I'm Scared. Are You?

[SweetDreamsMyLove]

I've known that I am ace for 6 years now.

However, to this day, very few know. Close friends, my parents.

I really want to join my schools LGBT group, but I fear coming out to more about my sexuality.

Like I'm gonna scare people off.

But I'm so very tired of feeling alone, and that the group would maybe help, more people used to being confused different and oppressed.

Help.

[xMinMinx]

Don't worry.

I haven't told my parents either, and I don't have any plans of doing so soon or tbh ever lol

Tried telling my brother, to this day he refuses to believe me, insists I know nothing yet, and in addition does refuses to educate himself on the matter. So that failed miserably.

We're Africans so Sex in moderate doses is only logical. To them. That is fine, I have no problem with other people liking sex I thing it is a nice way for people to bond and connect non-verbally. Just dont suggest it is the only way for me to live my life fully. Pfft.

At school, I've joined an LGBTQ+ club and my parents know about that, but I say I'm and ally since I actively support Human rights and LGBTQ+ rights are human rights. Only my best friend and a couple other really good classmates know: other than that I really don't fee the need to say a thing, I could stand to bypass the ignorance, crude remarks, and awkward question periods.

Bottom line about the clubs: any good LGBTQ+ will never force its members to spill their orientation. At my high school that was the first thing our chaplain (Catholic school) made clear after her warm welcome. We don't assume anyone is gay or bi or anything it's a free for all and new people are always welcome!

Take your time and be patient,

.

[sStephen]

Go for it! Some people might be scared but I doubt they would make good friends anyway. And know that I always got your back babe ;)

[Augustus]

Then don't join it. I took a look into my school's LGBT group, and I found that it's really not heavily geared toward asexuals. It's not that they reject you per se, but they don't have a lot to offer us, because, well, they're generally sexual. It's hard to have mutually relevant issues.

[Perseus]

Its ok to be scare. Your not the only one. What your going through is life changing and admitting your identity is big. I would try to find a group similar to this one that supports asexuals. LGBT groups have their own agenda and fight more for equal rights not visibility like asexuals.

[Rwkropf]

I really don't get what is with the push for us to be part of the LGBT, wouldn't it be better to create our own name instead of following someone else's?

[Zerο]

Have you tried meeting up with any aces in your area? Asexuality isn't a big factor in my life, but talking it out with other aces in my area and sharing our experiences did help put things in perspective.

[Member7783]

It's okay to be scared. The only people in my life that know are my Dad and two of my close friends (one of which oddly enough is my ex-wife too). It's scary to put yourself out there. You can always be yourself with us though. We won't judge you or treat you any different.

Have you tried meeting up with any aces in your area? Asexuality isn't a big factor in my life, but talking it out with other aces in my area and sharing our experiences did help put things in perspective.

Not to threadjack, but are there a lot of aces in the twin cities? I'm in central Iowa, and I'd love to meet up with other aces. I feel like a lone island here.

[Snao Cone]

Hopefully finding support online will help you work through some of the worries you have about seeking community around you. I can understand being worried about unwelcoming reactions from a group that's supposed to be supportive of this. I obviously can't speak for specific groups around the world, but in LGBT* organizations that I'm aware of, they've been pretty inclusive of asexuality.

If you approach one as an ally first and see how receptive they are of that, you can gradually bring up that the reason you wanted to go to the organization is for support as an ace. Any LGBT* person who would welcome allies but not aces has some major cognitive dissonance. They wouldn't be worth your friendship anyway.

[Ricecream-man]

I've known that I am ace for 6 years now.

However, to this day, very few know. Close friends, my parents.

I really want to join my schools LGBT group, but I fear coming out to more about my sexuality.

Like I'm gonna scare people off.

But I'm so very tired of feeling alone, and that the group would maybe help, more people used to being confused different and oppressed.

Help.

The way I look at it, might as well scope it and check it out. See what kind of people they are in the group first before coming out. If they seem like they'd be understanding and accepting then why not?

Worst comes to worst, you just leave the group and don't come back. Otherwise, you might find a good support group or at the least some more good friends.

[Sarika]

I really don't get what is with the push for us to be part of the LGBT, wouldn't it be better to create our own name instead of following someone else's?

I both agree and disagree with you. While there are gay members in our community, as a community we're not gay, but we are queer for lack of a better term. We fall under the greater umbrella. In smaller settings it's about acknowledgment, in larger settings where we are known, seperating makes a lot of sense.

[Ricecream-man]

I really don't get what is with the push for us to be part of the LGBT, wouldn't it be better to create our own name instead of following someone else's?

I both agree and disagree with you. While there are gay members in our community, as a community we're not gay, but we are queer for lack of a better term. We fall under the greater umbrella. In smaller settings it's about acknowledgment, in larger settings where we are known, seperating makes a lot of sense.

I don't know why but I really dislike the term queer when referring to us as a group.

I both agree and disagree with Rwkropf as well though. I agree that it is indeed better for us to have our own group because our identity is of a very different type than what is represented by LGBT(+++++) At the same time I think that the problem is that there are so few of us that some people just want some sort of greater inclusive group to feel accepted with. Sort of how Asian-Americans bond together or Latinos bond together. Sure they have some similarities and that might cause some to think that they belong together, but back in the homeland they might even be groups that hate each other.

Or perhaps a better example might be middle schoolers from the same elementary school initially bonding together. They might not have known each other very well before but they feel safer together with each other than some people they never met, or at least they do in the beginning.

I don't personally see the need to try and be part of LGBT, but I can see why some might. It's sort of a "it's better than nothing" kind of mentality.

[thylacine]

You don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to. It's nobody's business, really.

[Zerο]

Have you tried meeting up with any aces in your area? Asexuality isn't a big factor in my life, but talking it out with other aces in my area and sharing our experiences did help put things in perspective.

Not to threadjack, but are there a lot of aces in the twin cities? I'm in central Iowa, and I'd love to meet up with other aces. I feel like a lone island here.

I think I've meet up with about 15 or so over the last 2 years.

[Prisma]

I don't think "scaring people off" is something that can happen with asexuality. However, there are too many people who never heard about asexuality and don't believe it's a thing, and will ask you a ton of annoying personal questions and will even then not accept your sexuality, so be prepared for that.

I personally don't mind the personal questions so much, and if someone doesn't accept me then it's his problem, so I come out to people pretty often- misunderstandings and false expectations annoy me a lot more than the possible results of coming out.

[Maroshka H'ghar]

I understand where you're coming from. I told my mom I was Ace but she refuses to believe it, it's okay because I told her and now anything she complains about has become a big I TOLD YOU SO!, so I'm okay with it. I've never told my sister even though she's my best friend because she will just say "I know". All of my friends in Uni know because I promised myself to be completely out in college. I joined the LGBTQIA club at my Uni because I thought it was gonna be a cool way to meet new people and maybe shine alight on asexuality so that I can help other Aces find out they're Ace. To me, finding out that Asexuality existed was an amazing thing because I realized I wasn't broken, and I want that for other people. so visibility is very important to me.

The LGBTQIA club is very unorganized, but they're good people and I've never felt judged or left out, but I know that some people have had bad experiences with the LGBTQ community. I would recommend you to give it a shot, if you don't like it, never show up again. And about coming out, you don't have to if you don't want to, don't ever feel pressured to do so.