CathMaybe Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 So I know this has probably been talked about, and im not good at starting threads but here goes, I just wanted to see if anyone else thinks the same way? I cant stand the idea of dating, sure I've had boyfriends but that was when I was still trying to be "normal", even so im still a virgin and cant stand letting someone in like that. Like even if it's online where im the most comfortable, even just flirting I cant do it, and then I feel more nervous or just block anyone who shows that kind of interest. Like sure i might want a relationship, but I just dont see it happening because I'm like this. I cant explain all the things that are wrong or make me feel like this... Link to post Share on other sites
Perseus Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I know exactly what you mean. I want a relationship too but I don't flirt or date. Link to post Share on other sites
Midnight Star Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I feel the same way about dating. It just doesn't suit my personality. And to me flirting is just a chore. I've tried it all before because a friend of mine convinced me to give it a shot, but I, for whatever reason, just don't find it very entertaining. I am supposed to enjoy it right? Like you, I have no idea why I feel this way. I just am. Link to post Share on other sites
CathMaybe Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 Okay so im freaking out slightly. Im not sure if I should even post this here.... but I've been talking to this guy online for a while, I have a few online friends so im usedbto this. Except he lives a lot closer than them, like he goes to the same college just a different campus. I like him he's cool and nice and funny. He also asked me out. Like he wants to go out tomorrow, and I said I would if I didnt have work... I thought he just wanted to hang as friends!! Not that I wouldnt want to date, I just never thought it was possible... He doesn't know about me being asexual, and it would be awkward to bring it up just because he's showing a little bit of interest... I have no clue what to do... Should I meet up with him? Should I tell him? And if I do tell him, when? On the date? Before? What if he asks me out again? I don't know where else to ask this crap... Link to post Share on other sites
ClaroBralis Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 I do not dating coz situation in my country is not so bright. Otherwise I would. Link to post Share on other sites
FiddleKid Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Dating is not a thing that interests me in the slightest neither is love, romance or flirting. I don't want to be in a relationship ever and flirting instantly puts me off the person. Link to post Share on other sites
element83 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 He doesn't know about me being asexual, and it would be awkward to bring it up just because he's showing a little bit of interest... I have no clue what to do... Should I meet up with him? Should I tell him? And if I do tell him, when? On the date? Before? What if he asks me out again? I don't know where else to ask this crap... Well at the start of the conversation, it's usually pretty normal for people to ask each other "how did your day/weekend go?", and if you felt comfortable doing so, you could always casually mention that you were procrastinating on AVEN or something, which would naturally flow into explaining what AVEN, and therefore asexuality, is. It might be mildly awkward, but if you manage to pull it off, it's one way of casually letting someone know you're asexual. Link to post Share on other sites
Skylynxify Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 He doesn't know about me being asexual, and it would be awkward to bring it up just because he's showing a little bit of interest... I have no clue what to do... Should I meet up with him? Should I tell him? And if I do tell him, when? On the date? Before? What if he asks me out again? I don't know where else to ask this crap... Well at the start of the conversation, it's usually pretty normal for people to ask each other "how did your day/weekend go?", and if you felt comfortable doing so, you could always casually mention that you were procrastinating on AVEN or something, which would naturally flow into explaining what AVEN, and therefore asexuality, is. It might be mildly awkward, but if you manage to pull it off, it's one way of casually letting someone know you're asexual. I agree, I think it's important to let him know as soon as possible that there is very little chance something physical with happen at any point. We all know that there are people out there only looking for a quick fling, not implying hes that way but you can never be sure. Link to post Share on other sites
bittersweet988 Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 I don't date anyone and don't do anything to find a partner. Why? Well, I am not interested in dating anyone in my area (guys are too boring here lol). I have always thought that if I ever find someone, he'll be from some other countries. That would make the relationship much more interesting. Link to post Share on other sites
PatheticGirl Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 I would want to go out on date... but there is no one who will like to take weirdo like me out on a date especially when they know they won't get sex in return... Link to post Share on other sites
njosnavelin Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 I don't date anyone and don't do anything to find a partner. Why? Well, I am not interested in dating anyone in my area (guys are too boring here lol). I have always thought that if I ever find someone, he'll be from some other countries. That would make the relationship much more interesting. Oddly I feel the same way towards the ladies here. None of them interest me because I enjoy the exoticness from another part of the world apart of another country. We get to tease each other on our differences while learning of the other person’s culture. It is magical. I would want to go out on date... but there is no one who will like to take weirdo like me out on a date especially when they know they won't get sex in return... I would date also if my gender wasn’t already against me. I feel like the expectations of my gender pegs me to act in away that I should be seeking sex on a date. I don’t. I instead turn in a nervous mess with nothing to say dig myself into a hole saying stupid things because I try to act like that. It doesn’t work. Link to post Share on other sites
bittersweet988 Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 @njosnavelin: At least you live in a big country like the US, where there are people from different countries. I live in Italy where people are basically all alike! Especially guys...all they're interested in is football, dance music and drinking The only time I dated an Italian guy I almost died of boredom because we didn't have much in common. I also believe there's nothing better than learning about different cultures and laughing at differences. I am sure that my love for languages and general dislike for my country plays a big role in how I feel. Link to post Share on other sites
Visenya Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 The last time a guy showed interest in me, he just talked to a friend we have in common, asked him who I was, and told my friend to tell me that he wanted to hook up with me. I mean, seriously, WTF?! The guy didn't even talk to me or try to get to know me before deciding that he wanted to hook up with me. He just sat there (in another table at the bar) and waited for me to go to him. Unfortunately, that kind of approach is quite common (at least if you're under 30-35 years old). And since I don't want to casually exchange body fluids with semi-strangers who I probably will never meet again (until one of them actually decide that they want to get to know me), it makes finding a relationship impossible for me. I just can't deal with something so casual and impersonal, and even going out on a date seems better than this. Oh, and about flirting, I just can't do that, and I wish some men would act more naturally instead of trying too hard to impress me (usually by complimenting me on my looks repeatedly). I don't know... flirting always comes off as a bit fake and boring to me. Link to post Share on other sites
JaySexual Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I've never dated anyone, and not sure I'd really want to or even know what to do on a date, the whole thing seems kinda complex... And on flirting.....if someone tried flirting I'd probably be completely oblivious to it (unless they were being very obvious) and I myself have no idea how to flirt...they'd probably walk off frustrated/wonder what my issue was .lol. Thing is I think I'd like a relationship - more what would be a 'cuddle buddy' or 'close friends' type thing than what's commonly thought of as a "relationship". That said, I also sorta fear a relationship in that I think I could too easily fall in love. Link to post Share on other sites
njosnavelin Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 @njosnavelin: At least you live in a big country like the US, where there are people from different countries. I live in Italy where people are basically all alike! Especially guys...all they're interested in is football, dance music and drinking The only time I dated an Italian guy I almost died of boredom because we didn't have much in common. I also believe there's nothing better than learning about different cultures and laughing at differences. I am sure that my love for languages and general dislike for my country plays a big role in how I feel. Ugh. What an awful experience. You are right about my location. I do feel fortunate to live in Boston which attracts a segmented type of person who are heavily academic driven. I do get opportunity to encounter people all over the world; however, nothing forms other than general chit chat. I am secretly in love with the world. They don’t know it because we haven’t met. Once we do, they will feel it. Link to post Share on other sites
Sarika Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 It's threads like this that make me feel less alone in my bewilderment of things. I never understood how flirting worked. Like, is it instinct? Is it a learned behavior I missed? And of course I didn't understand HOW it worked, since why wouldn't you want to have a nice long conversation to get to know someone without trying to 'make a move' in the first 5 minutes! I'm also slightly jealous of the aces that HAVE figured out to flirt. But only slightly. Link to post Share on other sites
CathMaybe Posted February 2, 2015 Author Share Posted February 2, 2015 Its cool to get these replies, at least I know im not alonr. I ended up just making up an excuse not to go, and he hasn't replied to my messages so I feel kinda bad. I cant flirt to save my life, and when I do like a guy I never go for it because I know it'll be awkward when I have to come out. Its just so complicated, especially when my family keeps asking why I havent got a boyfriend, or stuff like that. I'm pretty sure my brother is worried im gay... uhh I just cant deal with this crap. Link to post Share on other sites
Namnahr Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I never got this whole dating game... It seems it's just not for me. The frustrating thing about it is that I want to have a relationship... but how do I get one if I despise that whole dating thing? well... I'm just taking my time :D I try to not force things in my life and whatever happens happens If I get into a relationship like this, great! But if I don't, no big deal. But the least thing I want to do is to force myself into dating. Because for me dating just doesn't make sense... it just feels forced... like people want a relationship just for the sake of having one... well... I'll just take it easy ^^ ~ Namnahr Link to post Share on other sites
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