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I don't understand masturbation


Isaline

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I have never talked about this with anyone but I think, if there is a place where I can do it, it's probably here...

I very rarely have sexual thoughts and my desire to engage in any sexual action is really, really, really low.

Still, I have noticed that I sometimes have sexual thoughts and even get slightly aroused sometimes. Out of curiosity I have tried mastubating on a few occasions where this happened but have come to the conclusion that it doesn't work.

I mean... there is not much you can do down there, is it? Maybe I'm doing it really wrong but I don't find it interesting or, well, arousing... I sometimes get slightly aroused, try touching myself, get bored after maybe three minutes, stop and do something more interesting and satisfying (like watching tv shows or eating peanut butter or whatever....).

I sometims wonder what other people get out of it. What is it they feel when they do it? How do orgasms feel like? And how is it even possible to get one? (These questions are more of a theoretical nature, my interest in actually finding it out myself is rather low.)

I sometimes wonder if it's really the sexual attraction that I'm not experiencing or if I simply do not have a libido at all. Or both.

:blink:

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To be fair, it's easy enough to do it wrong if you're a girl but if you're not really feeling it then whether or not it's worth trying is up to you. The only time I managed to get anywhere I didn't very much like it so yeah....I dunno.

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Stained Glass

for some asexuals it's just a chore because of libido. not really exciting...

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It's not a standard human thing. You don't have to do it...

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Hmm, if you feel an urge to masturbate, you could google different ways it's done and try some stuff to see if something else will work for you. I think there are actually many different ways to do it. I do it one way and other ways simply don't work for me and I get bored trying different stuff and don't really feel a need to so I'm just stuck with my one way (which doesn't involve direct touching). But I'm not comfortable about telling the details on the internet and it's probably not helpful because every body works differently. However, if you don't want to masturbate, that's also fine. You don't have to do it.

What I get out of it.. mainly relaxation and physical release I guess. It also can help me to fall asleep and against menstruation pain. However, from your post I understand I have a higher libido than you do so I don't know if you will get the same outcome. Mostly for me it only leads to an orgasm when I was actually feeling my libido before I started doing it.

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There could be many, many reasons why it hasn't worked out for you. Personally, I can and have masturbated successfully many, many times, but there have also been times where either I had no urge at all, or, if I did, trying to reach an orgasm (or really any kind of arousal) was like trying to light a pile of wet rags on fire. Certain times of the month for me are much easier, and I go thru periods of time where I have practically no interest at all, and just sitting there masturbating wouldn't be fun and would accomplish nothing.

Personally I can't get anything going unless I have some kind of fantasy in my mind (not everyone is like this, though many people do need some kind of mental stimulation), so perhaps that would help if you don't already do that (or try reading erotica or even visual stimulation of some kind). If it really bugs you, you could seek medical help - it's possible there could be some kind of reason that you don't become aroused. Otherwise, if you really don't have the desire to do it (and nothing really helps) and you don't miss it, don't worry about it.

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Female masturbation can get a bit complicated because it's not straight-forward and it varies for everyone. TMI: For example, I never got any pleasure from anything internal. So, no vibrators or anything of the sort for me - I just feel... nothing, when something goes inside, whether it's an object or my fingers. Just nothing - pressure in a space, that's it. Whereas obviously some women are really into that. They feel something I'm not capable of. What I do, as another poster mentioned - I can't touch myself directly, that doesn't lead to much either. I have to rub indirectly, through clothes, creating friction. I discovered this technique when I was little, just naturally, I found out it has a great sleepy affect, so I masturbate when I'm having trouble sleeping. That's basically always been why I do it. As for what it feels like, it's honestly a little hard to explain that if you've never felt it. Moderately pleasurable - enough to justify doing it if I need to, but nothing I would care over if I didn't do it.

I would just say, if you're not interested, then don't worry about it. But I will say, that it is possible to "do it wrong" when it comes to your own type of masturbation. If I hadn't figured out my friction technique, then I'd also be at a total loss as to what the whole deal was about.

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Like RedPanda3 said, sometimes penetration is uninteresting or too uncomfortable, but for some people rubbing and creating pressure while wearing underwear or even pants can be pleasurable. Maybe pushing against yourself with the larger end of a shampoo bottle, to be a little TMI, I guess.

Personally, I'm not sure I've ever had an orgasm, and I've heard it said that if you aren't sure, you probably haven't. But I still like masturbating. It's just a physical release that's exciting and relaxing simultaneously in a way that's difficult to describe. But if it doesn't do that for you, I don't think you're missing out on some essential human experience.

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I have a pretty low libido and attention span, so I usually just either ignore it or get bored and do something else - in any case, it rarely seems to work for me either, and doesn't ever seem worth the time/effort. I've only ever gotten off and know what it feels like because my partner's very persistent and tends to take my lack of interest a bit personally - if he suddenly lost all interest in sex, I probably would too (I almost think any interest I have is the sexual equivalent of sympathy pains, but fun instead of painful).

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I never met two women who had similar techniques for masturbating. They were as individual as snowflakes.

One had to use both hands to penetrate herself and rub the outside of her clitoris in a very specific way. One could only masturbate in the shower with the massaging shower head. One enjoyed wearing tight jeans and crossing her legs just a certain way and flexing her thighs to create pressure. Yada, yada, yada. Long story short, there's no one specific way to do it.

It's a lot easier for men, but even guys have different methods depending on what feels good versus not.

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Masturbation for a woman can be hard, due to all the 'bits', for lack of a better term. There is no sure-fire way to guarantee you'll be able to get anything out of it if you're not aroused before you start. Even if you are, there's still no sure-fire way to guarantee you'll orgasm. There's absolutely nothing wrong with not masturbating if you don't want to/feel the need to. If it's something your body just doesn't want, then why try to force it?

TMI WARNING!

Here's a site that gives you some basic tips for beginners: http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/masturbationwomen.htm

As for why people do it and how it feels, it's different for each of us. I'm turning 31 soon and only discovered that I am actually able to bring myself to orgasm a few months back. I do it mostly because it feels really good and helps to relax me. Medically speaking, an orgasm is just a spasming of muscles. Once the pleasure tops, they spasm, giving you even more pleasure. The only way I've discovered to bring this about with me is direct clitoral stimulation. Penetration does nothing for me, either. It's difficult to describe how it feels, but the muscles from anywhere from your legs to your chest/back can spasm, depending on the 'force', I guess. It is pleasurable, and it generally helps me to sleep, but I don't crave it like fully sexual people seem to. It's just a means to an end. :)

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Masturbation is a thing you have to do only if you really need to do. I mean if someone is in need of it, this person will surely find a way. At least for me it is a natural thing. If you have a low libido (which is possible), you don't feel the urge and your brain doesn't really bother of thinking over ways to do it.

I also think that for majority of women sexual thoughts are not enough to get really aroused. And if your body doesn't ask for getting out of this, than it is fine. If it ever asks, you will surely get the whole idea of it ;) (this is from my personal experience)

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It's not necessary - I've never had the inclination, and a couple of times out of curiosity, tried, but went no where - completely do not get it. It's as alien a concept to me as why someone might put a light bulb in their mouth, or any other random thing some people do that is completely off my radar.

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I feel for this too, I have no drive, no intention, no thoughts no anything related to it. I tried it once out of curiosity, seemed boring and never tried it again.

I sometims wonder what other people get out of it. What is it they feel when they do it? How do orgasms feel like? And how is it even possible to get one? (These questions are more of a theoretical nature, my interest in actually finding it out myself is rather low.)

This I can totally relate too too. I've given someone one, and it seems pretty interesting to know just from seeing that reaction. But to get one it's just like a meh.

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Hi there, confused newbie joining in with my own questions on this topic :)

I suppose mostly I was wondering about the orgasm side of things. In books and all, it's always described as this really powerful moment of pleasure, you know, and...I dunno, it's always seemed to me that an orgasm should be something that any body can experience. Like, if you have A and do B then you can experience C. But I've tried a couple different methods, and the only one that seems to give any response is rubbing indirectly (although I haven't tried a vibrator and maybe that would be different again), but I've never experienced anything that I would call an orgasm based on what books describe.
And so I guess my question is, is it physically possible to just not be able to experience an orgasm? Or to experience, like, a really really weak version of one maybe? I don't really know how physical pleasure works for people who are on the asexual scale, although I know it's different for everyone. If you can experience limited pleasure physically does that equate to basically muted versions of what sexual people would experience? Because like I said, I can get some response, and I've had sexual encounters before, and it's always felt nice (although, again, not like what books describe, with the 'heat' and 'electricity' and whatnot, more like an exciting hug. if hugs could be exciting. man, i hope that made sense to somebody) so maybe what I experience is just a muted version of what sexual people experience?

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Hi there, confused newbie joining in with my own questions on this topic :)

I suppose mostly I was wondering about the orgasm side of things. In books and all, it's always described as this really powerful moment of pleasure, you know, and...I dunno, it's always seemed to me that an orgasm should be something that any body can experience. Like, if you have A and do B then you can experience C. But I've tried a couple different methods, and the only one that seems to give any response is rubbing indirectly (although I haven't tried a vibrator and maybe that would be different again), but I've never experienced anything that I would call an orgasm based on what books describe.

And so I guess my question is, is it physically possible to just not be able to experience an orgasm? Or to experience, like, a really really weak version of one maybe? I don't really know how physical pleasure works for people who are on the asexual scale, although I know it's different for everyone. If you can experience limited pleasure physically does that equate to basically muted versions of what sexual people would experience? Because like I said, I can get some response, and I've had sexual encounters before, and it's always felt nice (although, again, not like what books describe, with the 'heat' and 'electricity' and whatnot, more like an exciting hug. if hugs could be exciting. man, i hope that made sense to somebody) so maybe what I experience is just a muted version of what sexual people experience?

I guess I can chime in, to the original post as well as this one. I don't really feel the /need/ to mastubate, but it feels nice and it's something to do.

It's really hard to actually get all the way up, and it was all but impossible until I found vibrators and shower heads. Having a strong vibration makes things a lot easier. I can only do clitoral, so someone else will have to chime in with other types.

You pretty much start messing around down there. If you feel a burst of feelgood that is better than normal, try and keep hitting that. After a while you should be able to orgasm. If not, it still feels pretty good.

As for how it /feels/. It's not a screaming fireworks show, but it makes your head feel kind of fuzzy and everything just feels really nice for a few seconds. After you just feel a bit tingly and tired and nice. At least thats my experience.

Hope it helps!

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It takes a fair bit of practice, particularly for females, to find out a way of mesturbating that works for you. Don't expect it to be amazing from the start. If you are curious about it do some online research about different techniques and then experiment when you feel in a mood. If your libido is very low then you may not find any of those techniques particularly fun for you. That's perfectly ok. The way I personaly see mesturbation is like any other hobby. You try it. If you enjoy it you take it further if you don't you don't.

I think it varies a lot what people get out of it. It's very individual. Personally I find it pleasurable and relaxing. It's something that I enjoy doing before sleep for example. It's a nice feeling. An orgasm is even a nicer feeling. For me it's an intense feeling of warmth that spreads from my genitals all over my body and leaves me feeling tired and very relaxed.

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  • 1 month later...
Gallantrv2427

for some asexuals it's just a chore because of libido. not really exciting...

Agreed. This is part of how I know I am asexual, I went through the normal "experimenting" that most people go through with this, but I just can't. It's boring, it's boring AND I feel like a freak for not enjoying it. I thought there was something wrong with me very seriously because it seems in our culture here in the US sexual pleasure is the top of the food chain so if you don't care about it or don't feel the same way about it you're a freak--I wanted to like it so much, but I can't because it literally puts me to sleep from boredom.

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Ancient Ooze

While masturbating can be incredibly boring, it requires quite a bunch of differenct factors all genders to get atleast some effect out of it. Some things are bound to biology and sexuality and others depend on how well you can prolong your arousal (for example, mentally connecting arousing thoughts to something you can do while masturbating).. Toys also help to get the tedious work done but tend to be useless if your not aroused at all.

But -as others aready said- you don't really need to masturbate at all. I myself wouldn't be doing it if it took too long to yield any results! Though I must say that -atleast for male genitals- all this blood rerouting is useful if you want to get your mind off for some time. It's like beeing temporarily deprived of all sensory and psychological input for a few seconds. Imho rarely worth the effort of getting so far without reprogramming yourself or something.

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Have you tried a vibrator? Even with low libido, that can help a lot.

Erm, depends. I have a high libido and I *fucking hate* those things haha, they feel AWFUL. Some women love them, some hate them, just depends on the woman.

Masturbation is just a chore for me, something that has to be done to deal with my libido (orgasm is the only way to get rid of arousal for me, and if I don't get rid of it I get agitated etc) .. Masturbation is pretty much just a bodily function as far as I'm concerned. Not fun nor pleasurable, just something that needs to be done.

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Sometimes it's an itch I MUST scratch. Like when you're in a crowd and your rear gets really really itchy, and ya gotta but you can't because your boss is around. i find it just as gross. I am done and I'm like "eew". I really would be much happier not being like that. And with someone else!? EEEW. Why would i do that with someone else!? I only discuss things like that here, because I don't even want to talk about it.

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Mongrel Chimera

For me the fantasy side is very important. I have to set the scene in my mind, get myself in the mood. Depending on how I'm feeling I have different stories, some work quite well for a while and then don't arouse me again for months until I come around to them again. The stories range from simple boy meets girl, gay scenes (male or female), proper high fantasy and sometimes pretty specific fetish bit and pieces. In real life I'm very asexual, physical sex does very little for me and fetishism even less, but in my erotic fiction pretty much anything goes.

The point is if I just start manually working away it does absolutely nothing for me. First, I have to start with visualising a scene that arouses me and going from there. Often I get off on the story enough that I only need a minimal amount of touching to push myself over the edge. Orgasms can vary a great deal, from a simple flush of happiness and relaxation, to feelings of eletricity coursing through the body, to deep warm sensations that travel from the gentials and outward through the body. There is no definitive "this is exactly what an orgasm feels like," you can do it twenty times and experience it twenty different ways. For men knowing that you've 'come' can be obvious, but for women it can be a little more tricky. All I can say is there is a moment in both men and women when you orgasm where you lose control as your body reacts to the sensation. That is how you know you've had one. ;)

I too was late in learning the value of masturbation and orgasms, I didn't even start experimenting with it until I had several sexual experiences with partners.

But now I can't do without it, the relaxation it can bring is extrememly beneficial. I don't really count masturbation as a sexual need really, just a nice bodily function that is designed to ease tension and stress after a long day. Like a nice hot shower in the morning, or the endorphin rush you get after an hour of exercise, masturbation is just one of those nice sensations.

While it isn't important in life, no more important than a good bit of exercise or a nice hot shower, I do think you should give it a go and find out what works for you. There's plenty of time, no pressure to rush about it. Mastubation is a private and personal thing with no right or wrong way to go about it. Experimenting can be half the fun. :)

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