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What do aces want in relationships?


Beowulf

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As an assignment I need to ask people for concrete answers to "What do people want in relationships?" I thought it would be interesting to get the opinions of asexual people. Please answer, also romantic orientation doesn't matter, even if you don't want to be in a relationship I would love to hear your opinion.

Age would be nice to have but isn't mandatory

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a-happyhippie

I would love to have someone who is asexual, like myself, and doesn't think sex is necessary nor wants it. I would want lots of cuddling, though, since I'm pretty physical. (:

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Cuddling but not confinement. Hand holding. Kissing sometimes.

A listener. A person to sit next to, silently reading or watching a movie, and have it be just that.

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I find myself using this Heinlein quote quite often:

"Companionship, partnership, mutual reassurance, someone to laugh with and grieve with, loyalty that accepts foibles, someone to touch, someone to hold your hand"

Pretty much sums it up for me. Also, someone to cook for, someone to drag out into the desert at midnight to take pictures with, someone to curl up and sip tea with on a cold day...

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I want someone to see me for myself and care about me anyway. Someone I can just hang out and have fun with. Someone who will take care of me and let me take care of them in return. Someone to talk to when my depression gets bad. Someone who will put up with the way I geek out about certain comic book characters. Someone I can debate with. Just in general someone to love and be loved by.

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I would like an asexual person. I also like people with a good sense of humor.

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I'm 32.

I think about this a lot. I'm perfectly happy in my own company 99.9% of the time, but thinking back to previous (non-ace) relationships, things I want most are basically a best friend, someone who is funny and understanding, thoughtful and happy just to "be" with me. Cuddling, hand holding and very occasional kissing but very rare PDAs. Someone who understands that going to bed means going to sleep/read/watch TV and nothing else!

I'm still working on this list but thought it would be interesting to reply not only to be of help to you but to also get some thoughts down for my own benefit!

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The way I view relationships is two people living in their own system and can function independently of each other doing their own thing. Once combined the two systems merge their powers. One is left brain the other is right brain and collectively become a super system.

I leave my idea vague because you don’t know who will walk into your life and completely change your preconceived notions.

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What I want in a relationship: Someone to spend time with, play video games with, watch movies with and enjoy just being together.

What I ideally want: Someone who also does not want sex, but loves sensuality (kissing, cuddling, etc) and I can feel totally comfortable telling anything.

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Respect, trust, care. I want them to be proud of me as I am of them. I want gentle physical affection and the verbalisation of their feelings. I want to fall in love with someone who is my best friend.

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I don't really care about the person's sexuality, as long as they respect me,and care to be in a monogamous romantic relationship with me then that's all I want.

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I want someone who I'm able to really have a conversation with, and can spend time with without feeling worn out after a while, which can happen because I'm really very introverted, and only a few people are an exception to that. I want someone who accepts me exactly for who I am and who will be honest with me. I want someone who is willing to take it slow with me but also who isn't afraid to see where I'm willing to go in terms of romance and sensuality. And I'd like someone who has a sense of humor, is reasonably intelligent, is open about himself, and is very understanding.

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I am 24 (soon to be 25).

What I want is someone who is my best friend. I want someone I am completely comfortable being myself with and who is perfectly comfortable with me. I want us to laugh together and make each other smile. I want someone to cuddle with and someone for whom sex is not the main event. I want love and companionship to be the main event.

And that is what I have :wub:

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Someone to be my partner in life. Someone who's there when I want/need them, who can offer support in whatever way I need, and is there for the highs and lows.
Anything else is incidental.

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romantic-woman

i like this thread :)

For me the reason that i will be in a relationship is the love, i don't want to be with a guy if i we don't have love

As for what i would like....trust, deep emotions, the chance to open serious conversations and exchange thoughts but of course much fun time, happiness, jokes and smiling :)

And about physical things, i want kisses, cuddles, romantic walks in the sea, hugs in the sunset or in a nice place

I want long walks, holding hands, love whispers in ears, heartbeating :)

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Hetero-romantic Asexual Man

Aged 25

Student

Single

I would say what I want the most out of a relationships is someone who I feel comfortable with, which is something I've only experienced once in my life with anyone outside my family. I'm quite touch repulsed and can barely stand it when someone, even someone I've worked with for over 6 years, puts their hand on my shoulder, or something else that goes beyond a handshake. So in this regard I'm looking for an individual with whom I am so comfortable that this isn't an issue, and as I said, this has only happened once before. Which means that romantic relationships, with me, are a long and arduous task. I need several months to get to know someone before I can be myself around them. A sexual relationship might not be something I would be interested in, but I have never lasted in a relationship long enough to find out. I know for a fact that I do not like kissing, so perhaps what I'm looking for wouldn't conventionally be classed as a romantic relationship, but a very strong 'friendship' but this idea of a relationship wouldn't come close to the level of intimacy I require. I want someone who I love, all to myself, to share private moments with, have inside jokes, learn their likes and dislikes, their little mannerisms and all the unique quirks that makes them the person that I love. This is going to be a very long journey for me, even though I was so sure I would find love at 16; I realise now that I don't care if it's tomorrow or when I'm 85, I want the kind of love that suits me. I don't think it's selfish or unrealistic to demand this out of life, it's my life and it's worth the wait.

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I want a platonic relationship with women. I want to be able to hug, hold , close mouth kiss, and cuddle with. Someone I can be close with and talk to about anything. No romance and sex only to have kids.

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I want someone with interesting ideas about the world, who is passionate about many different topics, and who can share my love of exploring the world. Someone who can introduce me to new experiences, and will be excited about experiences I can bring. Someone who will compliment me as we broaden our horizons together.

I want someone I can go to when I have a shitty day who feels comfortable. Someone who will understand that it was a shitty day, and will listen to me vent. Someone whose presence is comforting. Someone who I am comfortable being imperfect with.

I want someone who will come to me when they have a shitty day. Someone who trusts me to be there, and trusts that my presence will be comforting on some level. Someone who will tell me about their trials, and who is comfortable being imperfect with me.

I want someone who is excited to share good things in their lives with me. Someone who I want to share the good things in my life with. I want a relationship to be a shared life.

I want someone who will talk deeply about our relationship. Someone who will build a strong foundation of communication and trust, and then will build using those materials in everything.

I want someone with whom I can have fun. Someone who will be silly with me. Someone who will look for adventures with me. Someone who will share activities with me, and who will laugh with me. Someone who thinks it's an adventure to sit and read books together, or to share a TV show, or to sometimes sit quietly together, but who also looks for active adventures at different times.

I want someone who has a life separate from me. Someone who has their own friends, their own interests, and even some interests that I don't share. Someone who is willing to talk about those things with me and share that love, but participate in them without me. Someone who encourages my own separate interests and friendships as well. Someone who respects my independence and values their own.

I want someone who I trust enough to let into my bubble. Someone I can trust to be sensual with, and who respects my boundaries.

That is the relationship I want.

That is the relationship I found. :D

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I'm 24

I would like someone who's encouraging and supporting, who helps me become the person I want to be. Someone I can laugh and share some interests with. I also want someone who doesn't pay any heed to gender roles/stereotypes.

I want someone just as daft as I am.

No sex.... probably no kissy/lovey dovey crap, but I do love hugs and probably some cuddles. UuU

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Midnight Star

Asexual

age 21

It would only be possible with an asexual person because I have no desire at all for sex. Cuddling would be nice because I like physicality with people I am close to.

I don't really know what else to say. Be easy to get along with I guess.

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I'm 21, and I still don't know if a relationship is something I want to have, but if I did ever end up in one I'd probably just want the other person to be my best friend; someone who would be totally cool with seeing me sat in a duvet-burrito at 3am eating peanut butter out of the jar or whatever :lol: Someone who I'd be completely comfortable around I guess? I've never been in love so I can't really say how important that would be for me, but honestly whether it's with someone else or on my own, I just want to feel comfortable and happy and safe.

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I just want someone who likes what I like and wants to cuddle and fool around and stuff but sex is not needed or what ever I am indifferent to sex so its not as much of an issue to me also other thigns make me not know weather it would be an issue or not really. A life long best friend who is more than just a best friend is who I am looking for someone who will always love me and I them and will always care for me and have my back, who will make me feel loved when i'm having a depressive episode or what ever. And I would do the same for them.

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A partner in crime?

I don't know, someone who won't judge me for my hundred and one obsessions and is nice to my cats. Once I have my own cats. If we can watch films and go on walks on stuff and have fun that'd suit me. And not having to be chained to each others side all the time. I just want a JD and Turk type scenario.

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Sage Raven Domino

I'm an almost aromantic (probably requiesromantic or recipromantic) libidoist asexual male aged somewhere between 20 and 30 :p

I think I only need a bit of support and a lot of approval, reassurance of that I'm in the top 0.1% of the population :mellow: Pleasing me aesthetically is a plus, but not mandatory - I can get plenty of impressions elsewhere :blush: I'm not desperate enough to go for a sensual or sexual compromise now, but theoretically, I'm not against doing hand or tongue jobs for the partner, though that would be like military service to me.

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SorryNotSorry

A woman who's 1/2 cuddlebug and 1/2 craft buddy.

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AlwaysADreamer

Age: 19

I would like someone who is supportive and understanding, a good listener, someone I can trust (which can be difficult) and can make me laugh (that is quite important). It would be cool if they enjoyed some of the same things, but not ALL the same things (I enjoy the company of people who have different interests than myself, especially when they are very passionate about something). Respect, honesty, open communication, kindness (I mean, playful banter is ok as long as it's not mean or rude and we are comfortable with each other like that). They would have to put up with (or - preferably - enjoy) my dorkiness, randomness, and imagination (which can occasionally be wacky and/or uncontrollable). Not to mention, my apparent overuse of parentheses (this is a joke... mostly). Also, if they aren't happy in the relationship then I am not happy in the relationship. It takes two to dance that tango.

Physically, I like cuddling and kissing, but it takes me a little while to get comfortable with it and beyond that I get quite uncomfortable. It would be nice if they were asexual, but we are sort of difficult to find outside of AVEN.

Wow, I am picky. But, I mean, I'm not willing to compromise on much of this. I suppose I'll have to see how that pans out.

But the biggest thing is that I don't really feel the need to have a romantic relationship. I am perfectly happy with friendships and if I never have another committed romantic relationship I will still be happy. I'd just consider it a bonus in life :)

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Ideally, just deep emotional intimacy. I don't desire sensual stuff and even when I do which it's rare, it's not strong.

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Age: 33.

Same as what a non-acer would want in a relationship except sex.

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