SithLord Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Well for me it has changed because of my bf. Before I didn't like any cuddling or kissing or anything beyond companionship, but I've become more needy I guess. : ) Now I want a bit of cuddling, not a lot but some all the same, and some kissing with an equal amount. I want more close-time and just time spent with him, even if we're just holding hands at a convention. This is, of course, not including the personality requirements and the strict rule of him needing to be okay with my geeking-out at things like manga, anime, Pokemon, Star Wars, video games and Star Trek. Cause there's no way in HELL I'd date someone who doesn't respect my obsession with these things. Participation and equal enjoyment are optional, but he must at least accept my geekiness. Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Someone to love and to cherish and to care for, who loves and cherishes and cares for me in return. Someone who respects me and whom I can respect. Someone who questions me and grounds me, who laughs with me and tells me if I'm being an idiot about something. I'll return the favor. Someone to share most of my life with, but not everything. I still need a few corners that are my own, and I want my partner to have the same. Someone who accepts me as I am and who is happy with the way they are. I am 26. I know that I want a long-term monogamous relationship with children at some point in my life. I also need my partner to respect that I truly enjoy my job and that it is an important part of my life in which I have invested a lot. My job requires me to travel a lot, to move frequently and to observe certain rules. It can also be very stressful. I think that might be a bigger hurdle to a relationship than my asexuality. Link to post Share on other sites
Tricksyhobbitiz Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Cuddling but not confinement. Hand holding. Kissing sometimes. A listener. A person to sit next to, silently reading or watching a movie, and have it be just that. I'll take that. Someone to confide in and share my dreams with, common dreams would be ideal. I know I definitely want children in the future as my number one dream is to be a mom. I'm 24 if that helps with your project. Oh and I like to cook but I like the eating part more, so a man to cook for me would be heaven. Link to post Share on other sites
That asexual guy Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I think everyone desires pretty much the same things from other people when it comes to wanting a relationship: love, companionship, respect, support, etc. Sex may drive some people together, but I doubt sex is what causes them to form the close bond that keeps them together for a long period of time. But I'm no expert, that's for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
foolishseedling Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I have difficoulties with relationships (I've never been in any, and at 25 I think it would/will be hard for me to handle one unless it's close to ideal), so sometimes I think it's better for me to be alone. Otherwise I opt for the best friend type. An asexual who is OK with some cuddling and kissing would be the most desirable, but I might get on well with a sexual person in an open relationship supposing he's emotionally devoted to me. I would want someone who's OK with sleeping in separate rooms, doesn't shout at me, and to some point shares my interests (which aren't extreme, but can be quite specific, concerning science, languages, and certain fandoms). I don't consider myself aromantic, but I'm probably not too far from it (I really hope to be proven wrong on this), so red roses and candlelight isn't a must have. I also need an agreement on the number of kids, which in my case is close to 0. Link to post Share on other sites
GwendolynAngel83 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Personally, I just want someone who accepts me and is willing to cuddle and hug without wanting to take things too far. I'd be ok with them being sexually/romantically attracted to me as long as they understand that I'll never return those feelings (though I know that might be a possible strain on the relationship) Link to post Share on other sites
Phaetion Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I turned 25 a week ago. To answer your question: I have a preference for only dating asexuals for reasons that I won't mention. But if I were looking for a relationship, I would be looking for the support. Forget sex; that is the least of my concerns. What I need first and foremost are the following: Love, honesty, and (mental and emotional) support. Without even one of those things, and the woman in question will not be worth my time. Cuddling and kissing would be nice...as long as it doesn't go too far. Loyalty is another thing: I find it to be a must in relationships, whether you are poly or not. Loyalty among all partners involved is absolutely essential. Link to post Share on other sites
theblackcat Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Age: 27 Don't most people want the same things from a relationship? (obv minus the sex here) A partner in crime, someone to share my life with who understands me and cares for me. Someone who shares my humour and interests and will always be there for me. Someone to travel with, laugh with and do silly things with. Someone to cuddle up to at night. Link to post Share on other sites
Skippy Squirrel Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 As an assignment I need to ask people for concrete answers to "What do people want in relationships?" That depends. What can I have in one? Link to post Share on other sites
Beowulf Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 Thank you all so much for the great feedback, it was informative and my class is now aware that asexuality is a thing that exists. Not the intended result but a desirable one. Link to post Share on other sites
Earth Sprite Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Loving eyes, loving smiles, loving voice. Walking & talking. Link to post Share on other sites
DollyWink Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Someone who can be my best friend in the world and grow old with together without sex. But apparently this is too foreign of a concept for people Link to post Share on other sites
Skylynxify Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I'm 22. In a relationship I'm more looking for some one I can laugh and goof around with, someone that I can just have fun with who wont expect anything sexual. Just an emotional attachment with someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Member7783 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Age 38 I'd like companionship above all esle. I'd like someoen to have interesting intellectual, philosophical, spiritual discussions with. I'd like someone I could be there for in times of emotional or spiritual crisis, and they for me in similar situations. I'd like someoen that could hang on my arm at certain social functions and I'd return the favor. I'd like someoen that loves to cook and would team up with me in the kitchen. I'd like someone who loves music, movies, is a sci-fi geek (star wars, star trek, etc) and wouldn't care that I build multi-thousand dollar custom lightsabers for sale to discerning collectors. I'd like someone that appreciates the little things. I'd like someone I'm not ashamed to introduce to my friends and family. I'd like someone who knows who they are, is comfortable in their skin, doesn't try to change who I am, and likes to find that comfortable balance where we could be a "couple". I'd like someone who is "awake" and sees the world for what it really is - the matrix of control, the slavery systems in place, the outmoded ideas and status quo that keep people dependent on a system that's already broken. Oh, and I'd lke it if in additon to her awesome personality...she was cute, inked/pierced, and had an accent. Mmmmm Link to post Share on other sites
boxed toast Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Kisses Link to post Share on other sites
ClaroBralis Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 I want just deep emotional intimacy with a sexy hairy guy ;) Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Age: 27 Don't most people want the same things from a relationship? (obv minus the sex here) A partner in crime, someone to share my life with who understands me and cares for me. Someone who shares my humour and interests and will always be there for me. Someone to travel with, laugh with and do silly things with. Someone to cuddle up to at night. this! :D age: 58 Link to post Share on other sites
njosnavelin Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Reading the comments has sprouted an observation. If we are all desiring the similar core qualities in a relationship, there must be another reason why a relationship hasn’t happen to us. anxiety other objectives in life location not interested Link to post Share on other sites
Mulan Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Reading the comments has sprouted an observation. If we are all desiring the similar core qualities in a relationship, there must be another reason why a relationship hasn’t happen to us. anxiety other objectives in life location not interested Maybe it's not the right time for us? Maybe we're to focus on other things more important in our lives (as your second point)? Maybe life wants to teach us patience? Maybe we're better off alone? Maybe... My two cents. Link to post Share on other sites
Member7783 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Reading the comments has sprouted an observation. If we are all desiring the similar core qualities in a relationship, there must be another reason why a relationship hasn’t happen to us. anxiety other objectives in life location not interested Maybe it's not the right time for us? Maybe we're to focus on other things more important in our lives (as your second point)? Maybe life wants to teach us patience? Maybe we're better off alone? Maybe... My two cents. I think the reason it hasn't happened for me is: The people I am attracted to aren't ace and wouldn't be happy with an ace I'm a professed celibate for spiritual reasons and most people don't understand that spirituality and sexuality don't mix - I'm trying for enlightenment I have a LOT of work to do on myself before I can think about sharing myself with another The person I end up with would have to be on the same path as me, or see me as their guru and I as their teacher I'm digging being alone right now and don't want to foul things up with emotions that would distract me from my spiritual pursuits The frequent ascension of the Kundalini far surpasses anything I have ever felt with another human being, so I'm just not excited to meet anyone because I doubt they can exceed what I have already experienced on my own, alone. Most people don't understand this, but those who ever get to have a Kundalini Awakening will, and they are forever changed. Link to post Share on other sites
ClaroBralis Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 What I need in a r'ship... Someone who cares, who can make me laugh, support, love, be next to me in good and bad days, to hold his hand, to sleep next to him. A complete person. Link to post Share on other sites
element83 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Communication is the number one most important thing to me. The ability to express myself without fear of judgement or negative reaction, to be able to hold space for my thoughts and feelings and to have those respected and validated even if my partner disagrees with them. I don't mind if someone expresses disagreement, but I need them to do so in a way that allows me to continue to feel safe communicating the things I desire to communicate. I'd also like someone who can support me in reaching my goals, who can be strong for me when I need them to be, but also someone who will let me be the strong one sometimes, who will let me see the more vulnerable side of them so I can take care of them. Also cuddles (because physical affection is important to me), and verbal affection (because I like to be reassured of my partner's love for me, and also it's just generally nice to feel appreciated). Link to post Share on other sites
Tarfeather Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 The ability to express myself without fear of judgement or negative reaction, to be able to hold space for my thoughts and feelings and to have those respected and validated even if my partner disagrees with them. I don't mind if someone expresses disagreement, but I need them to do so in a way that allows me to continue to feel safe communicating the things I desire to communicate. I'd also like someone who can support me in reaching my goals, who can be strong for me when I need them to be, but also someone who will let me be the strong one sometimes, who will let me see the more vulnerable side of them so I can take care of them. That's an absolutely beautiful to describe it. But it's all also 100% things I desire from friendships. The more time I spend here the more blurred the lines between friendship and relationship become for me. Link to post Share on other sites
ClaroBralis Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Communication is the number one most important thing to me. The ability to express myself without fear of judgement or negative reaction, to be able to hold space for my thoughts and feelings and to have those respected and validated even if my partner disagrees with them. I don't mind if someone expresses disagreement, but I need them to do so in a way that allows me to continue to feel safe communicating the things I desire to communicate. Communication has to be number one in any relationship. All you said has to be a basis of any kind relationship. That's how it works if both sides want to be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
bittersweet988 Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Someone who accepts me for who I am (with all my flaws and problems). I would do the same, of course, I am very understanding and as long as the other person is nice to me and doesn't judge me, I'd do the same. Someone who is a sort of best friend, but more than that. Someone I can discuss anything with and who shares some of my views and interests. Someone who enjoys cuddling with me and spending their time with me, without giving up on their hobbies (I need some alone time from time to time). Someone who is not afraid of love and feelings. I have a lot of love to give and caring about someone is what I enjoy doing the most. Link to post Share on other sites
njosnavelin Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Reading the comments has sprouted an observation. If we are all desiring the similar core qualities in a relationship, there must be another reason why a relationship hasn’t happen to us. anxiety other objectives in life location not interested Maybe it's not the right time for us? Maybe we're to focus on other things more important in our lives (as your second point)? Maybe life wants to teach us patience? Maybe we're better off alone? Maybe... My two cents. I think the reason it hasn't happened for me is: The people I am attracted to aren't ace and wouldn't be happy with an ace I'm a professed celibate for spiritual reasons and most people don't understand that spirituality and sexuality don't mix - I'm trying for enlightenment I have a LOT of work to do on myself before I can think about sharing myself with another The person I end up with would have to be on the same path as me, or see me as their guru and I as their teacher I'm digging being alone right now and don't want to foul things up with emotions that would distract me from my spiritual pursuits The frequent ascension of the Kundalini far surpasses anything I have ever felt with another human being, so I'm just not excited to meet anyone because I doubt they can exceed what I have already experienced on my own, alone. Most people don't understand this, but those who ever get to have a Kundalini Awakening will, and they are forever changed. Thank you both for sharing. I concur. Link to post Share on other sites
Doctor Swain Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Right now, I just want someone to cuddle. I'm not sure I could handle anything more complicated than that at this point in time! ^_^ Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 We may be aces but otherwise we're all individuals. As such, we want different things in relationships, just as sexuals want different things in relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
General Patton Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 If I ever know what I want in a relationship, then maybe I will actually pursue one. Link to post Share on other sites
ThePaperRose Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 I think what I really really want is genuine and passionate friendship. I love cuddles and I love holding hands and kisses are fine as long as it's not making out. I need someone who can make me laugh and not always take themselves seriously. .... other than that yeah I dunno, I'm kinda clueless. The only relationship I've ever had had all the cuddling and laughing I could have wanted... except it also came with making out and pressure to try to be sexy and stuff that I just can't do. Link to post Share on other sites
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