it is doesn't make you any more or any less asexual. What I'm trying to say is there is all kinds of asexual people, people with high sex drives, people with low sex drives, people who masturbate a lot, people who are repulsed by masturbating. There is no one right or wrong way to be asexual, I think the main definition is that you don't experience sexual attraction..

You may want to check the front page of AVEN and there is this section of whatisasexuality for teenagers called Am I Ace? A Teenager's Guide to Asexuality: http://www.whatisasexuality.com/am-i-ace/teen/. Welcome aboard :cake:!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Masturbating has nothing to do with sexual attraction; just like watching gay porn does not make a straight person gay. Most asexuals are aroused by erotic material because of what's happening in it, not because of the people. People can have aesthetic or personality prefferences for it though.

Yes - thank you! I feel really strong "aesthetic attraction" and "sensual attraction" for people. What you said makes a lot of sense for me. Thanks!!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well being asexual means you don't experience sexual attraction. Do you experience sexual attraction? I mean there are asexual people who have high libidos and I personally think what your libido does or doesn't do or how high or low it is doesn't make you any more or any less asexual. What I'm trying to say is there is all kinds of asexual people, people with high sex drives, people with low sex drives, people who masturbate a lot, people who are repulsed by masturbating. There is no one right or wrong way to be asexual, I think the main definition is that you don't experience sexual attraction..

You may want to check the front page of AVEN and there is this section of whatisasexuality for teenagers called Am I Ace? A Teenager's Guide to Asexuality: http://www.whatisasexuality.com/am-i-ace/teen/. Welcome aboard :cake:!

Aww thanks for the welcome. I love the resource whatisasexuality.com and have spent a lot of time reading various posts on the site. I just needed some... extra reassurance I guess. I don't think that I experience sexual attraction, and as soon as I read up on asexuality it just felt right, but with my libido out of control it has been really messing with my mind. I think that I'm in the right place here at AVEN though.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Moving this thread from The Gray Area to Asexual Q&A.Naosuu, The Gray Area Moderator

Uhh, wait, moderator, does that mean that I'm not Grey-A? Was I deemed too asexual for the Grey area? Or is this not enough of a grey area question??

Link to post
Share on other sites
Sage Raven Domino

It's not a grey area question because having a libido is compatible with total asexuality too (i.e. the absence of innate desire to have sex with another person).

For the record, four years ago I had 30-40 (male) orgasms a week on a regular basis :rolleyes: and once even 12 within 24 hours, partly for the sake of amusement and learning my physical capability. But I've certainly never wanted another person to even see me during them, leave alone active participation.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Uhh, wait, moderator, does that mean that I'm not Grey-A? Was I deemed too asexual for the Grey area? Or is this not enough of a grey area question??

Your question is essentially, "can asexuals have super-active libidos?". The way I've broken this question down is this:
  • The question deals with the concept of what makes an asexual. These questions tend to be phrased as, "does X make or break me as an asexual?" (brain pings Q&A)
  • Given that this member is pretty new and thinks a high libido is a non-asexual characteristic, some asexuality 101 answers would help. (brain pings Q&A)
  • TGA doesn't deal with questions about what makes an asexual or asexuality 101. But Q&A does. (brain pings Q&A)
Hope this helps :cake:

Naosuu, moderator

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeees. I used to have a high libido, too. I'm still a teenager, but I don't get nearly as horny as I did just a year ago.

Do your best not to overcomplicate things. An asexual person is merely someone who does not experience sexual attraction. With a period at the end. If you don't wanna have sex, but you get horny, well, your horniness doesn't effect your asexuality. To be crude about it haha

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've seen people quote this before and I'll quote it again.

Libido: Body says NOW

Attraction: Body says THIS ONE

Hopefully this will clear things up for you- masturbating doesn't make you any less of an asexual.

Link to post
Share on other sites

*raises hand* XD " I was like that when I was a teenager. Now it comes and goes like some days I'm constantly horny but not everyday.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes; fairly high libido here but no sexual attraction whatsoever. I just "take care of business" as needed.

Otherwise, to quote Meat Loaf: "You know what it's like... All revved up with no place to go!"

Link to post
Share on other sites
Spectre/Ex/Machina

Yes, you can be totally asexual and have a high libido. Im a Hypersexual Ace (which is probs a product of my ADHD or something else). Libido does not dictate orientation.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm grey ace. My libido picks up an average of 2-3 times a day, sometimes more, rarely less, and it's been like that for about 3 or 4 years now. I don't think theres been a day off in that time period either that I can think of.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm demi & I have a pretty high libido. That doesn't make me any less of ace-spectrum as anybody else here, & same goes for you.

If you have a high libido but feel no sexual attraction towards other people, I think ace will be a suitable label. If you do feel sexual attraction on some specific occasions or when the requirements are answered, gray-a would fit better.

Labels are meant to be helpfull. They are used to describe & explain yourself to others & (most of all) to yourself. If you feel gray-a is a better label for you - use it. You could always change your mind.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Libido is basically whether you get aroused, and sexual attraction is when your libido is directed towards a specific person (at least those are the best definitions I've managed to come up with). Basically, sexual attraction and libido are two separate things. And yeah, teenagers are more likely to get horny because of hormones and all that stuff. In answer to your questions at the end of your post:

1) There's no initiation test for the asexual community. There isn't a checklist of things you need to tick off in order to be asexual. It's what you choose to identify as.

2) Of course we won't XD There's always enough cake for one more!

3) Nope. Again, it's a personal thing. Nobody can determine your sexuality (or lack thereof) apart from you. If "asexual" seems like a useful label to describe yourself, then feel free to use it :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

A libido is not the same as an attraction. Yes, you can have a libido and be asexual. Yes, you can have the biggest libido on Earth and be asexual.

To put it very simply: who turns you on? If the answer is nobody, then yeah, that is called asexuality :) if your libido isn't directed at any part of the human population, then that is asexuality.

Hope this helps :)

Xx

Crow

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for all y'all's replies! I really needed some reassurance from people who get what I'm going through and y'all really delivered :) . It feels really good to know that what I'm feeling has been felt before. I'm not out to anyone in real life and only know one other asexual so this website is a treasure-trove of info for me.

Thanks again!

Link to post
Share on other sites

My libido also drove me bonkers when I was your age OP, but in typical asexual fashion it was unfocused and largely directionless, rather like a car with a brick on the accelerator and no driver - it would surge ahead at high speed sometimes but never have any destination to travel to. The good news is that it will eventually gear itself down as you get older, but to what degree is unknown and highly variable. My libido began to diminish in my late 20's and early 30's, but probably a large part of that was because I was working really long hours (there comes a point when your body will much prefer sleep over sexual release) and then I was put on birth control pills, which really tossed a wet blanket on my libido. My libido has come back somewhat over the past year or so (partly because I was taken off the pill) but it has never been as potent as it was when I was a teen.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...