DollyWink Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I've started to realize in relationships I begin subconsciously channeling my partner's needs thinking they're mine. I dislike sex and really could not be bothered with it. When I date sexuals I start "syncing" with their needs and forgetting about my own feelings about sexual intimacy. When I break up with these kind of relationships I get a wave of guilt that washes over me because I realize I've betrayed my own needs without the other person even realizing how much they've made me uncomfortable. I think as an asexual I'm more "in-tuned" with other people's emotional statuses and I easily get lost in their feelings. Has anyone noticed this kind of phenominum not just while dating, but just in general? Link to post Share on other sites
theam Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Same here. I've been told that I get emotionally involved with partners, friends and even random people to the point where I take their problems and issues onto myself and then wind up drained and miserable. All while helping make them happy. It's very unhealthy, but until the whole thing is over I don't really realize I'm doing it.The feels are strong with this one. Link to post Share on other sites
Skylynxify Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Personally I have not felt that . I have only have one relationship and when he tried to do an open mouthed kiss I went full panic mode so I can't help you there. The only advice I can give is try to develop a relationship with some one on here, then you won't have to worry about your sexual empathy and get hurt. Easier said then done I know. Link to post Share on other sites
DollyWink Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 Same here. I've been told that I get emotionally involved with partners, friends and even random people to the point where I take their problems and issues onto myself and then wind up drained and miserable. All while helping make them happy. It's very unhealthy, but until the whole thing is over I don't really realize I'm doing it. The feels are strong with this one. I'm the exact same way. People sometimes have to tell me to not get so involved because I tend to tunnel vision into helping someone else. I actually made a New Year's resolution to be more selfish and I've already broken it XP Personally I have not felt that . I have only have one relationship and when he tried to do an open mouthed kiss I went full panic mode so I can't help you there. The only advice I can give is try to develop a relationship with some one on here, then you won't have to worry about your sexual empathy and get hurt. Easier said then done I know. Hopefully. I signed up for an asexual meetup group in my area, so at least I'll make some new friends who understand :) Link to post Share on other sites
Skylynxify Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Same here. I've been told that I get emotionally involved with partners, friends and even random people to the point where I take their problems and issues onto myself and then wind up drained and miserable. All while helping make them happy. It's very unhealthy, but until the whole thing is over I don't really realize I'm doing it. The feels are strong with this one. I'm the exact same way. People sometimes have to tell me to not get so involved because I tend to tunnel vision into helping someone else. I actually made a New Year's resolution to be more selfish and I've already broken it XP Personally I have not felt that . I have only have one relationship and when he tried to do an open mouthed kiss I went full panic mode so I can't help you there. The only advice I can give is try to develop a relationship with some one on here, then you won't have to worry about your sexual empathy and get hurt. Easier said then done I know. Hopefully. I signed up for an asexual meetup group in my area, so at least I'll make some new friends who understand :) Thats good at least. :) Link to post Share on other sites
ZUT Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 nothing here Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 It's love. It's exactly why it's said that love makes people blind. Link to post Share on other sites
GiraffeSpots Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Yes! I get this all the time. It's like I try to mirror people's emotions. My best example is that if someone is laughing, I laugh, even if I don't get the joke. I don't mean to, it just happens, even though I don't find anything funny. I'm aromantic, but if I end up in a situation where a friend has a crush on me, I start to mirror that and it's so confusing. I know I don't have a crush on them deep down, but there is so much pressure to be in a couple that I start to doubt the validity of my own orientation. It's never gone further than a hug or an unofficial date, but I worry so much that I'll end up doing something I really regret some day. Link to post Share on other sites
DollyWink Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 Yes! I get this all the time. It's like I try to mirror people's emotions. My best example is that if someone is laughing, I laugh, even if I don't get the joke. I don't mean to, it just happens, even though I don't find anything funny. I'm aromantic, but if I end up in a situation where a friend has a crush on me, I start to mirror that and it's so confusing. I know I don't have a crush on them deep down, but there is so much pressure to be in a couple that I start to doubt the validity of my own orientation. It's never gone further than a hug or an unofficial date, but I worry so much that I'll end up doing something I really regret some day. That fear isn't unwarranted. I never thought I would have sex and strongly prefer I didn't, but I gave in and regreted it. I thought it would be a way to show a sexual how deeply I feel for them, but they ended up just seeing it as just a normal thing that we were supposed to do. I do regret it, but it's helped me realize my feelings should come first don't give into pressure. Link to post Share on other sites
PatheticGirl Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Ditto......... Tend to make others happy... find too difficult to say 'No'.... just that no one believes that I'm hurting myself to make them happy Link to post Share on other sites
bittersweet988 Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 I am an empath, so when I get emotionally involved with a boyfriend or even friends I tend to "mirror" people's problems. I feel a strong need to help them and fix all their issues too. I don't think that's necessarily bad as long as you don't lose your personality completely, which doesn't happen in my case. I mean, I never give up on the hobbies and things I like for someone else, I just adapt to what they like and eventually start liking what they like too. To be honest, I think that's exactly how relationships should be, but I sometimes feel sad that I always have to be the one who tries to do anything for the other person whereas they don't do the same for me. As for sex, that doesn't happen though. Even before discovering I was asexual, I told my partner I didn't like most sexual acts, so I never tried to do what I didn't like. I have a dignity and I'd feel really bad about myself if I felt someone forced me to do things I don't like. So, I'd say I'm very empathetic, but mostly in the sense that I "sync" with people's needs, emotions and tastes :) Link to post Share on other sites
Doctor Swain Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I've often found myself putting the needs of those I love before my own, and then resenting them when they don't do the same for me; or in the past, I might have adopted the stresses and sadnesses of others and becomed overwhelmed by the emotional burden. I think empathy is an important human experience, but I think learning how to care for yourself first is even more important. It's love. It's exactly why it's said that love makes people blind. And pretty much this. Link to post Share on other sites
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