Is there a "cure"?

[NaomiMisora]

Thanks people:)

[fuzzipueo]

I'd also like to ask what a good age is when you can know you're a- or graysexual instead of just being young,i know I am probably too young, but just asking.

And if if you look back, you can spot any signs you were ace at young age?

As far as I can tell, most people have a pretty good grasp on their orientation by time they reach their early mid-teens. You are not too young to know how you feel or whether or not you're interested in anyone. In fact, I'd say that by asking these kinds of questions you have the maturity to explore and start figuring out whether a particular orientation is a good fit for you. It's something you're interested in and curious about, so saying that "I am probably too young" is doing yourself a bit of disservice.

As for your second question: spotting signs ... Yes, they're there when I think back. When I was 15, we didn't have the terminology available to describe a complete lack of interest in relationships and all their attendant ... stuff ... I ran from the only guy who (at 15) said he wanted to get married (with it being heavily implied that he meant to me) and I didn't know how to explain that I was not interested. Before that, it was the only sex education class I ever had when I was 13 in which a certain question about sex totally squicked me out and made me realize I never, ever, wanted to do that. In point of fact, I still don't want to do that. LOL

Other signs probably include avoiding boys in general (after that first disaster in 9th grade) and preferring to read books to interacting with my peer group.

[NaomiMisora]

I don't know, I would want a relationship when I'm older, but just more someone like a best friend and a travelbuddy. Luckily nobody's attracted to me, that time a guy/girl kinda was, was so awkward, i didnt even know, i thought we were just joking.

And since I'm not sex repulsed or something, I also didn't notice before a few months ago, I never knew that people really wanted to yeah... have sex and it wasn't a new term for "he's cute". I'm also very good at telling myself things and believing them, that makes it harder for me to know anything sure and know it's not just a phase or "the special snowflake syndrom" (although every snowflake's different just like me). Before this i used to think i was pansexual, because i was not-attracted to everyone equally, so I thought that must be the same as being attracted to all gender identity thingys and stuff.

I must be really lucky that no one likes me in that way, I have some guy friends, but i don't think at all that they would ever like me in that way. I just like being with my friends,the only problem is that I'm not that much of a help with crushes and relationships:p

And thanks very much!

[Corretto]

@ NaomiMisora...I was starting to think that the further I followed this thread all you'd left me to do was tick the good old 'Like This' box.

That was until I read your last paragraph [^]. That's the most positive, open-ended and least self-critical part, I've seen.

Understandably, most of your vibes are coming from your peers. Don't forget they're just passing on attitudes they've collected from their social

environment...and you're as much an influence on them as they are on you.

There's little else I can offer. In a short time you can tell others here, how you learned more about your sexual-emotional orientation. Good luck. Cia

[dash]

How did you know at 11 or 12? Do most people actually have sexual attraction at that point? I was honestly still playing with dolls:p

Haha,apparently she was, I didn't know her back then. Biology would probably indeed be the least bad part,I just don't like biology myself though, I'm pretty bad at it:)

I came to the realization super early (at least by the AVEN census). I started menstruating at the second half of eleven, and my mom decided to introduce me to tampons. Inserting them was impossible, and trying to do so at all was very painful. As I remember it, my mom, bless her heart, made a comment to the effect of, "then how are you going to have sex with your future husband some day?" And I knew right then and there, NOPE, NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.

And as I learned more about sex, I realized I was pretty grossed out by it, and that didn't change either as I got older. I stayed the same in this respect and the world went crazy around me. :)

[Prisma]

I discovered I'm asexual when I was 17 or 18, I think. Or rather, that's when I found out about the word "asexual"- I knew I was never sexually attracted to anyone, so there wasn't much to discover. I discovered that I'm not aromantic/homoromantic when I was 17, or rather, that's when I first fell in love, and it happened with a guy.

As for treatments against asexuality- I know such things exist, but I never really looked into it so I don't have much information of what these consist of. However, since asexuality is a sexual orientation, I imagine such treatments would be as "effective" as the treatments that were given to homosexuals. Hopefully less violent, though.

[NaomiMisora]

Hm I don't know, I've found sex pretty interesting, I just wouldn't want to have it myself. I'm pretty weird, for others I'm like: have fun,interesting,nice, cute, and for me I'm like: how dare anyone even mention the idea of me.... just no. And what mother says something like that to such a young child:p (no offence to your mother, i just think it's weird, but by no means I want to offend you or her, it's just not what I'm used to)

Treatments for homosexuals makes me think of The imitation game, it was a good film although I feel sorry for poor Alan Turing. pretty off-topic but yeah, it's kinda my topic, so I think it's not that bad?

[Prisma]

Hm I don't know, I've found sex pretty interesting, I just wouldn't want to have it myself. I'm pretty weird, for others I'm like: have fun,interesting,nice, cute, and for me I'm like: how dare anyone even mention the idea of me.... just no. And what mother says something like that to such a young child:p (no offence to your mother, i just think it's weird, but by no means I want to offend you or her, it's just not what I'm used to)

Treatments for homosexuals makes me think of The imitation game, it was a good film although I feel sorry for poor Alan Turing. pretty off-topic but yeah, it's kinda my topic, so I think it's not that bad?

Yup, guess so xD

And if we're already off-topic: I need to watch that movie. I heard it's good.

[Prisma]

How did you know at 11 or 12? Do most people actually have sexual attraction at that point? I was honestly still playing with dolls:p

Haha,apparently she was, I didn't know her back then. Biology would probably indeed be the least bad part,I just don't like biology myself though, I'm pretty bad at it:)

I came to the realization super early (at least by the AVEN census). I started menstruating at the second half of eleven, and my mom decided to introduce me to tampons. Inserting them was impossible, and trying to do so at all was very painful. As I remember it, my mom, bless her heart, made a comment to the effect of, "then how are you going to have sex with your future husband some day?" And I knew right then and there, NOPE, NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.

And as I learned more about sex, I realized I was pretty grossed out by it, and that didn't change either as I got older. I stayed the same in this respect and the world went crazy around me. :)

11 and a half is really early. For both tampons and asexuality xD

I think I didn't realize people feel sexual attraction until I was 15 or so. It's not that I haven't seen 11 y/o kiss, but I always sort of though they're "playing adults", which was one of those things I never understood (I was one of those kids who never wanted to grow up).

[dash]

How did you know at 11 or 12? Do most people actually have sexual attraction at that point? I was honestly still playing with dolls:p

Haha,apparently she was, I didn't know her back then. Biology would probably indeed be the least bad part,I just don't like biology myself though, I'm pretty bad at it:)

I came to the realization super early (at least by the AVEN census). I started menstruating at the second half of eleven, and my mom decided to introduce me to tampons. Inserting them was impossible, and trying to do so at all was very painful. As I remember it, my mom, bless her heart, made a comment to the effect of, "then how are you going to have sex with your future husband some day?" And I knew right then and there, NOPE, NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.

And as I learned more about sex, I realized I was pretty grossed out by it, and that didn't change either as I got older. I stayed the same in this respect and the world went crazy around me. :)

11 and a half is really early. For both tampons and asexuality xD

I think I didn't realize people feel sexual attraction until I was 15 or so. It's not that I haven't seen 11 y/o kiss, but I always sort of though they're "playing adults", which was one of those things I never understood (I was one of those kids who never wanted to grow up).

By 12, though, I was in middle school and lots of kids were starting to feel sexual attraction, libido, etc.

I don't know what "early for tampons" means. I was 5'9 at the time already, it's not like my body would have been too small. And it's not like my body became any more "ready" for tampons later.

[HellaAce]

11 and a half is really early. For both tampons and asexuality xD

I think I didn't realize people feel sexual attraction until I was 15 or so. It's not that I haven't seen 11 y/o kiss, but I always sort of though they're "playing adults", which was one of those things I never understood (I was one of those kids who never wanted to grow up).

Talk about never wanting to grow up, when I was 10 or 11 I made a club with the neighbor boy called "Kids Forever". Unfortunately, neither of us stayed kids forever. I didn't realize people felt sexual attraction until my friends started taslking about their sexual experiences with me more in depth, while I sat there and thought "What. Is. This." As far as asexuality therapy goes, that sounds terrifying. Being a sex-repulsed ace myself, I am comfortable with who I am and don't want to change. And I feel like therapy would only be an anxious and uncomfortable experience for me.

[CNGB]

Dear, you aren't too young. If you came out as lesbian at fifteen the world would consider that normal (well . . . the non-homophobic world would, anyway). You're not too young. I wouldn't even say twelve is too young, but that's just me.

That being said, consider this: asexuality is a real sexuality, yes? The same as homosexuality? If there is no cure for homosexuality, then there is no cure for asexuality. This is just how you are. There are some who say that sexuality is "fluid," meaning that it can change within time, but I would consider those who have experienced such a thing personally to be somewhere in the gray area--but that's really just a "theory." That being said, you are unlikely to ever change, regardless of whether sexuality can be fluid or if it cannot. Even among those of us in the one-percent, that's a rarity.

Moving on to the bit about romance. I think you've gotten your definition of "platonic" mixed up somewhere, because a platonic relationship is merely a friendship. Almost everyone in the whole wide world has one of those (or two or three), and you did say that you have friends. So yeah, you'll have platonic relationships. ;)

Okay, now moving on to the "real romance" stuff. I can totally get where you're coming from. I would love to have a romantic relationship and I really want to have one, but at the same time it seems that I just can't produce those feelings. Well, I sort of can, but it's only ever at the beginning of knowing a guy. I have yet for those feelings to pass over a month (which is why I've never attempted to act on them . . . or part of a reason why, haha).

You should take into consideration that if you ever have experienced a "low level" of romantic attraction (even if you wouldn't really call it a crush) then you might be gray-romantic (you can tack on "gray-heteromantic" or "-biromantic" or whatever, it all fits). On the other hand, there's also a chance that you haven't clicked well enough with a person yet. There are demiromantics, who only feel romantic attraction to people they have deep emotional bonds with. Consider whichever sex(es) you are attracted to, and then consider whether you've ever had a friend of that sex that you were really really really really really really really really really close with.

Also, at the risk of sounding "bleh," it's just as possible that you simply have not met the right person yet. (<-- but this would apply a lot more to your romantic attraction than to your sexual attraction, unless you're demisexual. at the age of fifteen, if you haven't felt any sexual attraction by now, it's unlikely you will in the future)

'Bout the age thing, well, I've already sort of answered this, but . . . the "best" age is whenever the heck you hit puberty. There are some exceptions, but only for those younger than the ones who've hit puberty, and not older.

And could I spot signs of asexuality at a young age? Yep. If you live your life not understanding why everyone around you is so turned on by abs/boobs, you're pro'lly asexual.

[NaomiMisora]

Thank you all, especially CNGB for your really long answer.

I don't really know what to answer though, and yeah people said that a platonic relationship was deeper than a friendship or so. And we'll see about the gray or demi thing:)

[Prisma]

How did you know at 11 or 12? Do most people actually have sexual attraction at that point? I was honestly still playing with dolls:p

Haha,apparently she was, I didn't know her back then. Biology would probably indeed be the least bad part,I just don't like biology myself though, I'm pretty bad at it:)

I came to the realization super early (at least by the AVEN census). I started menstruating at the second half of eleven, and my mom decided to introduce me to tampons. Inserting them was impossible, and trying to do so at all was very painful. As I remember it, my mom, bless her heart, made a comment to the effect of, "then how are you going to have sex with your future husband some day?" And I knew right then and there, NOPE, NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.

And as I learned more about sex, I realized I was pretty grossed out by it, and that didn't change either as I got older. I stayed the same in this respect and the world went crazy around me. :)

11 and a half is really early. For both tampons and asexuality xD

I think I didn't realize people feel sexual attraction until I was 15 or so. It's not that I haven't seen 11 y/o kiss, but I always sort of though they're "playing adults", which was one of those things I never understood (I was one of those kids who never wanted to grow up).

By 12, though, I was in middle school and lots of kids were starting to feel sexual attraction, libido, etc.

I don't know what "early for tampons" means. I was 5'9 at the time already, it's not like my body would have been too small. And it's not like my body became any more "ready" for tampons later.

It means I had my first period at 14, so 11 sounds super early XD

[dash]

How did you know at 11 or 12? Do most people actually have sexual attraction at that point? I was honestly still playing with dolls:p

Haha,apparently she was, I didn't know her back then. Biology would probably indeed be the least bad part,I just don't like biology myself though, I'm pretty bad at it:)

I came to the realization super early (at least by the AVEN census). I started menstruating at the second half of eleven, and my mom decided to introduce me to tampons. Inserting them was impossible, and trying to do so at all was very painful. As I remember it, my mom, bless her heart, made a comment to the effect of, "then how are you going to have sex with your future husband some day?" And I knew right then and there, NOPE, NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.

And as I learned more about sex, I realized I was pretty grossed out by it, and that didn't change either as I got older. I stayed the same in this respect and the world went crazy around me. :)

11 and a half is really early. For both tampons and asexuality xD

I think I didn't realize people feel sexual attraction until I was 15 or so. It's not that I haven't seen 11 y/o kiss, but I always sort of though they're "playing adults", which was one of those things I never understood (I was one of those kids who never wanted to grow up).

By 12, though, I was in middle school and lots of kids were starting to feel sexual attraction, libido, etc.

I don't know what "early for tampons" means. I was 5'9 at the time already, it's not like my body would have been too small. And it's not like my body became any more "ready" for tampons later.

It means I had my first period at 14, so 11 sounds super early XD

I'm in the US, and 12.5 is apparently the average age for menarche here (and it's dropping, I think), according to Wikipedia. I got mine at 11 years 8 months. /shrug/ I always hoped I wouldn't get it till I was older (14, 15, 16...) but no such luck. :(

[Guest]

Asexual? Or as I like to say mother natures population controll , that's how I see it , nature has a plan for everyone , it knows that us humans are destroying the earth , so we need to keep a balance , besides I always feel sorry that there are all these kids up for adoption that no ones loves , yet we ignore them and continue to make more babies , that's how I see myself!!

[Emerald Green]

This is basically my "Asexual life story" so I'm sorry if it goes on a bit.

When I was about eleven or twelve, I stumbled out of my heavily moderated gaming forums into the wider internet and found adults talking and making jokes about adult things. I left it alone, knowing this wasn't for me, assuming they just had bad taste in jokes. I'm ashamed to say, I thought they were really weird. Who would actually talk about that stuff? They were obviously showing off, trying to appear more grown up by talking about their sex lives, right? As two years past, I tried to ignore that people had started doing it around me. I wrote them off as chavs and people who were all trying too hard to fit in. But then my friends started talking about it. They didn't make the same jokes that I considered in such bad taste, but they talked seriously about sex. About who was thinking about doing it with her boyfriend in a few months and what the risks might be, about who (most of them) thought that Johnny Depp was really hot. A conversation I remember from last year when I was fourteen goes something like this,

Friend: "Sherlock is so hot! Don't you just want to fling him on the bed and **** him?"

Me: "...No. When I'm attracted to someone it's like when John is really sad and I just want to hug him."

I thought she was a bit weird but she had always been open with this stuff, so I just figured that was how she was. It didn't seem like an ace moment at the time, maybe because another ace who wasn't out yet was also there agreeing with me. :P

I found AVEN just before I turned fifteen, and it didn't click right away. I started reading stuff on here, though, and people sounded like me. Not like the rest of the world who whenever they were open about sex it was about how good it was. I did a huge amount of research, and after a few months, started thinking of myself as asexual. Not because I was sure I'd never feel anything, but because I was sure that I had missed being friends with some amazing people because of what I thought they should be. Now I know I don't get something a lot of other people other people get. That's okay though, we don't have to understand everything about everyone. I'm just happy to understand that not everyone is like me.

I'm fifteen now too, and I've been calling myself asexual for about five months. I'm really lucky that the few people I've come out to have all been okay. My mum is fabulous and the worst I've had from my friends is "Don't rush to label yourself" which I can understand, but it's still slightly annoying.

It's been difficult wondering whether I'm going to get the happiness other people get from relationships, but you know what? Other things make me happy in ways that some don't understand, so I think I'm good either way.

Hope my ramblings have helped in some way, and like others have said, you can't cure an orientation. Please don't wait around hoping you're going to change, because you might be waiting a long time. Go find something that makes you happy!

[JohnDoe1995]

I inderstand that one of your biggest fears about being ace is not having sex & having no relationship that is not platonic.

About the age thing, I believe that if you hit puberty , you're old enough to know what your sexual identity is. But remember that things can still change in a year or 20. If a certain label don't feet anymore - choose another one.

If you're ace/gray-a/demi, you might still be a romantic person. You can fall in love with someone, feel aesthetic attraction to him/her (eye candy) & be romantic & lovey dovey. You also described yourself as sex-positive, so even if you don't feel sexual attraction to someone, you can still have sex for many other reasons (love, pleasure him/her, to satisfy your libido, etc.).

[Fire & Rain]

Then, it wouldn't be me anymore :/

[NaomiMisora]

Thank you Emerald Green, many things sound the same.

@JohnDoe1995 I don't know what sex positive is, and i don't have a libido, another reason why I might just be too young, maybe it's different in my country. I think at least 4 of my friends would fall in the asexuality spectrum, of my 20 friends.

[Barylambda]

You are wired to be the way you are and thus there is no cure or a reason for one. Only you can figure out who you really are ultimately. And, I am a big believer that nobody else has the right to tell you who you should be or how to run your affairs. You have to do what is right for you. Maybe one day one of those "squishy" romances will come along. I'm obsessed with geopolitics so I'm more into forming alliances and coalitions than making friends or lovers. But, that is just me.

[an18059]

I'm 15 too :) I realised I was asexual - or am about 85% sure I am anyway - about a couple of months ago (I'm not aromantic though). We're definitely not too young to our sexual orientations. People can know that they're straight at about 11 or 12 (depending if they've started puberty or not), so why shouldn't it be the same for any other sexual orientation?

As to signs of me being asexual when I was younger... well, there were literally so many, and whenever I remember any of them now I have a some sort of mini epiphany and laugh at how little I knew then XD

Like I've always known I wanted a boyfriend, but I never really knew what I would do with one. I kind of had the assumption that nobody wanted to have sex at my age anyway (oh how wrong I was...) so that wasn't really on the list for things we could do, and I've never really liked the idea of kissing either. And just other random things, like once I asked my friend how somebody being a nice person had anything to do with wanting to have sex with them. Cause you know, people are attracted to people's personalities as well as what they look like, and I somehow didn't relate the two things together. I can imagine wanting to have sex with someone who I found sexually attractive, but in practice I've never met, seen or heard of anyone who I would do that with.

It's a bit hard to explain, so I'm sorry if my rambling on didn't make any sense to you XD Anyway, remember that labels aren't permanent, it's about how you feel NOW, not about how you think you could one day feel in the future. So if you think a label is useful to you to describe how you are at the moment, then feel free to use it! :)

[Asexual_In_Georgia]

If there was a "cure" , I wouldn't do it. I am perfectly happy being an Ace. ;)

[RHD95]

I understand being ace has its disadvantages and struggles, but even if there was a cure, I wouldn't take it. At this point, asexuality has deeply become part of my identity and who I am, so I'm not willing to get it stripped off me.

[verily-forsooth-egads]

If it helps, the average age for first sexual thoughts is 10 and the standard deviation is 3 years, according to a post I saw here once. The chance that you've still yet to experience sexual attraction at this point is statistically low, though never impossible.

[NaomiMisora]

Yes, but now i came to think of it I would have other friends who would fall in the asexuality spectrum as well, so maybe the average age is later where i live, but i think I'm comfortable with identifying as asexual now, many people questioning because of my age just makes me insecure. I've had quite some time to think about it. Oh and thank you:)

[Mike D]

If you're becoming comfortable identifying as asexual, cool. I wish you peace and happiness. If you later decide you're not happy with this identity, it might be possible to do something about it. You should never get into things like sex, relationships, and especially having children because society at large tries to pressure us all into heteronormativity, though; it has to be because you decide these are things you truly want in your life.

That said, I will give you this hyperlink as a resource. This is the Mayo Clinic's page on low libido in women, and it has a lot of good information on potential causes behind a low or nonexistent sex drive. It's just something to look over, or bookmark and have a look at later, if you want.

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/low-sex-drive-in-women/basics/definition/con-20033229

[NaomiMisora]

Yeah idk I'm just 15, so having sex doesn't matter now, it will probably take about 5 years till the pressure will be big:p

I don't have any of those causes, so I don't know what you mean by sending me this link.

But thanks anyway

[Mike D]

It's just a resource. Your thread title indicated interest in a cure, and it's not outside the realm of medical possibility that there is one, should the topic be of interest to you later.