What would you recommend to stop people making rude cake jokes?

[GiraffeSpots]

I made some friends recently; we're extras on a TV show so we will be spending a lot of time together. They know I'm asexual (one of them asked me if I was, I think I must have brought the topic up without thinking) and haven't made many weird comments about it (yay!) There is a small issue with an ongoing cake joke, though, and I'm not sure what to do.

It started off on the first day with me not realising there was cake. The next day, I plain old forgot to take any cake. That bit was funny. On of the guys offered me his cake, and that's where it all went downhill. Someone started using cake as a phallic metaphor (I couldn't eat it after that, too gross) and it has become an ongoing joke.

Should I tell them that cake is an ace thing? Has anyone ever experienced something like this? How should I deal with it?

[Anime Pancake]

Sure, if you want them to have more things to make jokes about. By all means tell them.

(Please don't)

Yes, people everywhere refer to cake as a word for a woman's area down there. That's life

[OttRInvy]

I wouldn't suggest telling them it's an ace thing, because they are more liable to make that a part of the joke. I'd suggest just telling them, firmly, that you don't find that joke funny and you would really like them to stop. If someone responds with "I was just kidding sheeesh" then repeat that it makes you uncomfortable. If someone keeps making the joke, remove yourself from the situation. If you're unable to, repeat again that it makes you uncomfortable. A lot of people have a hard time laughing when someone is explicitly upset (if you aren't explicit, people can usually ignore the fact that you look uncomfortable). However, it might also be a good idea to talk to one of your friends in private beforehand (as long as you trust them to be mature about this). Ex: "Hey, can I talk to you for a minute. Just so you know, I'm not comfortable with the cake joke. If someone mentions it again, I'm going to tell them that. If they keep doing it, can you tell them to stop?"

If one of your friends is willing to help you out with this, it's very unlikely they'll keep joking. One person, even when very vocal, can be ignored. When a second person defends that, it's almost impossible to ignore that you're hurting someone.

This, of course, is just what I would do! Good luck! :)

[Perseus]

More education.

[GiraffeSpots]

Thank you! I hadn't even thought that telling them about ace symbols could make it worse, I just thought they might not care. It might be hard to make them stop (19 year old boys, what else can I say?) but if I get everyone else on my side, they might give it a rest.

[Anime Pancake]

:)

Also they're probably just having a fun time joking around. I make jokes often too, they probably are just having fun. Maybe try to ignore it or change the subject.

[TangerineG]

Honestly, if I were you, I would figure out a way to roll with it and don't let it bother you too much, you know? I guess I just like to give the benefit of the doubt and assume that the things people say are because they are trying to be funny and not because they are trying to make things awkward. And when you make a big deal out of someone trying to be funny, even though you are totally right, it ends up adding even more awkwardness. Of course, I don't know how much it's bothering you and I don't want to de-emphasize that what they are doing is probably inappropriate. But if more people saw aces as laid back and chill with stuff, that might lead to them being more accepting.

[GwendolynAngel83]

If it makes you uncofmortable then I'd say tell them that. If it upsets you they should stop

[GiraffeSpots]

Honestly, if I were you, I would figure out a way to roll with it and don't let it bother you too much, you know? I guess I just like to give the benefit of the doubt and assume that the things people say are because they are trying to be funny and not because they are trying to make things awkward. And when you make a big deal out of someone trying to be funny, even though you are totally right, it ends up adding even more awkwardness. Of course, I don't know how much it's bothering you and I don't want to de-emphasize that what they are doing is probably inappropriate. But if more people saw aces as laid back and chill with stuff, that might lead to them being more accepting.

Oh gosh, that's a lot to live up to. I'm not really a chill person; I'm hyper and awkward at the best of times!

[TangerineG]

Honestly, if I were you, I would figure out a way to roll with it and don't let it bother you too much, you know? I guess I just like to give the benefit of the doubt and assume that the things people say are because they are trying to be funny and not because they are trying to make things awkward. And when you make a big deal out of someone trying to be funny, even though you are totally right, it ends up adding even more awkwardness. Of course, I don't know how much it's bothering you and I don't want to de-emphasize that what they are doing is probably inappropriate. But if more people saw aces as laid back and chill with stuff, that might lead to them being more accepting.

Oh gosh, that's a lot to live up to. I'm not really a chill person; I'm hyper and awkward at the best of times!

Haha, I feel you. And you know you are right to feel the way you do. Still, I always try to put things in perspective. Really, it won't matter much that they make fun in the long run. If it were me, I'd rather not risk making a scene and losing potential friends and would worry more that people felt comfortable around me. But I don't know. Some might call me a pushover for social expectations.

[Corretto]

You're out of the closet now. Don't crack to a pack of bullies,and take it as a challenge...you'll probably meet others like them sometime. Use these twits for practice, and I wouldn't give them any more ace-oriented ammo.

At 19, they'll soon get bored.

If you identify one of them with a conscience; acquaint yourself, and tell him one-on-one, that his mates are a pain-in-the-arseneck, and if they don't back-off you'll take-up another job you've been offered.

Good luck...Cia