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Is there a "cure"?


NaomiMisora

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I'm sorry if this offends any of you, because saying "cure" might make it look like it's an illness, I know it's not. I just don't know another word to describe it, and I'm sorry for my stupid questions, I'm just a little girl. Okay, so i'm just 15, so probably too young to identify as asexual. However puberty can be the time when you figure out your (a)sexuality, so I have been thinking about it, and have some stupid questions.

Hi if you've read untill here,thanks. As my topic title suggests, I'd like to ask if there's a "cure" to asexualism or aromanticism. I know I'm possibly just too young to experience romantic or sexual attraction, I've never experienced those. It's just that all of my friends experience those, and I'd really like to have a normal relationship later, because it is said to make people really happy, and i wouldnt like to be alone. I might be okay with a platonic relationship, but the chances of getting any ar just so small, and yeah sex is said to be really enjoyable. I'd also just want to get that romantic-loveydovey feeling people get, because that also seems great, and it would be much easier. To be short: I want to be "normal" and have those lovely feelings and i am a kid who worries too much.

I'd also like to ask what a good age is when you can know you're a- or graysexual instead of just being young,i know I am probably too young, but just asking.

And if if you look back, you can spot any signs you were ace at young age?

I also know I shouldn't worry, but that isn't really something I can help, I just think about too much "what if's" and my future although I know I shouldn't. I also know I might look pretty insecure and awkward and saying to much sorry by this topic, but i have to admit only the last two are probably true, but whatever.

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Cereal Tendencies

I'm an aromanic asexual.

My discovering my aromanticism lead to me to realize my asexuality as well.

I was 17 at the time, back then I didn't know what it was called so I kept trying to explain that I only like people's appearance, but never really crush on them or think about sleeping with them.

My friends go "... so eye candy?" and I go "pretty much." I stuck to that code-word until I stumbled upon the term asexuality last year on 9gag believe it or not! It was a photo of a couple and the caption explained the girl was asexual.

Of course the title said something like "A moment of silence for our brother" or something similar. :rolleyes:

A google search lead me here, everything made sense and I never looked back since! :D

It will feel frustrating when you look at the people around you discussing sex fantasies and crushes, just hang in there and know there are others out there like you! :cake: :cake: :cake:

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GwendolynAngel83

I'd say you're far from too young. I'm asexual and aromantic and I noticed signs I was 'different' back in middle school. I just didn't have a word for it then. As far as I know there is no 'cure' since there isn't anything wrong with you. Is it possible things will change? Yes, some people don't find anyone who sparks their interest until their older. And sexuality can be fluid so changes are possible. But at the same time things might stay the same. My suggestion would be to just kind of, go with the flow. If you want to date, then date, if you don't then don't. Having friends is just as good, if not better.

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Thanks darlings, I'll just try to survive all the "omg you really don't, that's not healthy" for the rest of my life (it's pretty annoying though, and not really nice). And yeah, the reason I said I'm too young about a hundred times in my first post was because I keep hearing it.

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I don't think you're too young. I'd say you're at that age where most people start to figure these things out, if they haven't already. If calling yourself asexual feels right for you right now, then it's right. Only you can really decide that.

How other people feel about sex and relationships doesn't matter. Sure it's great for some people, and it makes them happy, but everyone's different. Don't think that you need these things in your life to be happy. You don't have to do these things just because they're seen as "normal". Do what feels right for you. If that turns out to be getting into a romantic and/or sexual relationship, that's fine, but there's nothing wrong with not having that type of relationship either.

As for the people telling you "it's not healthy", well... Neither is pushing yourself having a sexual relationship, if you're not fully comfortable with it.

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At your age I thought I was asexual (although I didn't have a word for it) but was experiencing a glitch and at that time was attracted to someone. But as I experienced a couple more "glitches" I realised I probably wasn't asexual, then discovered the word demisexual and the world made sense again. Sort of.

My point is, stuff can change. I'm certainly not the same person I was at 15. I would try not to worry (easier said than done I know) and just live your life in whatever way makes you happy. And eat cake.

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Sexual orientation can change but there's no 'cure', that's just nature. It's okay to have these "what if" feelings too and at that age relationships are usually a big preoccupation I guess. I'm pretty sure you can have a 'normal' relationship even if you're asexual but I'm not the best person to talk about that.

About the signs.. well in my case, I'm "just" asexual but I just kinda never really cared about having sex or not, I was never interested in sleeping with someone, I could (and still can) appreciate someone's appearance but never in a sexual way. To sum it up, that was really a big "I don't give a damn". I never understood what was so great about sex that everybody wanted to do it.

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If there's one thing I've noticed about sexuality it's that it's fluid. You might be asexual now, but in a few years who knows.

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I don't really get trying to classify oneself. If it's done wrong, you could be limiting yourself, or feeling like you should be doing something that's not right for you. It seems that the more reliable guide is what's alive at present, what you want to do. Obviously you consider negative consequences of things, but trying to figure out your orientation so you can then be yourself seems almost like it's to please others and be "correct". In other words, the guide of actions isn't the categorization, it's the other way around. Only after you've acted many times can a pattern and label be reliably determined. Before that such labels can only serve to limit actions artificially. All IMO.

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I do understand where you're coming from. I spent a long time listening to my peers talk about kissing, boys, crushes, and sex, and - feeling no desire or attraction towards those things myself - felt very apart from a huge chunk of conversations. Like you, in my early teens, I wanted to experience the same things my peers were talking about, but no matter how many fake crushes I formed, I couldn't make them real. Eventually, I came to understand that what I was experiencing was just a part of me. Finding the asexuality label was very validating and freeing for me.



On the other hand, I do think it gets easier as people get older to be asexual in a pretty sexual world. Once out of the teenage years and into adulthood, there's a lot less pressure to conform and be like others, so I think you'll find people are more accepting of differences and more willing to broaden their conversation topics. You'll get a lot less questions about your relationship status, too. At least, that's what I've found.



I also don't think you're too young to know - when my friends started developing crushes at the age of 11 or 12, even then I suspected that my made-up crushes were of a different substance than my friends' were, less genuine, lacking the same sort of feelings that my friends had. You know how you feel better than anyone else does. But keep in mind that asexuality is not very well understood by most people, so people are likely to say things like "it's just a phase" or "you'll meet someone someday" or "how do you know unless you've tried?" Those comments and questions used to bother me, but now I see them as an opportunity to educate people.



And just to throw it out there - some people on the asexuality spectrum do seek out a certain type of partnership - queerplatonic relationships - that may be absence of sex or romance but are still committed lifelong relationships (like an intimate friendship). So, even if you identify as aromantic and asexual, there is the possibility of finding a relationship. I am not seeking a relationship like that, but I do want a family, which means having kids and being a single mother. Even if you decide one day that the "traditional" relationship is not right for you, remember that there are a lot of types of families out there and a lot of different ways to form a family. So, being aromantic and asexual doesn't necessarily mean you have to be alone, unless you want to be!


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Oh yes, I've also had one openly fake crush, and i had even made myself believe it was real. I don't know, it was just a nice guy,and i was like "I like him and I like to be good friends with him, so that must be a crush", although it probably wasn't anything else than just friends. It was funny though when my friends got all proud and happy for me finally having a crush:p although I later made clear for some reason it had never been a crush.

I have read about those relationships, and that would also seem nice to me, I just think the chance of finding another asexual person would be very small. I do wonder what the difference between a queer platonic relationship and a romantic relationship or just being friends is, wouldn't it be like special best friends possibly living together, could you maybe explain it to me? I don't know much, I'm sorry

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What I understand a queerplatonic relationship to be is a platonic relationship - no romance or sex involved - that is deeper than a normal friendship. I found some links that might explain it better than I can, though:

http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Queerplatonic

http://aromantics.wikia.com/wiki/Queerplatonic

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If there's one thing I've noticed about sexuality it's that it's fluid. You might be asexual now, but in a few years who knows.

 

There seems to be some confusion about sexual orientations. We're born this way. Research 'gay repairative therapy' to see the damage it caused to those who believed these are life choices that can be altered. Again, we are born this way.

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There seems to be some confusion about sexual orientations. We're born this way. Research 'gay repairative therapy' to see the damage it caused to those who believed these are life choices that can be altered. Again, we are born this way.

There isn't any confusion. Just because something can change over time doesn't mean we can forcibly bring it about.

Sexuality can be a fluid thing; numerous people here have experienced it themselves, even.

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And if if you look back, you can spot any signs you were ace at young age?

I did not discover the term asexuality until a few years ago. But I remember thinking that something was different about me even when I was a teenager. (I am now 31). I was not interested in "checking out the guys" like other girls at camp were. I would also appear lost and confused during conversations about sex, hooking up, having crushes, etc. I felt like some alien who didn't get what all the fuss was about.

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I want to bring something up; this could go for anyone in your situation.

If all of your friends know they're heterosexual (or something else), then why would you be too young? They're the same age and they're not too young, so it makes no sense that you should be unable to know what you are.

Maybe it will develop or persist or change, but right now, you fit the definition of "asexual" and so that term would be best (by my suggestion) to just roll with.

And whether or not people say relationships are fun, that doesn't mean they would be for you. I'd say wait to find out what happens.

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We'll, if you have something, it's very clear, but if you don't have something that comes at puberty, it might still have to come. They also know a girl who was really sex repulsed untill 16 (not even wanting to make biology tests) and we'll she has a boyfriend now and yeah... Also I have told my friends I might be asexual and they say I'm just young and i will be a sexual person when I'm older.

But thank you guys:) I'll wait saying I am toll im 19 anyways, otherwise no one will accept it

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I realize that the damaging aspect for me is that another person isn't even open to the possibility that I might be a certain way, instead trying to argue that it might not be asexuality. This shows that they don't fully accept me, and only are open if I fit some preconceived idea they have. So even if I were to "turn out" sexual at some point, their apparent openness would be suspect and shallow, only given because I'm "correct".

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Asexual is an orientation, and orientations can't be "cured." Also, figuring out or knowing your orientation in the 14-16 range isn't too young at all. A lot of people tend to have an idea by then, even though they've had little or no physical experience.

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I've known I was asexual since middle school I just never had a word for it. At sleepovers I would feel like I was broken because I didn't feel the things for guys that other girls felt. I was told that I was a 'late bloomer' and that 'puberty hadn't gotten around to me yet'. But my freshman year in high school I found asexuality and it seemed to fit so perfectly.

Don't worry about people not accepting it- they can't dictate what your sexual orientation is, only you can. I am 100% happier since I've identified with label because I finally have a name for what I had known all my life. If you think you're asexual, then you are, and you can use the label for as long as it applies to you.

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Oh that sucks, Prairie, why won't they accept it? I have the luck that my friends are pretty accepting,but asexuality is just something new for them.

Thank you Tal Shi'ar and HellaAce

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Butterfly Belle

The only cure is you fully accepting that you are asexual and being okay with it. You don't have to conform to whatever society expects of you, it's okay to forge your own path.

When I was 15 and everyone my age was having sex with boys I wasted even interested in the slightest, I really thought they were yucky. 15 years later I still think most guys are yucky and still really not interested in them.

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I know a lot of people have said it already, but you're not too young to know. I knew at 11 or 12 I was asexual. (I'm not aromantic, though.)

You're not married to a label. It's OK to use one now and then if you change later in life (or the meanings of words change), to use other words to describe yourself.

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We'll, if you have something, it's very clear, but if you don't have something that comes at puberty, it might still have to come. They also know a girl who was really sex repulsed untill 16 (not even wanting to make biology tests) and we'll she has a boyfriend now and yeah... Also I have told my friends I might be asexual and they say I'm just young and i will be a sexual person when I'm older.

But thank you guys:) I'll wait saying I am toll im 19 anyways, otherwise no one will accept it

Wow, and I thought I was sex-repulsed! I've never had a problem studying biology (I love science!). I just don't want to do it myself! Or watch people do it. Or read graphic descriptions of it. But biology is cool. :) That's the least squicky part of it for me.

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How did you know at 11 or 12? Do most people actually have sexual attraction at that point? I was honestly still playing with dolls:p

Haha,apparently she was, I didn't know her back then. Biology would probably indeed be the least bad part,I just don't like biology myself though, I'm pretty bad at it:)

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You aren't too young at all, I was 13 when I found out I was ace. :P

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First of all, don't worry about being alone. Your ability to form those adorable, squishy, loveydovey romance isn't completely erased if you're asexual. :wub:

As a romantic asexual, I'm in a super awesome relationship with my heterosexual boyfriend. Despite it being a bit nontraditional, with my preference not to have sex (without giving you any of those sordid details :P) it's still wonderful. As a fifteen year old, I can remember wanting to just be normal. That's a difficult age, when you want your likes to match perfectly with your friends, and any difference probably feels like a weight on your shoulders. Once I learned that there are people who do match with me, without me changing what I like/dislike, I was a much happier person. And yayy! That can happen for you too. :P

I have a little academic experience with diagnosing mental disorders, and I can easily tell you that a sexual orientation is never considered a disorder. A person who doesn't enjoy, or doesn't like sex, is not considered a disordered. Now, if there is a person who very much wants to have sex, and cannot for other reasons (because of trauma, or guilt, or because their body won't allow them to have sex), that person would be advised in ways to help them and that would not be considered a sexual orientation.

I hope my rambling helped a bit! Sorry for all my blabbing. :rolleyes:

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There is treatment available for those who have a strong paraphelia, there is treatment for those who are sexually repulsed, there is treatment for those who are hypersexual.

However, as of yet, there is no treatment for homo/hetero/bi/a-sexuality, it has been tried in rather horrific ways for generations now and well established that it does not work although many still try to force it on others :/

If you identify as asexual because you're sexually repulsed then it may well be that upon getting treatment the chain of causation leading to you identifying as asexual would change enough for you to identify otherwise. However that is not necessarily the case, and of course not everyone who is sexually repulsed would desire treatment, nor should it be forced upon them (and may not even work in 100% of willing cases).

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