anaussi Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 First time poster, and sorry to start with a rant! Here goes. My parents are typical Asians. Not real conservative but still. Mum's been nagging me for years about getting a boyfriend (I'm now 25 and have never been in a relationship). Dad's started to nag (in the last year). At first I thought it was just them--I had good reason to believe so as, reading between the lines, Mum married Dad to get away from her family, and Dad was desperate to have a life partner and their marriage hasn't been smooth at all (but they are still together). That was until today. I caught up with a lady I met for the first time over the weekend just gone, at a meetup group (not a singles or dating or anything, just a socialising one)--that's right, we've only known each other for five days. She's also my parents' age and Asian. She was saying to me, why didn't I get the number of this nice guy also at the meetup group? I said nup, not interested in that at this point. There's a lot of finding me I want to do (I've actually taken a year off as of New Year's to study some long standing interests which may lead to a career change, but is just for interest at this stage, and I want to travel for a year in the next few years too). Not to mention the acute situation of trying to find a place to live (I've moved to study) and you can see why I don't need any more on my plate right now. She made me feel bad about not looking (I can't even particularly articulate what she said, but she really did), but she could see eventually I wasn't going to back down, so she said "I suppose as long as you're happy" and I was like yeah I am. But the way she made me feel bad / think about the situation...it made me wonder if I may even possibly be asexual, or am I just simply in the me-me-me stage of life? The reason for thinking asexual is that I've never been interested in having a boyfriend (but I know I'm definitely not lesbian). It's also interesting to note that what led to this year off was a quarter life crisis last year and boyfriends and having children didn't even figure into it, so I'm wondering if it may not be a priority at this point...or at all? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tarfeather Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Not wanting a relationship at all would be more of an indicator of being aromantic than asexual. But it's actually a perfectly normal and common thing in some stage of everyone's life. So, have you ever fallen in love with someone? Have you ever desired sex with someone? Those would be the indicators for being aromantic/asexual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
anaussi Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 That was a quick response, thanks! No I haven't. I can only really remember having a crush on a guy when I was about 12. He was the only nice, smart guy in a class of either not-so-nice or not-so-smart people. Then I moved to a girls' school (so, no crushes). Then uni--all the guys there were either in relationships or creeps. I've been working for about four years now, and any guy who was half decent was again, either in a relationship or gay. I did have a crush on a guy (again, nice, smart guy) but found out about two weeks later another colleague had literally just started dating him, so that killed it pretty quick. I haven't really desired sex with anyone. Yeah I suppose I've got celebrity crushes on the typical hotties like Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom etc but yeah not really in a "I want to f--- you" way. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Selasphorus Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Well, I'm impressed that you have the courage to take the year off to really pursue what interests you. I wish you well with your endeavors!Sorry to hear you're getting nagged. It's makes it worse that people do it out of concern for you, too. But it's your life, so own it. ;) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Perseus Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Welcome to AVEN. Not wanting a relationship is just fine. I think most people try to push a relationship on someone that's single because they think that being in a relationship is the norm. You might also just be aromantic. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
theam Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 And even when it comes to the romantic spectrum, you could experience romantic attraction but not want it reciprocated. But whatever it is, any of the options are completely normal and healthy because what matters is that you're happy. Relationships aren't part of some magic formula that makes everything better anyway. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
anaussi Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 Thanks guys! Amazing, you've hit the nail on the head. I kind of don't want it reciprocated because it would get in the way of what I want to do. Sure it'd be nice and all that I suppose, but then I think on what I would've missed out on if I had a bf, and the answer is lots. I would never have travelled the country as a contractor and seen and done some amazing things. True it's surprising how much ppl seem to rely on others for happiness, particularly if it's a romantic partner. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.