Bi-romantic asexual girl, and I really like a friend at school- a girl, who's straight :(

[clotpole of kirkwall]

So I'm a bi-romantic asexual girl, and I really like one of my best friends at school- who's also a girl, but she's straight :( . She has no idea that I like her, but she knows I like someone- and often asks me who, but I can't tell her. I'm going to tell her one day, maybe next year (2016) at the end of year 11. I can't actually decide when to tell her- should I tell her a bit before we leave school, so I can see how her behaviour changes around me, or if it changes at all, etc.- or should I tell her when we leave, so I don't have to face the potential pain and even heartbreak if she makes fun of me? :(

If anyone can help me, I'd really appreciate it ^_^

<3 cake

[freewill-gray]

I think you should talk about the issue in general. About asexuality and romantic orientations, to get to know her opinion.
Try to make things subtly. :)
Don't be afraid about rejections, you have to cope with them in your life soon or later.
I wish you good luck.

Here, take this cake with you

[HintOfMinor]

Does your friend know about your orientation? If not, she might not respond well to you telling her you like her, especially if she doesn't suspect anything already.

I second what nemyuu93 said: it is probably best to approach the issue by talking about asexuality and romantic orientations in general to see how she reacts. You don't even have to say that you are asexual if you don't want, you could just say, "Have you heard about asexuality?" or something similar.

Be careful though, if you are sure that she is heterosexual then presumably she isn't going to reciprocate your feelings. You don't want to risk ruining your friendship unnecessarily.

I wish you well :)

BTW I noticed in your profile that you are an INFJ, me too! :D

[Teavana]

Back in high school, I had this one friend who is bisexual and she had a crush on this one girl who we both suspected is straight. My friend told her crush how she felt during the summer. My friend's crush rejected her and it didn't go too well. There was so much unnecessary drama that came out of it. People who had no business in it tried to get involved. They told my friend's crush that she should more nice to my friend even though it was very obvious to us that my friend's crush didn't like my friend at all. My friend felt like she was being teased, so my friend gave an angry outburst to those people. You mentioned that your friend is straight, but if you don't know if whether or not she would change her mind then I don't think you know your friend well enough then. I think you should try to move on if she isn't open to a romantic relationship with another girl.

[Hooded_Crow]

I think the first question is: are you sure she's straight? The second question is: if you are sure and she is straight, why do you wish to tell her how you feel?

The thing is, if she isn't attracted to girls at all, then telling her will result in her replying that she can't reciprocate your feelings. Are you prepared for that? Do you still want her to know? Of course that would be perfectly understandable. There might be a risk of awkwardness afterwards. If you do decide to tell her, I'd make sure she knows you value the friendship and are perfectly fine remaining friends with her (assuming that you are).

At this early point, your asexuality is irrelevant. It's a matter of romance for now. Does she know you are bi?

Xx

Crow

[dissolved]

This actually happened to me, at a similar age to you, when I was in about year 9 or 10. I never told her, and the friendship ended for different reasons.

The one thing I learned from it was:

Never fall for a straight girl <_<

If you value the friendship, leave it as it is and don't take the risk. If you want to tell her, then I think as you're leaving/after you've left school is a good plan as you said. If it backfires or she gets weird, you don't have to see her again! :lol:

[Tarfeather]

In my experience, pain from rejection is a much better thing than hope without closure. If you don't stand by your own feelings and desires, who will?

[clotpole of kirkwall]

thanks everyone for your very helpful replies :) and for the cake

she does know I'm ace, but I'm not sure if she knows I'm bi. I'm pretty sure she's straight, but maybe I will ask her. Nemyuu 93 and HintOfMinor, I'll try what you said :) but subtly, as you said :)

and yes I'm INFJ :) glad to have found another one :)